Fearless
by mygoldeneyedangel
Summary: After being adopted by Carlisle, Edward moves to Forks. There, he meets Bella and she is determined to fight his hidden monsters. AH
1. Prologue

Hey Everyone! This is my first attempt at writing Fanfic. I have been reading lots of stories and decided I would try my hand at it. Please let me know what you think. Also, I don't have a beta, and if anyone is interested, please let me know. Enjoy!

All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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EPOV

Prologue

"Mom," I whispered as a crawled along the floor. "Are you okay?"

"Edward, baby you need to get back to your room."

"No." I had reached her now and could see the blood dripping down her face. I saw the long cut on her forehead. I took the towel I carried in my small hands and began to press it to the cut.

"I'm fine, please honey, get back to your room."

I shook my head again. I knew that if _he_ came home and found me kneeling next to my mother there would be hell to pay. But I couldn't leave her, not when she was hurt and bleeding. I may only be ten years old, but I would protect my mom. "Can you sit up," I asked, again at a whisper. I helped her to a sitting position and examined her for more injuries. She seemed okay, but I had to make sure.

From my room I had heard the crack as she had slammed into the table. My hands had fisted and I had longed to run out and help her. But I had learned from experience that running out of my room would only make things worse. I was too small to help my mom, now.

She stood up now, weaving a bit as she stood erect. I hurried to her side and pressed against her, helping her stay upright. Her hand rested on my shoulder and she sighed. "I need to clean up."

I surveyed the room and nodded. _He_ did not like to see the mess that he left. Quietly, I helped my mom pick up the chairs that had knocked over, the pillows that had been thrown around the room, lamp that had fallen over. We were almost done when the front door opened. Immediately, I threw my little body in front of my mom. I would protect her. "Edward," she gasped and I felt her hands on my shoulders, trying to move me out of the way. I fought her, determined to stand up for her.

I glared up at him, this man who hurt my mother so much.

"You are supposed to be in your room," he sneered, looming over me.

I swallowed hard but would not let myself be afraid. "You won't hurt her anymore tonight." I said this with all the power and strength I could muster.

He laughed, then his hand snapped out and back handed me across the face. I tasted my own blood in my mouth and it turned my stomach. But I straightened and refused to move.

"So you are a big man now, huh?" He laughed again and the sound hurt my ears. But I didn't move anything except my head, nodding up and down. He looked at my mother. "So, it appears you have a protector." He grabbed my shoulder and pulled me away from my mother. He looked down at me, a question in his eyes. I slowly nodded, reminding myself that it was for my mother. If he hurt me, it was not my mother that would feel the pain. He turned, pulling me farther away and toward the closet, were he kept it. I closed my eyes, knowing what was going to happen and my heart tripped as fear began to pulse through me.

"No!" my mother gasped, realizing what had happened, what was going to happen.

"Mom," I said as bravely as I could. "Go to your room, I will be fine." I turned to her and tried to convince her with my eyes. I sense that she was giving up and I nodded. "Go," I whispered. "I'm fine." Indecision ran through her eyes as she looked from me, to the hand gripping my shoulder, to her husband.

"Edward…" she whispered again.

"Go!" I said again, firmly. I was doing this for her. He would not hurt her again tonight. She stared at me and must have seen something in my eyes, because she turned and was gone.

Now, I looked back up at my stepfather. He was smiling, but it was not an encouraging smile. "So the boy has become a man."

I nodded, not trusting my voice. He yanked me closer to the closet, opening the door and grabbing his weapon of choice. He pushed me against the chair and I held onto the back of it to keep from falling as the belt began to fall. I bit my lip and closed my eyes to keep from crying out. I focused all my thoughts on my mother and on the fact that she was not feeling this, that she was safe. That I had finally done it. I, Edward Anthony Masen, had protected my mother. That for tonight, she was not on the receiving end of this. I was not huddled in my room, crying, wishing there was something I could do.

And despite the pain raging over my back, I smiled.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Hey Edward!"

I stopped at the sound of my name and groaned softly. Kevin Adams was rushing towards me. Kevin was the star baseball player for the Foreman High School Hornets. He was popular, with the classic good looks of a boy who had spent his years growing up in Chicago Illinois. He had golden hair, dark blue eyes, he was tall and tan. Most of the girls would tell you that Kevin Adams was built and then they would look at each other and giggle. He was one of those guys that was nice to everyone, no matter what social class they belonged to.

He was my best friend.

I ran my hand through my own reddish brown hair as Kevin came to a stop in front of me.

"Hey man, we are going to play a game of pick up ball, you need to come." He pulled on my arm, dragging me in the direction of the baseball field.

"Kev, I would love to—," I began.

"Now Edward, please don't tell me you have homework. It's Friday! Come on!"

He continued to drag me across the parking lot.

For a second I imagined it. Staying and playing a game of ball with my friend. Just to stop and enjoy being seventeen for once. But my thoughts immediately went to my mother, if I wasn't home before my father got home from work…I shuddered.

"Come on man," Kevin pulled on my arm again, realizing that I was about to turn back to my car.

I looked at him, his carefree face and again pictured spending the afternoon playing a game that I loved. He wouldn't be home from work until five. Maybe just an hour…

"Okay. Just for a little bit."

"Yes!"

Together, we ran to the field. I laughed a little as Kevin tried to keep up with me. I had always been faster. Kevin had tried for years to get me to join the baseball team. First when we were younger and he played Little League, and then again when we were freshman and he had tried out for the team. I refused, knowing there was no way that I could stay away from home that long.

We reached the field and the other players cheered when they saw that I was with Kevin.

"Edward! You're joining us bro, that awesome!" Ryan Thomas slapped me five. "We want you on our team!"

"No way! I got him here," Kevin countered. "Play centerfield, Edward" he directed me.

"Yes sir!"

I grabbed a mitt and raced out to the field to take my position.

Ryan was up first for his team. He picked up the bat and gave it a few practice swings. Kevin wound up and delivered a pitch any pro pitcher would be proud of. Ryan took a giant swing. "Strike one!" Justin, who was not a good player, but understood the game better than anyone, called from the umpire position.

Kevin laughed and wound up again. Determination twisted Ryan's face and he swung again, connecting with the ball. I watched it slam off the bat, almost as if it was moving in slow motion. I watched it speed to a place to my left and I took off. At the last minute, I leapt into the air and snagged the ball. I landed lightly on my feet and launched the ball back to Kevin.

"Damn bro…" he shook his head and I laughed.

The game continued, we took turns batting and fielding. I was having more fun than I had had in a very long time. After rounding the bases as my ball flew over the fence, I glanced at my watch and was shocked to see it was a few minutes to five. "I have to go." Panic started to race over me. I couldn't believe that I had let time escape me. "Now."

"Edward," Kevin complained.

"No, now." I dropped the mitt. "I'll see you guys on Monday." I took off for my car, running faster than ever.

I jumped into the old Volvo and threw it in gear. "Please let him be late, please, please, please" I repeated to myself over and over again. There was no guarantee that he what he would do if he got home before me.

I saw his car in front of the house and my heart slammed to a stop. You irresponsible fool, my brain screamed at me. I got out of the car and raced to the door, not stopping until I was inside.

"There you are, Edward. I was going to wait for you, but I had a really bad day at work, you know how it goes." He took a chug from the Coors Light he held in one hand. In the other, was my old aluminum baseball bat.

I swallowed hard and forced myself to say the words. "Where is Mom?"

"In the family room."

I turned and started into the room.

I fell to my knees next to my mother's fallen form. "Mom," I whispered. "Mom, I'm here. I'm sorry I'm late, I was playing ball…" my excuse died on my lips and again my brain screamed at me. Selfish! Selfish! Fool! Heartless! Monster.

As gently as I could, I turned her over, gasping when I saw the blood covering her face. I tried to wipe it off as best I could. "Mom," I whispered again. "Mom, please answer me." I shook her and her head fell limply. "Mom! Mom, I'm here, please, please wake up. I didn't mean too, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" I was sobbing now, choking on air as I wrapped my arms around her limp form. "Mom," I cried again and again. But I knew, she was too still. There was no life emanating from her, I couldn't sense her being like I could before. I knew. She was gone.

"It felt good, it had been way too long since I was able to teach her a lesson. You always there, getting in the way." I heard him walk up behind me, swinging the bat. He was enjoying the power, I could tell. I glared up at him, staring at him through the tears that pooled in my eyes. "I might have gotten a bit carried away." He glanced down at my mother's body. "But, you weren't here and it felt so good."

_I wasn't here. My mother was dead. And it was all my fault. Monster._

Hatred for this man welled up inside of me. I leaped to my feet, desperate to avenge my mother. I hadn't protected her, but I would make him pay.

He smiled when he saw the look of hatred in my green eyes. "Don't blame me," he spread his arms wide. "She'd be alive if you had been here."

The guilt of it made me stumble. _My fault. My fault. Monster._

"I would have beat on you like always, if you had been here. But no, you weren't here." He smiled. He tilted his head as he looked at me. "Did you have fun with whatever you were doing?"

The question ripped through my brain, forcing me to remember those lighthearted moments on a ball field. At that moment, my brain shut off. I don't remember much after that. I remember grabbing the bat from, watching his face turn to disbelieve as I raised it to him. I remember someone grabbing me. I remember struggling, pulling, trying to get away. And then I remember darkness.

***

"What are we going to do with him?" A voice I had never heard before broke through the fog in my brain. The fog around me was beginning to wear off and I clung to it as best I could. I didn't want to enter the world again. I didn't want to face reality. I wanted to stay here, in this gray oblivion. I didn't deserve a life anymore. I had failed the one person I had promised to protect.

I heard a sigh. "No one has come to check on him."

They must have been talking about me. I had no family. My mother was dead. And her husband? I cringed.

"Edward?"

Darn it, they had noticed my movement. "Edward, are you awake?"

I opened my eyes, blinking against the harsh hospital light. Why was I in the hospital? I turned toward the woman voice and saw a nurse bent over me. She gently brushed my hair off my face. "There you are," she whispered gently.

"Why am I here?" I managed to croak out. My throat was so dry!

A doctor stepped into my line of sight. He had a youthful look about him, blonde hair, penetrating blue eyes. I squirmed a bit, feeling as if he was trying to see deep into me. "You have several broken ribs, a broken wrist, concussion," he said quietly, listing off my various injuries.

I did? When? Why? How? I asked only the last question out loud.

The doctor smiled sadly. "Your dad got a bit out of control."

He did? But I thought…I tried to play back that last scene in my mind, but all I could remember was holding the bat. I frowned.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, not really understanding anything. I shook my head to clear away the rest of the fog and grimaced as pain raced through me.

"Careful," the doctor said quietly. "My name is Dr. Cullen." He added.

I nodded again, but the fog was winning, and gratefully I slipped back into sleep.

When I opened my eyes again, a woman was sitting next to me. She had caramel colored hair, a heart shaped face and blue eyes nearly as penetrating as the doctor's.

"Hello Edward," she said softly when she saw my gaze focus on her.

I licked my dry lips. "Hello, ma'am," I croaked. Confusion spun my head.

She must have seen the confusion on my face. "My name is Esme Cullen. I am Dr. Cullen's wife."

Okay…but that didn't really answer any of my questions. "It's nice to meet you," I managed, despite my dry throat. I felt ridiculous, but politeness was ingrained and this woman looked at me with such compassion, I couldn't bring my self to be anything but polite.

"Carlisle told me about you, I wanted to meet you." She smiled at me and reached up to touch my cheek. I flinched and she lowered her hand. "Dr. Cullen, that is."

I nodded as if I understood. Why in the world would the doctor's wife want to meet me? He must see hundreds of patients a day. She couldn't possibly meet them all.

"Would you like some water," she asked. She must have noticed my raspy voice.

I nodded and then watched her get up to find a cup.

My eyelids felt heavy and I tried to keep them open until she came back, but again the fog claimed me.

"You are right, Carlisle. He's so young and alone." I heard the soft voice and nearly groaned, I didn't want any more visitors. I didn't understand these people. And I just wanted to be left alone. If they knew the truth, they would not be wasting their time.

"It's heartbreaking to think of him in a foster home," the same voice continued.

"Yes my dear, that is why I wanted you to come meet him," this whispered voice I recognized as the doctor's. "I can see a goodness in him, I, too, can't bear the thought of this soul lost in the foster system."

I almost laughed, if I wasn't trying so hard to stay in my fog I might have. Goodness? Obviously this man didn't know what had truly happened. I was a murderer, a monster.

"What should we do?" the woman, who I had now figured out was Esme, asked.

It was the prolonged silence that caused me to carefully slit my eyelids. I looked at the couple through my eyelashes and saw them staring at each other. They seemed to be having some kind of a silent conversation. And then Esme nodded and Carlisle beamed. He gently put his hands on her cheeks and pressed a kiss to her lips. "I love you," he murmured.

My eyes slid closed again. I heard the footsteps retreating from my bed. I didn't know what the exchange meant. Foster care. Dear Lord, I was seventeen years old. No matter where they would put me, it would only be until I turned eighteen. No one would adopt me, even if I wasn't a monster. And then what? In 10 months I would be cast out. No family, no money, no home. My eyes flew open and my chest caught. What was I going to do?


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Just wanted to give a special thanks to lilypad95 for reviewing my story. It really does mean a lot to me. Made me smile to read that someone read and enjoyed what I had to say. So thanks again.

Chapter Two

Two weeks later, I found myself on a plane, heading to the Pacific Northwest. I sat next to the window and watched Chicago fade from view. Chicago was all that I had known. It was where I spent my whole life. Where I was born, where I had lived with my mother and father, happy for six years until the day that my father had died in a tragic car accident. Two years later, Mom had met _him_ and our world had turned upside down. I closed my eyes against the memories that tore at me. My chest jerked and I fought to swallow the tears that were threatening. And then I felt it, a soft touch on my hand. I jumped slightly and looked down to see Esme's hand covering mine. I glanced at her and she gave me a small smile. Sitting next to her, was Carlisle and he to smiled encouragingly at me.

I still couldn't believe they wanted me. I tried to return their smiles and then turned back to the window. The turn of events still made my head spin.

"_Edward, can we talk to you for a second?" Dr. Cullen entered my hospital room, his wife at his side._

_I nodded, but continued to look at my folded hands. My future stretched out in front of me like a sea of emptiness. And although that scared me, I couldn't bring my self to fully care. It was what I deserved, for failing my mother so completely._

_The Cullens had sat down next to my bed. "Edward, do you know what is going to happen to you, when you get out of the hospital," Carlisle asked gently._

_I nodded. "A lady for social services came to talk to me. She told me there is a group home here in Chicago that has an opening." I cleared my throat. "She said I could stay there until I am eighteen." And then, I had no idea. College? I didn't know how that would be possible, I had no money. _

"_We would like to make you an offer." This time it was Esme's words that broke through my despair._

_For the first time, I looked up at them. They were both looking at me, their blue eyes searching my face. _

"_I am here in Chicago for a three week exchange." Carlisle said. "A doctor from this hospital is currently working in my hospital in Washington. Occasionally we like to see how practices are done in other places."_

_I nodded, even though I had no idea how this applied to me._

"_We would like very much if you would come back to Washington and stay with us." These words came from Esme. _

"_What?" I whispered. _

"_I have talked to social services and they agreed to let Esme and I be your foster parents. We have two children, a son who is a senior and a daughter, who is a junior like yourself."_

"_What," I whispered again. I shook my head, I must not be hearing right. They wanted me. They wanted to take me back to Washington. To live with them._

"_We would love it, and we know you would love our children," Esme said with a smile._

"_I-I-I…" I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say yes, I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream at them that they couldn't possibly want a monster like me in their home. I wanted to hug them both. I wanted to run far away. I wanted…I wanted to say yes. "Yes," I whispered, knowing I was being selfish and taking advantage of their kindness._

_Esme beamed and clapped her hands together. "Oh honey! I am so happy!" Her arms came around me and I cringed. It had been so long since someone had touched me in a gentle way. My mother had become so desolate and depressed that she never touched me as years went passed. And her husband? Definitely not gentle._

"_Esme," Carlisle said, gently pulling his wife off me as he saw the frantic look in my eyes. "Let Edward breathe."_

And with that, the Cullens had changed my life. Now I was on a plane, leaving behind everything I had known, heading to Washington. I had no idea what to expect.

"Here we are."

I stared. I couldn't help it. I stared at the white house, unable to believe the massive size. This is where I was going to live? Slowly I climbed out of the car and continued to gape at the mansion in front of me.

Suddenly, the front door opened and two teenagers came racing out. "Edward!" A tiny, agile girl raced towards me. At first I was afraid she was going to run into me, but she stopped just in front of me. "Hi! I'm Alice!"

Her enthusiasm was contagious and I felt myself smile at her. "Hi." I said quietly.

With that, she grabbed my elbow and started leading me towards the door. "This is Emmett," she said. I took in the massive boy…er, man? that stood in front of me.

"Hi," I said again. I was beginning to feel incredibly overwhelmed.

Emmett laughed and it was a booming sound, causing me to jump a little. Alice joined in his laughter. "Don't worry, Emmett is a huge teddy bear."

I looked at Emmett's boulder biceps and nodded. "Sure."

"Come on," she was tugging on my arm again. "I'll show you around.

Dazed, I followed Alice through the house. The inside was just as impressive as the outside. It was bright and clean. And huge. I was going to get lost, I was sure of it. Alice continued to chatter on, and I followed her, trying to think of that fact that my old house in Chicago would have fit in the living room of this house.

I was so lost in my own thoughts, that I barely noticed that Alice had stopped talking. I glanced at her and realized she was looking at me expectedly. Startled, I looked around. We stood in the doorway of a huge bedroom. The carpet was a deep gold color, the walls painted a creamy white. In the center of the room stood a huge king sized bed. I imagined stretching out on that bed, a smile touching my lips as I remembered trying to fit my six foot two frame on my twin bed at home. Floor to ceiling windows spread out along the back wall, offering me an unobstructed view of the forest that surrounded the house.

"Edward." I jumped at the sound of a man's voice behind me. "Sorry bro, I just wanted to give you your suitcase." He put down my lone bag and that's when it hit me. This huge room was mine. Now I understood Alice's look.

"This is great," I said honestly. I still couldn't believe I was actually here.

"Alice, Emmett," Carlisle appeared in the doorway. "You need to go help your mother unload the car."

"But Dad!" Alice complained.

"No buts, go help you Mother."

Alice and Emmett turned and left the room. Carlisle turned to me. "I thought you might want a chance to get acquainted with your room and put your stuff away alone."

I nodded.

"How are you doing?"

"Great," I managed. "This house is amazing." I was so glad when Carlisle simply nodded and turned to leave. I wanted to be alone desperately. This was amazing, so much more than I deserved. The door silently closed and I was finally left alone.

With a sigh, I picked up my suitcase and put away the few articles of clothing that I had brought with me. Outside, the rain pounded against the huge windows. The rain didn't surprise me. After all, my new home, Forks Washington, was one of the rainiest places in the continental United States.

When my belongings were put away, I went to the bed and sat down. So far, I had done a good job, blocking that final scene out of my head. But I knew it would be only a matter of time before the memories began. I leaned back against the headboard and drew my knees to my chest. My hand fisted over my heart, and the other I held pressed against my mouth, in a desperate attempt to silence the sobs that escaped from my lips.

A little while later there was a soft knock on my door. I swiped at my eyes, trying to wipe away my tears. "Edward?" Esme's head poked into my room. "Honey, we are going to eat dinner, if you would like to join us."

I really didn't. I didn't want to intrude on their family any more than I already was. "I-I think I would prefer to stay here," I whispered as politely as I could.

Esme frowned and opened the door wider. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. I wasn't ready to face the whole family. Not right now. I felt raw, exposed. And I wasn't the least bit hungry. She continued to look at me for a minute, her head tilted, obviously trying to decide if she should honor my wishes, or if she should force the issue. I was getting ready to fight, when she nodded and turned back to the door. "Okay. Please let me know if you need anything."

"I will." I bit my lip. "Thank you Esme. For everything."

"Of course, dear."

After she left, I hugged my knees tighter and stared out the window, watching the rain slide along the massive windows. I sat that way for a long time, darkness fell and the moon began its track across the sky. I fought sleep, not wanting to go where I couldn't fight the memories. Eventually, I couldn't fight it anymore and I slipped into sleep.

The next morning I awoke, my head feeling heavy from lack of sleep. I groaned as I rolled over. Today was my first day of school at a new high school. Forks High School had exactly three hundred and eighty-seven, now eight students. My old high school had nearly one thousand, just in my junior class. How was I supposed to escape the limelight here?

I dragged myself out of bed and made it to the bath room. I splashed cool water on my face, trying to relieve my headache. As I used a towel to dry my face, I stared at my reflection. In my green eyes, I saw the monster of who I am. The killer I was. I looked down at the sink and held on to the counter to brace myself as the familiar pain ricocheted through my body. Selfish! Monster. My mother was dead because of me. I hadn't protected her, even though I had promised I would.

I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the images that flashed through my brain. I gasped as the pain rocked through me. Carefully I turned towards the shower, hoping the hot water would calm me down.

Clean and as ready as I was ever going to be, I made my way downstairs and found the kitchen. Carlisle stood by the counter, a mug of steaming coffee in his hand, the newspaper spread out in front of him. I tried to enter quietly and not disrupt what must be his morning routine. But he noticed me right away. A smile touched his lips when he saw me. "Good morning, Edward," he said.

"Morning," I said quietly. I walked into the kitchen. "I'm sorry to disturb you."

"Not at all." I watched Carlisle survey my face, knowing he was seeing the puffy smudges under my eyes. I looked down, not wanting to burden him with my problems.

"Did you sleep?" he asked softly.

I nodded.

He sighed, but decided to move on which I was more than grateful for. "Would you like some breakfast."

Not really. I wasn't hungry. I tried to think of the last time I had been hungry and I couldn't remember. "Maybe cereal?" It came out as a question. I didn't want Carlisle to worry about me.

Carlisle chuckled and opened a cabinet behind him. "Take your pick."

Apparently cereal was a popular breakfast choice in the Cullen household. Three shelves were devoted to the boxes. I walked over and chose Honey Nut Cheerios. I saw Carlisle watching me as I poured way more than I wanted into the bowl. I moved to the refrigerator and grabbed some milk. Once I had my breakfast, I went to stand next to Carlisle, poking at the floating O's.

"Edward," he started.

My gaze flickered to him and I raised the spoon to my lips and forced the sweet cereal into my mouth. I chewed and swallowed hard.

"You know if you need to talk about anything, you can talk to me, right?"

I nodded again, hoping the conversation would end there.

"You went through a hard time I know that-"

"I'm fine." I really really did not want to talk about this right now.

Just then, Alice bounced into the room. "Good morning!" She went to Carlisle and hugged him, then beamed at me.

Emmett followed her a bit slower, but with the same bright smile. "Hey Dad," he clasped his father's shoulder.

I took Carlisle's distraction to my advantage and dumped my nearly full bowl into the sink and washed out the bowl.

"Edward," Alice said as she grabbed a box from the cereal cabinet. "Em and I are going to leave in about five minutes, are you ready?"

Was I ready? I almost laughed. Instead I nodded. "I'll go get my bag." I needed to get out of the kitchen. The happiness that came from this family was suffocating. I walked slowly up the stairs and went to my room. I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. For a second, I stood in my room with my eyes closed. Here goes nothing, I thought.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N All Characters and the wonderful world of Twilight all belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

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Chapter Three

We pulled up to Forks High School and I couldn't help but stare. My school in Chicago had been a huge brick building, three stories high and wedged between two high rise buildings. The baseball and football fields were smashed up against the back of the school. This school was the complete opposite. Several buildings, each labeled with big white numbers spread out among trees and bushes. Off to one side, I could see the yellow football field goal posts stretching to the cloudy, gray sky. Beyond that, I could just make out the foul poles of the baseball field. I quickly looked away. This school was huge! Well, not huge, but it seemed to go on forever. All spread out and confusing.

"Edward, do you want us to go with you to the office to get your schedule?"

I looked at Alice and she looked at me with sympathy in her eyes. I dropped my gaze and fought the urge to scream. I didn't want her pity. I had no idea what Carlisle and Esme had told their children about me, but I didn't want Alice to feel like she needed to take care of me. I cleared my throat and clenched my fists, trying to get a handle on my emotions. I had no right to be upset with Alice. She only wanted to help. "I think I can go myself," I managed in a somewhat polite voice.

"Okay," I saw her glance at Emmett and he shrugged. "If you are sure?"

I nodded.

She blew out a breath of air, obviously unused to not getting her own way, but she didn't push me. "Fine. But we will save you place at lunch, okay?"

I nodded again, simply because I didn't want to argue with her. I met Emmett's eye and he seemed to understand. He grasped his sister's arm and directed her to one of the numbered buildings. I turned back and made my way to the building that was labeled "Front Office." When I pushed open the door, I was met with a blast of warm air and the scent of cinnamon. It was a small space, with padded folding chairs and orange-flecked carpet. Fliers and various awards covered the walls. The room was divided by a large counter.

"Hello, dear," a woman behind the desk said as I approached the counter. I saw colorful fliers covering the counter, announcing to students to order pictures. A name plate on her desk identified her as Mrs. Cope. She was a large woman with curly red hair. She pushed up her glasses as she looked at me. "Can I help you?"

"My name is Edward Masen, I just transferred here."

"Oh yes. Mrs. Cullen filled out your paper work." She stood up and found a file. After flipping through it, she handed me a half slip of paper. "This is your schedule. I have to say I'm impressed, Calculus as a Junior?"

I nodded. Math had always been a strong area from me. It was a puzzle and I enjoyed figuring it out. The complex ideas had given me escape from my life. I could remember reciting the quadratic formula or the Pythagorean Theorem during various beatings, just to take my mind off the pain. It drove _him_ crazy when I didn't yell or cry.

"Edward?"

I jumped as Mrs. Cope called my name and realized that I had gotten carried away in my memories. I looked at Mrs. Cope and smiled.

She nodded when she saw she had my attention again. She handed me a map of the school and proceeded to show me where each of my classes were. "You have Calculus first period, it's in building 2."

I nodded yet again and took the map from her. "Thank you," I said quietly.

"Enjoy your day and welcome to Forks." She smiled at me and then turned back to her computer, immediately engrossed in whatever the screen held.

I exited the building and found building 2 easily. Inside, I found the teacher sitting behind his desk. I must have been fairly early still, because only a few students were in the room. They looked at me with curious expressions. I groaned. All I wanted at that moment was to be invisible. I did not want attention. I did not want to have to explain who I was or why I was in Forks. I handed my schedule to the teacher and watched as he signed his name. "Welcome to class, Mr. Masen, I am Mr. Andrews," he said as he handed back the slip of paper. "I see you are a Junior, did you test for Calculus at your old school."

"No sir. I skipped pre algebra in seventh grade and took Algebra instead." He continued to look at me. "I earned an A in advanced Trig."

He nodded, but seemed to look at me as a challenge. Great. "There is an empty seat in the back row." He handed me a copy of the syllabus and dismissed me with a wave of his hand.

I turned and was surprised to see that most of the students had arrived. I walked to the back of the room and took my seat. I took off my jacket and draped it over the back of my chair. From my bag, I pulled out my graphing calculator and a pencil. Then I looked over the syllabus. It could have been the syllabus from my class in Chicago, nearly word for word. A small smile touched my lips and I looked forward to the challenge Mr. Andrews had thrown at me.

After Calculus, I went to Government and then English. Neither class seemed overly exciting to me, and it seemed as if the teachers of those classes shared my opinion. However, I couldn't help but notice all the stares I was getting. Everyone was curious about the new boy, but no one seemed to have the courage to talk to me. Maybe because I kept my head down and didn't talk. I don't know. I knew I was very happy with the situation. I was definitely not in the frame of mind to make friends. Besides, who would want to be friends with a monster?

Next was gym. Coach Clapp informed that I did not need to dress down if I didn't want to, but I headed to the locker room when I discovered that the class was in the middle of the track and field unit. I wanted to run.

Like math, running had been an escape for me. As I took my place at the starting line, I heard the groans of the other students. I frowned. We were only running a mile. It wasn't that far. The amount of whining was incredible. I rolled my eyes and waited for Coach Clapp to give us the signal. And then I was off. I pumped my arms and legs, enjoying the rush of the wind through my hair and the feeling of my blood moving to my muscles. I pushed myself harder, not even realizing that I had left the rest of the class in the dust. I ran, concentrating on my breathing, not thinking about anything else. It was freedom. I ignored the slight ache in my chest from my recently healed ribs. As I crossed the mile mark and slowed I caught sight of Coach Clapp. He was staring at me, his mouth slightly open. I looked around me, trying to figure out what was wrong with him. That was when I realized that the rest of the class was barely half way around the mile long track.

"Four thirty two," the man said, with awe in his voice.

I didn't really get the big deal. I had been running a mile under five minutes for most of my life. "Do you mind if I go again?" I asked, since everyone else was still so far from finishing.

He simply nodded and I took off again. I kept going this time, just enjoying the burn in my legs. I ran two more miles before everyone was finished.

"Who does he think he is?"

The words were whispered in a malicious tone from a boy three lockers down. Blonde hair stood out in spikes around his head, and he had an athletic look to him. I glanced in his direction, then dropped my gaze and pulled my sweaty shirt over my head.

"No kidding Mike, he was majorly showing off out there. Bet he wants to be the next track star or something." This from the tall boy standing next to Mike.

I could feel heat rush to my cheeks and I quickly grabbed my towel to head for the showers. I had absolutely not intention of being a star of any kind. I simply liked to run. I hadn't realized that I had drawn so much attention to myself. I could feel both boys watching me as I made my way to the showers. I hurried and then changed as fast as I could.

Outside the gym, I realized it was lunch time. I thought about having to face Alice and groaned. I wasn't hungry, which really didn't make any sense. I hadn't eaten dinner, had hardly any breakfast. But the thought of food turned my stomach. I saw a sign for the library and I made my way there, avoiding the cafeteria.

When the bell rang, signally the end of lunch, I reluctantly put my pencil down. I had been working on my Calculus homework, lost in the world of derivatives. Now it was time to go to Biology. I glanced at my schedule and saw that my next class was in building four. I made my way in that direction, trying to escape the stares. Gah, I hated being the new kid. I heard a loud giggle and I glanced to my left. A girl with a frizzy, curly ponytail was standing by her locker. When she saw me looking she sent me a wink, then giggled at the other girl standing next to her. I rolled my eyes and quickened my pace.

"Hey Edward!" I heard Alice's voice and I turned, groaning softly.

"Hi Alice."

"Where were you?" She looked impatient with me.

"I had some work to do, so I went to the library," I admitted.

She peered at me. "Did you eat lunch?" she asked softly.

I debated for a second and then lied. "Yeah."

Now her eyes narrowed. "But I didn't see you in the cafeteria at all."

What was she? My mother? Besides, why did she care? "I grabbed some food before I left the house this morning."

She looked like she was going to call me on my second lie, but this time she let it go. "Fine," she huffed. "Be that way. I was looking for you at lunch. I wanted to introduce you to my best friend."

"Sorry," I muttered, now extremely glad that I had avoided the whole cafeteria scene.

"She's amazing," Alice continued. "I think you'd really like her. She moved to Forks when we were in 8th grade. Her mom remarried a baseball player. She wanted to give her mom a chance to travel with her new husband, so she moved in with her dad. We've been friends since the beginning. But anyway, I told her all about you—"

"Alice, I am going to be late for class." I cut her off, I knew it was rude, but I really didn't want to hear anymore. I didn't know what Alice was trying to do or why she was so eager for me to know everything about her best friend. And I definitely did not like that she had told her "all about me."

"Okay. I'll see you after school. Just meet us at our car."

I nodded and then hurried to get to biology. I really didn't want to be late and draw even more attention to myself. I walked into class and handed the teacher my schedule to be signed. "Welcome, Edward. I'm Mr. Banner."

"Hi."

He scrawled his name on the sheet and handed it back to me. Then he turned and pulled a biology book and lab book off the shelf. "These are for you, and let's see." I watched him scan the room. His eyes fell on a table where a girl with long brown hair sat. He smiled and I heard him mutter "Perfect" under his breath. "Why don't you have a seat," he pointed at the table.

I nodded, gathered my books and went to sit down.

When I reached the table, I glanced at the girl already seated. For a second, my eyes held her chocolate brown ones. An electric charge went through me and I felt my heart pound in my chest. I ripped my eyes away from her and sat down. I stared at my shaking hands, and tried to calm my heart down. It was pounding harder now that it had after my three mile run. What was that? I had never experienced anything like that before.

"Hello," I heard her say in a soft, gentle voice. "My name is Bella Swan."

I nodded, but didn't answer back. I reached out and arranged my books in front of me, trying to ignore my trembling hands.

"Okay class, today we are going to talk about planarian." Mr. Banner wrote the term on the board and then launched into the day's lecture.

Flat worms, thank goodness. Something simple to take my mind off of the girl sitting next to me. I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the scent of strawberries and freesia coming from her. I grasped my pencil tightly and focused all of my attention on the teacher as he described the non-parasitic organism that I already had learned about.

By the end of the period, I was exhausted. I held my self stiff throughout the class, trying not to feel the energy that radiated from the girl. I did not understand it, I didn't want to understand it. I didn't look at her once and it actually hurt to force my head straight forward and not give into the temptation to look. I was never more grateful to hear the sharp ring of the bell. I quickly gathered my things and then raced out of the biology room, before any of the other students were out of their seats.

Once I was away from the electric atmosphere, I took a deep breath, filling my lungs. For the first time in an hour, I felt the oxygen completely fill my lungs and I sucked in the clean air hungrily. My hands stopped shaking and my heart began to calm.

I finally glanced around me and noticed that no one was making their way through the halls. Great. It had taken me longer to calm myself down than I had thought. Taking one more cleansing breath, I made my way to Spanish.

"Hola," my teacher said as I approached her desk. "Como te llama?"

"Edward," I said as I handed her my schedule.

"¿Cuántos años de español ha tomado usted?" she asked.

I sighed. I knew she was trying to figure out if my Spanish was proficient enough for Spanish four. "He tomado tres años de español en la escuela y trabajado como un traductor para un estudiante de cambio de México."

The teacher smiled at my speech, obviously enjoying the fact that I not only had taken three years Spanish in school, but used the language outside of class as a translator. Last year, a boy named Javier Gonzales had come to our school on an exchange program. Although I had been only a sophomore at the time, my Spanish teacher had recommended me as translator for him. Like math, languages came naturally for me. In fact, most of school came easily. Most likely because it offered me something to think about besides what was happening at home. "Tome asiento por favor."

I nodded and turned. It was then that I noticed Emmett sitting in the class- next to the only open seat in the classroom, of course. I went there quickly and sat down. I was beginning to feel like this day was never going to end.

"Hey Edward! I didn't know you were in this class! That's awesome man! And can you speak Spanish, wow!"

I blushed realizing everyone had heard my conversation.

"Maybe you can help me out," Emmett whispered conspiratorially. "Senora Goff doesn't like my version of Spanish very much." He chuckled under his breath as the class began.

I nodded, very interested to hear Emmett's version of the language.

The class passed and I was relieved when the bell rang. The day was over. Finally.

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**I really don't want to beg for reviews, but I have to admit, it is an amazing feeling and very inspirational to hear what people think. I am also curious if people want Bella's perspective or if I should stay with Edward. Thank you so much!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't not own any of the characters or Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does. Lucky girl.**

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Chapter 4

After Spanish, I went to the office to return my signed schedule and then I headed to my locker to gather my needed books. As I stood at my locker, I heard a familiar voice.

"I don't know Alice, I really don't think he liked me." The voice was soft again, and sounded sad.

"Bella, come on! Who doesn't like you? Besides, it's not like you did anything to him," Alice's voice answered.

I knew I should stop listening, eavesdropping was rude and I probably wasn't going to like what I heard, but as much as my brain yelled at me to close my locker and walk away, my arms and legs were not listening.

"You weren't there," Bella continued. "He wouldn't talk to me, didn't even answer when I said hi, and then he ran out like the building was on fire."

"He's overwhelmed, I'm sure he didn't mean to be as rude as it seemed." I heard Alice close her locker. "I wouldn't be worry too much. So what did you think though?"

Bella let out an exasperated sigh. "He's beautiful."

Alice giggled, "Told you you'd like him."

"It's not just that though. There's something about him. He looked so lost and sad. And I felt--" She stopped.

I wanted to leave. Now. I didn't want to hear this girl's sympathy or what she thought of me. But I felt trapped now. I couldn't let them know that I had stood and listened to their whole conversation. I shifted, but stayed hidden behind my opened locker door. I prayed they would finish getting their things and walk away soon.

"What did you feel?"

I almost wished I could see Bella's face. She sounded embarrassed.

"I don't know how to describe it. But when he looked at me, I felt a shock."

I frowned, she had felt that too? I heard another locker door slam. "A shock?" Alice asked.

I didn't get to hear Bella's answer because they had walked away and her voice was too soft for me to hear. I felt torn. A part of me was incredibly grateful that they had left and I didn't have to hear anymore. But a huge part of me wanted to follow them and hear what else Bella thought of me and the volt of electricity that had past between us. I closed my locker and slowly walked to Alice's car. I didn't know how I felt about Bella. She had sounded hurt when she talked about my lack of response in biology. I felt bad that I had hurt her. I hadn't meant to be rude. She had made me feel something, something I had never felt before. I didn't want to feel this way. I didn't want to care that I had hurt her. I didn't want to think about all the depth I saw in her beautiful brown eyes. I didn't want to think about her musical voice. And I most certainly didn't want to look forward to seeing her the next day. I couldn't be friends with her. I didn't deserve to be friends with such a gentle creature.

By this time I had reached Alice's yellow Porsche and I climbed into the back seat, ignoring both Emmett and Alice's looks. "How was your day?" Alice asked as the car roared to life.

"It was fine," I answered, staring out the window. Forks began to fly by. Alice seemed to enjoy speed. I was surprised, I didn't think I would have anything in common with this pixie like girl.

"Did you meet anyone interesting?" She continued.

"Um." I knew the answer she was looking for and I wasn't quite sure how to respond. I didn't want to hurt hers or Bella's feelings. But I also didn't want to give anyone false hope. "Sure." I decided.

"Really?" she nearly squealed. "Who?"

Now Emmett came to my rescue. "He met Mike Newton. Apparently Edward showed him up in PE today."

"You did?" I glanced at the rearview mirror and saw Alice lifting a black eyebrow at me.

I groaned, although I was happy for the distraction. "Not on purpose," I mumbled.

Emmett let out a roar of laughter. "No worries! Newton deserves it. He thinks he is all that, but he's really not. It's nice hear someone finally put him in his place."

"What did you do?" Alice asked.

I glanced at Emmett, but he was looking at me expectantly. Obviously he wanted to hear my side of the story. "It was no big deal. I like to run. I ran and finished first." I shrugged, feeling embarrassed.

"He ran the mile in four thirty-two!" Emmett burst out. "And then he continued to run two more miles all under five minutes!"

Alice smiled. "Nice, Edward. Mike Newton really does have an ego problem. I have no idea why all the girls like him."

I grimaced. Somehow getting on the bad side of someone as popular as Mike Newton did not seem like a good idea. I was very grateful when I saw the massive white house appear in front of me. I jumped out of the car and went straight to my room. I flung my bag on the ground and sat down on my bed. I had made it through the first day. It had to be the worst one, right? After today, I wouldn't be the new kid anymore. Maybe the strange kid that never said anything, or that guy with no friends. But I wouldn't be the new kid. No one would feel the compulsion to stare at me or wonder. I had survived. And I had learned some important lessons. First of all, I needed to run slower in gym. Second, Alice wasn't afraid to speak her mind. And third, and most importantly, I had to stay away from Bella Swan no matter what it cost me.

***

Awhile later, I grew tired of my room and I hesitantly opened my door. I didn't see or hear anyone, so I tiptoed out the door. I made it down the hall and still didn't see anyone. Grateful to be alone I used to opportunity to explore. At each corner, I made sure to peak before I proceeded, just to make sure that no one was there who would insist on talking to me. Downstairs, I found the kitchen and stood for minute gaping at it. I had only seen kitchens like this in magazines. Black granite streaked with tan flecks covered the counters. Beautiful cherry cabinets lined the walls, interrupted only by the stainless steel appliances. A range stood proud on the center of the back wall, glistening in the overhead lights. Creamy travertine stone covered the floor, and a slightly darker stone made up the backsplash behind the counter. It was beautiful. I took a second longer in the kitchen, then continued with my exploration. As I peeked into each room, I found them to be as beautiful, if not more than the kitchen. The whole house followed the creamy tan, white and black color scheme of the kitchen. Someone had very lovingly decorated this house and made it a showcase. There was not a doubt in my mind that Esme was that person. I turned the corner and entered what in another time would have been called a parlor. I stopped and stared. The same plush cream carpet covered the floor. White couches stood in the middle of the room, situated in front of a massive stone fireplace. But it wasn't the fireplace that caught my attention. It was the shiny black grand piano that stood in the corner. As if in a trance, I crossed the room until I was standing in front of the beautiful instrument. I lifted the cover and traced my fingers reverently over the ivory keys. Tears touched the corners of my eyes. Before my father had died, my mother loved the piano. A memory came to me. I was five years old and it was past my bedtime. But the sound of the piano and the beauty of the melody had floated up the stairs and woke me up. Curious, I crept down the stairs to see what was going on. My father sat at the piano, his fingers moving over the keys and my mom stood next to him, a gentle smile on her face. As he finished playing, my mother approached the bench and sat on his lap. In that moment I could see all the love my mother had for my father shining on her face and she looked so happy, so young and in love.

I came back from the memory, a little surprised to find myself sitting on the bench of the piano. Tears were running down my cheeks. Very slowly I my fingers curled over the keys, I lightly touched the middle C and the note rang on in perfect tone. Without thinking of what I was doing, my fingers began to move across the keys, creating the same beautiful melody that had called to me that long ago night. So much had changed since then. So much had gone wrong. I had failed in so many ways. My eyes drifted shut as I continued to play. The music drifted around me and it was freedom. My mind emptied of my troubles and for a few minutes it was just me and the piano. I opened my eyes and watched my fingers caress the keys. Eventually, I let the song come to an end and the final notes drifted out the room. With a soft sigh, I reached to cover the keys. It was then that I realized I was not alone in the room.

"That was beautiful," Esme said softly.

Startled, I turned to face her and watched as she walked towards the piano. I swiped at the tears on my cheeks, beyond embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I was just walking through the house and it's such a beautiful piano—" I stopped when I realized I was rambling.

Esme shook her head. "It's fine. I'm happy to see someone using the piano. None of my children ever took an interest. How long have you played?"

I shrugged. "Um, my mom and dad played. Mom taught me a little."

She looked a bit shocked.

"Um, I just play what I hear, or what goes through my head." My face turned red.

Esme came and sat next to me. "Edward, it's okay. You can play the piano anytime I truly don't mind. You are very talented."

"Thank you." I looked down at my hands as they gently traced the black keys on the piano.

It was quiet then and I glanced at Esme. She was looking at me as if she wanted to say something. I nodded slightly, encouraging her to say what was on her mind.

"I just wanted to say that your mother must have been very proud of you." The words were quiet, but they ripped a hole through my chest.

I couldn't say anything, I couldn't squeeze out any words through the pain.

"What was she like?" Esme asked quietly. Gently, so it was more like a breeze then a touch, her hand flitted over mine.

My mom. She was…well, it was hard to describe her. It was almost like I had two mothers. The "before" and the "after" mother. Before my father's death and after. I chose to describe the before mother to Esme. That was the mother I liked to remember. "She was beautiful," I whispered. "Gentle. She loved my father more than anything. They would play the piano together, I loved to watch. Sometimes she would have me sit on her lap and she would show me how to play. When she smiled, the whole world lit up." I stared at my hand that continued to trace black piano key.

"You must miss her."

I nodded, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. I missed my "before" mother more than anyone could ever understand.

"I don't want to assume anything," Esme continued. "But I do want you to know that I am here, if you need anything. Absolutely anything."

I nodded again. But this time I took my gaze off of my hand and looked into her blue eyes. They were bright with tears and compassion. In so many ways, Esme reminded me of my mother. My before mother. "Thank you," I whispered again.

***

After my talk with Esme, I went up to my room. In a strange way it felt good to talk to someone about my mother. Before I had left the room, she had informed me that dinner would be ready at seven. Now, I glanced at the clock and saw it was nearly seven-fifteen. I debated staying in my room again, and avoiding the family. But I knew I couldn't hide forever. So I went downstairs and found them seated in the breakfast nook, dinner already served. They were eating and chatting about their day. When I walked in, the conversation stopped.

"Edward!" Alice called cheerfully. "Come and eat!"

I felt immediate guilt when I saw that a place had been set for me. I walked to the table and sat down. Food was passed to me and I served myself some noodles and meatballs. It smelled delicious. I took a bite and almost closed my eyes as the taste filled my senses. As I swallowed, I noticed that the conversation had picked up again.

"I got the lead in the school play today," Alice announced happily. "I am going to play Tinkerbell. Only it's not your average Peter Pan story. It's told from Tinkerbell's point of view!"

"That's wonderful, sweetheart," Esme beamed. "I am so proud of you."

"I told you hard work would pay off, well done honey!" Carlisle leaned over and tussled Alice's short black locks.

"Thank you guys! I am so excited. Rehearsals begin next week, but I get the script tomorrow, so I'm going to have to start practicing. Oh! I can't wait to see my costume! I bet it's going to be super pretty, but if it's not then I will have to talk to wardrobe. And opening night is December 14 so you better mark your calendars."

Alice continued to bounce in her seat as she told her parents about the play. The looks on Carlisle and Esme's faces were like nothing I had seen before. They practically were glowing with pride. Their smiles seemed to stretch until I thought for sure their lips were going to jump right off. I felt an ache in my heart as I thought of my own mom.

Then Emmett decided to jump in. "That's great sis, but here's my news!" He picked up a huge envelope and I saw Carlisle smile get even bigger, if that was even possible. "I heard from Pepperdine today. Based on my grades and playing ability, they've offered me a full ride!"

Then Esme did something I had never heard from a nonteenage girl. She squealed as she jumped up and ran to Emmett. She nearly tackled him as she threw her arms around her. "Oh my gosh! Emmett! That is unbelievable! And to hear so soon, they must really want you on the baseball team!"

"So I assume you will be accepting," Carlisle smiled.

Emmett rolled his eyes at his father.

"Well," Carlisle said. "This has been quite an evening for the Cullen family. So much success!"

And then I couldn't take it anymore. This wasn't my family, I didn't belong in this room right now. I quietly got up and crept out of the room. Then I raced to my room. I lay down on my bed, my chest heaving as I tried to control my sobs. The scene in the kitchen forced my mind where I never let it go. It made me think of what my life would have been like if my dad had lived. Or, even if he had died, if she hadn't met _him._ I know my mom was broken when my dad died, but maybe if she hadn't depended on _him_ so much, I could have been enough to make her happy. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I rolled to my side, curling up in a tight ball. Eventually, the tears slowed and I fell into an exhausted sleep.

"_Edward, run up and get your father. Let him know that we are ready to go." I looked up at my beautiful mother and nodded. I raced up the stairs._

"_Hey Dad," I jumped up on the bed and threw my arms around his neck. "Mommy said it's time to go."_

"_Is that right?" He unwound his arms from my neck and swung around until I sat on his lap. My father looked so much like me. The same messy reddish brown hair, the same green eyes. "Did she send you up here to get me?"_

"_Uh huh. She said that she is waiting for her favorite man to come sweep her away." I brought my mouth closer to his ear and whispered, like we were sharing a great secret. "She looks really pretty too."_

_He laughed, his eyes crinkling in the corner. "Well then, we shouldn't let our favorite girl wait, then should we?"_

_I shook my head and jumped off his lap. My father stood and I slipped my little hand into his huge one. "Are you excited, Edward?"_

_I nodded. We were on our way to the Fourth of July picnic. I knew there was going to be a barbeque and fireworks. I couldn't wait. When we reached the bottom of the stairs, my mom grabbed my dad in and they kissed. Mom smiled up at my father. "Happy Fourth of July, Elizabeth," he said._

"_Happy Fourth, my love," she said back. She kissed him once more. "I love you, Ed."_

"_Love you too."_

_Then Dad bent over and picked me up, took Mom's hand and we headed to the car._

"_Okay Edward," my dad said. "Remember what I said?"_

_I nodded as I reached up behind. "Always wear your seatbelt."_

"_Good boy." My mom and dad slid into the front seat and then we were off. _

_They were talking in low voices, but I didn't really hear what they were saying. I enjoyed the looking out the window and watching the buildings of Chicago fly by. We were just nearing the bridge, when there was a loud exploding sound. I was thrown forward, my seatbelt yanking me back. The window next to me shattered and I threw my hands up to protect my face from the glass. And then I was outside the car. I saw my mother lying next to me, groaning. My father was on the ground, not moving, a few feet away. "Daddy!" I cried. I got up, not noticing the blood streaming down my face. I ran to him. "Daddy," I cried again. "Please wake up!" _

_His eyes flutter open and he looked at me. "Take care of her," he gasped out. "Take care of your mother, promise me Edward."_

"_I will Daddy, but you will help." My tiny hands clenched into his shirt._

"_I love you Edward." And then he was limp. _

I woke up screaming. I shoved my fist in my mouth and buried my face into my pillow to muffle my screams. My chest heaved and tears streaked my cheeks. I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest. My hands fisted in my hair and I rocked myself. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I chanted over and over again.

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**A/N A big thank you to those that reviewed. It really does help. It lets me know what you all think, and what I need to clarify. So thank you so so much! Please keep reviewing! BTW, I know I haven't had much Edward and Bella yet. It's coming, I promise!  
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	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Twilight and the characters don't belong to me. They belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

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Chapter Five

As the sky began to lighten outside my window, I released my legs cringing a bit as the muscles cramped from so many hours of holding the same position. I stretched and stood, watching as the sky turned from dark gray to a lighter shade of the same hue. Stumbling a bit from my sore legs, I made my way to the bathroom. A hot shower was what I needed, I felt so cold inside. I turned the spray on full blast and cranked up the heat. As the water began to flow over my head, I leaned my palms on the tile. I squeezed my eyes shut, desperate to rid myself of the last vestiges of the nightmare. I took a deep breath and as I exhaled, I tried to think of something happier. Something that could fight the dark monster inside of me. Immediately, a pair of chocolate brown eyes appeared behind my lids. I groaned, but I couldn't help the way my heart kicked up at the thought of seeing her again. "Edward," I whispered to myself. "This is wrong. You'll only hurt her." I nodded to myself and reached for the shampoo.

Clean and feeling slight more awake from my shower, I threw on a pair of jeans and a black long sleeved t-shirt. Then I grabbed my black leather jacket and made my way downstairs. Like the previous morning, Carlisle stood in the kitchen, sipping his coffee while reading the paper. "Good morning," he greeted me.

"Morning," I said, shuffling over to the cabinet that held the cereal. Today I went for the frosted flakes. I felt Carlisle's scrutinizing gaze on me. When I turned with my bowl full, he was indeed looking at me.

"Edward," he sighed. "Did you sleep at all last night?"

I felt like this was becoming a routine. "Yes." No need to tell him that I had only slept two hours before the nightmare had come on with full force.

"Good morning!" Alice came dancing into the kitchen at that moment. "Whoa!"

"What?" Carlisle and I both said, startled by the loud worry that was in her voice.

"Edward, you look terrible!"

"Gee Alice, thanks so much."

"No seriously, are you sick?"

"I'm fine," I nearly growled. "I'll meet you by your car." With that, I left the room, leaving my untouched bowl of cereal on the counter.

"Alice, really?" I heard Carlisle say as I walked out. "Can you just once try not to say the first thing that you think?"

I almost smiled at the lecture tone of Carlisle's voice, but I was in too much of a hurry to be out of the room.

I stood leaning against the Porsche, my hands in my pockets waiting for the other two to finish breakfast, when Emmett joined me. I watched my breath cloud as I breathed. It was cold this morning, icy.

"Hey man," he said, strolling over to where I stood.

"Morning."

He leaned against the car next to me. "Alice tends to put her nose where it doesn't belong."

I moved my shoulders. "I'm not worried about it."

"You know that we are happy you're here, right?" Emmett sounded a bit uncertain, which was odd coming from such a confident person.

I turned my head and looked at him. His head was bent and he was scraping his shoe along the gravel on the driveway. "Yeah, sure." I really didn't. I felt more like an intruder and wasn't quite sure how I was supposed to act.

But I must have been convincing because Emmett breathed a sigh of relieve. "That's good. I think it's going to be awesome having a brother." He moved to put his hand on my shoulder, but I flinched away. "Sorry, bro," he said softly when he saw me move.

Utterly embarrassed, I shook my head. But this time I was saved by Alice as she came out, unlocking the car with her remote. Grateful to hide my burning face, I crawled into the backseat.

As we drove to school, I couldn't keep a pair of chocolate brown eyes from appearing in front of my own. I clenched my fists, refusing to admit to myself how much I was looking forward to biology to see if the spark remained. "Stupid, stupid," I muttered under my breath.

The morning passed much like it had the previous day. There were still stares and every once in a while I heard the words "Newton" "mile" and "four thirty-two" drift around me. I definitely needed to run slower. In gym, I tried very hard to run slow. Today we did hurtles. I felt like I was practically walking as I did my best to stay a step or two behind Mike Newton. As I crossed the finish line, I could see the disappointment on Coach Clapp's face. Obviously he had thought I was some kind of a prodigy or something. I felt a bit bad as well. I liked to run and push myself. But I didn't want the attention. In the locker room, I overheard Mike tell his friend (who I learned was named Tyler), that he had kicked my butt at hurtles and apparently my speed of yesterday was just a fluke. I shook my head and headed out of the gym.

It was lunch time again and I debated going to the library as I had the day before. But like last night with dinner, I figured I couldn't hide forever. Besides, Alice had wanted to introduce me to her best friend. In the cafeteria, I immediately spotted Emmett. He was so huge, he stood out among all of us normal sized people. He was in line for food and had his arm around a tall, blonde haired girl. She was probably the closest to thing to a supermodel Forks High School would ever get. Not surprising at all that she was Emmett's girl. I moved my gaze from the couple, searching for the familiar short black hair. I found her sitting close to the windows. She was leaning over, talking to someone. Someone with brown hair. Someone who, if she looked up would look at me with chocolate brown eyes. My heart began to pound and I felt my hands begin to tremble. What was wrong with me? I backed away not ready to face her. In my haste I ran into a girl behind me.

"Excuse me! Watch where you are going!"

I turned, ready to apologize but when she saw my face, her frown turned into a smile that could best be described as a leer. "Oh! Hello there! I'm Jessica and you are hot."

Disgusted, I muttered an apology for running into her and then I hightailed it to the library. God, I was a freak. I couldn't even go in a cafeteria. I couldn't sit next to a girl I didn't even know. How hard would it be to just go in there, sit down, introduce myself and then eat lunch? But I couldn't make myself go in there. Once again, I spent the lunch hour in the library.

And by the end of lunch, I had convinced myself to skip biology. I was pathetic. I just didn't know how to deal with my erratic thoughts about Bella Swan. I walked out of the library and nearly ran into Alice.

"There you are!" she said. Now she was tapping her foot. "Do you know where the cafeteria is?"

"Yeah, Alice, I do. Thanks." I turned away from her and headed towards the parking lot.

"Where are you going? You have to go to fifth period."

"No I don't."

"Are you ditching?"

I did not want to explain myself to her so I kept walking.

"Hey, if you are ditching, I know a place we can go."

That stopped me and I turned to face her. "You aren't ditching."

She laughed, a tinkling of bells. "You are silly Edward. I ditch all the time. Come on, there's a place in the woods I know. Beside you and I need to talk."

Talking was the last thing I wanted to do but for some reason my feet decided to follow her and in no time, I found myself in the thick forest that surrounded the school. Alice led me to fallen log not very far into the trees. From there, we couldn't see the school, but we would hear the bells.

"I'm sorry about this morning," she said softly. I think it was the first time I had ever heard her speak so quiet.

I shrugged. "It's okay. I know I don't look very good these days."

We sat in silence for a while and it was nice. For awhile, I simply watched my breathe cloud out in front of me as I breathed. It was still as icy as it had been this morning. I wouldn't have thought Alice was capable of being so quiet. But there was comfort in this quiet. So much so that I was the first to talk. "Congratulations on getting that part in the play," I told her sincerely.

"Thanks." She swung her legs against the log. "I've wanted the lead since I was a freshman. I always tried out but got stuck in lesser roles. I took some acting classes over the summer."

Silence fell again, the only sound was the thump-thump as her heels hit the log and the wind through the leaves.

Again, it was me that broke the silence. "Your mom and dad are so proud of you."

Alice beamed. "I know. It's the best feeling ever."

A pain twisted in my chest. "Yeah." My eyes dropped to my hands. There was nothing I could say to that.

"I think it means even more because Esme and Carlisle aren't my biological parents," Alice added hesitantly.

My head shot up and I looked at her, my eyes narrowing. "What?"

She nodded. "They adopted me when I was five. I really don't remember anything about my life before they came. I know I was in a hospital, but that's it. They are the only parents I know. I love them."

Now I was curious. "What about Emmett?"

She nodded again. "Carlisle took him in when both his parents were killed in a plane wreck. He was eight." She saw the incredulous look in my eyes. "Esme can't have kids."

"I didn't know," I whispered. I couldn't figure out why it made any difference, but for some reason it did.

"I saw you leave the table last night. You felt like you didn't belong, didn't you?" Alice asked the question gently and there was understanding in her voice.

I nodded.

"You don't have to feel that way, you know. Esme already considers you her son."

"She—she shouldn't," I whispered.

"It's late," Alice stood up. "Fifth period is almost over. Or are you planning on ditching sixth as well."

I shook my head and stood. Although, I wasn't sure how I was going to concentrate on Spanish with the revelation Alice had just dumped on me circling in my brain.

"I knew it!" Alice said gleefully.

My eyes narrowed. Now what was she talking about? "Knew what?"

"Nothing!" She smiled knowingly at me and then twirled. "But it's only a matter of time!"

I followed her out of the woods. "What is a matter of time?"

"Nothing," she repeated. But she was beaming at me, her hazel eyes sparkling. "Besides, I have to get back to class. See you after school!" And with that she was gone.

My head spun. Spending time with Alice was confusing and overwhelming. She shifted ideas and thoughts at a rapid fire pace. My brain was exhausted from trying to keep up.

Later, as I walked towards the yellow car after Spanish, I caught sight of Bella walking through the parking lot. She saw me looking at her and stumbled. For seconds, our eyes met and held, and from all the way across the parking lot, I could feel that damn spark. In those seconds that our eyes held, the rest of the world ceased to exist. The rushing sounds of teenagers, eager to make their getaway from school stopped. The sounds of cars roaring to life, the laughter and yells of good bye no longer met my ears. All I could hear was the pounding of my own heart and all I could see was chocolate brown eyes. It took me a second to realize she had turned and was walking towards me now. And I was walking towards her. _What are you doing,_ my brain screamed me. I stopped suddenly. And then a terrifying sound ripped through the sound of my pounding heart. A high screech of tires out of control. A scream. And I tore my eyes away from hers and saw it. The blue van that was hurtling out of control. In its path, was the girl that had captured my attention. _Not her! _ My brain screamed the denial and I couldn't just stand there. I took off, running faster than I had ever before. Too slow, oh God I was too slow. I would watch another person die in front of me. _No, no, no_. I pushed my legs harder, faster. I was going to be too late. _Not again, please, not again_, I begged whoever would listen. _Please, please, not her!_ And then I slammed into her slight body, knocking her to the side. I kept running, off balance now, but running to get away from the skidding van. I felt the air rush by as the van swept past us. As I fell, I turned, taking the brunt of the fall on my arm and shoulder, protecting her the best I could.

Then all was silent. For the briefest moment, the world stood still. I held her close to me, treasuring the feel of her heart pounding against my chest. _Thank you, thank you, thank you,_ I repeated in my brain. "Are you okay?" I whispered.

She was shaking and holding my shoulders in a death grip, but she nodded.

"Did you hit your head?" Terror raced through me as I remembered how hard we had hit the ground.

She shook her head against my neck.

Slowly time started again. I became aware of the crowd building around us, the cries for help. Alice knelt in front of Bella, touching her shoulder. "Bella!" she cried. "Are you okay?"

Bella pulled away from me at the sound of her friend's voice. Ignoring the intense desire to keep her safe in my grasp, I opened my arms, and let go. "I'm fine," she managed. Alice took her hands and pulled her to her feet. She didn't even waver. "Edward saved me."

My arms felt strangely empty without her soft, warm weight. I stood too and dragged my hands through my hair. I was awkwardly aware that everyone was staring at me. Bella looked at me, once again capturing me in her beautifully deep eyes. "Thank you," she whispered sincerely.

"Welcome," I said, sounding lame to my own ears. But really, what was I supposed to say? I shifted my gaze down to my feet.

But now, Bella's friends descended and I was pushed to the outskirts of the circle. Now this is where I belonged. "I'm so sorry, Bella!" This came from Tyler, Mike's friend from gym. "I lost control! I hit some ice and just couldn't control the car any more."

"It's okay, Tyler," Bella comforted him. "All's well that end's well, right?"

"Hey Edward, that was incredible."

I turned and saw Emmett standing next to me. Tucked under his arm was the same blonde girl from lunch. I nodded. Adrenaline and fear had pounded through my body and as it wore off, it left me feeling drained and a bit shaky.

"Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen anyone run that fast before. You were like a blur. Like a superhero or something like that."

"Trust me, I am no superhero." _More like the bad guy, _I thought to myself. I glanced over to where Bella stood, safe in Alice's arms. She was looking in my direction and I looked away quickly.

"You saved her life," the blonde girl next to Emmett said. "I think that makes you a hero."

Suddenly the high pitched ring of sirens pierced through the air. An ambulance barreled its way into the parking lot and pulled to a stop in front of the crowd that had gathered. It was then that I noticed Coach Clapp and Mr. Greene, the principal, standing on the fringes of the crowd of students. "Okay ladies and gentlemen," Mr. Greene said with authority. "Move out of the way."

The paramedics rushed out of the ambulance, pulling a stretcher with them. I saw Bella's horrified eyes staring at the stretcher as it neared her. Her face turned a beautiful shade of scarlet. I almost chuckled. Until I noticed more paramedics approaching me. "I'm fine," I said as they came closer.

"That arm doesn't look so good." One of the EMTs pointed at my arm.

I glanced down and winced at what I saw. I had taken my leather jacket off during Spanish and had never put it back on. My slide across the gravel parking lot resulted in turning my arm into a bloody mess. Now that I thought about it, it was burning something fierce.

"Honestly, I don't need a stretcher," I heard Bella say. I turned my head in her direction and saw her arguing with the medic trying to convince her to lie down. She looked at me. "How come Edward doesn't need a stretcher?"

Mortified that they had another one for me, I looked back at the EMT. "Fine," I said hastily. "I'll go with you guys, but only if I can ride in the front."

He glanced at his partner, who shrugged. "Why not? Go ahead kid. Besides, that's Dr. Cullen's kid, it'll be alright."

His words hit me as I followed them around the ambulance. Dr. Cullen's kid? Me? Had Carlisle told them that?

The ride to the hospital was short, although I could hear Bella arguing from the back of the ambulance, fighting any kind of treatment they offered her. I didn't say anything because I was still afraid that I had hurt her when I tackled her to the ground. It would make me feel better to know that she had escaped the incident unharmed. Let's say she did have a concussion, or head trauma of some kind? What if someone let her sleep and she never woke up? With my luck, that is exactly what would happen.

At the hospital, I walked into the ER. As I went through the door, I heard Bella's disgruntled voice. "How come he can just walk right in?"

I was lead to a room and told that Dr. Cullen would be in to see me shortly. I settled in to wait. After a short amount of time, the curtain drew back, revealing this man that had taken me in.

"Edward." As he approached me, he was already inspecting my arm. "Looks like you've got some serious road burn there." He grabbed his scissors and starting cutting away the bloody, tangled fabric of my shirt. "I heard what you did," he said as he continued to clean my arm.

"Is Bella alright?" I asked anxiously.

Carlisle stopped what he was doing and looked at me. His blue eyes once again penetrating mine. "She is," he finally said. "I looked her over myself. Not a scratch on her. She already left with Chief Swan, her father. You did good." He paused for a second. Then he added. "I'm proud of you."

_I'm proud of you._ Such simple words. But they ricocheted around my brain as I struggled to accept them. And then he was looking at me with the same glowing expression he had worn as he gazed at Emmett and Alice the night before at dinner. I looked down. "Thank you," I said softly, not knowing what else to say.

There was a sting as Carlisle began wiping a cloth over the wound on my arm. With proficient movements, he wrapped a bandage around my bicep and then he stood back. "Edward, I would like to talk to you, please."

I didn't say anything, just waited to hear what he had on his mind.

"I'm worried about you."

I flinched. I didn't want or deserve his worry. I didn't want to do that to him. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Edward," he sighed my name. "I am going to worry about you. As your guardian, that is my job."

Not necessarily, I thought. One particular guardian came to mind who definitely did not feel the need to worry about me. He only felt the need to pound me into the nearest wall.

Carlisle must have seen something in my eyes, because he huffed softly. "I promise you, I want to help you. I—" he stopped.

I lifted my eyes to his. I could see the hesitation in them. He was unsure and didn't want to push me too far.

"You aren't sleeping, or eating," he continued.

"I am." I promised. "I eat a big lunch at school." The second the lie was out of my mouth, I felt terrible.

He huffed again. "Not according to Alice."

I shifted uneasily on the hospital bed. Now I had been caught in my lie. "I'm sorry," I said again. "I just, I don't know. I haven't been hungry."

"Edward, I know you went through a lot before we found you in Chicago. Neither Esme nor I know the whole story. But I know you were very badly beaten before you were brought to the hospital. And I know," his voice dropped to a whisper as he said the last part, "I know your mother was killed that same night."

I winced, not wanting the memories he was forcing on me. "I'm fine." I looked up at him. "I promise," I said, trying to be convincing. "I will eat more and sleep more. I just needed to work somethings out in my head. But I'm fine, you don't need to worry about me."

Carlisle stared at me for a long time and I fought the urge to squirm. He knew I was lying, I could tell. I felt like he could see all the way to my blackened soul. But he just nodded. "Okay." For now. He didn't say the last part out loud, but I still heard it.

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**I wanted to give a shoutout to those of you that have reviewed. You have absolutely no idea how exciting it is to check my email and read that someone has enjoyed my story. It is an awesome feeling. So thank you hundred times over. Also, thank you to those of you that have added Fearless as a favorite or are alerted as I update. I love that so many people are reading and enjoying what I have to say. Okay, that's all from me until the next update. Thanks again and please please review!!!!! :o)**


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight, any of the characters or any dialogue that sounds familiar.**

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Chapter 6

The next day was Friday. Thank God. I was utterly exhausted. This morning, when I walked into the kitchen, Carlisle had been drinking his coffee, of course. He took one look at my face and frowned. I had groaned and turned away, muttering my apologies. How was I supposed to control the nightmares? I couldn't make them go away. I tried to give him some comfort though, as I made my way to the counter with my bowl full of Apple Jacks. I concentrated very hard and managed to finish nearly the whole bowl. As I chewed my last bite, my gaze flicked to Carlisle. A slight smile touched his lips as he blatantly watched me. When my eyes met his, he smiled even wider. I felt my own lips turn up and I looked down immediately. Warmth spread through me at the look that his eyes held. It was ridiculous. It was just a bowl of cereal. But it showed I was trying. Which I guess was good enough for him.

"Edward," he had said. "Esme and I would like very much to take you out tonight. We thought we could show you around Port Angeles."

I had been shocked as I looked at him.

"Just you. Alice and Emmett made plans with Rosalie and Jasper."

That was this morning. I was still surprised Esme and Carlisle wanted an evening with just me. Seems like they could have taken advantage of Alice and Emmett's plans to have an evening to themselves. It should be an interesting evening, to say the least.

Right now though, it was lunch time and I stood outside the cafeteria. After the near catastrophe of yesterday, the school was a buzz with gossip. Everyone was talking about "my heroic flight" through the parking lot. People looked at me with awe in their eyes. Even now, as I stood still, I felt my classmates walking by, their eyes focused on me, even when they had passed me by. My fists clenched. I didn't want their admiration, or their awe. So I had done one good thing. It in no way atoned for all my failures. I just wanted an hour of peace. So it was with a roll of my eyes at my own cowardice that I made my way to the library. I could only take some solace in the fact that I wasn't avoiding her this time. I was simply avoiding the whole student body. I knew I would see her in biology. My heart kicked up at the thought of seeing her again and my arms remembered what it was like to hold her. _Idiot._

When the bell rang signally the end of lunch, I gathered my books and walked very slowly to the biology building. As I entered the room, I saw Bella was already sitting at her table. She appeared to be doodling on her binder. As I got closer, I could see the eyes she was sketching. That idiotic part of my brain wondered if they would be green if she had a colored pencil.

I felt an intense need to make up for my rudeness on my first day of school. "Hello," I said quietly as I sat down and arranged my books on my desk.

She seemed startled that I had spoken to her. That made me feel like even more of a loser. But then, I had been going pretty out of my way to avoid her. She turned the full force of her brown eyes on me and again the electricity ran through me. "I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to introduce myself. My name is Edward Masen." I wanted to curl up and hide. I sounded like a moron. "You're Bella," I continued like an idiot. I needed to look away from her eyes so that I could maintain some semblance of control.

Bella smiled slightly at me. "It's nice to meet you."

Honestly, she sounded as flustered as I was. Thankfully, before I could say anything else and make an even bigger fool out of myself, Mr. Banner arrived at our table, placing a microscope and slides on our table. I picked up one of the slides and placed it under the microscope. I glanced at the worksheet Mr. Banner had given us. Today we were supposed to put these slides of onion root in to the phases of mitosis.

"Ladies first?" I asked as I pushed the microscope closer to her.

She began to curl her hand around the eyepiece of the microscope, but she stopped and looked at me again. "How did you do it?" she asked quietly.

"Do what?" I really didn't think she was referring to my placing the slide in the microscope.

"Yesterday. You saved my life. You were halfway across the parking lot and Tyler's van was coming so quickly. How did you get to me so fast?"

"I don't know," I said quietly. "I didn't think about it. I just ran." I shrugged and remembered the adrenaline pumping my legs in that moment. "I guess you could say I had an adrenaline rush."

"Yeah," she agreed. "Mike Newton did say you were fast." Then she bit her lip. "I'm glad."

I nearly snorted. "Me too."

Now she did look into the microscope. As she studied the slide, I studied her profile. She had beautiful, long thick hair. It was pulled off her face with a head band and then fell straight down her back. I wondered if it was as soft as it looked. She was pale, with a rosy undertone. I thought about how red her face had turned when the EMTs forced her onto the stretcher. The memory made me smile.

"Prophase," she stated as she turned to me.

"May I?" I asked, biting back another smile as she looked insulted. A glance through the lens told me she was correct and I carefully wrote the term in the correct space of the worksheet.

"Told you," she said.

Still smiling, I took out the first slide and slid the second into place. I think I had smiled more in the last ten minutes than I had in the last ten years. I looked into the microscope. "Anaphase," I said confidently.

"May I?" she asked, repeating my own words. Again a smile tickled my lips as I pushed the microscope towards her. She looked for a few seconds, allowing me a little more time to gaze at her perfection. Her lips were pink. Like her hair I wondered if they were as soft they looked. "Anaphase," she agreed, sounding slightly disgruntled that she hadn't been able to prove me wrong. Again I wrote the term on the sheet.

We both reached for slide three at the same time. Our hands touched and I gasped as the electric shock raced through my skin. I turned to her and saw her staring at her hand. She must have felt my eyes because she turned to me and again we stared. "Sorry," I managed. I looked away and tried to take a deep breath. I pulled the microscope to me and slipped the third slide in with shaking hands. I glanced at the slide. "Interphase," I whispered. I reached for the paper and wrote the word in. I glanced at Bella, but she didn't ask to see the slide this time. She was staring at me still.

"Bella," I needed to stop this. This was wrong. She was so _good_. She deserved someone who wasn't a monster. "Bella," I repeated her name. "This is a really bad idea."

She snapped out of her momentary daze. "Why?" she asked, confused.

"I just…I…If you were smart, you'd stay away from me." I confessed. She needed to understand that.

"What if I don't want to stay away from you?" she inquired stubbornly.

"I'm not what you think I am," I said, trying to get it through her brain. "I don't mean to be rude. But it's really best if we aren't friends."

Confusion swept over her face. I knew I wasn't making any sense, but I was doing this for her. If she really knew me, she wouldn't _want_ to be friends.

She continued to stare at me as I turned to clean up our slides. I felt her eyes on me as Mr. Banner picked up our worksheet. He scanned the answers, then nodded with approval.

"Edward…" she whispered softly.

But I was saved by the bell. As it rang out, I once again grabbed my books and raced out before anyone else had left their seat. Unspeakably rude, but I couldn't face her any longer.

After school, I dumped my school bag in my room and headed for the piano. It was seated at the beautiful instrument that I could finally let out my frustrations.

***

"So Edward, this what Esme and I would like to do."

I looked at Carlisle, who was carefully guiding his Mercedes S55 AMG through the streets of Port Angeles. He met my eyes in the rearview mirror. "We've noticed that you seem to enjoy music. So we thought we could go check out Hi-Tech Electronics and get a stereo system for your room."

My jaw dropped. I couldn't help it. Those were the last words that I expected to come out of Carlisle's mouth. When he had mentioned my love of music, I had assumed he meant we could go look at CDs, or possibly sheet music. Maybe go to some park and hear a local band play. But buying a _stereo system_? I had a feeling he wasn't talking about a CD player either. Carlisle glanced at me and Esme turned. She smiled lovingly at me. "Honey, we want you to make your room your own. We thought with music, you'd be able to do that."

I nodded, feeling numb. I hadn't received a present since, well since before my mom remarried. Anything I owned, I had bought with my own money. Which hadn't been much, so I didn't own much. The Cullen's blew me away with all their fancy cars and gigantic house. And now they wanted to use some of that money on me. It made me feel a bit awkward, but also another emotion that I couldn't name. When Carlisle pulled into the store parking lot, I exited the car, still unable to find any words to properly say all that was going through my head.

We walked in and a sales person was talking to Carlisle almost instantly. Carlisle's words became a buzz in my ears as he explained what he was looking for in a system. "Edward." Esme's gentle voice broke through the ringing in my ears. "Would you like to go look the selection of CDs? Pick out your favorites."

"I…um, okay." I knew they were just trying to make me happy. I truly did like music. Actually, I loved music. Playing the piano comforted me as nothing else could and I know Esme saw me sitting at the piano often. But this was beyond overwhelming. I didn't deserve their kindness and it made me feel horrible for taking advantage of them. I scanned the CDs, not sure what to do. A name jumped out at me and with a shaky hand I reached out for it. _Debussy_. I turned the CD over and ran my eyes over the play list. _Claire de Lune._

"_What's that Daddy?"_

"_This is a beautiful type of music, son." My father looked down from the CD player he was fiddling with. "You like it?"_

_I nodded and closed my eyes. The music seemed to lift around me. The melody was soothing and I smiled. Then I felt my mother's hands on my shoulders. I opened my eyes and she lifted me into her arms. She shifted until she held my little hand out, putting us into a waltzing position. "Would you like to dance with me, sweetheart?"_

"_Yes!" I giggled as we began slowly spinning around the room in time with the music. I looked towards my father and saw happiness shining on his face. _

"Edward, are you alright?"

Startled, I looked down at Esme, concern clouding her face. I nodded, but could feel the tears sliding down my cheeks. "I, um." I looked around frantically, spotting Carlisle at the counter, paying for the extensive system he had just bought me. "I..I" I didn't know what to say or what to do. Esme reached for my arm and I cringed away. I saw the hurt on her face and it broke me. "I'm sorry," I cried, ashamed that I couldn't even let her touch me, after all she had done. "I don't deserve this. I'm so sorry." Then I turned and ran.

It was a bad decision, given the fact that I was in a strange city, but my brain wasn't thinking. I felt like I was choking as I ran, desperate for oxygen, but afraid to stop. They didn't understand what a monster I was. I needed to tell them, so they would stop worrying. I needed to tell them so they would stop caring. Because I knew they were. I could see it in their eyes and their faces. They were starting to care about me. And worse, a hundred times worse, I was starting to care about them. They didn't need someone like me caring for them. Everything I cared about was destroyed. I raced down the unfamiliar streets, trying to out run my own feelings. I couldn't care. I wouldn't care that I had probably hurt them by running out like that. I wouldn't. I lost track of time and how far I had gone. Building flew by me as my feet pounded the cement.

Eventually I couldn't run anymore. I leaned against a brick building, my chest jerking. Sobs ripped through me as I sank down to the ground. I put my forehead on my knees, my whole body shaking as I tried to catch my breath. After a while, I could breathe again. I lifted my head, resting against the wall behind my back. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath, filling my lungs.

"Stay away from me."

My eyes shot open at the words. I looked around, not seeing anything out of the ordinary. I was in an alley between two brick buildings. I stood up and stepped out of the alley. Disoriented, I looked at the large warehouses that lined the street. This did not resemble the touristy town I had driven through in the safety of Carlisle's Mercedes.

"Don't touch me."

My heart stopped as I heard the voice again. This time it was clearer, louder. And I recognized it. _Where?_ My mind screamed at me. I looked to the right and left and still couldn't see anything. Then I heard footsteps to my right. I took off, once again racing down the sidewalk. When I reached the end of the block, I skidded to a stop. There, just around the corner, three guys surrounded one girl. They were in a half circle around her, her back pressed to the wall of the building behind her. She gripped her purse tightly in her hands, and she sucked in air as if she was about to scream. Her frantic chocolate brown eyes narrowed with focus. Bella.

A growl tore from my throat as I watched the vile filth approach her. "Come on sugar," one of the men crooned as he reach out a hand to touch her. "You know you want this. You wouldn't be way out here if you didn't."

"Get away from her," I snarled. I crouched down, ready for the fight.

All three men whipped around to look at me.

"Edward," I heard her gasped. And then my attention was only on the three men. They were older than me by a several years. One of them wore a Huskies Football sweatshirt and internally, I groaned at the thought that these particular pieces of filth played division one football from the University of Washington.

"Hey tough guy," one of them said a smirk on his face. I could smell the alcohol coming off them in waves.

My fists clenched and though my heart pounded, I refused to feel fear. I would protect Bella, no matter what happened to me. "Bella," I said between my teeth. "Get out of here. Now."

I didn't get the chance to see if she obeyed my command, because the three men descended at that moment. They were strong, but I had years of fighting off my drunken step father on my side. I shoved one of the men back, knocking him off balance. It wasn't difficult to do. Then I lifted my fist and smashed it into the nose of the one with the football sweatshirt. His friend didn't like that and he barreled after me, preparing to tackle me like the defensive end he probably was. But in his drunken state, he weaved and I tucked out of his way easily. He ran into his friends instead and brought them both down. It would have been comical if the situation hadn't been so dire. I looked up then and saw Bella still standing at the wall, her eyes wide. Taking advantage of the men's clumsy drunkenness I ran to her. "Come on," I said, grabbing her hand. "Bella, we have to get out of here."

She began moving, then seemed to trip over her own feet. "Sorry," she muttered. We walked faster, and she tripped again. By now the men had regained their feet and begun to saunter over to us. I needed to get us out of here, now. Without thinking of what I was doing, I grabbed Bella's arm and threw her on to my back. "Hold on," I whispered. Her arms came around my neck in nearly a choke hold and her legs wrapped around my waist. All around me I could feel her electricity and I could smell her beautiful bouquet of strawberries and freesia. But now wasn't the time. I glanced over my shoulder and saw the men still advancing. Then I took off. I heard her gasp and bury her face in my neck, but I didn't slow down. I couldn't run as fast as I normally would with her slight weight on my back, but adrenaline and the intense need for her to be safe pushed my legs to go as fast as they possibly could. Behind me, I could hear the men's footsteps as they pursued me. For the first block, they kept up and I started to worry that maybe we wouldn't escape. But then, during the second block, their footsteps became quieter and the sound of the yells reached my ears. By the third block, I risked glancing over my shoulder and saw them still giving chase, but all the alcohol in their systems caused them to teeter and stumble. By the sixth block, I couldn't hear their footsteps at all. And when I glanced back, I saw them two blocks back, with their hands on their knees. I didn't slow as I raced up another block. I turned and continued on for another block. Satisfied that they wouldn't catch us, I slowed. Bella still gripped my neck. I put my hand on her arm. "Are you okay?" I asked softly.

She let go and slide down my back. "Yeah, now. Thanks to you."

I turned to face her. Other than a bit paler than usual, she looked unharmed. "Are you hurt?" I reached up and tucked a stray brown lock behind her ear.

She shook her head. "You came before they could do anything." Her eyes raced over my body. "Are you?"

"No." I smiled then, realizing that we were safe. That she was safe.

Then she tilted her head and smiled.

"What?"

"That's twice, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"Twice that you've saved my life. Let me guess," her smile grew wider. "Another adrenaline rush?"

A laugh burst out from my lips. "Yeah, you could say that." I looked at her, not sure how to explain the intensity of my feelings. "I feel," I stopped and bit my lip. "I feel very protective of you," I said quietly. I put my hand on her cheek and she reached up, cradling my hand in her own.

"Thank you," she whispered.

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**Please review. It totally makes my day.**


	8. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight, that honor belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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Chapter 7

For a long moment, we simply stared at each other. I moved my thumb along her soft cheek, just reveling in the fact that she was safe. "You are a bit of a danger magnet, aren't you," I asked softly.

Her lips twisted up. "Seems so. I've always been a bit of a klutz."

I thought of the ungraceful stumbles she had taken while trying to escape. I laughed softly. "Yeah."

I lowered my hand, but she didn't release mine. Holding hands, we began walking down the street, back towards the "tourist" section of Port Angeles. "So, what are you doing here anyway?" I asked her. The back alleys of a city were definitely not the safest place for her, obviously.

"I could ask you the same thing," she said.

I thought of my flight from Esme and Carlisle. Shame and guilt flooded my face and I picked up my pace. They must be going crazy. "I asked you first," I replied quietly. I did not want to explain my shame.

"Well," I looked at Bella and saw the adorable blush fill her cheeks. "You know the dance that's on Saturday?"

"Dance?"

She laughed softly. "Yeah, there are posters up all over the halls at school. It's the yearly girls choice dance."

Oh. Obviously I was a bit unobservant.

She shook her head. "Anyway, I was in Port Angeles shopping for dresses with my friends Angela and Jessica." She made a face as she said Jessica's name. I scoured my memory and came up with a frizzy brown pony tail and a leering smile. I nodded, understanding Bella's dislike. Then it hit me. She was dress shopping. For a dance. Which she would be going to with a date. That was not me. An emotion I didn't care to name ran through me.

"Anyway," Bella continued on, oblivious to my internal defeat. "After getting the dresses, Angela and Jess wanted to walk along the boardwalk. I am in need of some new books, so I decided to hunt down the bookstore. I got a little lost on the way."

I narrowed my eyes and she shrugged. "What can I say? My sense of direction is about as refined as my sense of balance."

Another startled laugh escaped my lips and I shook my head at her. "So who are you going to the dance with?" Like the laugh, the question escaped my lips before I could control it. The second the words were out of my mouth I wanted to rein them in and beat them back. It was none of my business who she went to the dance with. It was good that she was interested in someone else.

Instead of answering, Bella simply looked at me.

"What?"

"You really think I would go to a dance? Trust me, I don't dance."

"Why not?" I turned my head to look at her. She waited for me to make the connection. "Are you referring to the fact that you can't walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?"

Pink covered her cheeks again. "It does make dancing difficult."

We reached the corner and turned, again entering a whole different world. The streets were lit up as both cars and people went about their business. "I was supposed to meet Jessica and Angela at Bella Italia," she pointed at a restaurant across the street.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I was suddenly anxious to let her out of my sight.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I can see the girls from here." She squeezed my hand. "Don't worry. I'll see you soon, okay?"

I nodded, then watched as she crossed the street. After she was safely in the company of her friends, I took off in the direction of the electronics store. Without Bella's calming influence, my mind began to race out of control. My heart dropped as I slowly walked. I knew it was over, Carlisle and Esme would not be happy with me after the stunt I had pulled. I knew they wouldn't hurt me, but they could do something so much worse. They would send me away from them, away from Bella, away from Forks to live in some group home in Chicago. My stomach twisted as I realized what I had done. They had no reason to keep.

"Edward! Oh thank heavens!"

I turned at the sound of my name and saw Esme was running towards me. My stomach twisted further and I almost bent as the pain stabbed through me. "I'm sorry," I whispered, although I was too far for them to hear.

Esme came to a stop in front of me. "Edward," she said again, sounding out of breath and pain lanced through me again at the worry I must of have caused her. Then, amazingly, I watched her lean forward, her arms stretched. And then she stopped and backed up. I knew what she had wanted and I took a deep breath. Then I stepped forward, my own arms out. Before I could fully comprehend her action, Esme's arms were wrapped around me, her hands stroking my hair. "I'm sorry," I cried.

"Shh," she whispered near my ear.

"I didn't mean too," I whispered. "I don't know why I ran out like that," I babbled on, needing her to understand that I hadn't meant to hurt her.

A hand came to rest on my shoulder and I looked up to see Carlisle looking at me, his eyes filled with patience and understanding. "We know, Edward," he said, his expression intense as he willed me to understand.

Esme hand continued to run soothingly along my back and Carlisle squeezed my shoulder gently. Warmth spread through my chest and I realized how much I wanted to stay here and how bad it was going to hurt when they turned me away. "Please don't send me away." The words came out so softly I wasn't sure they would be able to hear.

Then Esme pulled away and gripped my cheeks in her hands. "We would never, _never_, send you away."

"We took you in, we aren't giving you up that easily," Carlisle added.

"But I messed up," I whispered. "I ran away from you, I hurt you."

"We don't expect you to be perfect," Carlisle said.

Esme gave my face a slight shake. "We know you are having a hard time right now and that you are dealing with a lot. We will be here when you want to talk and until then, we will just be here."

That warmth in my chest spread even further and I stared at these two people that had changed my life, saved my life. I wasn't ready yet, but it knowing that they would be there mattered. It made me matter. "I can't, yet," I said softly, hoping they would understand. I took Esme's hands off my face and squeezed gently. "But thank you," I looked at Carlisle and met his eyes. "For everything."

***

Later that night, I lay on my bed with my hands behind my head. I had mentioned to Alice that she should call Bella and ask how her trip to Port Angeles was and then I stayed hidden behind the corner until I had heard Alice cheerfully greet Bella. Then I let my self breath, safe in the knowledge that she had made it home safely. Carlisle and Esme had taken me out to dinner, my flight forgotten as they described their days. Carlisle's day fascinated me. He worked in the emergency room and that day he had saved the life of a 16 year old girl. The satisfaction on his face as he related the story made me think about my own life and future. My own father had been a banker. He had seemed content and was able to provide his family with a good life, but he had never had the pride that Carlisle felt for his chosen career. The lulling sound of the drops created an unending rhythm, and slowly my eyes began to droop and I fell into sleep.

Only a few short hours later, I ripped myself out of sleep, screaming. I buried my face in my pillow to silence my screams. My face was soaked with sweat and tears. Somewhere in the distance I heard a clock chime two. I rolled over and stared at the huge window. As usual, rain slid across the slick surface. My life had been completely overhauled in the last three weeks and it made my head spin. I still couldn't believe it all. I fully expected the rug to be pulled from beneath me. I couldn't change what I was or what I had done. The nightmare had forced me into the past. Even now, with all of Carlisle and Esme's creating this warmth in my chest, I could close my eyes and see my mother lying dead on the floor, because of me. I could never forget that. My recklessness had killed her. The familiar pain chilled the warmth in my chest. I pulled my knees up, curling into a ball. I lay on the bed, my eyes unblinking as I stared at the black rain outside my window waiting for the sun to rise.

When the sky finally began to lighten, I pulled back my covers and made my way to the bathroom. I showered and dressed for the day, pulling on jeans and a gray t-shirt. The house was silent as I made my way downstairs, the rest of the family was still sleeping. I bypassed the kitchen, not at all hungry. I didn't have to force food down my throat since Carlisle was not yet awake. Instead, I walked to the family room and out the gigantic French doors. Outside, I breathed in the cleansing air. I began walking towards the forest that encroached on the Cullen's land. I walked for a bit, enjoying the damp, cool air. I came across a river and I sat on the bank, watching the water rush by. It was quiet and peaceful, the complete opposite to the rush of uncertainty that warred within me. I felt as if I stood on the edge of sword, teetering between the image everyone saw, and what I really was. I wished I could be the good person that Carlisle and Esme saw, that Bella saw. But somewhere, something had gone wrong and I was twisted inside. Not good, not like they thought. Time passed while I watched the river, lost in my own thoughts. After a while, I knew that I needed to head back. I didn't want the Cullens to find me gone. I had caused them enough worry last night.

As I reentered the Cullen house, I heard voices in the kitchen. Slowly, I made my way through the house, picking out familiar voices within the conversation. Alice, Emmett, and….Bella. My heart came to an abrupt standstill. Bella was here. I hesitated and then I continued to walk.

"Hey Edward," Alice said as I came to stand in the doorway. Alice was standing beside the counter, waiting for something to heat in the microwave. Emmett was pulling chips out of the cupboard. Slightly startled, I glanced at the clock and saw that it was well past noon. I had been by the river longer than I had expected. Bella sat at the counter, along with the blonde girl I had seen with Emmett before, and a blonde boy. "We are having some queso for snack, would you like to join us?"

Tentatively, I stepped into the room. "Okay."

"Hey man," Emmett beamed at me as he poured tortilla chips into a bowl. "That beautiful creature over there is my girl, Rosalie." He nodded in their direction. "And her twin brother, Jasper."

"My hotter than fire boyfriend," Alice piped in.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Really, Alice."

She took the queso out of the microwave and moved over to where the others sat. She planted a kiss on Jasper's lips. "Don't be embarrassed over something that's true."

He grabbed her hand and pulled her into his lap.

Emmett came up behind Rosalie and draped an arm over her shoulders. "Hey baby," he said as he nuzzled her neck.

Feeling more than a little awkward I went to stand next to the counter. I glanced at Bella and found her looking at me. "Are they always like this?"

Her lips tipped up. "Always," she mouthed. She grabbed a chip and dipped it into the cheese. She chewed, then added, "You have no idea."

I grimaced. "How are you doing, are you okay?" I hoped she understood the double meaning of my question, I didn't want to bring attention to her, but I had to know.

"Yeah, just fine." She smiled at me and grabbed another chip. Beside her, Alice and Jasper continued to whisper sweet nothings to each other. On the other side, Emmett had moved to Rosalie shoulder and was playfully biting.

"You want to get out of here?" I asked her.

She exhaled loudly. "Yes, thank you."

I followed her out of the kitchen. She continued through the family room and out the same French doors I had exited early. She sat on the top step of the porch and I sat beside her. "Always, huh?"

She smiled. "Yeah. It's so much fun being the extra person on the time." She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I bet."

We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes. "Can I ask you something?"

I looked at her, she was resting her chin on her knees. "Um, sure," I said, not at all sure if I would answer.

"Why were you in Port Angeles last night?"

I bit my lip. I knew she deserved an answer, but I didn't know if I was brave enough to give her one. She turned her head to look at me as my silence continued. "I was, um. Carlisle and Esme wanted to buy me a stereo system." She waited. "And, I was a little overwhelmed." She waited again and I began to squirm. "I ran out." There. I had said it.

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"I'm not used to it. To their kindness. I didn't know what to do." I looked down at my shoes and shrugged. "Not a good reason, I know."

"People should be kind to you," she believed, "You are so good."

"I'm not Bella." I didn't lift my eyes from my shoes.

"You still don't want to be friends, do you," she accused.

Now I did turn to look at her. I had heard the hurt in her voice and now I could see it burning in her eyes. "Aw Bella, this is wrong."

"What are you talking about? How is it wrong?"

"I don't want to hurt you. You really could do so much better. But-," I stopped, unsure if I should continue.

"But what?" she whispered.

"But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you," I admitted softly.

"Then don't," she breathed.

Our eyes held for what felt like an eternity. I stared into the beautiful chocolate depths and the electricity around us grew, building until it was a tangible force. "Bella," I whispered.

"Edward," she whispered back.

"Hey you two!" The spell was broken as Alice came bouncing on to the porch. "We had an idea!"

We pulled back and I looked around, in a daze. I gotten so lost in her that I had forgotten the world around us.

"What Alice?" Bella nearly growled.

She plopped down on the step next to us. "So Edward, I've noticed that your wardrobe is seriously lacking and Bella--,"

"Alice! Come on! Not today," Bella cried.

"Bella!" Alice whined. "It'll be fun! Come on!" She stood and then pulled Bella to her feet. "You too Edward."

"What are we doing," I asked as we walked into the house. Jasper and Emmett stood in the family room, looking ready to go somewhere.

"Shopping, Edward! Keep up!"

I stopped. "Uh, Alice I don't think that's good idea."

"Why not?"

There were so many reasons, I didn't even know where to start, most distressing was my lack of money.

"Well, I have clothes for one thing."

Her black eyebrow raised and I saw Emmett and Jasper look at each other. "There is more to clothes than T-shirts and jeans."

"I like T-shirts and jeans," I mumbled.

"Not if you are a Cullen," Alice said. Now she grabbed my hand and obviously the debate was over.

I spent the rest of the day shopping with the gang of friends. It was entertaining to say the least. Alice knew her way around a mall like nothing I had seen before. We spent a large amount of time at Alice's favorite men's clothing store, where she spent an even larger amount of money. I had felt physically sick when I had seen the final cost. But Alice had waved a black credit card around and told me to go sit outside with my head between my legs. Emmett had gone with me and assured me that Esme and Carlisle wouldn't mind.

Now, exhausted and loaded down with bags, I made my way to my room. I walked through the door and all the bags slid out of my hands. I gaped at the far wall, my mouth falling open and nothing I could do would close it again.

"Do you like it?" Esme asked from behind me.

Like it? Was she insane? My room had been transformed into a music lover's dream. Bookshelves lined the far wall, holding my new stereo system. Speakers had been installed around the room, creating surround sound. The stereo was surrounded by CDs. Hundreds of CDs. Next to the bookcases stood an electric piano, the headphones draped over the keys. Dazedly, I walked over to the shelves and ran my finger along the titles.

"I pretty much bought every CD at the store," Esme said uncertainly. "I didn't know what you would like, but I wanted you to be able have something to play."

"Esme, I can't thank you enough. This is…insane." I touched the piano. "Way too much."

She smiled. "We know that you enjoy playing, this way you can play whenever you like."

I nodded. "Thank you. I absolutely love it."

She beamed at me and then left me to play with my new toys.

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**As always, reviews are very much appreciated! I seriously squeal everytime they appear in my inbox :o)**


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight :o)**

**A/N Thank you to all the people who have reviewed, added me as a favorite story or story alert. I appreciate you more than I can say.**

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Chapter 8

I stood staring at the phone, my heart pounding in my ears. With a shaking hand, I reached out touched the smooth plastic of the receiver, then pulled my hand back. I took a step back. Then stepped forward again. My shaking hand reached out again. I fisted my hand and let it drop to my side. My stomach knotted and I unclenched my hand. I stared at the piece of paper I held in my opposite hand. The paper was wavering, but I could still make out the numbers written in a messy scrawl. Before leaving last night, Bella had reached out to me, holding a small scrap of paper. Her adorable blush had filled her cheeks as she explained it was her home phone number. Then she had turned and practically ran out the door.

"What are you doing?"

Emmett's loud voice broke through my apprehension. I cleared my throat, intensely embarrassed that I had been caught staring at the phone. "Nothing," I muttered, "Just going to make a phone call."

"In this century?" Emmett asked, a teasing note to his voice.

I glared at him. "Obviously."

He shrugged. "I don't know man, you've been standing staring at the phone for like ten minutes. It's not going to bite you, I promise."

"It has not been ten minutes."

He looked at me pointedly. "She's not going to mind. She wouldn't have given you her phone number if she didn't want you to use it. Besides you two seemed close enough while shopping together."

I didn't blush easily, but I felt my cheeks burn at Emmett's assessment of the situation. I grabbed the phone and dialed the number without taking the time to think about what I was doing. As the phone began to ring I glanced back at Emmett. "Some privacy?"

His laughter boomed out. "Sure thing. Let me know how it goes."

Just then, I heard a man's voice on the other end. "Hello?"

Oh God, I hadn't anticipated her father answering. "Hello, Chief Swan," my voice was about an octave higher than normal. "Is Bella there?"

"Who is this?" I could hear the suspicion in his voice.

"My name is Edward Masen," I replied quietly.

"Oh. You're Dr. Cullen's new boy."

"Yes sir."

"You came to Forks from Chicago, am I right?"

"Yes sir." I fiddled with the cord on the phone, hoping the interrogation would end quickly and he would deem me worthy of talking to Bella.

"What do you think of the Cullen's?" he continued.

"They are wonderful people." I began, not sure what he was looking for. "I am extremely grateful they took me in, sir." I panicked at the silence that ensued on his end. I wondered if I should continue talking. But before I could find something else to say, his voice came through the line.

"I will go get Bella."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, sir."

A moment later, Bella's sweet voice filled my ear. "Edward!" she said happily. "I was hoping you would call."

I immediately felt at ease. All the tension this phone had caused floated away. My stomach unknotted and my hand relaxed on the phone. The only thing that did not change was the pounding of my heart. "Hi Bella, how are you today?"

"Great, now that you called." I heard a slapping sound and envisioned Bella slapping a hand over her mouth and her cheeks turning scarlet.

I laughed softly. "I was wondering if perhaps you would like to see me today." My hand tightened on the phone again. Please say yes, please say yes, I chanted in my head.

"Of course! What would you like to do?"

"Well, I was thinking we could go for a hike, Emmett was telling me of this trail he likes…" my voice faded off and I waited for her answer.

"Um, hiking. Sure."

I remembered her stumbles and smiled. "I won't let you fall."

"Promise?"

"I won't ever let anything hurt you, Bella." Including me.

"Well, in that case, I will pack us a picnic. What time do you want to meet?"

I glanced at the clock on the microwave. It was nine in the morning. "How about I pick you up in an hour?" Surely the Cullens would let me borrow a car.

"Sounds great. See you then, Edward."

"Bye Bella." I hung up the phone and tried to control the grin that was spreading over my face.

"Told you she wouldn't mind."

I spun around and saw Emmett leaning against the door frame.

"How long have you been standing there?" I demanded.

"Just long enough to hear the tail end, I promise. I was hungry." He shoved off the frame with his shoulder and walked over to the refrigerator. He pulled an apple out and waved it around. "Besides, what else are big brothers good for, if not to be annoying?"

I couldn't help it. My smile returned. The idea of being Emmett's little brother touched me in a way I hadn't thought possible. I had always been on my own. "I thought it was the little brother's job to be annoying. You know, tag along with you everywhere." I couldn't believe how lighthearted I felt at this moment.

Emmett laughed. "You can tag along anytime." He held out his fist to me.

I held my fist out and touched his. "Thanks." I hoped he knew all that I was thanking him for.

"Anytime."

I went upstairs to get ready for my day with Bella. Butterflies filled my stomach at the thought of spending all day with her. I had spoken the truth the other day when I had told her I was tired of trying to stay away from her. It was exhausting trying to fight the electricity that surrounded us. Fighting to stay away from her was like trying to wade upstream through a river of mud. It was almost like there was some invisible force pushing us together. I couldn't fight it anymore. I just hoped with everything I had that I wouldn't hurt her. There was still a huge part of me that was waiting for the monster to come out and destroy all the people around me, again. The monster was sleeping right now, but I knew it wouldn't sleep forever. I just hoped that when he reared his head again, neither Bella nor any of the Cullens would be in its path.

***

I had found her house easily enough. Carlisle had let me borrow his Mercedes for the day and I tried to remember everything that I had learned in driver's ed as I drove the car that cost more than my house in Chicago. I was a little worried though, as I had walked away from Carlisle, he had begun talking to himself. I had heard the words "needs a car of his own," before I walked out the door. They had already spent way too much money on me.

I pulled up in front of the small house and parked. A large red truck stood in the gravel driveway. There was no sign of the chief's police cruiser and I couldn't help the relief I felt at not having to face the chief of police in person. I got out of the car and walked up to the door. The door opened immediately after I knocked and I smiled at the thought of her watching for me.

"Hey!" She smiled at me.

"Hi, are you ready?"

She nodded, then turned to grab a backpack. "Lunch," she explained.

I nodded and lead her out to the car. I opened her door, and then ran around to my side. Very carefully, I began to drive in the direction Emmett had explained. I turned on to one-oh-one north, driving past the town limits. Trees and underbrush took the place of houses. Then I turned onto one-ten and drove until the pavement ended.

"Where are we going?" Bella asked.

I smiled. "You'll see."

When the road ended, I parked and then hurried to get to Bella's side before she had opened the door. I smiled at her as she stepped out. I took the backpack from her and put it in place on my back. Then I held out my hand for her. She hesitated for the briefest moment, and then took my hand. "I'm not very good at hiking," she said softly as we approached the woods.

"Don't worry. Like I said, I won't let you fall."

We walked in pleasant silence for a while, listening to the sounds of the forest around us. A breeze blew through the tops of the trees, causing the leaves to rustle. For a bit, those leaves, our footsteps and breathing were the only sounds. But it was nice. I felt comfortable with her and neither of us felt the need to fill the quiet. Whenever we came to a fallen log, I helped her over, putting my hands on her tiny waist and lifting her over. I held her elbow whenever we hit a rough patch. Not once did she fall. At one point, we hit a fairly steep decline. "Put your hands on my shoulders," I instructed her as she stood staring at the descent. I took the backpack off and held it in front of me.

She looked at me, apprehension clear in her beautiful eyes.

"Do you trust me?" I whispered.

"In theory," she whispered back.

I laughed softly. "Hold on." I turned my back to her, and then felt her tiny hands on my shoulders, gripping my shirt. I starting walking down and felt her follow my steps. "Step where I do," I told her. I tested each step, making sure it was safe for her. I went slow, but kept up a steady pace. After a few minutes, we reached the bottom. "See," I said as I put the backpack back in place. "Piece of cake."

She laughed. "Whatever you say." She took my hand again and we continued to walk. "So…" she started.

"Yeah?"

"Well, I was just wondering, what's your favorite color?"

"Red." I paused for second, wondering where that had come from. My favorite color used to be blue.

"What?" she asked. She must have felt the pause.

"Nothing," I mumbled, embarrassed because I had realized what had caused my preference change.

"Now you have to tell me!" Bella pulled on my hand. "Come on Edward!"

"Er…," I coughed, trying to hide my unease. "You see, well it's the color your cheeks turn when you--," I didn't finish, just watched as that beautiful color crawled up her face. "Yeah, like that. It's beautiful."

She ducked her head and shoved me with her free hand. I smiled. "Don't be embarrassed. I mean it as a good thing. So what's your favorite color?" I asked hoping to distract her.

For a second, she hesitated, and then appeared to look at her shirt. "It changes day to day." She tugged at her shirt. "But today it must be brown. I tend to wear my favorite color," she explained.

"Brown?" That surprised me. She didn't seem to be a pink kind of girl, but I still had expected her to enjoy a slightly more girly color.

"Yeah, brown is warm. I miss brown. Nothing is brown here, even things that are supposed to be. Tree trunks, dirt. It's all covered in green here."

I stared at her, drowning in her chocolate eyes. They had to be the most stunning eyes on the planet. Then I nodded. "Yeah, I agree. Brown is warm."

We stopped walking and I continued to stare into her eyes. I reached up and touched her cheek. The electricity that swirled around us was intoxicating.

"Edward," she whispered.

I broke the spell, pulling my gaze from hers. "So what's your favorite gem stone?" I asked as I started walking again.

"Emerald."

She stopped walking.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Oh come on. I told you why red is my favorite color. Now you have to tell me why you like emeralds."

"Fine! They are the color of your eyes. Happy?"

A huge smile broke over my face. "Very. What's your middle name?"

"Marie. You?"

"Anthony."

"What CD is in your music player, right now?" She asked, continuing with our impromptu game of twenty questions.

I racked my brain, trying to remember what I had been listening to last. I had gone through many CDs the previous night after the nightmare had forced me out of sleep. I named the rock band that I had put on while getting dressed.

She smiled. "Phil gave me that CD for my birthday."

"When's your birthday?"

"September 13. When's yours?"

"June 20. What CD is in your player?" I fired back at her, enjoying getting to know her.

"Hm. Debussy, I think."

I stopped walking and stared at her.

"I know, I know. It's classical. But it reminds me of my mom. She always used to listen to Clair de Lune while she cleaned."

I forced myself to continue walking and not think about my own memories associated with the song. Now was not the time to get lost in the past. "What is your mom like?" I asked gently.

"She's a lot like me, only much prettier."

"I doubt that," I said honestly.

She smiled and rolled her eyes. "She's funny and erratic. She comes up with crazy schemes and hardly ever sees them through. She's my best friend."

"You miss her."

"Of course. But, this was for the best."

"When did you move here," I asked her.

"In eighth grade. Mom married Phil and I just thought it best that I give them some space."

My heart stopped as I remembered my own horrifying experience with a stepfather. "Why?" I managed to sound somewhat normal, but I dreaded her answer. The thought of her dealing with an abusive stepfather made my blood run cold.

She shrugged, unaware of my turmoil. "Phil's a minor league baseball player. He needed to travel a lot and I could tell that it was hard for my mom to stay with me."

I breathed out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "So, you like Phil?"

"I guess. He's a good guy, just a little young for my mom. But she's happy. They've been married for almost four years and still act like newlyweds. Who am I to say anything?"

_Thank God, _I thought. "How old are you, Bella?"

"Seventeen."

"You don't act seventeen."

"Neither do you." She looked up at me and smiled. Then she looked straight ahead and gasped.

I followed her gaze and understood the gasp. We were standing in the most beautiful meadow I had ever seen. It was almost a perfect circle, small and filled with wildflowers. Violet, yellow and soft white filled the meadow floor.

The sky opened over the meadow and the rays of sunlight hit the ground creating a magical aura to the place.

"Wow," Bella breathed.

"Yeah," I agreed, just as amazed as she was. "I think this would be a good place for our picnic.

"Agreed."

I set the backpack on the ground and she knelt to pull out what she had brought. First to appear was a large blue blanket. I took it from her and spread it out on the ground. I sat next to her and helped her pull out containers. She opened the containers and gave me a plate. Following her lead, I took a piece of sliced French bread and spread some mustard on it. Then I took some salami and cheese and laid it on the bread. I scooped some fruit salad on to my plate and sat back. "This looks wonderful," I said sincerely. She had obviously put a lot of time into this picnic.

"I'm glad you like it."

We ate, enjoying our surroundings and continued to ask questions back and forth. When we were done I helped her pack up the bag again.

"Edward," she asked as I zipped up the bag and set it aside.

"Yeah?" I sat back down next to her.

"What were your mom and dad like?"

I looked down as memories began to assault me. She shifted until she was sitting directly in front of me. She picked my hand up and held it tightly in her lap. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with the need to tell her. I wanted to tell her it all, every truth about me.

"My mom and dad met in high school," I started. "They met in their junior year and were pretty much inseparable after that. High school sweethearts, if you will." I smiled briefly. "When they graduated, they attended Northwestern University together. Dad majored in business, Mom in education. During their senior year, Dad took her into Chicago for a romantic weekend. They stayed at the Ritz and he got Cubs tickets." My eyes drifted shut as I retold the story they had told me so often as a little boy. God, they had been so in love. "It was at the game that he proposed. He had it flash up on the Jumbo-tron." _Lizzie, my love, you are my one true love. I promise to love you until the day I die. Will you marry me?_ "When she saw the message on the screen, my dad got on one knee, holding a timeless diamond ring. She said yes, of course.

They got married a year after they graduated. Dad had wanted to get a handle on his career before they said their vows. He worked at the bank and started moving up the ladder and Mom was able to stay at home. Two years later, she got pregnant."

"With you," Bella injected quietly. Her hand was tracing the lines in mine, but I hardly felt it.

"Yeah. With me. They were so excited." _The day I found out we were pregnant, I picked your mom up and spun her around. Along with the day she said yes, it was the best day of my life. _"We were the perfect family. They were so in love and it spread to me. I worshiped my father and thought my mother was the most beautiful, most caring woman in the world. It was perfect." I stared at our hands. As if sensing the story was about to take unhappy turn, she stopped tracing my hand, instead holding it tightly with both of hers. "I had just turned six and we were going to a Fourth of July picnic. I was excited because it was the first time I was going to see the fireworks. We were going to the river for a barbeque." _Don't forget your glove, son. We will play a game of catch before it gets dark. _ "On the way there, a car ran a red light and slammed into our car." My voice dropped to a whisper and the words burned my throat. "I don't remember much about the accident, except that when I opened my eyes I was outside of the car. My mom was sitting next to me. Dad was lying on the ground a few feet away. I crawled to him and he saw me." _I love you Edward. _"He died only seconds after he told me he loved me." My hand tightened on hers.

"My mom heard his last words. When he died, it was like something in her was broken. She didn't smile anymore. She hardly got out of bed. I used to go in her room and sit on her bed and hold her hand. She wouldn't talk to me. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to help her. My dad had told me to protect her and I knew I was failing."

"You were only six," she whispered.

"Time passed and eventually she got out of bed. We were living on my dad's life insurance policy and the money she got from the man that hit us. He was drunk." I continued. "She started going out, started caring about herself again. One day, about two years after my father died, she brought _him _home." _Edward, honey, I'm getting married. He'll be able to provide for us and take care of us._ "I told her that I could take care of us, I didn't want any one to take the place of Dad, but she said I was too little. We _needed_ him, she said. They got married when I was nine." I shook my head. "She didn't love him, not really. She was running out of money and scared, I guess. She must have been lonely as well. I don't know." I inhaled deeply, then exhaled.

"Edward," Bella tried to get my attention. She squeezed my hand. "You don't have to tell me this."

I lifted my eyes to her, looking at her for the first time since I had begun. "I know. I want you to understand. If you are going to get involved with me, you have to know the truth."

"Nothing you can say can change the way I feel about you."

"Don't say that Bella. Not yet. I'm a monster."

"I don't believe that."

"That's because you believe the charade," I whispered harshly. "Six months after they got married, he started hitting her. At first, it was just a slap if she said something he didn't like. But it got worse. I _hated _it. She may have changed since my dad died, but I loved her just as much as I always had. She was my mom, my dad's angel. No one should hurt her. I had to protect to her. When I was ten, I finally convinced him to beat me instead. From then on, I made sure he hit me instead of her. I ran home from school everyday to make sure that I was there when he got home from work. I wouldn't let him touch her." _Except once._ But that was all it took.

"Edward," she gasped. "No…you were just a little boy. How could she let that happen?" she demanded to know.

"When my dad died, his last words were to me, that he loved me. My mom was crawling over to him and she heard what he said. He didn't look at her, most likely because he was in so much pain he didn't see her or realize that she was so close. I'm sure that if he'd known, he would have turned to her. But she resented the fact that his last words were to me." I moved my shoulders uneasily. "I wish he had seen her."

Bella's mouth dropped open. She forced it closed, then opened it again. "That doesn't make sense," she finally got out.

"She was devastated when he died. Nothing she did from that moment on made any sense."

"But you were her child. A part of the man she loved." She shook her head.

"Bella, please don't blame her. When my dad died, the woman she was died as well. Please. I don't blame her, please don't."

"Okay. But you've had enough." She reached out, cradling my face in her hands. Her thumbs wiped at the tears that had started to work their way down my cheeks. "Enough for today." She crawled into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. I buried my face in her neck and let her rock me. I was grateful to stop, even though I wanted her to know all of the truth. I wasn't ready for her to meet the monster inside of me yet. So I held on and let myself be comforted by her warm embrace.

I pulled away and saw the tears on her cheeks. "Hey," I whispered, "What is this?"

"I don't like anything hurting you, Edward. You are too precious for that." She whispered.

I shook my head.

"Yes." She gripped my cheeks. "You, Edward Anthony Masen are."

"Bella," I whispered. The atmosphere around us changed. She reached down and took my hand. Without breaking eye contact, she lifted my hand to her cheek. I rubbed my thumb along her cheek. "Bella," I whispered again.

I could feel her warm breath against my lips. My eyes slid closed at the first touch. I heard her moan and her arms came to wrap around my neck and she pressed herself closer. The hand on her cheek moved to grip the back of her head, my fingers twisting in her soft hair and my other arm snaked around her waist. The kiss deepened as I moved my lips against hers. Sparks seemed to explode around us as the electricity between us ignited.

I tore my lips off hers, gasping for breath. She did the same as she buried her face in my neck. I pressed my lips into her hair.

"Oh my God," I heard her pant and I smiled.

"Yeah," I said, kissing her hair again. "I agree."

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**Don't forget to review! Thanks so much :o) I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**


	10. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or the characters. :o)**

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Chapter Nine

We stayed in the meadow for a long time, laying on our sides, next to each other. The sun continued to shine and we soaked it in. The warmth seemed to go all the way to my heart. I reached out and took Bella's hand, running my thumb along her palm. She smiled and curled her fingers around mine. She shifted closer to me, then rolled until she was laying on her stomach. As she rolled, she brought my hand up, not letting go. With her free hand, she brushed my unruly hair out of my face. I closed my eyes as her fingers traced along my cheek bones and under my eyes. Along my nose and then, gently, her fingertips ran along my lips. I sighed softly. "That feels so good," I whispered. Then her fingers were replaced with her lips, gently running along my own.

"Edward," she breathed, her lips still against mine. "You are so beautiful, so special."

Before I could argue, her lips pressed harder and I lost my self in the heat of her mouth. I broke away and with my free hand, pulled her head down so I could bury my face her in hair. The scent of strawberries and freesia poured over me as I breathed deep. I ran my fingers through her hair, marveling at the silky strands. Then I ran my finger along her jaw and brought her face up so I could look into her eyes. "You are the amazing one, Bella," I said quietly, holding her chin. "You make feel alive in a way I haven't felt in years." She ducked her head and kissed my neck. "You are gentle, and kind and caring." I pulled her face back up. "I have never met anyone like you before."

I lifted my head and kissed her again.

Just then, the clouds opened and a soaking rain fell. We looked at each other and began laughing. I grabbed her hands and pulled her to her feet. "Come on," I said, laughter still in my voice. I was drenched, rain streaming down my face already. "I have to get you out of here."

I picked up the backpack, took her hand, and we hurried back through the forest. The rain was less drenching here, but drops still found their way through the leaves. "That was insane!" Bella laughed. "It was sunny!"

I smiled. "I think we were a bit distracted. Didn't notice the clouds coming in."

"Hm, I wonder what was so distracting." She yanked on my hand and caught my face as I fell towards her. Immediately her lips were on mine, gently attacking.

"I have no idea," I gasped as we pulled away. We continued walking and made it back to the car much faster than it had taken us to walk in. We darted through the pouring rain and I opened the door for her and then ran around to the driver's side.

As I pulled up to her house, Bella turned to look at me. "I had a marvelous time today, Edward. Thank you."

"As did I," I said back.

She leaned over and kissed me quickly. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

I picked up her hand and brought it to my lips. Very gently I kissed the top. "Of course."

A smile burst across her face, brighter than any of the sunshine we had seen that day. "I can't wait."

The smile didn't leave my face as I watched her get out of the car, race through the rain and open her front door. As she entered, she turned back to wave at me. Before she turned away, she blew me a kiss.

Driving home, I felt as if I was flying. This kind of happiness was foreign to me and I hardly knew how to contain myself. For years, I had lived in fear. Fear that I would upset _him _and he would beat me for my crimes. Fear that I would arrive home too late. Fear that I wouldn't be able to protect my mom. Fear of failing my father. Those fears had come true. The first came true more times than I could possibly count. The last fears came true only once, but it was enough. But right now, I knew no fear. Bella had taken the fear and replaced it with peace. Right now, I was fearless.

I pulled into the Cullen garage and parked. I exited the vehicle, then walked in a circle around it, ensuring that I had done no damage. Satisfied that the Mercedes was in the same shape as prior to my ride, I walked inside the house.

"Hey Edward!" The whole family was sitting around the kitchen table. I saw a board game spread out in front of them. "You are home!" Alice sounded extremely excited. Even more so then usual.

"Hi," I smiled at the family.

Carlisle and Esme stood up. Carlisle walked toward me, a grin on his face. "We have a surprise for you that I think you will like."

Uh oh. Immediately his mumbled words as I left this morning came back to me. I looked down and saw the car keys in his hand. Oh dear Lord. Carlisle held his hand out, the keys dangling from his hand. "You need a car," he said simply. "No seventeen year old boy should be without one."

"I—Thank you," I said. Please let it be a used car, please let it be a used car, I chanted in my brain.

"Come on bro!" Emmett stood up and herded me outside. "Take a look!"

"I helped pick it out," Alice said bouncing up and down next to me. "I decided you would want something simple, but fast."

The shiny silver Volvo S60R stood in front of the house. It was beautiful, sleek and expensive. Emmett ran to the car and threw open the front seat. "Look at this, Edward."

Overwhelmed, I walked up to him and looked into the car. New car smell bombarded my nose. So much for a cheap used car. "Get in," Emmett commanded. I obeyed, because I didn't know what else to do. I slid onto the black leather of the interior and looked around. The first thing I saw was the navigation system sitting in the dash. I stared at it. I heard a jingling near my ear and saw Emmett shaking the keys near my head. "Let's go for a ride!"

He dropped the keys in my lap and ran around to the passenger side.

"Me too!" Alice squealed as she jumped into the backseat.

I slid the key into the ignition and turned the key. The car purred to life underneath me.

"Oh yeah," Emmett said.

I smiled weakly and pressed the gas. The car responded to the lightest touch and we raced away from the curb. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw Carlisle and Esme standing next to the curb, both waving with huge smiles on their face.

The car was quick and seemed to respond to my thoughts as I guided it through the turns that lead away from the Cullen mansion. Around me I could hear Alice and Emmett's excited chatter. I tried desperately to remember my lighthearted feeling as I had driven away from Bella. Now, I felt like I was choking with panic. I held my self stiff, forcing myself to smile and laugh with Emmett and Alice. But inside, all I wanted was to stop the car, lean my head against the leather steering wheel and catch my breath.

"What do you think, Edward?" Alice was bouncing up and down in her seat. "Isn't it perfect?"

"Yeah," I said thickly. "It's great. You did a great job picking it out. Perfect."

She beamed at me when I caught her eye in the rearview mirror. "I knew it!"

Hoping that I had indulged them enough, I turned to head back to the mansion. I put on what I hoped was an enthusiastic mood as I faced Carlisle and Esme. I spent a few minutes gushing over the speed and handling. I listened intently as Carlisle explained the safety features of the car. I nodded as he told me to take care of it and that as long as I maintained a 3.5 grade point average, the car was mine, no questions asked. And then, judging the initial excitement was dying down and as politely as I could, I excused myself, stating I had a lot of homework.

I walked slowly up the stairs, the smile plastered to my face. I waved to them as I turned the corner, saying thank you again. I opened my door and stepped into my room. My gaze lingered on the king size bed, on the down comforter, on the hi tech stereo system. And then I walked to the far corner of the room and slid down the wall. I tucked my knees into my chest and curled up as tight as I could. My body began to shake as I released the torment I had been holding in. I thought about my old car, still a Volvo, but I remembered using the crank to roll the windows up and down. The one of the passenger side had fallen off within the first week of owning the car. I remembered the twin mattress and box spring I had slept on and the comforter that was so old it was threadbare in some places. I had received both the bed and comforter for my 5th birthday. My heart ached as I thought of my old life and all that had changed. I had escaped from my life of pain and despair. All I had to do was kill my mother.

I gripped my knees tighter as the intense pain washed over me in waves. I felt like it was going to rip me in half. Broken sobs exploded from me, even as I fought to keep them down.

"Edward?" Esme. No no no. "Honey, are you okay?" Her hand lightly touched mine. No no no.

"I'm okay," I whispered. I knew I was far from convincing. I lifted my head, wishing I could control the tears streaking down my face. She was kneeling in front of me, sympathy in her eyes. I pleaded with my eyes, telling her to just turn and leave before I could suck her into my desperate world.

"What's wrong?" she asked gently, her hand still resting on mine.

"Nothing, really," I managed. "I just feel a little overwhelmed by all of your kindness." I tried to smile through my tears. It was the truth, just played down a little bit.

"Oh honey," she smiled at me. "You don't need to feel overwhelmed. All this," she waved her hand to encompass the mansion, "Is nothing to Carlisle. I promise you."

I nodded. "I really appreciate all that you've done." I did, I truly did. "You and Carlisle, you rescued me and I never thought--," I stopped.

"What?" she asked softly, squeezing my hand.

I moved my shoulders. "I never thought I could have all this."

"We are very glad you are here."

"Me too." I smiled at her, wishing I could jump into her arms and let her release the kindness that was in her heart.

"Would you like to come downstairs for dinner?"

I shook my head. "I really do have homework."

"Okay, if you are sure."

I nodded. I watched her get up and walk out of my room. I didn't move, except to rest my cheek on my knees. I stayed that way for a long time, staring off into the black nothing outside the windows. Eventually, I stood and went to my backpack. I took out my Calculus book and opened to the appropriate page. Falling back on an old habit, I buried myself in the complex puzzle that was math. When I finally came out of it, the sun was rising outside my window. I sighed and closed the book. It was time for another day.

At Alice and Emmett's insistence, I drove the Volvo to school the next day. When I pulled into the school parking lot, I saw Bella standing next to her red truck. We got out of the car. "Excuse me," I muttered to the other two and then I made a bee line for Bella.

"Hey," I said softly as I cradled her face in my hands.

"Hey yourself," she whispered. I leaned in and very gently ran my lips across hers. I breathed in, taking her unique scent to the very bottom of my lungs. I wrapped my arms around her waist and felt hers go around my neck. "Hey," she said again. "Are you okay?" Her voice had fallen to a whisper and felt her hands running all my hair and back.

I leaned my face into the top of her head, kissing her soft hair. I didn't know how to answer her question. I was on a roller coaster of emotions and not sure how to get off. I only knew that when I was with her, the track evened out a little bit. "I don't know," I sighed. It felt good just to give an honest answer, if nothing else.

She pulled back a little, put her tiny hands on my face. "You look tired." Her fingers gently rubbed under my eyes.

"Yeah." I reached up and ran a hand through my hair. "Didn't sleep so good last night." Or at all really.

"Why?"

I moved my shoulders, tension building in me again. "I guess talking about all that stuff yesterday brought up some memories."

Her face softened. "Oh Edward," she murmured. She pulled me back against her, once again running her hand over my back.

"And the Cullens bought me a car," I said against her hair.

I felt her shoulders shake with laughter. "I saw. I can understand how that would be distressing."

Unbelievably, I smiled. For real this time, not a fake smile. "You have no idea."

"I knew it!" The squeal came from behind us and Bella jumped out of my arms. I watched as my favorite color flooded her face. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" Alice flew into my line of sight, dragging Jasper with her. "I told you Bella. I told you that you would like him!"

"Alice!" Bella hissed. "Really, can you at least try to keep your thoughts to yourself?"

Jasper laughed at that. "No," he snorted out. "Never going to happen."

"Hey!" Alice jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow. "Be nice."

Jasper wrapped an arm around Alice's shoulders and leaned down until he could whisper something in Alice's ear. She smiled at whatever he said and by the way she looked into his eyes I knew he had been forgiven. I glanced down at Bella and found her looking at me. I took her hand and led her to the school. The bell signaling first period rang. I heard Jasper and Alice follow behind us.

"Really though," Alice continued. "I had a feeling about you two. There's something there."

"Come on," Jasper pulled her in the direction of their first period. "I think you've said enough."

Her bottom lip stuck out, but she followed Jasper away from us.

"Sorry about that," Bella muttered.

"No problem. I think she was right though."

Bella looked up at me. "What do you mean?"

I touched her cheek with my other hand and felt the electricity shoot up my fingertips. "Feel that?"

Bella nodded and smiled. "Yeah." She glanced around, realizing we were standing in front of her first period door. "So I guess this is good bye."

I chuckled. "Just for a bit." I reached up and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Have a good day."

"You too."

I nodded, then turned to make my way to Calculus. But she didn't let go of my hand. I turned back to her. "I mean it Edward." She looked at me intently. "You are worth it."

I nodded again, gave her hand one last squeeze and turned away. She knew. Somehow, she had seen through everything and knew exactly what had kept me up all night. Unfortunately, she just didn't know all the facts.

My day continued slowly and I looked forward until the time I would get to see Bella again. It was crazy how much I missed her, considering only a week ago she hadn't even been in my life. Now I couldn't imagine it without her.

"So, I saw you making out with Swan in the parking lot."

I looked up at the crude statement. Mike Newton stood over me, smirking while I laced up my shoes. I chose not to acknowledge his comments. I finished, and stood. I walked out of the locker room and made my way out to the track.

"Hey Masen, I'm talking to you!" He jogged up and walked next to me. "How'd you do it? Bella's been the most off limits girl since eighth grade."

"Not really any of your business," I said through my teeth.

He laughed. "Hey man, I'm giving you props here. Trust me, there are many guys at this school that have been trying to get her since she was the new girl in town. So far, no one's succeeded."

My hands fisted, but I remained silent.

"Eric, Tyler, myself included all tried--,"

"Shut up," I growled. "Just shut up." I stopped walking and glared at him. How dare he speak of Bella with such disrespect?

Mike held his hands out. "No worries bro, just saying, like I said."

"Don't 'just say' anymore."

I could feel his eyes on me as I walked away.

Coach Clapp was calling everyone to attention. "Okay men and women, today we are going to run sprints to finish up our track and field unit."

_Perfect_, I thought. Newton deserved a good ass kicking right now. I took my place at the line and glanced at the blonde haired boy. His eyes narrowed and I knew it was game on. The whistle blew and I took off. I pumped my arms and legs as fast as they could go. I imagined Bella on the other end and ran as fast as I could. I reached the finish line in record time. I turned and saw Mike Newton still steps away from the finish. Coach Clapp stood stock still, the whistle hanging from his mouth. The rest of my classmates were also staring.

"You bastard."

I turned and saw Mike racing towards me, his fist raised. The fist connected with my jaw before anyone could react. But within seconds, Mike's friend Tyler and another boy had grabbed Mike, pulling him away from me. Coach Clapp was ordering them to take Mike to the principal's office and yelling at a few girls to go get some ice.

Twenty minutes later, I walked into the cafeteria. The ice had kept my jaw from swelling too much. In fact, the only proof of what Mike's fist was a small red mark on my jaw bone. "Edward!" Emmett boomed.

I turned towards his voice and walked over to the table that held Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Bella.

"Look who finally made it to the cafeteria," Alice said smiling.

"Yeah," I kissed the top of Bella's head and sat down.

Her eyes narrowed at my jaw. "What happened?"

I rolled my eyes. Only she would notice the tiny mark. "Nothing. Newton said some choice words, I beat him at sprints. He didn't like that so much."

"He hit you?" Bella gasped.

"Trust me Bella, not a big deal." I had known so much worse.

"That, that monster!" she snarled.

I was shocked at the venom in her voice. "It's okay," I repeated. "He's in the principal's office. I'm sure he will pay for what he did."

Gently, she touched my tender jaw. "No one hurts you and gets away with it," she whispered fiercely. "No one." She leaned over and kissed my jaw. "By the way, what were his choice words about?"

I hesitated. Then I answered honestly. "He realizes how lucky I am to have you."

I watched the gears in her head whirl as she deciphered what I had said. Then she rolled his eyes. "Still hasn't gotten over eighth grade, huh."

"Loser," Emmett interjected. "Like he ever stood a chance."

Bella nodded as she looked at me. "Nope, never once. I knew what I was waiting for."

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**A/N I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and that it all worked. Don't forget: reviews are fantastic!**


	11. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Twilight and all it's wonderful characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

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Chapter 10

When lunch was over, we said goodbye to the others and headed to Biology. I held her hand as we walked and tried to ignore the stares. She squeezed my hand tighter as if she sensed my tension. We arrived at the biology room and took our seats. A cheer went up throughout the room as Mr. Banner walked in, dragging an ancient TV with him. Today was a movie day.

As soon as the lights went out, I became hyper aware of Bella sitting next to me. My fingers tingled and the hairs on my arm stood on edge. I opened and closed my fist a few times, and then gave up. My hand shot out and took a hold of hers. I pulled her hand underneath the table and rested our intertwined fingers on my thigh. She turned to glance at me as the movie started, lighting up the room slightly. I could see the relief in her eyes and knew she had felt the same awareness in the dark.

As the movie started, Bella began to run her thumb across my knuckles and as it progressed, she became braver. Gently, slowly she pulled her hand out of mine and began softly tracing the lines in my palm. I bit down on my lip to keep my gasp of pleasure from escaping. My heart pounded as her gentle fingers moved back and forth along my palm. Over and over, she traced the inside of my hand, moving from my fingers to my wrist. I splayed my hand wider, giving her more access.

Somewhere in the background the movie played, but I couldn't tell anyone what it was about. All of my attention was focused on my hand and stirrings in my own body. My other hand fisted as I resisted the urge to grab Bella and kiss her with all the passion that was starting to build.

And then the movie was over. The lights came on and Bella withdrew her hand. I looked at her face and saw a smile teasing her lips. She looked up at me, the beautiful blush in full bloom. Silently, we gathered our books and then I held her hand again as I walked her to gym. When we arrived at the door, she turned to face me. I brought our linked hands up to her cheek and tenderly ran my knuckle along her cheek, running a line from her hairline to her jaw. Then I leaned in to kiss her lips.

"Edward," she whispered against my lips. I deepened the kiss and then pulled away.

"I'll see you after gym," I said quietly.

"Sounds good," she said. I smiled at the regret in her voice. I kissed her again, then turned away to get to Spanish on time.

Spanish dragged on and I spent most of the time watching the clock. I couldn't wait to see her again, hold her hand again, kiss her again. Finally, the bell rang, ending the class period and the day. I grabbed my books and headed back to the gym doors. I saw Emmett grinning at me as I rushed out the door.

I was leaning against the wall when she walked out. I watched her smile grow as she saw me waiting for her.

"Hey," I said as she reached me.

Without a word, she grabbed the back of my neck and pulled my lips down for a kiss. "Hey," she said when it was done.

"How was gym?" I held her hand again as we made our way to the parking lot.

"It was gym," she said with distaste.

I laughed. "That bad huh?"

"Yeah, I don't get how you like gym so much. Today we ran sprints. Not a good thing."

I watched the blush creep up her cheeks and my curiosity got the better of me. "What happened?"

"Nothing," she muttered.

I waited patiently.

"I ran. I tripped. I ran some more. I tripped some more. Pretty standard day all in all." She glanced up at me and I could see the humor lurking in her eyes.

I smiled gently, "Did you hurt yourself?"

"No, I'm pretty good at tripping without injury, I've had enough practice at it."

I laughed softly.

"Hey Bella, Edward!" Alice came skipping up to us. "I don't have play practice today, so we want to head out and get some ice cream." She waved her hand in the direction of my car and I saw Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie standing near it. "Want to come?"

Bella glanced at me and I nodded. "Sure. Sounds good. We can celebrate the survival of Monday."

Alice laughed. "Exactly, come on!" She linked elbows with Bella's free arm and steered her to my car. "We can come back for your truck."

All six of us piled into my car, Rosalie on Emmett's lap in the front. "Hopefully we won't pass any cops on the way," I commented as I started the engine.

"Bella's with us. I'm sure she can sweet talk any of them, after all she is the Chief's daughter," Alice said cheerfully.

I caught Bella's eye in the rear view mirror and she smiled at me. Just then, Emmett found a song on the radio that he liked and music blared out of the speakers. Alice, Rosalie and Bella sang along while Emmett and Jasper moved their heads in time with the music.

Emmett continued to show off his djing skills until we pulled up to the ice cream parlor. We walked in and I was instantly met with the sugary sweet smell of ice cream. "What do you usually get," I asked Bella. I hoped my lack of ice cream knowledge would stay hidden. The last time I had gotten ice cream, I was five years old.

"Hmm," Bella scanned the tubs of ice cream. "I think today I will get chocolate chip. What about you?"

"That sounds good to me too."

After we all got out ice cream, we went outside to sit. It was a rare sunny day in Forks and we took advantage of it. I sat down next to Bella to eat my treat. As I listened to the group around me, I tried to push the guilt away, tried not to compare my old life with my new life. I especially tried to not to think about what exactly had caused the change. But it was hard. I didn't deserve this and it was getting harder and harder to push away.

And then a small hand appeared on my thigh, rubbing small circles. I glanced over and met her chocolate eyes. I could see the concern in their depths and I some how managed a small smile and tried to tune into the conversation that was going on around me.

"So what do you guys think? Sound good?" Alice was leading the conversation, of course.

"I have dance team practice Fridays," Rosalie said.

Alice shrugged. "I have play practice. You guys can plan to come over at 6:30pm. Does that sound good?"

I had missed something. "Sleep over," Bella whispered to me. "Friday night." I nodded.

"Sounds good," Rosalie said and the guys nodded their agreement. "What do you guys want to eat?"

"Pizza," Emmett and Jasper replied.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Of course. I will make a salad as well."

Now it was the boys' turn to roll their eyes.

"I'll bake something," Bella added.

Now Emmett and Jasper looked at each other. "Yes!" Jasper pumped his fist in the air. He looked at me. "You just wait Edward. That girl can _bake._**"**

Didn't surprise me. I bet there wasn't much that Bella couldn't do.

When our bowls had been scraped clean, and plans for the sleep over finalized we all piled back into my Volvo. I drove back to the school and we dropped off Bella, Jasper and Rosalie.

After I said good bye to Bella and drove away from the school, I tried really hard not to think about how much I missed her. Just her presence gave me so much comfort and it was like she understood things about me that I hardly realized myself. She knew when I was hurting and needed extra comfort. My hands tightened on the steering wheel as I thought of how selfish I was being, taking advantage of her kindness.

"You like her a lot, don't you?" Alice asked from the back seat.

"Yeah," I said quietly.

"She likes you too, you know."

"Yeah."

"You guys were meant to be with each other," she continued with conviction. "Don't ever doubt that."

I was starting to think that everyone could read my mind. Was I that obvious? I pulled up to the Cullen mansion and got out of the car without saying anything. What was I supposed to say?

When we walked into the house, we were met by a very excited Esme. "Hello my dears!" she nearly sang. She embraced Alice and Emmett. When she came to me, she hesitated, so I stepped forward and allowed her to fold me into a hug. I awkwardly wrapped my own arms around her slight frame and then stepped back. Her smile grew wider, if that was even possible. "I have news!"

"What is it, Mom?" Alice asked. She seemed to be bubbling with enthusiasm as well.

"Come, come!" She led us into the family room and to the table stood against the back of the cream couch. "Look!" she pointed at a vase that sat on the table. "Isn't it stunning?"

"Mom, is that the vase you've been looking for?" Emmett asked.

She nodded, her eyes sparkling with excitement. She caressed the gold handles of the vase. "French porcelain," she murmured. "From the 19th century. Gold inlay," she smiled and looked back at us. "Look at the detail."

Alice and Emmett ohed and awed over the vase, remarking on the delicate flowers and the intricate details of the handles.

"It's very pretty," I said, feeling very out of my element.

Esme smiled at me. "I collect antiques," she explained. "I've been searching this particular vase for a while."

"Where'd you finally find it?" Alice asked.

"At the auction I went to today in Olympia. I got it for only $4,500!"

I gasped and took a small step back. Four thousand five hundred dollars for a vase? I stepped back again, scared that my very presence could cause the thing to shatter.

Emmett laughed when he saw my reaction. "Don't worry, Edward, that really is very cheap. Mom has spent ten times as much for items."

Esme smiled. "This is more priceless though," she said, still gazing at her vase. "It's something I've wanted for so long." Then she snapped out of her reverie. "But anyway. I'm sure you all have homework." She ushered us out of the room and up the stairs. I went to my own room and settled in to complete my homework.

Later that night, I lay in bed thinking of Bella. I was hoping that if I could keep her face in the front of my mind, my nightmares would stay away. I was exhausted and didn't need the constant reminder of the monster inside of me. Unfortunately the plan did not work.

"_Hey, Edward. Do me a favor?" _

_I looked up from my Algebra homework. "Yeah, Mom?"_

"_Bring me a glass of wine."_

_I sighed and walked to the cabinet that held the alcohol. I stopped on the way to stir the meat that I was browning for dinner. I picked up the wine and poured a glass. My mom had started drinking about a year ago. I knew it helped her escape the realities of life and I couldn't deny her that. But I didn't like it. _

"_Here, Mom." _

_She barely took her eyes off the TV as she took the glass out of my hands. "Thanks sweetie," she muttered._

"_Yeah," I said softly. I went back to the kitchen, gave the meat another stir and then bent back over my Algebra book again. I tried to block out the sounds of Oprah as I worked on my math. I broke concentration every few minutes to stir the meat. Once it was browned, I sprinkled some garlic in, then poured a jar of spaghetti sauce over the meat. I gave it a stir and set it on simmer. It was 4:30 and _he_ would be home in a half hour. Dinner had to be on the table. I filled a large pot with water and set it to boil._

"_Edward!" Mom called from the family room. _

_I went to her and took the empty glass she held out to me. "Are you sure you want more?" _

_Her sad eyes looked at me. _

_I nodded and turned back to the kitchen where I refilled her glass. "I'm sorry, Dad," I whispered to myself. Seven years ago I had promised to protect her. I was failing miserably._

_I went back to my mom and handed her the wine. This time, she didn't say anything to me. Once again, I went back to the kitchen to work on my math homework. I had finished two problems when I heard the water begin to boil. I grabbed the noodles and dumped them into the pot, stirring quickly. I set the timer for ten minutes. I picked up my pencil._

"_Edward?"_

_I put my pencil down and went to get her more wine. I didn't say anything now. Her eyes were already glassy when I handed her the full glass._

_I managed to get three problems done before the timer went off. The noodles were done and I poured them into the strainer. I took two plates, forks and napkins to the table. At five o'clock I heard the sound of the garage opening. I took a deep breathe and glanced at my mom. She sat on the couch, still absorbed in the TV._

"_Edward! Beer. Now."_

_I jumped slightly as _he_ walked in, demanding alcohol. He had had a bad day. Great. I raced to the kitchen, grabbed a Coors Light from refrigerator and ran out to hand it to him. "What the hell took so long?" he growled at me. With no further warning, he backhanded me across the face._

"_Sorry," I whispered, then turned back to the kitchen to finish dinner. Hurrying now, I grabbed the salad I had made and pulled the bread out of the oven. I took both to the table. "Dinner's ready," I said as I walked back to the kitchen to grab the pasta so I could serve it once they sat down. _

_Before I could get back to the kitchen, Mom stood up and I watched her teeter on her feet. She managed a few steps before she stumbled and ran into the bookcase along the wall. Horrified, I watched her hand swipe at _his_ prized statue of Buddha. It hit the tiled floor and shattered, sending pieces flying. "No," I gasped and my shoulders slumped._

He_ spun around at the sound of shattering glass. "What the --," he shouted. "My Buddha!"_

_I ran to my mother before he got there and moved her out of the way of his flying fist. I took the first blow to the top of my head. "Mom," I shook her to get her attention. "Mom go to your room, please."_

He_ hit me again, catching my lower back this time. I stumbled, but didn't fall. "Mom, please," I begged. "Please get out of here."_

_Another blow fell and _he _tried to shove me out of the way. She looked at me one more time, and then raced out of the room, stumbling along the way. I breathed in relief when she disappeared down the hallway._

"_God damn it!" _He _grunted, hitting me again. "Why do you always get in the damn way!" Blows began to fly._

"_You won't hurt her," I managed to get out. He grabbed the front of my shirt, then shoved me away. I fell back and hit my head on the corner of the coffee table. Stars danced in front of my eyes. Dazed, I watched him walk towards me, yanking his belt off as he neared. His eyes narrowed as he bent down to grab my shirt. He pulled my shoulders off the ground, then delivered another punishing blow to my stomach. I grunted as the air was forced out of my lungs and tried to pull my knees up. He roughly flipped me over, then tore my shirt from my back. Within seconds, the belt began to bite into the tender flesh of my back. I curled into a ball, but didn't fight. I knew fighting would just make it worse._

My eyes popped open and I stared into the black room. My breathes were coming out in gasps and when I ran my hand over my face, I found it soaked with sweat and tears. I sat up, shaken by the nightmare. I rested my cheek on my up drawn knees, closed my eyes and watched the rest of that night play behind my eyelids. After he had finished beating me, I had served his dinner. The noodles and bread had been cold by that time and he had punched me in the stomach for that infraction. My mom had come and they had eaten dinner. While they ate, I finished my math homework. If I remembered correctly, he had found three more reasons that night to beat me. It had been one of the more painful nights of my life.

I opened my eyes and uncurled my body. Stiffly, I went to the bathroom and threw some cold water on my face. I took a deep breathe and wondered if I would ever sleep again.

The next day I arrived at school, feeling like I was moving though a hazy fog. I was tired, I knew I needed to sleep, but I didn't know how to fight the nightmares. They haunted me, painful reminders of what I had left behind.

"Edward." Bella was there. I pulled her to me, again breathing in her intoxicating scent of strawberries and freesia. I rested my cheek on the top of her head and closed my eyes. I felt her hands rubbing circles into my back. She pulled away and took my face in her hands. "Did you sleep at all?"

"A little," I said, too tired to try and lie. "Not enough."

"Yeah." Her fingers rubbed the purple smudges under eye, as if her touch could make them go away. "I can see." Her voice was gentle, concerned.

"I'm okay, though." I smiled at her, then leaned in for a kiss. This kiss was slow, tender and heartwrenchingly sweet.

Our day continued as almost a mirror to the previous day. The only change coming in Biology. Since we hadn't finished the movie, Mr. Banner wheeled in the TV again. This time, I took Bella's hand on my leg and began lightly running my finger over her palm. I watched her face carefully, enjoying the way her lips parted in surprise. Then her teeth gently bit down on her soft lips and her eyes dilated. I traced the yielding flesh of her palm throughout the whole movie, enjoying the feel of her soft skin beneath mine immensely.

When Biology was over, I walked her to gym again, still holding her hand. And like the day before, I brought our linked hands to her face and ran my knuckle along her jaw line. She reached up on her tiptoes and kissed me. "See you after gym."

I smiled at her. "I look forward to it."

After school, I was disappointed to learn that Alice had play practice and Rosalie had dance team. The group dispersed and I had to say goodbye to Bella early. Once again, as I left the comfort of her presence, I had to fight off the feelings of sadness. I was becoming a little bit pathetic with my dependency with her.

When we arrived home, Emmett and I went into the family room. He went straight to the remote and turned on the TV.

"Yes!" he shouted after a minute.

"What?" I asked.

"Mariners game is on right now."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Come on Em," I said. "The Mariners are just about as bad as the Cubs."

"Hey now! You live in Washington now. You are a Mariner's fan by default." He pushed my shoulder playfully.

I fell against the armrest and smiled. "Can't be much worse than being a Cubs fan."

Emmett snorted. "Bro, I hate to tell you but _nothing_ is worse than being a Cubs fan. They have the worst luck in the world."

"True." I smiled thinking of all the missed chances the Cubs had over the years. Emmett and I settled in to watch the Mariners play baseball. Emmett was fun to watch a game with, he was very vocal, letting the TV know exactly what he liked and what he didn't. I smiled as I watched him cheer as Adrian Beltre smacked a homerun, giving the Mariners the lead. Emmett reached over, his hand in the air and I returned the high five. "There you go bro. You just needed to root for a real team," he said, pumping his fist in excitement.

When Carlisle got home, the game was still on and he joined us in the family room. He was about as passionate for the team as Emmett and he was nearly as loud. I found myself commenting to the TV along with them, maybe without as much enthusiasm, but with plenty of knowledge. Another homerun flew out of the park and Emmett and Carlisle celebrated. I smiled as I slapped them each five. Emmett and Carlisle. Father and son. It made me long for something I had no right to think about.

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**A/N: Don't forget to review! It completely makes my day!**


	12. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Twilight and characters still don't belong to me.**

**Hey guys, I am so sorry that it took me so long to post this. Report cards are due tomorrow morning, so I spent all last week working on those when I normally would be writing. Then my "other" little brother came to town for the weekend and we were out. But I hope you all enjoy this chapter :o)**

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Chapter 11

"I can't believe the M's blew a three run lead," Emmett grumbled as he watched the opposing team high five each other after the game ended. "Figures."

"Come on now, son. Be positive." Carlisle clasped a hand on Emmett's shoulder. Emmett raised an eyebrow at his father, clearly asking what he could possibly be positive about. "It was an exciting game, the end just wasn't so good." Carlisle smiled.

Emmett laughed, "Okay, fine."

"Hey boys," Esme appeared in the room. "Dinner's ready."

"Food!" Emmett cheered and he jumped out off his seat and raced towards the kitchen. "Tacos! Yes Mom, you rock!"

I rose more slowly, swaying slightly on my feet. I moved sluggishly around the couch trying to shake the fatigue. I stumbled and held my hand out for something to grab onto. I watched, in slow motion as my hand reached for the table against the back of the couch. I watched as it slowly moved through the air. I watched, in horror, as my hand swiped against Esme's precious vase. The shattering of glass blasted through the house like a gun shot. Panic welled within me and I fell to my knees, desperate to make it right. I grabbed the shards of vase, my hands shaking violently. Somewhere in the background, I heard a strange sound, almost like someone being choked.

And then I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I dropped the broken pieces of porcelain and threw my hands over my head, protecting myself from the blows that were coming. The sounds of someone being choked grew louder. I pulled my knees up, protecting my stomach and waited. Why wouldn't he just hit me already? The waiting was the worst part. My hands fisted in my hair as I tensed, ready for the pounding, biting pain as his fists or belt found me.

"Edward." I was shaking uncontrollably when I became aware of my name being repeated over and over again. I realized then that choking sound was me, gasping for air. The shaking was coming from the hands gripping my shoulders. "Edward, look at me."

I opened my eyes and saw Carlisle kneeling in front of me, Esme kneeling behind him. In a rush, I remembered where I was. Not in Chicago. In Forks. With the Cullens. _He_ wasn't here. _He _wasn't going to beat me to a bloody mess.

But before I could relax, a new horror was upon me. Esme's vase. Her precious, expensive vase that she had wanted for so long was broken. I had broken it. The choking sounds rose again and I back away from them, ignoring the shards as I scooted away. "I'm sorry," I gasped. "Oh God I'm so sorry." It wasn't good enough. It didn't matter how sorry I was, it wouldn't put the vase back together again.

"Edward." Carlisle was slowing moving towards me. "It doesn't matter, please, it's okay."

My back hit the wall and I had no where to go. No where to escape. "I'm sorry," I pleaded again. "I tripped and I tried to catch myself and I wanted to grab the edge of the table, but the vase was there and my hand hit it and I know it was priceless, but I'm clumsy and stupid but I promise you I didn't mean to and I'll pay you back, somehow, I promise." I stopped to catch my breath, and then looked at these two people that had completely changed my life. My chest hitched as I waited for my punishment.

"Edward." Esme was in front of me now, Carlisle a bit to the right. "Honey, I know you didn't mean to break the vase. It was an accident, accidents happen. If I was that paranoid about something getting broken, I would lock them up in glass cabinets. Yes, I liked that vase." I flinched and took a breath, ready to start apologizing again. But she continued before I could start. "But I'll find another that I like just as much, if not more." She reached out to touch my cheek. I felt myself flinch away from her hand, but she kept coming. "I will never hurt you," she whispered fiercely when her hand rested gently on my cheek. "Never."

"Neither will I," Carlisle spoke now, his voice just as fierce. "No one will, ever again."

For a minute, I just sat staring at them. My chest heaved as I fought to breathe. Emotions tumbled through me, confusing me.

Carlisle moved closer to me, reaching for my hand. "May I look at your hand?" he asked softly.

Confused, I nodded and then watched his hands gently take one of mine. I was shocked to see the blood flowing and as he turned it over, I saw the huge gash in my palm. Awareness swept through me as my hand began to burn. "We'll go to my office," Carlisle decided. "Alice! Bring me a towel, please."

Alice entered the room and handed a towel to him. I saw the pity in her eyes when she looked at me. I looked away, hating it.

I followed Carlisle and Esme upstairs and into his office. There, he pulled out his black bag and began pulling out the needed supplies. When he took out the needle, I gulped. I sat down and he began to clean the gash in my hand. Esme sat next to me and held my other hand.

"I want you to talk to us," Esme said gently.

I looked down. Of course they needed me to talk. At that moment they regretted bringing me into their house. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know that. "What do you want to know?"

"We only know a little about what happened to you, before you ended up in the hospital," Carlisle explained as he worked on my hand. "We know that you were beat before and that's why you were in the hospital. But from what I saw today, I'm guessing that it was not an isolated occurrence."

"No," I whispered. "It happened a lot. Didn't really matter if I did something or not. Or if he was drunk or not. Seems he always had a reason to beat on me." I stared at my knee while I spoke. Now maybe they would understand that there was a monster inside of me.

"Who?" Esme asked gently. "We know your mother's husband killed her. Did your father do this to you?"

"No." I tried not to be offended that they would suspect my father. "My father was a wonderful man. But, he died when I was six." I felt my hand go numb and wished my brain could do the same. "Mom remarried when I was nine. He's the one that hit me."

"And this man, your stepfather, abused you often." Carlisle reiterated.

I nodded.

"Where was your mother?"

"In her room," I whispered. I heard Esme's gasp. I looked at her. "It wasn't her fault. She changed when my dad died. She…she stopped caring as much. I promised my dad right before he died that I would protect my mom. I tried. I tried so hard." I looked into Esme's blue eyes, begging her to believe me.

"I have no doubt," she answered my plea.

"There," Carlisle said. "All done."

I looked at my hand and saw the gash had been neatly sewn up. Carlisle reached for a bandage and began wrapping it around my hand.

"I don't deserve this," I said, the words flying from my mouth before I realized what I meant to say.

"Of course you do," Esme reassured me.

"No." I shook my head. "I don't. I really don't. You are wonderful people. You have an amazing family. But I don't deserve this." My voice was defeated. "You need to send me back to Chicago."

"Edward," Carlisle huffed. "We've already discussed this. We aren't sending you back, no matter what you do."

"And definitely not over something as silly as a broken vase."

"You don't understand!" I cried. "I'm a horrible person! I—,"

"Enough. Enough of that. You are NOT a horrible person. And by the way you are not clumsy or stupid." Esme was as close to shouting as I had ever heard her. "You are a part of our family now. We wouldn't _ever_ send you back to Chicago. You belong here. With us."

"Darling." Carlisle stood and laid a hand on her back. "If Edward wants to go back to Chicago, we can't stop him." He turned to me. "Is that what you want? Are you unhappy here?"

My mouth dropped. Unhappy here? How could I possibly be _unhappy_ here? "No," I answered quietly. "I don't want to go back to Chicago. But--,"

"No buts. We aren't discussing this anymore. Esme and I chose to bring you into our family. We don't regret that decision at all. Edward, look at me."

I brought my eyes back up to his face.

"You have something in you that is so rare. We saw it in the hospital and we've seen it since you've moved with us. We want you here. I promise you that."

My shoulders slumped, defeated. "I want to be here too," I sighed.

"Then it's settled." Esme stood, clapping her hands together. "Let's go eat before my dinner gets too cold."

Carlisle led the way out of his office, but I pulled Esme back. "I truly am sorry about your vase," I said as sincerely as I could.

"I know, sweet boy." She touched my cheek again and I forced myself not to duck away. "And now it's done." She waved her hand, as if sending it far off into the oblivion. "We will not discuss it anymore. It's over. Forget about it."

When we got downstairs, I saw that someone (probably Alice) had already cleaned up the broken vase. I didn't know how, but I knew that someday I would replace that vase. Dinner was a quiet affair. I knew both Alice and Emmett weren't quite sure how to deal with the earlier scene. They tried, but for the most part, we ate in silence. After dinner, I helped Alice and Emmett do the dishes and then made my way upstairs to work on homework. As I walked past Carlisle's office, Esme's voice stopped me as it drifted through the office door.

"I'm so worried about him, Carlisle."

"I know my dear, I am as well." There was the brushing sound of cloth sliding over leather and I could imagine Carlisle sitting down next to Esme.

"He looked so broken, so terrified when he thought you were going to hit him. I can't bear the thought of someone hurting that boy. And for his mother to allow it to go on for so long! It's unforgivable!"

Carlisle must have said something, but I couldn't hear his muted words.

"He does," Esme agreed. Her voice was getting softer. "He is so pure, so intrinsically good, it practically radiates off of him."

I closed my eyes at her words and moved away from the door. I had heard enough. I wondered how long it would take for them to realize just how wrong they were.

The rest of the week dragged on slowly. The nightmares continued to haunt my nights. My days moved along in a blur. Bella was the one bright spot. I looked forward to school because I got to see her, hold her and talk to her. I felt like I was drowning and she was my lifeline.

"Hey, do you want to go for a walk before we head to your house?" Bella asked. It was Friday afternoon. Bella had offered to drive me home, since she was heading that way anyway. I jumped at the chance to spend some extra time with her.

"Yeah, I'd love to." I smiled and took her hand. We left the parking lot and headed for woods.

"Are you excited about the sleep over tonight?"

I shrugged. "I'm excited because I get to see you."

"So sweet," Bella smiled and swung our hands between us. "Me too. It should be fun though. Alice tends to go a bit over board."

"Yeah, she was planning with Esme this morning. I had to get out before I had an anxiety attack from just watching her run around."

Bella laughed. Then she sobered. "Edward?"

"Yeah?" I asked, slightly mystified by the new serious edge to her voice.

"Are you okay?"

I frowned. "Sure. Why do you ask?"

She pulled on my hand, forcing me to stop walking and look at her. "I'm really worried about you."

"You don't need to worry about me, I'm fine."

"I don't think you are," she said softly. "You're exhausted, I can see it, not just by the dark smudges under your eyes."

"Bella…"

She walked over to a log and sat down, dragging me with her. I sat next to her and she put her hands on my cheeks. "Why can't you sleep?"

"I don't know." I shifted my gaze, unable to look her in the eyes.

She waited patiently, stroking my cheeks.

"I have nightmares, okay?" I yanked my face out of her hands and ran my fingers through my hair. "Every night. Every time I close my eyes."

"What are they about?"

My knee began to bounce as I tensed. "Everything," I muttered.

"Maybe if you talk about it, it would help."

I snorted and look up at the trees. I could just barely see the gray sky through their branches. "My dad died in my dream last night. Again. Third time this week. This time I got to see him thrown out of the car. That was a change. Usually I just see him lying on the ground. But not this time. He flew through the windshield. Then he made me promise to protect my mom. Again." I spoke harsher than I meant to but like she had pointed out, I was exhausted.

I felt her soft fingers lace through mine. My knee continued to bounce and I didn't look away from the branches over my head. "Didn't really help, huh?" she asked tenderly.

A small laugh escaped and I looked at her. "No, not really." I smiled at her though, knowing she just wanted to help me. I leaned over and kissed her gently. "But thank you for caring enough to try."

She hooked her free hand around my neck, preventing me from pulling away. She touched my lips again and the kiss deepened. I groaned softly and released her hand. I pulled her to me, moving my lips against hers the whole time. I kept pulling her until she sat on my lap. Her arms wound around my neck as she pressed against my chest. I tangled my fingers into her hair and dove deeper into her mouth. "Edward," she breathed. "Of course I care." She shook her head. "Silly boy, I care and I will never stop trying."

I looked at her, staring into her beautiful, amazing eyes. "I care too," I whispered. "I shouldn't, but I do. Bella, you are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever." I cradled her face and kissed her closed eyes, her cheeks and finally her lips as gently as I could.

"Know what I think?"

I shook my head. I could never guess what Bella was thinking.

"I think that tonight, you just need to relax and have a good time. Just enjoy the party and don't think about anything else."

I smiled. "I can try."

"Don't try. Just let it all go and have fun. You are entitled, Edward. One night. Give yourself one night off."

"Okay." She made it sound so easy.

"Promise?"

I laughed again. "Yeah, I promise."

My promise actually proved easier to keep that I had anticipated. When we got back to the house, the gang was all there. First on Alice's agenda was a nail painting gossip session.

"Really Alice?" Bella whined. "You just did my nails like three weeks ago!"

"Honestly Bella, let me see your toes."

I watched, amused, as Bella tore off her socks and wiggled her toes for Alice's approval.

"Ugh!" Alice cried. "Chipped paint, ragged edges! Girl, you are in desperate need of a pedicure."

Bella rolled her eyes. "What are the boys going to do? Are you going to paint their nails as well?"

Before I could panic, Emmett chimed in. "Hell no! We are going to go play some football. Come on men!"

"Sorry," I mouthed to Bella as I followed the other two out of the room.

"Just don't you dare paint them pink! Do you understand me Alice Cullen!"

I laughed as I left the room.

"Edward!" Emmett stood in the back yard, football in hand. "We are going to run some plays. I'm quarterback. You be the running back and Jasper is going to play defense."

"Not cool," Jasper grumbled. "He's like ten times faster than me."

Emmett grinned. "Exactly. You have to cross the imaginary line between the deck and Mom's flowers for a touchdown. Edward, come here."

I ran over to Emmett and listened as he explained the play. Then I lined up next to him and waited for him to call it out. "Ready, set, hike!"

I took off, dodging Jasper and spinning to the left. I looked back and saw Emmett fire the ball at me. I caught it easily with my uninjured right hand. Then I crossed over the imaginary line.

"Touch down!" Emmett called, raising his hands in the air.

I spiked the ball and raised my hands as well.

"I didn't have a chance," Jasper laughed, holding his knees. "You are fast, man!"

"Thanks!" I high fived Emmett.

"I think we should switch positions," Jasper said. "I'll be running back, Emmett you play defense and Edward is quarterback."

Emmett smirked. "Sounds good to me."

Jasper jogged over to me and we worked out our play. Then we took our positions. "Ready, set, hike!"

Jasper faked to the right and then took off. Emmett was fooled and before he could get his feet under him, I threw the ball in a perfect spiral to Jasper's waiting hands. "Touch down!" I cried.

"Yes!" Jasper pumped his fist in the air.

"Again," Emmett growled. Jasper and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.

We reset and I called it out again. Jasper took off, but this time, Emmett kept up with him. He tried to get around the bigger boy and as soon as he was free, the ball left my hands. As the ball hit Jasper's fingertips, Emmett came up behind him. They fell to the ground and rolled. I could hear their laughter and I smiled. Emmett jumped up, a huge smile on his face. "Took you _down_, Hale!"

Jasper pulled himself up. "Oh it's on, Cullen. Come on Edward!"

The game continued. We scored sometimes, sometimes Emmett took one of us down. When the girls came to get us, I was dirty, grass-stained, red-faced, sweaty and out of breath. I was also smiling.

Bella saw me and I saw the hope blossom in her eyes. She ran to me and threw her arms around my neck. "Hey you," she said happily.

"Hey yourself. Do you have pink toes?"

She shook her head, her eyes dancing happily. I followed her gaze to her toes and saw them painted a dark red. "Nice."

"Thanks. Having fun?"

"Yeah. I am." I smiled at her and it felt good. I felt lighter than I had in a long, long time.

"Okay boys," Alice said, standing of the deck. "Just so you know, the pizza is here."

Magic words. Jasper and Emmett looked at each other. "Food!" They shouted in unison and then they started for the kitchen.

Alice walked followed them, shaking her head and snickering. "Come on you two," she shouted over her shoulder.

Still wearing what I'm sure was a goofy looking smile, I walked with Bella back into the house. I could smell the pizza and my stomach grumbled in response. Bella laughed at me. "A little hungry there, football star?"

My stomach growled again, answering her question. We entered the kitchen and I saw five large pizzas spread out on the counter. "Wow. That's a lot of pizza," I commented.

"Not really," Bella nodded towards Emmett's overflowing plate.

I helped myself to the pizza. I watched the girls daintily place salad on their own plates along with some pizza.

"Don't know why you want to eat that rabbit food when there's pizza in the building," Emmett said, his mouth full, as we sat down at the table.

Rosalie shoved at him. "Honestly Emmett, didn't your mother teach you any table manners?"

"Sure, no pushing at the table." He grinned at her, then landed a greasy kiss on her cheek.

"Ew." Rosalie brushed at her cheek. "Honestly," she muttered again.

"So Alice," Bella said. "How is the play going?" Her hand found mine under the table and we held hands while we ate.

It was the right question to ask. Alice's eyes lit up. "Amazing! I love it. I mean, we've only had a couple of weeks, but it's already coming together so perfectly! I can not wait until December!"

I ate my pizza and listened to the others talk. It astounded me how well they got along and how well they knew each other. After dissecting Alice's role in the play, they had discussed everything from Emmett's scholarship to the 1977 Porshe 911 that Rosalie was rebuilding. They talked about how unfair it was that Chief Swan refused to raise Bella's curfew to 11:00pm on weekends and that the Hale's parents wouldn't let the twins leave the state of Washington for college. This group held nothing back from each other, there were so secrets, nothing they were ashamed to talk about. I had never had that kind of openness with other people. I had too many secrets. I tried to imagine telling Kevin Adams, my "best" friend in Chicago, about my home life. Not a chance.

"Hey Bella, I think it's time for your brownies," Emmett said.

The rest of the group groaned. "Emmett, come on man. I just ate a whole pizza by myself!" Jasper held his stomach. "You really have room for brownies right now? Let's wait and eat them later, when we can actually enjoy them!"

"Okay, okay. Fine. I guess I can wait."

Rosalie punched him in the arm. "Sheesh woman. You are violent this evening." Then he smirked at her. "I kinda like it."

"Oh dear Lord," Bella said. "Please."

"I say it's time to get ready for bed, get our sleep bags spread out and then we can watch movies," Alice decided.

With those words, the group dispersed. I ran up to my room and threw on a pair of gray sweats and a white T-shirt. I thought about the need for sleeping bags and suddenly it hit me. Sleep over. We were going to sleep. Downstairs, in a room all together. I cringed at the thought of having a nightmare with everyone in the same room. What if I woke up screaming and crying? I sank down on my bed, my elbows on my knees and held my head. That would be bad. Very, very bad. I figured I had two possible solutions. I could wait for everyone to fall asleep and then sneak up here. Then at least no one would hear my screams. Once the nightmare hit, I could go back downstairs. It's not like I could ever go back to sleep once it was over. The other option was to not sleep. Then I could stay downstairs the whole night. Despite the sheer exhaustion I felt, I liked the idea of not dreaming. A lot. Decision made, and feeling much better about the "sleep" over, I headed downstairs, eager to be with Bella again.

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**A/N Just real quick, reviews are absolutely divine. :o) **


	13. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: My little piece of the Twilight world are my four books and this story. The rest of it belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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Chapter 12

When I got downstairs, I found Bella sitting on the black leather couch. She wore blue and green striped pajama pants and a blue camisole. Her hair fell in soft brown waves down her back. She looked utterly adorable. "Where's everyone else?" I asked as I came into the room.

Bella shrugged. "I don't really want to know," she laughed.

I thought about it and nodded, "Me neither." I sat down next to her and smiled as she leaned against me. I brought my arm up and draped it around her shoulders. "Are you having a good time?"

She nodded. "It looked like you were having fun with the boys."

"I like football, or really any sport."

"I can tell," Bella said. She turned her face and smiled up at me. "You had the most beautiful smile on your face when I got out there. I hope I get to see it more often."

I smiled slightly, then brushed a kiss against her forehead. "It's easy to smile when you're around."

Bella took my hand and linked her fingers with mine. "I'm really glad that you moved here," she said.

"Yeah, me too." I pressed another kiss to the top of her hair and refused to think about why I had moved here.

Alice and Rosalie came into the room, followed by Emmett and Jasper. Bella giggled at the two boys as they stumbled into the room, loaded down with sleeping bags and pillows. I jumped up to help them. I grabbed a few sleeping bags off the top of Emmett's pile and carried them to the center to the room. Emmett and Jasper dropped their load and then we all began spreading them out. By the time we had the six sleeping bags unrolled, the room resembled a large, colorful pillow.

"So do you guys want to watch a movie, or play a game?" Alice asked.

"Do you still have Mexican Dominoes?" Jasper asked.

"Of course!" Alice beamed then turned towards the hall closet. She emerged holding a rectangular tin box. "Love this game!"

"I've never heard of it," I said as we sat in a circle on the creamy plush carpet.

"It's fun," Bella assured me. "Don't worry, you'll catch on. It's easy."

"Okay, so everyone chose a color train."

Rosalie grabbed the blue train, Emmett the red, Alice the yellow, Jasper the white and Bella grabbed the green train. Which left the ugly puke colored one for me. I picked it up holding it by the tips of my fingers. "What color is this?"

"A mix between green and yellow," Rosalie said.

"I believe it is called pear," Alice explained.

"Pear?" I asked.

"Don't question her, man," Jasper said throwing his arm around Alice. "Just trust her."

I shrugged and put my small, plastic _pear_ train down in front me.

"Okay," Alice continued. "Now that we all have our trains, start gathering your dominoes. Edward, you take fifteen." I watched as she placed the double twelve in the center of a black wheel. I picked up fifteen tiles and then looked at them, watching to see what the others were doing. They seemed to be deep in thought. I almost laughed out loud when I saw the concentration furrow Emmett's forehead.

"You want to make a line, or a train if you will," Bella explained quietly next to me. "If you have a domino with twelve, that's your starting point. Then you match the number on the other side and keep going. Got it?" she muttered as she arranged her own tiles.

"Yeah," I said softly. I looked at my dominoes. I had a tile with twelve on one side and three on the other. I found one with the three and made my train. The others put out their dominoes and I followed their lead.

"Now," Alice went back to instructing me how to play. "You can play off your train, or if you have another twelve, you can start the Mexican train. Anyone can play off the Mexican train. If you can't do anything, you have to draw a tile and if you still can't play, then you have to put your pear colored train out. That's when others can play on your train. Got it?"

I nodded. I looked at my tiles and saw another twelve. I placed it in the wheel, beginning the Mexican train. We went around the circle and I watched the others make their move. It was a fairly simple game and soon I was playing with no instruction.

"So Edward," Rosalie asked as the game continued. "What did you do for fun in Chicago?"

"Oh. Um. Well, we played baseball," I said awkwardly. "I. Um. Actually, I didn't really hang out a whole lot," I finally admitted.

Alice and Emmett exchanged glances and Bella put her hand on my knee.

"I had to take care of my mom most of the time," I added softly.

"Was she sick?" Jasper asked.

"Jasper," Alice muttered.

"It's okay," I moved my shoulders. "My mom wasn't her self after my dad died," I said, looking at both Rosalie and Jasper. "She kind of retreated into herself and I needed to protect her, keep her safe."

"Oh." Rosalie ducked her head. "I didn't know."

"Yeah man, I'm sorry," Jasper put in.

"No worries," I said, giving them a small smile. "My life in Chicago was a whole different world than this." I put my hand over Bella's and squeezed.

"I heard you are an amazing piano player," Jasper said, changing the subject.

"Oh my God, yes!" Alice squealed. "You should hear him, it's amazing!"

I could feel my cheeks heat up.

"I didn't know that," Bella said.

"Uh, yeah. I like to play."

"I'd love to hear you play sometime," she said.

"Oh yes!" Alice clapped her hands. "That would be fabulous! I think we are about done here, don't you guys agree?" With that, Alice began to pile dominoes. Jasper laughed and helped his girlfriend.

"How do you feel about an impromptu concert," Jasper asked, his eyes dancing with laughter.

I groaned. "Now?"

"Please Edward," Bella implored. "I'd love to here you play."

"Yes Edward, please?" Emmett batted his eye lashes at me.

"Okay," I said, feeling my heart begin to pound. I had never played for an audience before and even though these were my friends, it was still a daunting idea.

More hands joined Alice as the group hurried to clean up the game.

When all the tiles were put away, we went into the living room. I walked to the shiny black piano and pulled back the cover, revealing the ivory keys. Taking a deep breath I sat down on the bench and lightly ran my fingers along the keys. I glanced over my shoulder and saw the group sitting on the couches. Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett sat on the long couch, while Bella sat alone on the love seat. I met her eyes and she nodded. I took another breath and closed my eyes. My fingers found their places. Like always, when I sat at a piano, my hands moved as if powered by another source. Chopin, my favorite composer began to pour through the room. I kept my eyes closed as the music swelled and took control. Within the first phrase I had forgotten my audience, losing myself completely in the music.

As the last notes drifted through the room, I opened my eyes and remembered my audience. I looked over my shoulder again and saw them all sitting silently. Rosalie reached up and brushed under her eye. "That was beautiful, Edward," she whispered, breaking the silence. "I had no idea."

"Told you he was good," Alice said hoarsely, her own eyes glittering precariously.

"Dang man," Emmett said. "A football player who plays the piano, who would have thought?"

Emmett's comment broke the quiet atmosphere and the four of them laughed. But I couldn't, not yet. I bit my lip and searched out the one who meant the most. She sat, unmoving, still watching me. "Bella?" I asked, her stillness unnerving me.

Her face lifted when I said her name and then she stood. As she walked towards me, I saw the others exchange looks and then they quietly got up and left the room. Bella came to me and sat down on the piano bench. Very slowly, very tenderly, her hands reach up to cradle my face. Her eyes scanned mine, her thumbs gently caressing my cheeks.

Staring into her eyes, my fingers began to move along the keys again, diving into a song that had been playing in my head for days now. I stared into her deep, beautiful eyes as the notes played out, exquisitely soft and tender. "You inspired this one," I whispered as the music began to build.

Bella's eyes widened and she turned to watch my fingers dance along the piano. The music was sweet, intense, beautiful, just like her. I watched her as I played; watched as her eyes lifted to watch my face, then lower again to watch my fingers. I played on, pouring all of my feelings into the piece. As her eyes began to sparkle with tears, I let the notes soften and fade until eventually we sat in quiet. I shifted uneasily. "Bella--,"

"No," she breathed, pressing a finger to my mouth. "Edward," she whispered, her words barely more than a breath. "You are the most beautiful, most precious person ever." Her hands ran along my face, then fisted in my hair. "Don't _ever_ doubt that," she whispered fiercely. Then she kissed me with a force I didn't know she possessed. Her lips moved against mine and I held her tightly, groaning softly under her assault.

She ripped her lips away, only to leave trails of kisses along my cheeks and neck. "Edward," she said my name again. "Edward, I--,"

"No," I choked. I knew the words that were about to come out of her mouth, but I wasn't ready, I couldn't handle it. Not now. Not yet. As true as they may be, I wasn't ready. Those three words I hadn't heard in so long. "No." I repeated, begging her with my eyes to understand.

She stared at me again, her eyes searching deep into mine. I don't know what she was looking for, but she must have found it, because she nodded slowly. "Okay," she said gently. "Okay." And then she pulled me into a hug, running her hands along my hair.

I don't know how long we sat like that, Bella in my lap, my face buried in her sweet smelling hair, her arms wrapped around my neck, her hands gently smoothing my hair. Long enough for a movie to start in the other room, long enough for the smell of popcorn to drift through the air.

"We should join the others," Bella finally whispered.

I nodded. I took one more breathe of freesia and strawberries and pulled my face away. I looked at her for another moment. "I'm sorry," I said, gently tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

She shook her head. "You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. Don't ever apologize." She got up and extended her hand to me. I took it and stood up, following her out of the room.

In the family room, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett sat on opposite couches, while the movie played. I glanced at Bella and smiled. Obviously the movie was a cover up because neither couple was actually watching the movie. I pulled Bella over to our sleeping bags and we lay down next to each other. I pulled her close and dove my hand into her soft hair. Our lips touched and gently moved, in deep tender caresses. We stayed that way for a long time. Enjoying the feel and taste of each other, not needing to push too hard or move too fast. I moved my hand in time with our mouths, massaging the back of her head as we kissed.

Eventually the movie ended, the silence penetrating through to our world. We separated for the first time in hours.

"It's dark," Bella said in a low voice.

"And quiet," I added.

Bella sat up on her elbows, squinting in the low light. "I think Alice and Jasper are asleep over there." She looked around. "I don't know where Rosalie and Emmett are."

I threw my hand over my mouth as a laugh sputtered out. "Take a guess," I said softly.

"Yeah," Bella said, shaking her head. She climbed into her sleeping bag and then scooted over to me so she could rest her head on my chest. I watched her cuddle into me and smiled. It felt so right. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly against me. "Good night, Edward," she sighed.

"Good night Bella." I ran my fingers along her arm and listened as her breathing evened out. I smiled into the darkness as her body relaxed completely into mine. "Sweet dreams, sweetheart," I whispered when I knew she was too far gone to hear me.

I lay on my back, holding Bella. I kept my eyes opened as I stared at the ceiling. I could hear Alice and Jasper's deep breathing. Time passed. After a while, I saw two dark shapes creep into the room. I bit back a smile as I watched Emmett and Rosalie slide into their sleeping bags. They kissed again, but soon their breathing deepened to match the others around me.

I had forgotten how peaceful it would be to lay in the dark, listening to others sleep. My eyes drifted closed and I had to work to keep them opened. The night continued and it got harder and harder to keep my eyes from closing. No sleep, I whispered to my self. I turned my head and saw the clock above the TV. It was just after two in the morning. Only five more hours until the sun came up. I went back to staring at the ceiling. I tried to think of something that would keep me awake. Tomorrow, I thought. What would tomorrow bring? So much better to think of tomorrow, than the past. Tomorrow, I thought again. Maybe Bella and I could do something alone again. Maybe we could go to Port Angeles and I could take her on a real date. I smiled at the thought. I could take her to a movie and then to dinner. Afterwards, I could take her home and kiss her on her porch, under the stars. Or maybe we could just go for a drive and talk. Or we could…

_I raced home, terrified of what I was going to find. I had stayed late after school, helping Javier, an exchange student from Mexico, with his English homework. And now I was late. Please, please, please I whispered to myself as I floored the gas pedal. I glanced at the clock. It was four forty five. As long as he wasn't early, I should be okay. I pulled up to the house and raced through the front door. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw my mom sitting on the couch, no alarm on her face. _

"_Mom," I went over to her and kissed her cheek. "Are you okay?"_

"_Yeah, honey. Just fine. But he's going to be home soon. You should start dinner."_

"_Yeah." I straightened and put my backpack down next to the couch. I went in the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to pull out the chicken I had marinated that morning before going to school. I frowned when I didn't see it. "Hey Mom?" I went back into the family room. "Did you see the chicken I put in the refrigerator?"_

"_Yeah, I had it for lunch. Is that okay?"_

_My fists clenched as fear began to trickle through me. "Yeah, it's fine. Don't worry."_

_No, no, no. I repeated over and over again in my head. What was I going to make now? I went into the kitchen, praying I could find something that didn't take too long to cook. I rummaged through the cabinets. I found a packet of fajita spice and a can of beans. "Okay," I whispered to myself. "Good." I went to the refrigerator and let out a sigh of relief when I saw the tortillas, peppers, tomatoes, cheese and sour cream. "Good."_

_I pulled more chicken out of the freezer, set it on a plate and put it in the microwave to defrost. I was cutting up the tomato and peppers when I heard the garage door open. "Oh God," I whispered. Dinner wasn't nearly done. I looked at the clock. 5:05. I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath. _

"_Hey Mom?" I went out to the family room. "Can you do me a favor? Can you go in your room for a little bit?"_

_She looked at me, questions in her eyes. _

"_He's home and dinner is not ready."_

"_Oh. Are you sure?" she asked as she stood and began leaving the room._

_I heard the garage door closing and I nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Just stay in your room for a little while." She did what I said and I went back into the kitchen. I picked up the knife with a shaky hand and continued to cut the peppers. I dumped them into the wok and gave them a stir. _

"_Where's dinner?" a harsh voice asked._

"_Almost done," I said, not turning to look._

"_Doesn't look like it, you little brat." He grabbed my arm and spun me around. "What have I told you?"_

"_I know," I managed. "I had to stay at school little bit longer, but I'll have it done, I promise, just give me a little more time." His hand raised and I knew what was coming. I braced myself for the pain._

"_Edward." _

_We both turned at the soft voice that had called my name. I squinted at the bright light coming from hallway._

"_Edward, come with me," the voice said softly._

_I took a step forward, following the voice that sounded so familiar. I walked, staring only at the bright light. As I got closer, the light faded and I saw her. "What are you doing here?"_

"_I will keep you safe," she whispered. "Stay with me." She took my hand and pulled me away. "Stay with me." _

_I let her lead me and we walked, leaving the small house in Chicago behind. For a minute, everything was foggy. And then we stepped out of the fog. And into our meadow. Bella smiled at me. "I'll keep you safe," she whispered again. We sat down among the flowers. Bella laid her head on my chest, one of her hands began rubbing circles on my stomach. "Sleep, Edward. I will be here."_

I opened my eyes and blinked at the sunlight that filtered in through the windows. Disoriented, I moved my head to the side to get a better idea of where I was. I saw the black leather couches and the TV. Then I remembered. The sleep over. I looked around again, but didn't see any of the other sleeping bags. Then I felt the warm weight next to me and became aware of a hand moving in circles on my stomach. I looked down and saw Bella smiling triumphantly up at me. "Hey sleeping beauty," she said quietly.

I had fallen asleep. I had been thinking about possible dates to take Bella on and then I had fallen asleep. Then I remembered my dream. It had started the same as all the others, I had been back in the house in Chicago, reliving one of the many nights that _he_ had beaten me. But it had been different. Bella had been there. "How?" I whispered.

Bella smiled sadly and she reached up to brush a stray hair off my forehead. "I woke up when my pillow turned rock hard and ice cold. But you were sleeping and I remembered what you said about having nightmares every time you sleep," she said softly. She ran her fingers along my cheeks. "I knew that was what was happening. I just wanted you to be able to sleep. You are so tired," she said sadly. "Then you started shaking really bad."

My grip on her tightened. This is exactly what I had been afraid of. "I'm sorry."

Bella shook her head. "After you started shaking, you started crying, saying it was almost done. I couldn't take it. I wanted to help you. So I started talking to you. I told you to stay with me and that I would keep you safe. I kept repeating those words and you started to calm down." Bella smiled now, the same triumphant smile. "And then you relaxed. And you slept." She turned to look at the clock. "For ten hours."

Startled, I glanced at the clock as well. It was well past noon.

"That's why the others aren't here. They went to the mall."

"Thank you," I said quietly. "You were there, in my dream. You took me away from him."

"Any time Edward." She brushed my hair back. "Any time."

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**a/n: Don't forget to review! I get very excited when I get reviews :o)**


	14. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

**Hey Readers: Just a quick note to let you know a few things about this chapter. It's a lot lighter than the other chapters have been. I wanted to give Edward a break and a chance to just enjoy Bella. I hope you all don't find this chapter boring for that reason. Trust me, more drama is coming. That said, I hope you enjoy this chapter. :o) **

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Chapter 13

I crawled out of my sleeping bag and then reached down to grab Bella's hands. I pulled her to her feet then wrapped my arms around her. I kissed the top of her head and then pulled her back. For a few seconds I just stared into her eyes, losing myself in their depths. Then I smiled. "I feel so awake."

Bella's eyes roved over my face. "You look more awake." Her fingers went to my face and gently traced under my eyes. "No more purply smudges."

I took her fingertips and kissed them gently. My stomach chose that moment to growl.

"Hungry?" Bella laughed.

"A bit," I said smiling. I tugged on her hand and lead her in the direction of the kitchen. Once there, I opened the cupboard containing the cereal. I looked at Bella and waved my arm, displaying the many boxes of cereal. A frown pulled her lips down. "You don't like cereal?" I asked, suddenly unsure.

"No, I like cereal just fine. It's just…can I make you breakfast?"

I closed the cupboard door. "Yeah, I mean if you want to?"

A huge smile spread over Bella's face, erasing the frown.

"Wow," I whispered.

"What," Bella asked as she began to open cupboards.

"You have the most beautiful smile in the world," I said, refusing to feel awkward or embarrassed for stating the truth.

Bella looked over her shoulder, the smile still there. "Thanks."

"Can I help?"

Bella shook her head. "Trust me, I like my space when I cook. You can sit over there." She pointed at the bar stools at the counter.

"Yes ma'am." I saluted her then went to sit down.

I watched in silence as she pulled eggs, cheese, milk, and ham out of the refrigerator. She cracked the eggs into a bowl and then used a fork to mix the yolk. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"What was it about?" she asked quietly. She didn't take her eyes off the eggs she was beating.

I knew she was talking about the dream. I sighed. "More of the same, basically. I was late getting home from school. Not a good thing because dinner needed to be ready by five. My mom's husband came home and dinner wasn't near ready. That was against his rules, so he was going to hit me." I gave her the shortened version.

"That really happened?" At my nod, she shook her head. "He beat you because you didn't have dinner ready?" I nodded again. "Why were you late?"

"My Spanish teacher asked if I would help out a student who was from Mexico. He needed a translator. Anyway, on that day he didn't understand his English homework, so I stayed for bit to help him out."

I glanced at Bella and saw she had stopped mixing and was holding the fork tightly in her hand.

"What about your mom?"

"I told her to go to her room, so she didn't get hurt," I said, slightly confused.

"No. Why didn't your mom start dinner? She knew, right? She knew the rules?"

"Yeah." I shifted uneasily. "I mean, she knew what would happen. But uh, she probably figured that I would get home in time." I looked down at my hands. "I mean, she had a lot to deal with, she didn't need to worry about that too."

I heard the fork clang against the bowl. "That's just wrong," Bella said, anger in her voice.

"Bella, please." I met her eyes again. "It's fine. It's over now."

"It's not fine. She was your mother, she should have--,"

"Stop. Just stop." My hands fisted as I looked at her. "Everything got messed up. I don't know what happened. But it just did. The only thing I could do was protect her the best I could. Right or wrong, it was the only way I could live with myself."

Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath. "Okay." She opened her eyes and looked at me as she picked the fork back up. "I just really don't like the idea of anyone hurting you. Especially over something as ridiculous as dinner not being ready."

Now I smiled. "But he didn't, not last night. You were there last night, Bella. You rescued me." My fists eased as I remembered her in my dream, standing in the bright light, helping me sleep for the first time in so long.

She nodded, smiling briefly at me. The sound of the fork hitting the sides of the bowl rang through the kitchen again. She finished making breakfast in silence and I watched her, not sure what to do or say. Something was obviously bothering her, her movements were jerky. She had her back to me as she worked over the stove, so I couldn't see her eyes. I played back the conversation in my head. Maybe I had said too much. Maybe the monster had appeared within me. Maybe she had seen it. I swallowed hard and watched her back. I tried to step back, distance myself from the feelings that were developing in side of me. When she told me she wanted nothing to do with me, I had to let her go.

No matter how much it hurt me, I had to give her freedom. She deserved so much better.

A plate with an omelet appeared in front of me. I gazed at it, but my appetite had dissipated.

And then suddenly my face was pressed against her chest, her arms wrapped around my head, tangling in my hair. I felt her lips push against my hair as she rocked me back and forth. Stunned, I did what felt natural and wrapped my own arms against her waist.

"Bella?" I asked after awhile.

"I want to go do something fun, with you, today." Bella said, still holding my head tightly against her. I felt her lips against my hair again.

"Okay," I loosened my hold on her waist, figuring that she would let go. But she didn't, so I tightened my grip on her waist again. "Bella?" I asked again. "Are you okay?"

Now she did loosen her arms, enough that I could look up at her. Her hands stayed fisted in my hair. She kissed my forehead. "Yeah, Edward. I'm fine." She smiled. "I just want to spend time with you."

My eyes narrowed. "Are you sure?"

She laughed softly. "I am very sure. I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

I didn't quite understand what was going on in her head, but her smile lit up her face again as she tenderly smoothed my hair back.

"You should eat your omelet, before it gets too cold," she said now, releasing me completely.

I felt my forehead furrow as I looked at her. But I picked my fork up anyway and cut into the egg. Cheese and ham exploded from the inside. "Oh wow." I scooped it up and put the gooey creation into my mouth. Flavor exploded and I had to close my eyes. I chewed slowly, savoring the taste. "Oh my God," I breathed after I swallowed. "That is delicious."

Bella giggled from where she sat next to me. "You like?"

"Yeah," I mumbled around my new mouthful. I swallowed, "Amazing, beyond amazing, actually." I shoveled more egg into my mouth. I couldn't talk anymore as I sat and enjoyed the most remarkable omelet I had ever had. I barely noticed Bella next to me, eating her own breakfast. When my plate was scraped back, I sat back and looked at her. "Is there anything you can't do?"

She laughed. "I'm sure there are lots of things. Here." She handed me a plastic baggie.

"What's this?" I took out the brown square.

"Emmett attacked the brownies last night while you were playing the piano. Somehow, the girls managed to save you one."

I took a bite. "Oh my God," I groaned. The eggs were amazing, but this brownie went beyond that. "No wonder Emmett and Jasper were so excited."

"I'm glad you like it."

I rolled my eyes. "Like is not the word I would use right now."

Her eyes sparkled. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I was thinking something more like, would defeat a thousand armies just to have a bite."

"I'll make you more, promise." She leaned over and kissed me.

"You said you wanted to do something today. Did you have anything in particular in mind?"

"Hm." Bella tapped her finger on the counter. "I think we should go to Port Angeles. There's a pretty cool bookstore there and I am in need of books."

"Sure." I smiled at her. "I'll clean up while you get ready and then we can take off. Sound good?"

"I can help you."

"No, you cooked, I'll clean. Oh, do you know if Carlisle or Esme are around?"

"Esme left earlier. I think Carlisle is around somewhere."

I stood up and gathered our dishes. "Go get dressed."

I smiled as I watched her disappear from the kitchen. I took the dishes over to the counter and began to wash them. My smile faded a bit as I remembered her reaction to hearing my dream. I still didn't quite understand. At first I had thought she was mad at me, ready to say she had had enough. But then she had held me and wouldn't let go. And she wanted to spend the day with me. So maybe she wasn't mad at me after all.

I stared out the window as I continued to wash dishes. The earlier sunlight had given way to clouds, but although the sky was gray, so far the rain had held off. Despite the gray skies, the world looked brighter to me. The trees outside the window seemed clearer, the green leaves more in focus than they had been. I didn't feel like I was looking through a fog anymore. That haze of exhaustion that had surrounded me for the past month had lifted. Because of Bella. She had to be the most beautiful, sweet, complicated person I had ever met.

After finishing the dishes, I ran up to my room to get ready. I showered quickly, then stood in front of my closet, debating what to wear. Alice had massively complicated my closet. Before, I had a couple pairs of jeans, some t-shirts, a few sweatshirts, a single pair of shoes. Now, my closet was jammed with what Alice called "outfits." Now I had to worry about matching. "Ugh," I groaned as I pulled out a blue and white striped button down shirt. "Jeans?" I muttered to myself. Did that match? I held up the jeans with the shirt. They were both blue. That had to match. I pulled on the shirt and jeans and then went for shoes. Again, way too much choices. It was taking me all day just to get dressed. This was ridiculous. I grabbed a pair of tennis shoes and called it good. I glanced at the mirror and tried to tame my unruly hair with my fingers. Shaking my head, I gave up and headed out of my room. When I passed Carlisle's office, I saw that the door was open.

I knocked hesitantly and waited for him to look up.

"Edward," he smiled when he saw me. "You look refreshed this morning."

I grinned, "I had a good night's sleep. Carlisle, I wanted to ask you something."

He nodded and I stepped closer. "Um, Bella and I are going to Port Angeles today. And I was wondering. Um." I stopped. I couldn't do this. "I just wanted to let you know, is all."

Carlisle's smile grew and he opened the top drawer of the desk. "Here." He held out a flat, black piece of plastic. "I already called and had you added to the list of people who can use it."

Somehow the man had figured out exactly what I was going to ask for. Relieved, I took the plastic money and vowed to myself that I would only spend what was necessary. "Thank you," I said sincerely.

Carlisle smiled again and shook his head. "Edward you are a Cullen now. You are entitled to all that the name brings."

"We won't be gone too long," I promised.

"It's fine Edward. Just be safe and have a good time."

"Thank you," I said again as I walked out. I carefully tucked the credit card into my wallet and then continued downstairs. Bella stood in the kitchen waiting for me. She turned when I entered the room. She was wearing jeans and a blue blouse that did amazing things to her complexion. "Hey beautiful," I said.

Her cheeks bloomed. "Hey handsome," she said almost shyly.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

I took her hand and we walked out of the house. When we got to the Volvo, I held the door open for her and then hurried over to my side. I got in the car and the engine roared quietly to life.

"You like it," Bella commented.

"Like what?" I looked at her, perplexed.

"The car, the noise it makes when it starts. You grinned as you turned the key."

Laughing and nodding, I guided the car down the driveway. "Yeah I do. But I mean, come on? How can you not like this car? It's a beautiful machine."

"You are such a guy," Bella stated.

"You wouldn't want it any other way." I looked at her sideways and smiled at her crookedly.

Bella's smile faded as she looked at me and her eyes seemed to glaze over.

"Bella? What happened? What's wrong?" I looked away and decided to pull the car over.

"Edward you really shouldn't do that." Relief flooded me as I looked at her and saw her smiling at me again.

"Do what? What happened?"

"Dazzle people," she said. "You smile like that and you are just plain gorgeous."

"I dazzle people? That is a little extreme, don't you think?" Red was furiously spreading through my face.

"No. I don't think it's extreme. It's very true. You dazzle me frequently."

Now I rolled my eyes and tried to fight the extreme embarrassment snaking its way through me. I cleared my throat and tried to think of something clever to say. "Do you want to listen to music?" Changing the topic. Not very clever.

Bella leaned forward and fiddled with the radio. Not finding any radio stations, she switched to the cd player. Rock blared out of the speakers and Bella smiled as the music we had discussed in the woods filled the car. She began singing along and I joined her. The music made the hour long drive fly by. I found a spot on the main street and parked. Again, I hurried over to her side and opened the door for her. She beamed at me as she got out.

"What's the bookstore called?" I asked her as we walked down the street, hand in hand.

"Port Book and News." She pointed and I saw the store just down the street.

"Any particular book you are looking for?" I asked as I opened the door to let her in.

Bella shrugged. "Not really. I just wanted to look."

I followed her into the store and she headed right for the classics. I watched as she reverently touched the spines of the books. She pulled one out and gently fingered the cover. I had no idea she had such an appreciation for books. "Jane Austin?" I asked softly.

"Yeah. My favorite author. I've read _Sense and Sensibility_ and _Pride and Prejudice_ about a thousand times." She carefully placed the book on the shelf. "But this one," she said as she pulled another book down, "Is my absolute favorite."

"Romeo and Juliet?" I lifted my eyebrow.

"Do you have a problem with the greatest love story of all time?" Bella hugged the book to her chest and scowled at me.

"Well, it's just Romeo. I mean, he goes from being in love with Rosaline, then loving Juliet. Then he kills Juliet's cousin. Not the smartest move ever."

Bella huffed at me. "But the love story is beautiful."

"Okay," I gave in, not wanting to argue with her. "You know, you are beautiful when you get upset." I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, then kissed her cheek. I spent the next hour following her through the bookstore. She picked up book after book, sometimes just fingering the spine, sometimes reading the back summary. Eventually she found a book that caused her to stop her perusal. She loving caressed the cover and looked at me.

"I think I will get this one," she said softly.

"Wuthering Heights?" Again my eye brow shot up.

"Yes. Again Edward, beautiful love story."

I shook my head. "If you say so." I plucked the book from her fingertips and walked to the cash register.

"What are you doing?" she asked as she hurried to keep up with me.

Not saying a word, I handed the book to the girl behind the counter. As she scanned the book, I reached for my wallet and pulled out the black credit card Carlisle had given to me. A hand shot out of no where and held on to mine. "No Edward, you can't start buying me things."

She pulled out a wad of cash from her jeans.

"I want to Bella, please let me." I couldn't explain it to her, but I had never been able to buy a present for someone that I cared about. She wouldn't understand how much I wanted to do this for her, after all that she had given me. "It's just a book," I said quietly. Just a book, but I had seen the light in her eyes as she had gazed at the cover. It meant something to her and I wanted to be the one who gave it to her. "Please, let me." I repeated.

Bella's grip on my wrist loosened as she looked into my eyes. Confusion swirled through the brown depths and I knew she didn't understand the intensity of my need to buy her this book. She let go and looked away, fiddling with the display of bookmarks on the counter.

I paid for the book and accepted the bag from the girl. I took Bella's hand and lead her out of the store.

"What was that about?" Bella asked when we were outside.

I knew she wasn't going to let it go. "You make me feel happy when I am around you. Safe. Content. You've given me hope that I haven't known before. When you held that book, you looked happy. Content. I wanted to give you back some of what you've given me." I shifted my weight, feeling awkward. "I know it's just a book. I know buying it for you doesn't really give that to you. But I like knowing that when you hold that book, read it, smile at it, you'll know that I bought it for you. So in a way, it'll make you think of me." I finished in a rush, feeling like every kind of idiot. I really should have just let her buy the book herself.

"That is probably the single most sweetest thing anyone as ever said to me," Bella whispered. She lifted up on her toes and pressed a kiss to my mouth. "Thank you."

I smiled against her lips. "You are welcome."

We headed towards City Pier, holding hands as we walked. We walked along the Pier until we hit the very end. Bella walked up to the rail and rested her hands on the wooden beam. I stood behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. I rested my chin on the top of her head.

"It's beautiful," she whispered, looking out over the ocean.

In the distance I could see the white triangles of sails against the blue gray of the water. "Yeah," I said, pressing a kiss to her hair.

"Edward?" Her hands covered mine where they rested on her waist.

"Hmm?"

"There's something that I want to tell you." Her hands rubbed mine. "When I first moved to Forks, Alice was the very first person to talk to me. We hit it off immediately. We were basically inseparable. And because of that, Emmett and I were friends too. The three of us basically did everything together. Sure, we had other friends at school. But usually it was the three of us."

I nodded against her head, not sure where this was going.

"Then, the Hales moved to Forks during the last semester of our freshmen year. Alice fell hard for Jasper. It was like she knew that they were meant to be together. His first day, she walked right up to him and said 'What took you so long?' They've been together ever since."

"That sounds like Alice," I said.

"Yeah. Emmett took a little longer. But one day we all went hiking down around the river. Rosalie was hanging out with us because of Jasper and she was friends with Alice. Emmett went off by himself like the big oaf that he is. Got himself lost and nearly attacked by a bear. Anyway, Rosalie sort of freaked out when he went missing. In those two hours, lets just say that Rosalie realized how important he was. The rest is history."

"Wow, that's quite a story." I pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"After that, it was the five of us. Going everywhere together. Unless they wanted private time. I didn't really mind being the fifth wheel. I mean, they are my best friends and I know they don't see me that way. In fact, I never really noticed. I had friends, family, school, books. I didn't notice anything was missing." She paused for a second, as if gathering strength. "Then this beautiful, amazing person walked into my biology class. And I realized that I didn't have anything, and that he was everything."

"Bella," I gasped, realizing where she was going.

She turned in my arms so I could see her face. Her brown eyes sparkled with tears. "I'm not going to say the words Edward, I know you aren't ready. But you have to know how much you mean to me. I know it hasn't been very long, but when you walked into that classroom, everything changed."

"I felt it too," I whispered. "That sparked that changed everything. I didn't want to care, I know you deserve better than--,"

My words were disrupted by her mouth. She kissed me hard then pulled away. "Edward, it's me who doesn't deserve you. You are incredible. You can't see it because of all that you've been through. But you are selfless and kind. And despite the horror you lived, you walked away from it with your heart intact. It would be so easy for you to bitter and spiteful. For you to hate the world and all those in it." Her hands cradled my cheeks and I reached up to encircle her wrists. "But you don't. Instead, you are good to your very core."

I pulled her to me then, holding her tight against me. "You don't know that, you don't know everything about me."

"I don't have too. Nothing you can say can change that. Nothing. So don't even try."

I didn't want to ruin this moment, so instead of fighting with her I pulled her away and looked at her. I smiled slightly. "Bella, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Isabella Marie Swan, you mean more to me than I ever thought possible. You've touched me with your kindness, opened my heart with your sweetness." I kissed her hands. "I was wondering if you would do me the honor of being my girlfriend."

Bella giggled. "Edward, you are such a goof. But such a sweet goof."

I smiled and kissed her nose. "So?"

"Edward Anthony Masen, there is nothing I would like more."

I felt like my face was going to split in half, my smile was so wide. "Come on!" I half dragged her back down the pier.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm going to take my girlfriend out to dinner. I saw a place while we were walking that looks perfect."

I felt lighthearted and free, even more than I did the day we shared our first kiss. There was something about Bella's presence that made me forget everything and just be the seventeen year old boy that I was. I watched her skip along next to me, our hands swinging between us. Joy radiated off of her and it squeezed my heart to know that I had put that joy there. She was happy because of me. It was a heady sensation and I didn't know if I could get used to it. We arrived at Café Garden and I stopped. "Does this look alright?"

I watched her take in the quaint white building with green trim. "It's perfect," she stated. We walked through the stone archway and I heard her gasp. "It's beautiful." We stood in a garden of flowers. White, pink and red roses grew everywhere. We walked along the brick path until we reached the front door.

"Hello," the hostess greeted us as we walked in. "Table for two?"

"Yes please." I said. I put my hand to the small of Bella's back and followed her to a booth. We slid in and I watched her look out the large window. We had a beautiful view of the garden and beyond that I could see the ocean.

"This is perfect Edward."

I grinned, happy that I was making her happy.

"Welcome to Café Garden, my name is Maria, I'll be your waitress today."

I glanced up at her and smiled. "We will have two cokes, please." I glanced at Bella and she nodded.

"Two cokes, coming right up," Maria said.

When she left I looked over and watched Bella examine the menu. "Anything look good?"

"Everything," she said. "I have no idea what to get. What are you getting?"

I picked up my menu. "Hm, I think one of the pastas look good."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking."

Maria returned with our drinks. "Here you go, are you guys ready to order?"

I looked at Bella. "Yeah," she said. "Hm, I'll have the Chicken Basil Linguine."

"Okay, and for you?" Maria turned to look at me.

"I'll have the Pomadoro Tortellini," I said. I smiled up at her and handed her my menu. "Thank you Maria."

She nearly dropped the menu I handed her, then grabbed Bella's and walked away.

I looked at Bella and saw her trying to contain her laughter. I narrowed my eyes. "What?"

"You are doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Dazzling people," Bella managed through her laughter.

I felt my face go beet red. "Bella," I groaned. "Not this again!"

"Did you see the poor girl? I bet she's in the kitchen hyperventilating as we speak."

I somehow rolled my eyes and tried to find my dignity.

"It's okay Edward," she reached over and patted my hands. "I know you don't do it on purpose.

Our food arrived and it was surprisingly good. I watched as Bella placed a forkful of food in her mouth. She closed her eyes as she chewed, obviously enjoying the pasta. "Good?" I asked.

"Mmhmm," she sighed. "Want to try?" She twirled more pasta on her fork, then held the loaded utensil out for me. I opened my mouth helped her guide the food into my mouth. It was delicious.

I picked up my own fork and tried a bite of my dinner. Again my taste buds were assaulted with flavor.

"Well?" Bella asked.

I looked up at her through my lashes and smiled. I almost laughed when her eyes took on that glassy look. Apparently I had dazzled her again. "Want a bite?"

She nodded. I held my fork up for her and placed the tortellini in her mouth. I watched her chew and she smiled. "Yum," she said.

Our dinner continued that way as we shared our food. The food was amazing, but the company was even better. I almost laughed to myself as the cliché went through my brain. But in this case, it was true. Bella made me smile and laugh more than I had in such a long time. This day had been perfect. I was just a boy, out on a date with his beautiful girl friend. There were no nightmares, not guilt, no fear. No wondering when this was all going to end.

Later, as I drove her home and held her hand, she turned to me. "I had so much fun today," she said. "Did you?"

"You have no idea," I said quietly. "Today was perfect."

"Good." Bella sat back in her seat. "I wanted to give you that, a perfect day. With no fear. You've known enough fear."

I pulled up to her house. "When I'm with you, there is no fear, no reason for it," I said gently.

I got out of the car and opened the door for her. We walked quietly to her door. "Will I see you tomorrow?" she asked.

"I certainly hope so," I answered. "I'll call you in the morning, let you know the plan."

"That would be great. Thank you for today."

I leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. "I will see you tomorrow."

"Definitely." Then she gripped my shirt for a second. "Sleep well, Edward," she whispered against my lips. "Have sweet dreams, okay?"

I nodded, unable to promise anything. I didn't know what to expect when I closed my eyes tonight. "You too." I deepened our kiss, enjoying the feel her soft lips and her heart beating against my chest.

"Bella? Is that you?"

We jumped as the porch light turned on and the knob shook. "I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, Bella."

"Night Edward."

I kissed her hand one more time, then hurried to my car.

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A/N: I hope that was okay. I know there wasn't a whole lot of action, but like I said, I just really wanted to give Edward a day to enjoy. He's been through so much.

So I was thinking...I am very close to 100 reviews and it would be amazing if I broke 100 reviews with this chapter.

Thanks to everyone who has read/favorited/alerted/reviewed this story!!!


	15. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight or the characters.**

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Chapter 14

_I sat at the kitchen table working on my homework. Even though it was Saturday, I took advantage of the peace to get some work done. From where I sat, I could see my mom sitting on the couch. She looked so small and fragile, with her legs tucked underneath her as she read a book. _He _sat next to her, a beer in his hand, despite the early hour._

"_What was that!" he yelled. "Come on ref, open your eyes! That was a touchdown!"_

_I relaxed my grip on my pencil when I realized he was upset about something the Bears had done, and not me. I took a steadying breath and went back to my math. "Find the area and perimeter of this rectangle." I nearly rolled my eyes. Sixth grade math was so insanely easy._

"_Edward!"_

_I jumped at the sound of my name, dropping my pencil on the brown carpet. I leapt out of my seat and hurried into the family room. "Yes, sir?" I only called him sir because he demanded it. Certainly not because he had earned it._

_He waggled his beer can. "I'm on empty."_

_I nodded and immediately turned back towards the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator door and felt my stomach drop to my knees. I leaned my forehead against the freezer door and shut my eyes._

"_Edward! Beer! Now!" he barked from the other room._

_I steeled myself as I turned and walked back to the family room. I gave a fleeting glance out the window and saw the sun shining. I wish I had a normal life. I looked at my mom. She was still curled up on the couch, her eyes glassy and disconnected. Slowly, I turned my eyes to him and swallowed thickly. "Sir, there is no more beer."_

_He looked at me and tilted his head. "What?"_

_I swallowed and tried to push down the fear that was threatening to strangle me. "The beer is gone."_

"_I heard you the first time, damn it! Elizabeth," he said, turning towards my mother. I took a step forward, to place myself between them, but he held up his hand. "You need to go to the store and get me more beer."_

_She blinked and looked at him. "Now?"_

"_Of course now!" _

_I watched her unfold her legs and stand up. "Mom, do you want me to go with you?" I asked, fighting as hard as I could to keep the panic out of my voice._

"_Oh no, honey," she smiled at me. "I know you are working on your homework."_

"_Yeah," I managed. I looked at him and he was grinning at me._

_I stood silently as she went to get her purse. I heard the garage door go up, the roar of the engine, then the sound of the door closing. For several minutes the silence rang in my ears._

"_Did you know how much I hated it when you would interfere?" I turned my eyes to him and stayed silent. "Who were you, some snot-nosed ten year old to tell me what I could and couldn't do?" He flashed a leering smile at me. "But I am starting to realize the advantages."_

_My teeth clenched together, but I made no sound. He shrugged and stood. "Take off your shirt, I'll be right back." He said as he walked out of the room._

_I wished my hands didn't shake as I grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it off. I wished my heart would slow down and that my knees weren't trembling as I waited for him to return with his weapon. After two years, you'd think I'd be used to this by now. But I hated it when he was calm like this. When he was drunk, or spurred by rage, the punishments were vicious, but fast. When he was calm, they were more drawn out tearing at my mind as well as my body._

_He came out holding the chain in his hand and I bit back a groan. "I want to hear you count the numbers, understand?"_

"_Yes sir." I turned to face the wall and rested my hands on it to keep from falling over._

_I heard the chains rattle and then land with a resounding clang and a stinging bite. Tears instantly flooded my eyes and I fought them back. "One," I said in as strong a voice as I could muster._

_Area of a triangle "Two" equals one half base times "Three" height. Area of "Four" a rectangle "Five" equals length "Six" times width "Seven." I recited the formulas in my head, a desperate attempt to keep my mind off the pain that raged over my back. I would not cry. I would not show him how much it hurt. _

_Area of a trapezoid "Fifteen" equals half "Sixteen" the quantity of "Seventeen" top base plus "Eighteen" bottom base times "Nineteen" height "Twenty."_

_Stop! Enough! Please! I want to scream out the words and beg him to stop. I squeezed my eyes shut and my hands turned to fists against the wall. "Twenty-five." It was getting harder to keep the pain out of my voice. I tried to find more formulas to take the pain away. Area of a parallelogram "Twenty-eight" equals base "Twenty-nine" times height "Thirty."_

_And then it stopped. I braced myself for another clanking lash. But none came. Instead, I felt a hand on my shoulder and then I was facing him._

"_So I was talking to your mom the other day. She told me about your father."_

_I cringed. This man didn't deserve to even think my father's name. I glared at him through pools of tears._

"_Sounds like he was a great man."_

_I clenched my teeth hard, refusing to respond._

"_See what I mean about this being so much better? Since you stepped in, I mean. Now, I get to beat the great Edward Masen's son, anytime I want. And there's nothing you can do about it, is there?" _

_I continued to glare up at him. He didn't like that and smacked me hard across the face. "Is there?" he hissed again._

"_No," I said through my clenched jaw. I saw his hand rise again. "Sir," I added and the hand dropped._

_Now he smiled at me. "You better not forget that boy. And you better never leave her alone. You never know what will happen if you do."_

I shot straight up in bed, my chest heaving. I grabbed my pillow and pressed it to my face. "No, no, no," I cried into the fluff. My knees came up, helping to push the pillow even farther into my face. "I'm sorry," I cried. "I'm so sorry. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

I had been confident, almost cocky before going to bed that the nightmares would leave me alone tonight. After the day I had with Bella I had felt so hopeful, so fearless that I had gone to bed thinking I would sleep through the night. Stupid, so stupid.

My whole body shuddered with the force of my sobs. I didn't mean for it to happen. I tried to protect her, I didn't want her to die. I just wanted her to be safe. And…and I wanted to be happy too. Was that really so much to ask? I put the pillow down, and just rested my cheek on my updrawn knees. Bella's words from the morning came back to me.

_She knew, right? She knew the rules?_

She did know. She knew what would happen when she left that day to get beer for him, she had too. And she had to have seen the bruise on my face, the huge welts on my back and arms. She knew the consequences of his rage just as well as I did. I protected her with everything I had, for seven very long years. Why didn't she ever protect me?

My eyes slid shut. "Edward," I whispered to my self. "This is wrong. You promised Dad you'd protect her. She never asked you to take the beatings for her."

I nodded to myself. I was being selfish, trying to ease the guilt I felt for her death. Nothing would change the fact that I had killed her. She lost everything when my father died and all I could give her was protection.

I slide the covers off me and stood. It was only one in the morning, but I knew I would get no more sleep that night. I went to the bathroom and threw some cold water on my face, washing away the streaks tears had left on my cheeks. Then I went to my keyboard and put the ear phones in place. I spent the rest of the night letting out my anger, sorrow and pain through the music.

When dawn finally broke, I took off the head phones and went back to the bathroom to shower. The hot water felt good on my sore muscles, stiff from have sat at the instrument for so long. After a while, I left the heat of the shower. I got dressed quickly, pulling another of Alice's "outfits" from my closet. Today I wore dark jeans, a gray t-shirt and a dark blue hoodie. I pulled the zipper up on the sweatshirt and then headed downstairs.

Carlisle sat in the kitchen, drinking his normal cup of coffee as he scanned the paper. "Morning, Edward," he said as I walked in.

"Morning," I said quietly. I debated getting a bowl of cereal, but my stomach twisted at the thought. Instead, I went to the table and sat down next to Carlisle.

I saw his eyes flicker to me as I sat.

"Edward," he sighed.

"Yes," I said before he could ask me if I slept last night. "A little."

"What is it, keeping you from sleep?" he asked gently.

I stared at the table and shifted awkwardly. "Dunno," I lied, feeling horrible about it. "Lots on my mind, I guess." That, in a way was the truth. I had a lot on my mind and it manifested itself in my nightmares.

"Do you want to talk about what's on your mind?" Carlisle took another sip of coffee, but never took his eyes off me.

I started to shake my head, but then I remembered the way he had looked at me the day I had broken the vase. I remembered the look on his face when he approached me as I cowered, thinking he was going to hit me. This man was kind and gentle. It was wrong to lie to him. But I couldn't tell him the whole truth either.

"I think about my mom," I whispered. "And what he did us. A-and how everything has changed."

Carlisle nodded. "I can understand why this would all be overwhelming, especially with all that has happened. But you mustn't blame yourself. Nothing that happened was your fault."

I almost snorted at those words, they were so far from the truth. Everything was my fault.

"It's okay to be happy," Carlisle continued. "You do deserve this, I know it's hard to believe right now, but you do. I promise you that."

I nodded, even though none of it was true.

"I need to get going, I am working today," he said after a few minutes of silence. "But if you need to talk more, I can stay."

"I'm okay," I said. There was no reason for Carlisle to be late for work because of me.

I felt him studying me and I looked up. "If you do need to talk," he continued, softly now, "Esme will be home."

"I'm okay," I repeated.

Carlisle nodded and stood. He put his coffee mug in the sink and picked up his briefcase from the counter. "I will see you tonight."

"Yeah," I tried to smile at him and succeeded. Sort of.

"Eat breakfast," Carlisle said as he walked out.

My half smile grew a bit as he left. Always telling me what to do. Just like my father had. I stood up and walked over to the cabinet holding all the cereal. I remembered Bella's reaction to the boxes of cereal and then the glorious omelet she had made. My stomach grumbled at the thought of the gooey cheese and egg. I reached up and grabbed the box of Raisin Bran. My stomach grumbled again. "I know," I whispered. "I would rather have Bella's omelet too."

"Who are you talking to?"

I jumped ten feet in the air and spun around to see Alice dancing into the room.

"No one," I said my face turning as red as Bella's. No way I was admitting that I had been talking to my stomach.

"Hm," Alice said, looking at me. "Are you going to hang out with Bella again today?"

"I hope so," I said without thinking.

Alice looked delighted. "Oh good! I am so happy for you two."

"You've mentioned that," I muttered. I poured the Raisin Bran in a bowl. "You want some?" I asked Alice, not wanting to be rude.

"Sure." She made her way to the table and sat down.

I grabbed a second bowl and poured more cereal in to it. I added milk to both bowls, took two spoons from the drawer and then joined her at the table.

"What did you guys do yesterday?" Alice asked me as she dipped her spoon in the cereal.

"We went to Port Angeles," I answered. "We went to the bookstore, then walked along City Pier."

"How cool," Alice said, smiling at me. "Bella loves to read."

"I noticed." I looked at Alice and decided she deserved to know. "I asked Bella if she wanted to be my girlfriend."

Her eyes widened along with her smile. "Oh!" she gasped. "She said yes right? Of course she did. Oh Edward! You're her first boyfriend, you know that right? Of course you know that! Oh! I'm so so so happy! Bella is my best friend and she so deserves to have a boyfriend!"

I chuckled softly as Alice bounced in her seat and rambled on.

"It's perfect!" she cried happily.

"What's perfect?" Emmett asked as he ambled into the kitchen.

"Edward is Bella's boyfriend now!"

Emmett looked at me. "Yes!" he pumped his fist in the air, like he always seemed to do when he was excited. "Way to go bro!" He came over to the table and extended his fist. I bumped it with mine and he laughed. "That is perfect!"

"I know!" Alice gushed. "Now there is the six of us. I always felt bad that Bella didn't have anyone."

Emmett went to get a bowl of cereal. I nearly laughed when I saw him pull out the Lucky Charms. I had wondered who ate the sugary cereal. I peeked at Alice and saw her still smiling. I was so happy that Emmett and Alice continued to treat me normal. They had seen my break down over the vase, but neither had said anything or acted any different around me. I was extremely grateful for that.

"Any plans for today?" Emmett asked as he sat down with his huge bowl of Lucky Charms.

I pushed my cereal around. "No, not yet."

"I'm sure something will come up," Emmett smiled.

"Edward?" I heard my name being called from the stairs. My forehead wrinkled a bit and I looked at Alice and Emmett. They shrugged, but continued to eat their cereal. I left my barely touched bowl and headed out of the kitchen.

Esme stood on the top of the stairs, her hands on her hips. "There you are. Come here for a second."

I climbed the stairs and tried to fight the old panic that was twisting in my stomach. Calm down, my brain hissed. This is Esme, she isn't going to do anything to you. I followed her into a room I had never been before. It was smaller than any of the other rooms, painted a light blue color. Black and white pictures decorated the walls and a large mahogany desk stood in the middle. Architecture and design books lined one of the walls, and like every other room on this side of the house, the back wall was made of floor to ceiling windows. I realized this was Esme's office.

"I want to show you something honey," she said. I noticed the smile playing around her lips. I walked slowly to her desk and peered at the computer screen that she was pointing at. A vase met my eyes. It was a different color, but the detail was just intricate as the one she had owned. "Beautiful," she murmured. "Even more so than the other."

Then my eyes went to the little black numbers below the picture. My breath left me and my gaze flew to Esme. "Its eight thousand dollars," I choked out.

"Yes," she nearly purred as her fingers traced the designs on the screen. "That is what I bought it for. But you see Edward, I bargained them down. It was supposed to be closer to fifteen. Something told them that I deserved this vase for much less. As if they knew and it saved me nearly seven thousand dollars."

I understood what she was trying to say. That it negated the other vase. My breaking it ceased to matter. That was why she was showing this to me. "Thank you Esme," I said.

"I told you I would find one I like more." She smiled triumphantly at me. Then she came around the desk and put her hands on my upper arms. I fought not to flinch. "Please do not think of it any longer."

I nodded. "Thank you," I said again. I left Esme's office and went back to the kitchen. I found my now soggy cereal still sitting on the table, but Alice and Emmett had disappeared. I dumped the cereal into the sink and cleaned out the bowl. Then I saw the note sitting on the counter. "We are going to play baseball today. Grab Bella and meet us at the high school field at eleven," it said in Alice's loopy scrawl.

Baseball. I knew the idea stemmed from what I had said that night at the sleep over. Why had I mentioned it? I hadn't so much as looked at a baseball since the night my mom died. I wanted to walk away from the note and pretend I hadn't read it. But that was no good. I couldn't treat Alice and Emmett like that and I couldn't deny Bella a day with her friends. "Come on, Edward," I muttered. "Suck it up, it's just a game."

With a sigh, I moved to the phone and called Bella to tell her the game plan for the day. She sounded delighted with the day's activity and said she'd be ready to go by ten forty-five. Then she told me that Charlie couldn't wait to meet me. After I hung up the phone, I stared at it and tried to imagine meeting Bella's police chief father. She had probably told him that I was her boyfriend. It would explain why he wanted to meet me.

I still had an hour to wait before I could leave for Bella's, so I made my way to the piano. I played for a while, enjoying the sound and feel of the real piano. The keyboard was fine for my late night need, but nothing could match the quality of a piano. Especially a beautiful grand piano like this. I played, switching between the classical music of Beethoven and Bach to more contemporary pieces, to my own creations. Music filled the house and eased my nerves.

As the clock crept closer to ten thirty, I let the music end and pulled the lid over the keys. I stood up and that's when I noticed Esme. She sat on the bottom step of the staircase, holding her knees. She grinned sheepishly when I noticed her. "I'm sorry," she said, sounding like a five year that had been caught with her hand in cookie jar. "I just love listening to you play. It's mesmerizing. I couldn't hear well enough in my office."

It felt good to do something that made her happy. "It's okay," I said. "I like that you like it."

"I do," she agreed. "What was the last piece you were playing? I didn't recognize it."

"Oh. That. Hm." I stammered, then blurted out the truth. "It's for you and Carlisle. You guys love each other and it shows. It reminds me of my mom and dad, before he died."

"Oh Edward," she breathed, sounding delighted. "That is so endearingly sweet. You must play it for Carlisle."

"Okay." I nodded and tried really hard not to be embarrassed. "I need to go now," I said, hoping I didn't sound rude. "I'm picking up Bella and meeting Alice and Emmett to play baseball."

"Wonderful!" Esme said, her face lighting up again. "I am so glad you are adjusting so well."

I smiled, even though that wasn't the complete truth. "I will see you later, Esme,"

"Yes honey, have fun!"

I went out to my Volvo and drove to Bella's house. In front, I saw the police cruiser. The beating of my heart immediately picked up as I stepped from my car. I went to the door, took a deep breath and knocked.

The door opened almost instantly. "Hey Edward!" Bella sang and she threw her arms around me.

"Bella," I breathed as I held her tight. It felt like days, instead of hours since I had seen her last. I pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

She pulled away and examine my face with her knowing eyes. "Oh sweetheart," she whispered as her hands came up to my face. "You had another nightmare, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

She wrapped her arms around my neck again, holding me and running her hands along my back. This was a hug of comfort.

"I'm okay," I whispered against her hair. "It's no big deal."

"Bella?" I heard a man's voice calling her name and pulled away from her just in time to see her father come around the corner. "Is he here?"

"Yes, Dad. This is Edward Masen."

I stepped forward with my hand extended. "It's nice to meet you, sir."

"Edward," her father said, returning my hand shake. "What are your plans for my daughter?"

My brain scrambled for the meaning of his words. Did he mean what are we doing today? Or did he mean more long term? "I—um, we are going to play baseball," I managed to get out.

"Baseball?" Charlie Swan looked from me to his daughter. Then he laughed. "Well, more power to you, I guess."

Bella huffed at that. "Thanks, Dad," she muttered.

Charlie laughed again. "Have fun Bella, be safe."

"I will, thanks. See you!"

She took my hand and led me out of the house. I breathed a sigh of relief that it was over and nothing catastrophic had occurred. I opened the door for her and then sprinted around to my side.

"How are you doing today?" I asked her as I started the car.

"Great, especially since I get to hang out with you," she smiled at me. "I missed you."

"Me too." I picked her hand up and kissed it gently. "And just so you know, Emmett and Alice know."

"Know what?"

"That you are my girlfriend." I frowned. Maybe that was something she wanted to tell Alice herself. "I'm sorry. I didn't think. You probably wanted to tell Alice."

"Nah, it's cool. Don't worry about Edward. I probably would have been embarrassed anyway."

I relaxed. "Okay." We had reached the high school and I parked in the same lot we used when we went to school. I got out and went to the other side to get the door.

"Thanks," she said, like she always did when I opened the door for her. She is so sweet. I took her hand and we made our way to the field.

With every step I took, I felt my stomach twist a little more. The yellow foul poles loomed against the gray sky. I tried to keep my breathing even as the green grass of the outfield came into the view. Then the dirt of the infield, then the grass of the inner diamond. I stopped.

Bella jerked to a stop because of our joined hands. "Edward?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said thickly. "Just brings back memories from Chicago." I smiled as best I could.

"Oh yeah! You said you played with your friends."

I nodded, not trusting my voice. It felt like I was wading through glue as I forced myself to continue walking.

_Hey man, we are going to play a game of pick up ball, you need to come._

_Okay. Just for a little bit._

God, I should never have said yes that day. I should have gone home. Straight home. Selfish!

We reached the in field and came to a stop next to the others. All I could hear was a buzzing in my ears as I tried to force out the memories of another field, another time. I could see Emmett's mouth moving, but no words reached me.

_Edward! You're joining us bro, that awesome! We want you on our team!_

_No way! I got him here. Play centerfield, Edward._

Suddenly a mitt appeared in front of my face. "What?" I said, knowing I had missed something.

Emmett smiled. "I said go play centerfield, Edward."

I swallowed thickly and grabbed the mitt. I turned then and ran to the outfield. I saw Rosalie standing on the other side of the field, mitt in hand. Jasper stood between first and second base and Alice pranced about at homeplate, holding a bat. Emmett positioned himself on the pitcher's mound. I noticed Bella sitting on the bench in the dugout.

"Come on Alice!" she cheered. The sight of her made me smile. Of course she would be sitting on the bench. The poor girl could not be trusted holding a bat or throwing a ball. But looking at her helped me focus in on the game in front of me.

Emmett wound up and delivered the pitch. Alice swung and connected with the white sphere. It flew off her bat with surprising force. I watched as it seemed to move in slow motion to my right. I took off, leaping at the last second, snatching the ball out of the sky. Then I hurled it back to Emmett. He stared at me, mouth slightly open. "Damn, bro…"

For just a second, I saw Kevin Adams standing on the mound. I shook my head and forced myself to stay in the present. "You are not in Chicago," I repeated to myself as I focused on Emmett as he sent off another pitch. This time, the ball bounced to Jasper, who nabbed it. He ran to first base and touched it before Alice got there. "Jerk!" she cried as she pushed him away. Then she grabbed him and kissed him fiercely. Leaving Jasper with a stunned look on his face, she raced back to homeplate and picked up the bat. This time she swung and missed. "That's three!" Rosalie shouted from her place in the outfield.

Alice dropped the bat and ran out to take Jasper's position. He went to homeplate and picked up the bat.

The game continued. It got easier to stay in the present as more time went on. I could finally take a deep breath, when all of a sudden, there was a commotion coming from behind the fence. I had just finished my at bat and was standing next to Emmett. "Great," he muttered.

"What?" I asked, squinting to see who it was.

"Varsity just showed up," Emmett growled. By this time, Jasper, Rosalie, Alice and Bella had joined us on the mound.

I watched as the group of boys came closer. And then I knew why Emmett was so upset. Because walking towards us was Mike Newton, Tyler Crowley and Eric Yorkie along with a couple of boys I didn't recognize.

"Great," I muttered.

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**A/N I know this is kind of a random place to stop, but I had so much more for this chapter and it was getting extremely long. I needed a stopping point and this is the best I could find. But, if all goes to plan, chapter 15 should be up really quickly.**

**So we almost got to 100 reviews with the last chapter. Thank you so so much to all of you that reviewed. We should definitely reach 100 with this one. Yay :o)  
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	16. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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Chapter 15

"Hey guys!" Mike called as the group crossed into the dirt of the infield. His boyish face was lit up and you would almost believe he was truly happy to see us, if it weren't for the glint in his blue eyes.

"Mike." Emmett said.

"We were heading down here to get some practice in, but seeing as you guys were here first," Mike said, spreading his hands acknowledging our group. "What do you say we just play a game? You against us? Think you all can take us?"

I glanced at Emmett and Jasper. Jasper's eyes had narrowed. But I knew Emmett would never back down from a challenge. "Fine," he said.

"Sounds good. You want home or visitors?"

I saw Emmett look at Jasper, who nodded. "Home, we were here first," Emmett answered.

And with that, the game began. I ran back out to center field and was joined by Rosalie. Alice and Jasper took the in field.

Emmett stood on the mound, ready to pitch to the first batter. First up was Eric Yorkie. He stood, swinging the bat, a smile on his face. "It's coming to you, blondie," he called out.

"Good," Rosalie shouted back, pushing to her toes so that she would be ready for the play.

The ball flew off the bat, heading straight for Rosalie, just like Eric had predicted. She took a few steps to the left and the ball fell right into her mitt. "Atta girl," I heard Emmett call from the pitcher's mound. Rosalie turned and blew him a kiss, then tossed the ball back to him.

Next up was a boy I didn't recognize. He took his place at the plate and took a couple of practice swings. Then the ball was pitched. He hit a bouncing grounder towards Jasper. He scooped it up easily and tossed it to Alice, who stood on first.

"Two outs!" Emmett boomed.

Mike Newton came to the plate next. He walked with the cocky swagger of someone used to making the game saving play. He twirled the bat a few times, then stepped into the batter's box. As he set up for the pitch, he caught my eye and smiled.

I crouched down and narrowed my eyes. It was on. The ball collided with the bat and went speeding towards the spot directly between me and Rosalie. Any other time, it would have bounced in for a hit. I took off, sprinting as fast as I could to the spot I knew it was going to land. The ball was a few feet from the ground, I leaped, extending my body as far as it could go. The ball hit the pocket of my mitt with a thud with my chest a few inches from the ground. I hit the grass and slid a few feet, the ball staying snugly in my glove. I jumped to my feet and held the ball in the air.

"Yes!" Emmett cried, pumping his fist in the air. I smiled as we ran in to bat.

Mike glared at me as we passed through the infield. I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe next time," I said.

His eyes narrowed, but he didn't say anything as he took his spot on the mound.

Emmett was up first for our team. He slammed the ball into the outfield and it bounced in front of Tyler. He stood on first and clapped. "Come on Rosie!"

Rosalie took a few practice swings and smiled at Emmett. "See you on second, babe," she winked at Emmett.

"Just get in the batter's box!" Mike grunted.

Rosalie stepped in, her eyes narrowing as she focused on the ball. She connected and sent the ball shooting over second base, only a few feet above the ground.

"Come on guys!" Mike yelled at his team. "Play defense!"

"Maybe you should learn to pitch!" Emmett laughed at him.

Mike slammed his fist into his glove. "I want Masen up next."

That was fine by me. I grabbed a bat and stepped in. The ball flew out of Mike's hand and before I could move out of the way, it slammed into my arm.

"Hey!" Emmett growled. Jasper took two steps out of the dugout and I could see Emmett about the charge the mound.

"I'm okay!" I shouted. "It's fine! Emmett, get back on second."

The last thing I wanted was a fight to break out. It was tense enough already on the field.

"Edward! Are you okay?" Bella came running up to me.

"Yeah, fine, don't worry." I gave her a reassuring smile. "Honestly, it wasn't thrown that hard. I barely felt it." I shouted the last part so that Emmett would hear.

Emmett and Jasper burst out laughing at my response, and they backed away from the mound. I saw Mike's face turn bright red in anger.

I stepped back into the box. "But hit me again, Newton," I said menacingly, "And I won't stop them."

His only response was a throaty growl.

He wound up again and released the ball. The white orb flew towards me, growing bigger as it approached. My hands tightened on the bat and then I released my arms, bringing the bat forcefully around. The ball hit the sweet spot and exploded off the barrel. For a second I didn't move as I watched the ball fly over the fence and in to the woods beyond.

"YES!" Emmett boomed. His laughter filled the air as I began to jog around the bases. "Edward you are the freaking man!"

"You bastard!" Mike raged. His finger pointed at me. I ignored him and continued to trot around the bases. I caught Bella's eye and smiled. "I heard about you," he continued, his voice near hysterical. "I heard why you came to live with the Cullen's. Your mom died, right? I bet you killed her," he hissed.

I stumbled and nearly fell as Mike's words hit me like a shot.

"That's it, isn't it?" Mike smiled viciously. "You killed her? That's why you walk around school looking like the world is against you. You killed your own mom? What kind of a monster are you?"

"That's enough!" Emmett roared.

I didn't see what happened after that. I took off, racing for the woods, desperate to get away from Mike's cruel words. Cruel but true. _You killed your own mom? Killed your mother…all my fault…monster…selfish…stupid…my fault…my fault…my fault._

I tripped over a tree root and my knees hit the ground. I didn't try to get up. The pain lanced through me. I shoved my fist into my mouth to muffle my screams and I wrapped my other arm around my waist, frantic to calm the pain. I leaned over my knees until my forehead nearly touched the ground. I couldn't escape it. Guilt flooded through me, twisting my stomach painfully.

And then, like a miracle, I felt her hands on my back. "Edward," she gasped. She tried to pull me up, but I was frozen. "Edward," she cried softly as she wrapped her arms around my back. I felt her cheek against my back as she began to rock me softly. "Mike didn't know what he was talking about," she whispered. "He's stupid and never thinks about what he says. He's just a jerk. Don't let him upset you so."

"He's right," I panted quietly. "Bella, you should go." My chest hitched over the words as I fought to catch my breath.

"Not going to happen, I'm here for you." Her gentle fingers rubbed soothing circles into my back.

"But he's right!" I sat up, my hands turning to fists on my thighs. "I killed my mother! I told you I'm not who you think I am! I killed her. I killed my own mother."

"No you didn't," she said, conviction in her voice.

"Yes," I looked straight into her eyes. "I did."

"Tell me what happened," she said softly. Her hands went to mine, rubbing lightly over my clenched fists.

I closed my eyes and my chest jerked as I fought the memories. I tried so hard not to think of that day. "I was on my way to the parking lot after school," I forced myself to say. "My friend, Kevin, came after me. The gang was playing baseball and he wanted to know if I would join them. I should have said no." My fists clenched even tighter. "I should have said no," I sobbed again. I struggled to gain control. "But I didn't," I whispered. "I had made chili in the crockpot before school. I knew dinner was done. I thought it would be okay as long as I got home before five."

Her hands never stopped rubbing my fists. I opened my eyes and saw her looking at me, tears streaking down her pale cheeks.

"Time got away from me a little, and I didn't leave until a few minutes to five." I took a deep, shuddering breath. "I remember racing to my car, driving faster than I ever had to get home. I made it right at five. But his car was already in front. I knew then. I knew something bad had happened. I went inside and he was there, drinking a beer and holding my old aluminum bat." I stopped again, trying to breathe. If I let myself, I could go back to that dark afternoon, see him holding the bat, calmly sipping his beer. I focused on Bella to keep me in the present, in the woods with her. "She was in the family room, face down. I knew she was dead almost immediately." The words barely made a sound. "I killed her."

"No, sweetheart. No, you didn't."

"I did. He warned me that leaving her alone would be bad. I knew that, but I was selfish and stayed to play."

"No!" Bella's hands left my fists and came to my face instead, cradling my cheeks. "No. You are seventeen years old, Edward. What happened is not your fault. It's his fault. The man she _chose _to marry. Did you ask her to stay with him? No. He killed her, not you. So you stayed after school to play a game? I think, with the life you lived you deserved an afternoon of fun. How often did you stay after to play?"

"A couple times, maybe."

"Since you were ten?"

I nodded.

"God." She leaned her forehead against mine. "Baby you can't blame yourself for her death. She stayed with a man that abused her. And then, she let her ten year old son step in and take the beatings for her. You told me he never touched her again, once you took over, right?"

"Not til that night," I said thickly.

"Your mom was supposed to protect you," she continued softly. "She should have left him the first time he hit her. But she stayed and then she let you get hurt every day."

"I can't blame her."

"Why not? Because your dad died? Why does that give her the right to neglect her responsibilities?"

I exhaled sharply.

"She knew the rules, but she never stepped in to help you," she continued.

"Bella, please," I begged. "I don't know what to say, I don't know what you want from me."

Her arms came around my neck at my words, holding me tightly. I slid my own arms around her waist and pulled her to me, until she was sitting on my knees. I felt her pressing kisses to the top of my head. "I want you to know it's not your fault."

My eyes slammed shut. "I left her alone, Bella. If I hadn't, she would still be alive."

"And then what?" she asked tenderly. "You'd still be in Chicago, taking beatings you don't deserve. How long would that have lasted? What about college? What about your life?"

"So I had to kill my own mom to escape." I knew that already. The fact was eating me alive. "I killed my mom so I could have all this."

"No. That's not what I meant." She pulled away from me and tilted my head until she was looking at me in the eyes. "You did not kill your mother. Yes, her death set you free, but you didn't kill her."

"I don't want to argue about this," I said softly.

Bella gathered me close to her again and I leaned my head against her hair. "You can't carry this burden forever. It's going to weigh you down. You don't deserve that."

"It's my burden to carry." I hated this. I wanted to stop talking about it.

"Edward."

"Bella," I sighed and pulled away from her. "Listen. I know you want to help. I know you care. But this isn't something you can just magically make better. It's a part of me, a part of who I am. Yes it is," I added as she started shaking her head. "I told you from the start that you'd be better off without me. Maybe now you see that it's true." I turned my eyes down as those words left my mouth. I wanted to yank her back into my arms and hold her forever and never let go. But the monster had reared his ugly head and I had to give her an out.

"You are the best thing in my life," she said. "I would never turn my back on you. Especially now, when you are in such pain. I don't know how to help you."

"I don't think you can," I whispered.

With those words, I saw the fire of determination flare in Bella's eyes and I knew she wasn't going to give up. I sighed and then leaned over to kiss her gently on the lips. "We should head back, I'm sure the others are worried."

"I guess." From the way she looked at me, I knew she was far from satisfied with the way this conversation had ended. But she let me pull her to her feet and lead her back to the field. "I hope Mike and his gang are gone," she commented quietly.

I groaned. I had forgotten about them. "Yeah." If I saw Mike now, there wasn't much that would keep me from punching him, despite my hatred for violence.

We stepped out of the woods and I saw Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett sitting in the dugout. The other group of boys was nowhere to be seen. As we approached the group, I saw Emmett's right hand look bloody. "What happened to your hand?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"It ran into Mike's face," Emmett said with a smile. "A couple times."

"Are you okay, Edward?" Alice asked quietly.

"Yeah, sorry." I glanced at Bella, knowing I owed them some type of explanation. "I was playing baseball the day my mom died. Um, when Mike said what he said, along with those memories, I just had to get out."

"I'm sorry, bro," Emmett said. "I didn't realize. When you said you used to play in Chicago, I figured you'd enjoy it."

I knew that. Emmett would never have intentionally hurt me. He was truly becoming my older brother. "No worries, Em." I smiled at him. "I do love baseball. And now that I have the initial time over with, it should be easier next time."

The gang went out for pizza after that. I tried to ignore the worried looks Bella kept throwing in my direction. Instead I held her hand and put on a happy face. I was good at blocking out pain. I had to be.

After pizza, we headed back to the house, where Emmett went off with Rosalie and Jasper with Alice. A note from Esme stated that she and Carlisle had gone out for the evening and would be back later. "Do you want to go up to my room?" I asked Bella. "We could listen to music."

"Sure," she nodded.

We went upstairs and into my room. "Wow," she gasped when she stood in the doorway.

"I know," I smiled sheepishly. "The Cullens don't know when to stop."

She went to the bookcase that held all my CDs. "I don't think I've ever seen so many CDs, except at the store." She ran her finger across the plastic spines.

"Pick out whatever you like," I said over her shoulder.

She looked back at me and smiled. She pulled a CD off the shelf and handed it to me. I slipped it into the CD player and music filled the room. I let her lead me back to the bed and we sat down.

"Edward," she started.

"Do you want to dance?" I cut her off, turned to her and smiled, holding out my hand.

She looked confused for a second and stared at my hand like she had never seen it before. "You know I don't dance," she said slowly, as if I had momentarily lost my brain.

"It's all about the leader," I said, confidently. "Do you trust me."

She tilted her head and then nodded. I smiled and stood. I pulled her to her feet and then wrapped her arms around my neck. Bella leaned her head into my chest and I heard her sigh as we began to sway to the music. "You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. I feel so right in your arms."

That was something I could agree with. Bella belonged in my arms. I couldn't doubt that. I moved us to the music, swaying back and forth in time with the beat. For awhile, the only sound was that of the music. But although I felt content, I knew there was a storm brewing inside me.

Finally, Bella lifted her head off of my chest. She tilted her chin up and I leaned down to place a kiss on her lips. Her hand came around my head and tangled in my hair, pressing farther into the kiss. A soft moan escaped her lips as I opened my mouth and deepened the kiss. My hand came up to cradle the back of her head and my fingers massaged her scalp. "Edward," she moaned.

"Hey Bella!" Jasper's head appeared in my doorway. "Oops, sorry you guys," he said as we jumped apart.

"S'ok," Bella managed. "What do you need?"

"Oh. I just wanted to let you know that Rosalie and I are getting ready to go, I wanted to see if you wanted a ride home."

"You are leaving now?" Bella asked.

"Well, yeah," Jasper said. "I mean, it's after nine and it is a school night. Our parents like us home by nine thirty on school nights. Lame, I know."

"It's after nine?" Bella still seemed a bit dazed.

"Yes Bella," Jasper said slowly as he smiled.

"Crap!" She shot to life. "I'm supposed to be home by nine thirty too! Yes, I want a ride home, thanks!"

I sighed, sad that our time together was over. I took her hand and walked with her to the front door. The others were there, saying good bye. "Well, I guess I will see you tomorrow," I said softly.

"Yeah." She touched my cheeks. "I will see you then sweetheart." I could tell she wanted to say more about what had happened today at the baseball field, but she bit her lip instead. "Have a good night," she finally said.

"I will. You too." I kissed her gently, wishing I could take away the sadness that had crept into her eyes. "Sweet dreams, my sweet girlfriend."

The words caused happiness to stir through the sadness. Good. She didn't need to waste her sadness on me.

"Good night."

I watched her walk out of the house and down the steps as she followed Rosalie and Jasper to the car. I waved as she got in the car and smiled as she touched her lips for a kiss.

"Do you want to watch TV?" Alice asked me, her voice uncertain.

I turned and looked at her and Emmett. Emmett stood with his hands in his pockets, his eyes downcast. Alice rose up and down on her toes, her eyes looking over my shoulder. Tension came off both of them in waves.

I realized they were afraid of me.

"I um," I frowned and shook my head. "No, I'll just go upstairs."

Emmett let out a breath of air. "You don't have to bro." His eyes flickered to me and I saw the hesitation there.

"I have some homework to finish." I managed to smile at them as I climbed the stairs. I felt their eyes on me as I walked to my room. When I got in my room, I closed the door softly. I went to get my bag, I did have a little bit of reading I needed to do for class tomorrow. But my bag wasn't in its normal spot. I searched my brain, trying to remember where I had left it. I usually came straight to my room and put it down after school. But Friday, oh. Friday had been the sleep over and I had left my bag downstairs. Right. I turned around and headed back down the stairs.

"Do you think he really killed his mom?" I froze.

"I doubt it Alice, I mean come on. Does Edward really seem like the kind of guy that would do that?"

"No, not at all. But the way he reacted to Mike's words! Did you see his face?"

"Yeah, I did." Emmett sounded exasperated. "Think of his reaction when the vase broke. Remember his face then? He was terrified! Absolutely convinced Dad was going to hit him. I bet whoever hit him killed his mom. But he probably feels guilty about it."

"That makes sense," Alice said. I could almost hear the tears building in her voice. "I could see that, much better than I can see him actually killing her."

I backed up the stairs on shaky legs. I went back to my room and sat on my bed. I was making a mess of everything. My brain was so screwed up. Maybe I was a mental case and belonged in some hospital with white walls, my arms in a straight coat. I hated that my dark world was trickling over the other people in my life. These people were so good, they didn't deserve my darkness.

I thought of Bella's eyes this afternoon, in the woods. I remembered how they had filled with tears and glistened as she listened to the truth. I didn't have any right to do this to her.

I put my head in my hands, leaning my elbows on my knees. In the morning I needed to tell Carlisle and Esme to send me back to Chicago. I would lie and tell them I was unhappy here and that I wanted to go back. Then I would go to Bella's and tell her that I was leaving, setting her free. I wouldn't let her get caught in my dark world. The monster inside of me wouldn't have her. I had only been here for a few weeks. I could go back to Chicago and Forks, Washington would be back to normal. It would be like I had never existed.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and I didn't bother to brush them away. I leaned back against my pillow, rolling to my side and brought my knees to my chest. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted the pain to stop, the nightmares. The all-consuming guilt that pounded at my brain. I couldn't do this anymore.

_Hey Dad, Mommy said it's time to go._

_Well then, we shouldn't let our favorite girl wait, then should we?_

_Daddy! Daddy! "Please wake up! _

_Take care of your mother, promise me Edward._

_Mom, are you okay?_

_Edward, baby you need to get back to your room._

_You won't hurt her anymore tonight._

_So you are a big man now, huh? So, it appears you have a protector. _

_Mom, go to your room, I will be fine. _

_So the boy has become a man._

_Edward! Beer. Now._

_Mom, please, please get out of here._

_God damn it. Why do you always get in the damn way! _

_But he's going to be home soon. You should start dinner._

_He's home and dinner is not ready._

_Where's dinner?_

_Doesn't look like it, you little brat._

_Edward! Beer! Now!_

_So I was talking to your mom the other day. She told me about your father._

_Sounds like he was a great man._

_See what I mean about this being so much better? Since you stepped in, I mean. Now, I get to beat the great Edward Masen's son, anytime I want. And there's nothing you can do about it, is there? _

_You better not forget that boy. And you better never leave her alone. You never know what will happen if you do._

_Hey man, we are going to play a game of pick up ball, you need to come._

_Okay. Just for a little bit._

_There you are, Edward. I was going to wait for you, but I had a really bad day at work, you know how it goes._

_Where is Mom?_

_In the family room._

_Mom. I'm here. I'm sorry I'm late, I was playing ball…Mom! Mom, I'm here, please, please wake up. I didn't mean too, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! _

_It felt good, it had been way too long since I was able to teach her a lesson. You always there, getting in the way. _

_I might have gotten a bit carried away. But, you weren't here and it felt so good. Don't blame me she'd be alive if you had been here. I would have beat on you like always, if you had been here. But no, you weren't here._

_You killed your own mom?_

_Monster. Monster. Monster._

I woke up screaming. My stomach twisted painfully and I raced to the bathroom. I leaned over the porcelain toilet as I heaved. My chest jerked and tears raced down my chin as my stomach turned violently. My fingers clenched the sides of the bowl as the sobs wracked my whole body. I couldn't control the choked screams ripping from my mouth. I knelt in front of the bowl, gripping it with all my strength. My stomach heaved again, and for a second the screams were muffled.

"Edward?" I jerked when I felt hands on my shoulders. "Oh honey, what happened?"

I couldn't see her, but I knew it was Esme that knelt next to me.

"Are you sick son?" And now Carlisle knelt at my other side.

I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my teeth, trying to stop the uncontrollable sobs. I felt Carlisle's cool hand on my sweaty forehead.

I opened my mouth and tried to gulp oxygen, despite the never-ending sobs. "I…am…not…sick," I somehow managed to get out.

My stomach twisted again and I heaved into the toilet. Nothing came out this time, I was empty. In the distance, I heard water running, then a cool rag brushed along my cheeks. "Breathe, honey," I heard Esme saying as she continued to wipe my cheeks. I fought to take a deep breath.

"In and out," Carlisle's hand rubbed large circles over my back as his calm voice directed my lungs. They seemed to listen to his soothing voice and I dragged sweet oxygen into my depraved chest. My grip on the toilet loosened and I sank down to my knees. My body still shuddered, tears still rolled down my cheeks, but I could breathe.

For the first time, I looked at Carlisle and Esme. Esme wore blue plaid pajama bottoms and a tshirt that said "Happy Mom" on it. Carlisle wore a pair of blue sweats. His chest was bare. "I'm sorry," I panted, realizing that I had woken them up. It must be the middle of the night.

"No," Esme cried softly. "Honey, don't you dare apologize." Her fingers gently moved my sweat soaked hair off my face.

"Edward," Carlise said, his voice quiet and gentle. "We heard you screaming," his eyes flickered to Esme. "What happened?"

My fingers fisted on my thighs. Somewhere in the back of my head it registered that I was still wearing my jeans and hoodie. "I had a nightmare," I whispered. Tears started to fill my eyes again. Would it never stop? I shook my head. "I can't do this anymore." I looked up, but could barely see them through the tears swimming in my eyes. "I can't. I just want it to go away."

"What to go away?" Esme asked tenderly.

"The pain a-and the-the guilt," I pushed out. I closed my eyes and took a shaky, deep breath. "I want to be normal. I want to be the person you all think I am."

"You are," Carlisle insisted. "I know you are."

"I'm not!" I cried. "You guys don't know everything!"

"Then tell us," Esme said. "But know that nothing you tell us will change our minds."

I shook my head. "You need to send me back. I'm not worth all this. I-I'm not happy here." My voice cracked over the last sentence. I looked up at them to see the damage my words had done.

I watched Carlisle's eyes narrow as he looked at me. "Look me in the eye and repeat that last part," he said.

I stared into Carlisle's piercing blue eyes. "I-I am. I am. I am…," I tried to find the lie again, but it would not come. My voice trailed off and I looked at my lap again.

"That's what I thought," he said, satisfied.

"Edward," Esme broke in. "Listen to me." I turned my eyes up to hers and saw her eyes a blaze with fierce passion. "You don't seem to understand. You keep telling us to send you back, like you are something disposable, as if we rented you and can return you to the store. It doesn't work like that. You are a part of this family now." She stopped and I saw her glance for a second at Carlisle. Something he did must have given her reassurance because she nodded slightly and looked at back at me. Her hands came to my face, holding it gently. "Edward," she repeated. "You are very special to me and I love you. You are my son now. And I am not giving you up."

My chest jerked at the words. It had been so long, so incredibly long since I had heard those three words directed to me. My father had been the last. A sob broke out and I buried my face in Esme's shoulder. Her arms wrapped around me. "Shh, sweet boy, it's okay," she soothed.

I felt a heavier hand on my back and knew it was Carlisle. He didn't say the words, but I felt them in his hand as it rubbed my back.

"We need to talk," he finally said. "Let's go in your room though."

I almost smiled when I realized that we were still in the bathroom. I wiped at my tears, determined now that they know the whole truth. I just hoped it wouldn't change the way they felt about me. I stood up and followed Carlisle into my room. I heard the toilet flush and glanced over my shoulder to see Esme quickly tidying the bathroom. Then she grabbed the glass from the sink and filled it with water, which she handed to me as she sat down on the bed.

I tucked my legs under me, sitting cross legged in the center of the bed. Esme and Carlisle turned to face me, creating a wall of love in front of me. "Now," Carlisle began. "Tell us why you don't think you are worthy of our home, of our love."

Here it was. The moment of truth. The moment I should have known was coming all along, no matter how much I wished it away. I looked at both of them, not wanting to look away. I took a deep breathe, filling my lungs. "You need to know. I killed my mother."

I watched as Carlisle's jaw dropped and Esme's eye widened. Then my own eyes dropped to the fluffy comforter and I waited for their hatred.

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**A/N I'm sorry about the cliffhanger. But this chapter was going to go on forever, and I know people like long chapters, but this was a good stopping point. This chapter is very emotional, and very difficult for Edward, but ****I hope you all enjoyed it. Please don't forget to review!  
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	17. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Twilight and characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

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Chapter 16

"No you didn't," Esme said slowly. "Your stepfather did."

"But she's dead because of me," I said just as slowly.

"Explain that," Carlisle said, his voice sounding confused.

"You know my stepfather hit me." They nodded. "When they first got married, he only hit my mom. When I got old enough, I stepped in and told him to hit me instead. He complained about it, but I think he liked beating on me instead of Mom, especially as I got older. He got home at five every night, so I always made sure I got home first. I swore to my mom that he would never touch her and I kept my promise for seven years."

"So wrong," Esme whispered. Carlisle put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently.

"Go ahead, Edward," he said.

I looked down at my finger as it traced the thread pattern on my comforter. "Then, one day I stayed late after school, playing baseball with some friends. I got home late and he was there. And she was dead." I looked up and met Carlisle's eyes. "I was selfish, irresponsible and I broke my promise. My mom paid for it with her life. I killed her."

"No, her husband killed her," Carlisle stated.

I rolled my eyes, everyone kept saying that. "He would never have hit her, if I had been home," I tried to make him understand.

"That is wrong," Esme growled, unable to keep quiet any longer. "All of it is wrong." She put her hands on my cheeks. "Honey, you are her _child_. You protected her for so long, gave up so much to make sure she was safe. It only further strengthens how good you are." Tears began to build in my eyes again. Esme's eyes filled. "You can't take all the blame for her death. You can't lose more of your life because of them. You have to forgive yourself and let it go." My tears overflowed, spilling onto my cheeks.

"I don't know how," I whispered.

Esme pulled me closer to her, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I leaned my cheek on her shoulder. Her embrace was so different from Bella's. Bella's arms sent electrical currents through me, no matter why she held me. Esme's held only comfort, unconditional comfort. I took a deep breath and felt myself relax for the first time since I had woken up screaming. She gently rocked back and forth, murmuring soft comfort into my ear, her hand running up and down my spine. My eyes drifted closed.

"He's asleep," I heard Carlisle say a little while later.

I waited for Esme to release me and for them to leave the room. But instead, her arms tightened around me. "This poor boy," she whispered. "I don't understand how a mother could let someone to that to her child. Especially when you have a child like this. He should have been treasured. How can she not know how lucky she was?"

"I know, darling. She must have been very damaged."

Esme made a disgruntled sound. "I don't like that he feels such blame for her death. Not at all."

I groaned inwardly, but didn't want them to realize I had listened to their conversation. I stayed resting against Esme, keeping my breathing as even as possible.

"I can understand why he holds himself responsible," Carlise said softly. I fought to keep my body from stiffening. "He has such a sensitive soul and he took his role as protector so serious. He needs to understand that despite that, it was not his fault."

"We will help him."

"Of course my dear, in everyway we can," Carlisle agreed. "We should let him sleep now."

I forced myself to stay limp as I was lowered down to the pillow. I felt lips press to my cheek, then Esme's voice whispering near my ear, "Good night my sweet son, have the sweetest of dreams."

I heard the sliding of fabric as they got off the bed and the click of the door as it closed. I waited a few more minutes, staying still until I was positive they were back in their room. Then I got up and went to my music system. I found the head phones and the right CD and then waited for the night to pass.

The next morning, I found Carlisle in the kitchen, like usual. He watched my walk in and I saw the frown on his face deepen. "Morning," I said, feeling a little self conscious. I grabbed a bowl and the box of Honey Bunches of Oats.

"Morning," he answered, quieter than normal.

"Is something wrong," I asked hesitantly. I stopped pouring the cereal and looked at him, my heart suddenly seeming to beat in my throat instead of my chest.

Carlisle sipped his coffee while he watched me. He put his cup down and sighed. "Alice and Emmett left for school."

"Already?" Now it was my turn to frown. I looked at the clock, but I knew I wasn't running late.

"No, Edward, you aren't late," he said as I turned back around. "They said they needed sometime to think, to talk."

The conversation I overheard the night before came crashing back to me. "Oh," I whispered, finally understanding.

"I'm a bit disappointed in them," Carlisle continued. "I would not expect my children to react this way."

"No, please," I looked at Carlisle anxiously. He couldn't get upset with Alice and Emmett, not because of me. "It's fine."

He shook his head. "I will talk to them afterschool. I'm not sure I understand what they are thinking right now."

I looked down at the counter and nodded. I didn't like this at all. "I should get to school," I said softly. I pushed away from the counter and walked towards the door.

"Edward, what about breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry," I turned back to Carlisle and gave him the best smile I could manage. "See you after school."

I went to my Volvo and started down the driveway. But instead of heading to school, I went the opposite direction. I breathed a sigh of relief when I pulled up to the small house and saw the red truck still in the gravel driveway. The police chief's cruiser was no where to be seen. I got out of my car and leaned against the passenger door, my hands in the pockets of my leather jacket. I waited for her to appear.

A few minutes after I arrived, the front door opened and Bella stepped out. She was looking down, so she didn't see me at first. I was grateful for the few minutes to watch her unnoticed. She pulled the front door key out and went to slide it into the lock. She dropped the key and I saw her lips move as she muttered under her breath. Her thick hair was pulled back today, tied in a pony tail on the back of her head. She was wearing her brown coat, but I could see a hit of the blue shirt she wore underneath. I smiled when she finally got the key in the lock and then moved away from the front door. As she came down the steps, she looked up and her smile grew. "Edward!" she cried.

She ran to me then, tripping slightly on the grass. She threw her arms around me, and I held her tightly. "Bella," I said softly, answering her call.

She gave me one more squeeze, then stepped back, her small hands staying on my shoulders. "I'm glad to see you," she said quietly.

"Me too," I said. She had no idea how true that statement was.

Her teeth bit down softly on her lower lip. "I was a little worried," she confessed.

"About what?"

"I wasn't sure if you'd want to see me again. I know I didn't react well to your news and I thought maybe I had pushed you away." Her eyes searched mine. "I don't think I could bear it if you left me."

My hands flew to her cheeks. "That could never happen," I whispered. Then my lips descended on hers, kissing her with all the strength I had. When the kiss ended, I stood with my hands still on her face, caressing her cheeks with my thumbs. "I expected you to run far away when you discovered my secret," I admitted, my voice rough from the kiss.

"That could never happen," she said, repeating my words. She lifted up to her toes and pressed a kiss my lips.

We stood, her hands on my shoulders, mine on her cheeks for countless minutes as her eyes moved over my face. "What happened?" she finally asked.

This girl knew me too well. I closed my eyes and let my forehead lean on to hers. "I had another nightmare last night. Worst one, probably ever." My stomach twisted painfully, just remembering. "I couldn't control myself and Carlisle and Esme heard. They ran in and we talked."

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, gently massaging my shoulders. "Did you tell them everything?" Bella asked.

"Yes," I breathed, not opening my eyes.

"What did they say?"

"They didn't care." My voice held the awe that I still felt towards their reaction. I felt Bella's lips turn up under my palms.

"Of course they don't." Her voice sounded so confident, as if there was no other option. "You are a good person, Edward."

When I didn't answer, I heard Bella sigh, felt the breath flutter across my chin. Her hands ran down my arms until she was holding my hands. "You are an angel Edward, someday you will realize that," she whispered. She kissed me again, blocking any argument that might have come from my lips. "Come on," she said when it was over. "We need to get to school."

I opened the passenger door for her and she climbed in. The drive to school was quiet. I felt Bella's hand lightly rubbing my mine. I gently squeezed her fingers, but didn't say anything. My secret was out. Accepted and forgiven. Not even forgiven, because according to them all, there was nothing to forgive. It should comfort me, take the weight I had been carrying around off my shoulders. But for some reason it didn't feel lifted. The weight was still there, mocking me with every assurance they gave me. And no matter how hard I wanted to shake free, I just couldn't.

"Edward?" Bella questioned softly.

I looked around and realized that somehow, I had gotten us safely to the school parking lot, parked and now Bella was waiting for me to turn the car off and get out. "Sorry," I murmured. I turned the key and the soft purr ceased. I got out and came around her side, opening the door.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

I nodded. She put her arms around my waist and gave me a hug. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and we made our way to class, still wrapped in each other's arms. I didn't want to leave her side when we arrived at her first period. "I have to go," she said.

"I know," I replied, not removing my arm from her shoulders.

"I'm here, sweetheart," she said next to my ear. "I'm not going anywhere."

I smiled at her. "You always know what I'm thinking."

She shrugged and smiled up at me. "That's because I can read your mind."

I laughed. "Sure feels like it sometimes."

"I wish I really could read your mind," her voice became serious. "Then I would know exactly what to say to chase the shadows out of your beautiful eyes." She reached up and gently ran her fingers under my eyes. "They are so haunted, so vulnerable. Yet so beautiful and strong at the same time."

"Bella," emotion made my voice raw.

"And they do funny things to my stomach," she added with a grin.

The tension slid out of me and I smiled back at her. "I will see you at lunch."

"Without a doubt."

I brushed a gentle kiss across her lips and then darted across the campus so I wouldn't be late for Calculus. As I lowered myself into my chair, I touched still tingling lips and smiled.

Lunchtime was…awkward to say the least. I met Bella outside her fourth period class and we walked to the cafeteria together. My stomach knotted when I saw our usual table, filled with the usual people. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper sat at the table, their trays already full. Bella, completely unaware of the turmoil rolling my stomach, went straight to the line and grabbed her tray. "What do you want?" she asked as she placed a bagel and an apple on the tray.

"I'm not very hungry."

Her eyes flew to mine. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I sighed. I had no idea what was going on. I didn't feel secure enough with my place in the group of friends to start talking about something when I didn't know all the details. I grabbed a slice of pizza and set it on her tray. "Don't worry," I added when I saw her still looking at me. I leaned over and kissed the lips that were frowning at me. I trailed my lips across her jaw. "Promise, sweetheart, I'm fine," I breathed next to her ear.

She nodded and I saw her brown eyes cloud over briefly. I chuckled softly and picked up our tray. I was paying for the food when she finally caught up with me. She tucked her small hand into the crook of my elbow and we made our way to the lunch table filled with our friends.

"Hi!" Bella said happily.

I caught Alice's eye, but she looked away quickly. "Hi Bella," she tried to sound upbeat, but her voice lacked the usual bubble.

I looked at Emmett and saw him frowning slightly at his sister.

"Hey Bella, Edward," Jasper said. "How's your day going?"

"Good," I said, still confused about Emmett and Alice's behavior. I picked at my pizza, but didn't eat any of it. The lunch hour passed slowly. Conversation at our table was stilted without Alice's usual exuberance. Bella, Jasper and Rosalie tried to carry on the conversation, but eventually they lapsed into silence. I saw the others exchanging looks, but no one said anything. Multiple times during the hour I wanted to get up and leave, but Bella's hand stayed firmly on my thigh, holding me prisoner with her gentle touch. Finally, after what seemed like days instead of one little hour, the bell rang, ending the torture that was lunch. I picked up our tray and threw away the untouched food.

I held Bella's hand as we walked through the crowded, noisy halls. We took our seats in biology lab. "What--," Bella started.

"Edward, can I see you for a second?" Mr. Banner said from the front of the room. I got up and walked to his desk.

"Yes sir?" I peered at his desk and saw my latest test sitting on top of the pile of papers in front of the teacher.

"I graded your test last night," he began. He picked the stapled pages up. I saw the bright red 'A+' marking the top. "I have to say, I've never had a student do as well on a test before. I know it's only one test, but I've seen you in labs. Do you like science?" He paused and looked at me.

"Yes sir," I answered. "Math and Science are my favorite subjects."

"You are in Calculus, yes?"

I nodded.

"Have you considered yet, what you want to do with your life?"

"No sir," because truly, I hadn't. In Chicago, I had focused on surviving each day. Now, I was completely focused on surviving the past. The future had yet to matter.

The teacher squinted up at me. "I know you are only a junior, Edward," he said, "But I encourage you to start looking at your options. With your obvious talent, the sky is the limit. I would highly recommend you consider a path to medical school."

My eyes widened and I immediately flashed back to Carlisle, discussing his day and the awe I had felt for him that day. A doctor? Me? "Thank you sir," I managed, despite the thoughts that were now cropping up in my brain.

"Please consider it, I would be honored to write you a letter of recommendation, when the time comes."

"Thank you," I said again. I turned back to my desk and for a brief second, Carlisle's face appeared in front of me, shining with pride when I told him I wanted to be a doctor. Maybe, maybe it could be a way to prove myself. Prove that I was worthy of their kindness and more importantly their love. This was an idea I was definitely going to have to explore.

Mr. Banner had already started his lecture by the time I made it back to my seat. I felt a something tap my elbow and I looked down to see a piece of paper with messy scrawl covering the first line.

_What did Mr. Banner want?_

I smiled and wrote back. _I did really well on my test. He thinks I should consider medical school._

I slid the paper back to her and watch her eyes widen as she read what I had wrote. _Really? That's pretty impressive. Knew you were smart, babe._

I smiled at her. Before I could take the paper back, she pulled it towards her and hurriedly wrote a new sentence.

_What happened at lunch?_

I groaned softly. I had forgotten about that in the more recent excitement. _I'm not sure._

She looked at me through her lashes and I shrugged. I took the paper back. _Don't worry, I'll figure it out. _And then because I didn't want her to think she didn't matter to me, I added, _I will tell you as soon as I know what's going on. Promise._

She read my last sentence and looked up at me. "Thanks," she mouthed.

I reached under the table and gave her hand a squeeze. Then I turned my focus back to the lecture at hand.

The rest of the day passed slowly. I didn't want to admit it, but I was nervous about going home. I had no clue why Alice and Emmett were acting so strange, but I was little afraid to find out. What if they couldn't get past what I had done? What if they asked Carlisle and Esme to send me back? I knew they had promised, but if their own children were against the idea, how could they possibly keep me?

By the time I walked through the front doors after school, my stomach was twisted in painful knots.

"Edward?" Esme met me in the foyer. "Oh good, you're home. Come, we are having a family meeting in the dining room." My heart slammed to a stop, then starting beating rapidly. I walked into the dining room and saw Carlisle, Emmett and Alice already seated. My backpack slid off my shoulder and landed with a small thud on the ground.

"Edward," Carlisle said, "Please join us."

I swallowed hard, trying to remove the lump of panic that had settled into the base of my throat. I glanced at Alice, but she was staring at her hands. Instead, I looked at Carlisle, his mouth set in a grim line. Oh God, oh God, I prayed. Please, don't let them send me away. Please, please, please. That single word echoed through my brain as I waited for the meeting to begin. Esme took her seat across from Carlisle, who sat at the head of the table. Alice and Emmett sat on one side, I sat on the other.

"Okay," Carlisle said when everyone was seated. "I wanted us to meet, because we have something very serious we need to discuss."

My hands squeezed my thighs as I fought to keep my breathing normal.

"Alice, Emmett, you mother and I would like very much to know why you left for school so early this morning," Carlisle continued.

Alice raised her eyes until she was looking her father in the eye. "I don't know how to handle what happened yesterday," she said. "Edward ran off the field so fast when Mike accused him of killing his mother."

"So you believe that he did that? That he is capable of doing such a thing? Alice," Carlisle's fierce blue eyes filled with sadness. "I am disappointed."

My eyes flashed from Carlisle to Alice and I saw her eyes filling with tears.

"Dad," Emmett said, jumping to defend his sister. "I really don't think Alice thought that. But it was a bit overwhelming. I mean, we know something is wrong, but we don't know what."

"Have you thought to ask?" Esme voice entered the conversation, her tone low and motherly.

Emmett squirmed and it was strange to see such a strong man to so. "We didn't think he wanted to talk about it."

"I didn't," I jumped in, hating the way everyone looked so sad because of me. Every eye turned to me. "I mean, I just wanted to be treated normal, and you guys did. I really appreciate that."

"Edward, still--,"

"No," I said, cutting Carlisle off. "You don't know what happened, but Emmett," I turned to him now, "You defended me even though you didn't know."

"What?" Carlisle turned to his son. "What is this?"

"Look at his hand," I said, smiling just a little, despite the panic that was still crawling at my throat.

"Emmett!" Esme said, noting the bruised knuckles, "Did you get in a fight?"

"Of course I didn't, Mom, geez! But my fist did run into Newton's slimy face a couple of times." He caught his mother's glare. "He had no right to say that to my little brother."

I bit the inside of my cheek at his words to keep the hope from flaring up.

"Then tell me," Carlisle said now. "How you can go from protecting him, to avoiding him?"

"I don't know!" Alice finally broke. "I told you I don't know how to deal with this. Em said last night that he's sure the man who hit you killed your mom--,"

"Yes," Carlisle interrupted, "That is exactly right."

"And I know that! I mean, I knew that. I never once thought you actually would do that!"

Her big hazel eyes looked at me, tears streaking down her cheeks. "Please forgive me Edward. I just don't know what to _do!_" She jumped to her feet, her tiny hands clenched into fists. "I can't beat up Mike Newton, like Emmett, I can't hold you like Bella can. I can't do anything! I want to help, you are such a good person, you don't deserve any of this! When you broke that vase and broke down, I wanted to help so bad. But all I could do was clean up the darn thing, and that's nothing!"

Carlisle sat back, and a satisfied smile on his face. "That's my girl," he said proudly.

"Alice," Esme got up and went to her daughter. "Honey, you do so much by just being his friend."

"But I want to DO something!" she cried. "I feel helpless. I _hate_ feeling helpless."

At her words, I couldn't help but smile. I had known the first day I met her that Alice was a doer and a helper. I stood up and walked around the table. She flung her self at me and wrapped her tiny arms around my neck.

"I'm sorry," she cried. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yeah," I rubbed her back and smiled. "I think I can manage that." I pulled her back and looked at her red face. "Did you know that coming downstairs and seeing the vase was cleaned up made me smile for the first time since I broke it?" She shook her head. "Do you want to know why?" She sniffled and nodded. "Because I knew then, that someone cared enough about me to make sure I didn't see the damage that I had caused."

"I do care," she cried softly and she wrapped me in a hug again. "Thank you. Bella is right, you are an angel."

I snorted a bit at that, but let her hold me for a little longer. Relief was flooding through me, making me feel a bit dizzy.

"You know what I think?" Esme said, her smile nearly bursting off her face as she watched us.

"No, Mom," Emmett said, "What do you think?"

"I think we need a night out tonight. I know it's a school night and a work night. But we need to go out to dinner. A night out as a family."

Carlisle smiled and Emmett pumped his fist. "Yes!" Alice cried, but happily this time. She put her hand through the crook of my elbow, then did the same to Emmett. "Dinner with my _two _brothers!"

We started walking towards the front door, when suddenly Alice let out a squeak. "Wait!" she said. She let go of us and started to run up the stairs. "I need to fix this," she said waving a hand in front of her face.

Emmett's laughter boomed out and the rest of us joined in as Alice disappeared from view.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Carlisle. "You are here," he said quietly, but with fierce compassion. "Now and always. You are family. Don't ever doubt it again."

I reached out and hugged the man tightly. I felt Esme hug me from behind and for a brief minute was a locked between them. And I felt warm and cared about. But more importantly, for the first time in nearly ten years, I felt the safety of unconditional parental love.

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**A/N: I hope this chapter turned out okay, I struggled with writer's block on this one. Please review and let me know what you think :o)**


	18. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters. Stephenie Meyer does.**

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Chapter Seventeen

Time began to pass at a more regular rate after that night. Before we had left for our dinner, I had called Bella to let her know the progress that had been made that night. I had promised her, after all. She was happy that the tension was gone, but angry that her best friend had treated me that way.

I can't say that the monster has disappeared. He is still there, haunting me. As more time passes, the weight has lifted, but he still lingers, popping up at random times, a shadow reminding me of the darkness within.

I do my best to block him out, I have people that care about me now and I don't want to drag them down.

I also can't say that the nightmares have stopped, although the frequency has slowed. The first time I slept through the night was the night of our family dinner. Esme tucked me in that night. As she pulled up the blankets to my chin and kissed my cheek, the seventeen year old in me had cringed. But the child that had lost both his mother and father had rejoiced.

A few minutes after she had left, Esme had reappeared in my doorway, the phone in her hand and a smile on her face. Bella's sweet voice had come through the line, making me smile. She had called to say goodnight and to let me know she would dream of me, so I should do the same. I fell asleep, her soft voice echoing through my head. When I had opened my eyes, the sun was shining.

Now I had been living with the Cullens for nearly two months. I looked in the mirror and frowned at my reflection. "Are you sure I need so much make up?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Edward, the point of Halloween is to dress up." She swept the brush over my forehead again, spreading the pale powder over my face. She picked up the dark red lipstick and I narrowed my eyes. "Alice…"

"It's the final touch. I promise." The lipstick touched my lips. Ugh. "You will look funny if you don't finish the look. There."

I looked in the mirror and barely recognized myself. Alice had taken my usually messy hair and put gel in it, making it look even messier. Now it stuck out at every angle. My normally pale face was now nearly white and seemed to glow in the bathroom light. My eyes were outlined with black and she had used purple eye shadow to create bruise like smudges under my eyes. I was wearing black jeans, a black long sleeved shirt and my leather jacket.

"Now, the teeth," Alice said holding up the plastic fangs.

I had to put my foot down. "Alice, I'm not going to be able to talk with those in my mouth. Can't I just be a vampire with razor sharp teeth, instead of fangs?"

"But vampires always have fangs," Alice pouted.

"What if I'm a different kind of vampire? I have razor sharp, venom covered teeth. Does that sound okay?"

Alice sighed and looked at me. "I guess that does sound intriguing. But now I have to fix Bella's costume."

I grinned, "Thanks." I followed Alice out of the bathroom. She headed towards her room and I went down the stairs. I found Carlisle and Esme in the kitchen and I felt like I had gone back in time, to the nineteen fifties. Carlisle wore blue jeans with the cuffs rolled up and a tight white shirt. He had his hair slicked back and black converse on his feet. Esme wore a white sundress covered in cherries and what must have been Carlisle's old letterman jacket. On her feet were white Keds. Her hair was pulled back from her face with red barrettes.

"Edward!" Esme smiled and came to give me a hug. I felt much more comfortable with the hugs now. Esme seemed to feel as if she needed to make up for all the missed hugs in my life time. I thought I should feel suffocated by it, but actually, I liked it. "Don't you look fierce!" she said.

I smiled. "You guys look great."

Rosalie and Emmett were the next to appear in the kitchen and I had to fight the snort that threatened to burst from me. Rosalie was wearing a short, pink dress, with puffy sleeves, white knee socks and black, Mary Jane style heels. On her head, she wore a little, sparkly crown in her blonde curls. Emmett wore blue overalls with big yellow buttons, a red short sleeve shirt and red cap. "Super Mario?" I managed to get out without laughing.

Emmett frowned and looked at Rosalie who smirked. "I asked him what he wanted to be for Halloween. He said a video game character," Rosalie explained. "I just gave him what he wanted."

"I meant something cool! Like the Matrix or something."

"Oh honey," Rosalie said, giggling. "Then you should have been a bit more specific."

"Isn't that a movie?" I asked.

"Yeah, but it's a video game too." But Emmett smiled and wrapped his arm around his princess. "At least you look gorgeous, babe."

"Not as gorgeous as my girl," Jasper drawled as he walked in. He lifted his arm and Alice twirled underneath, the short black skirt flaring out from her waist. She was so tiny that the feather in her hair barely skimmed Jasper's arm, even though she was wearing black heels. Her top half was barely covered by a pink corset and I shot a look at Carlisle. He hadn't said anything about Rosalie's risqué outfit. But Alice was his daughter. His mouth formed a straight line and I saw his chest rise as he took a deep breath to speak. Esme elbowed him in the chest.

"You look beautiful, dear," she said.

"Thanks, Mom." Alice beamed and looked back at Jasper. He was dressed as a cowboy, straight from the old west. He touched the brim of his black cowboy had and smiled at his girl.

The door bell rang out and I hurried to the front door, anxious to see Bella. I already knew what she would be wearing. We had wanted to keep our costumes as simple as possible. She was simply wearing a pair of blue jeans and a black shirt with large white letters printed on the front. The lettering spelled out the words "His Snack." Her hair was pulled off her face in a pony tail and four puncture wounds could be seen on her neck. Ah, that's what Alice meant about fixing her makeup.

"Hi," she said a bit breathlessly. "You look…amazing?" It came out as a question and I ducked my head.

"I know," I shrugged. "Alice went a bit overboard with the makeup. Don't worry, it all comes off."

"Not what I mean," she said, still sounding breathless. Then suddenly I was shoved against the door and her lips were on mine. She crushed herself against me and covered my mouth hungrily. The kiss sent the pit of my stomach into a wild swirl as I kissed her back, gently devouring her soft lips.

"Wow," I panted when her lips moved from my own. My head spun and I was glad to be leaning against the door.

"Edward," she looked at me, a fire burning in her eyes. "Let me rephrase. You look _hot_."

"Bella!" Alice came into the foyer. "You are going to mess up his makeup! Sheesh! Come on, we have to fix your bit mark. Vampire boy over there doesn't have fangs. He has venom coated razor sharp teeth."

Bella let her self be pulled away by Alice, but her eyes never left mine. Be right back, she mouthed to me. I grinned and nodded.

When she returned, her four fang marks had been replaced by a very realistic looking, bloody bite mark. We all piled into the cars. Alice, Jasper, Bella and I went in my Volvo and Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett in the Mercedes.

I pulled my car into the Thriftway parking lot and we unloaded. I stared at the huge field next to the store. Or, at least what used to be a huge field. For tonight, it was home to the Forks annual Halloween Festival. I took Bella's hand and we walked towards the front gate. I tried to keep my excitement in check, but it was hard. I could barely remember my last Halloween. I think I dressed up as Superman and had flown through the air atop my dad's shoulders.

I recognized a lot of my classmates from Forks High as we passed through the gates of the festival. Upon entering my sense were bombarded. The scent of caramel, popcorn, apples and pumpkin wafted through the air. I could hear the sounds of screaming coming from the haunted house and eerie music drifted through field. I lead Bella over to the ticket booth and purchased two unlimited passes. The passes would give us access to the maze, haunted house and hayride. "Here you go," I said to Bella as we moved aside so Rosalie and Emmett could get their passes.

"Thanks," Bella said, beaming up at me. She seemed to be as excited as I felt. I leaned down and kissed her beautiful smile. I loved kissing her. I loved holding her hand. I loved being with her.

"Where do you want to go first," I asked.

"The haunted house!" Emmett boomed from behind me.

I looked at Bella. "Okay," she said, a bit hesitantly.

"Don't worry," I said as I put my arm around her shoulders. "I'll protect you."

I saw Carlisle and Esme waving goodbye to us as they headed for a different part of the field. I smiled and waved back. Then, the six of us made our way to the haunted house. We found the line and waited for our turn. I looked down at Bella, and kissed her gently on the cheek. She looked up at me, still looking nervous. "We don't have to, if you don't want to," I said.

"No no, I love this stuff, but I do find it scary," Bella said with a smile. "I know, I am masochistic or something."

She jumped as something slammed into the wall next to us. Emmett laughed. "Bella, I think we should make you go in first."

Her hand tightened on my elbow. "I'm staying with Edward."

"Fine, then you and Edward should go first."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Rosalie has been awfully quiet since we got in line."

She tossed her long curls over her shoulder. "I'm not scared at all," she said confidently.

We made it to the entrance. We listened to the wart covered witch tell us the rules of the house and then the door opened with a creak. "Enter, if you dare," the witch croaked.

Emmett laughed and Bella tightened her clinging grip on my arm. I stepped into the dark house, nearly dragging Bella with me. I put my hand on top of hers and rubbed her knuckles soothingly. "It's okay," I breathed. Just then, a flash of light went off and a "dead" body dropped from the ceiling. Bella screamed and jerked backward. My own heart beat a little faster.

"Come on," I whispered and began taking small steps farther into the house. More flashes of light went off and each time, revealing a new horror. Bella screamed and then giggled as we made our way through. Her arm numbing grip never loosened, but I didn't mind. It felt good to be her protector, even if it was fake. Just as I started to relax, a hideous looking monster jumped out of a black pot. Bella let out a piercing shriek and fell backwards. My arm went with her and we both crashed into the wall. Bella screamed even louder as the wall gave way and for a second it felt like we were getting sucked into the wall.

Then, I realized it was just the door and we had hit it just right, causing into open. I laughed, even though my heart had yet to calm down. "It's okay," I whispered to her. Her grip tightened, how I'm not sure and we continued. Somewhere in the distance, we could hear the purr of a chain saw.

"Uh oh," Bella whispered near my ear.

"Don't worry, baby, he won't touch you."

We were now walking through complete darkness and things was hanging from the ceiling. I reached up to move one of them out of the way. I jumped, which caused Bella to scream, when I touched it and felt the hairy, object. "Sorry," I laughed as I moved it out of the way.

And we continued, the sound of the chain saw growing louder. As we got closer, I could feel Bella trying to get closer, almost as if she wanted to climb inside me. I smiled and rubbed her knuckles again.

Then, right next to our head, the chainsaw went off. Bella let out a blood curdling scream and raced for the exit, dragging me with her. Another man, with yet another chainsaw appeared in her path and she slammed to a stop. I nearly tripped over her but I caught myself before I did. I laughed softly as I maneuvered us around the man. He leapt towards us a few times, causing Bella to panic each time. We finally got around him and headed for the last door.

The cool night air hit us as we exited. We walked out and stood, waiting for the others. Bella let go and I felt blood race to reach my hand again. She leaned over and put her hands on her knees, panting to get her breathe back. I put my hand on her back. "You okay, sweetheart?"

She nodded and looked up at me, her brown eyes sparkling. "That was fun!" She laughed.

That was not the reaction I was expecting. She had seemed scared to death inside. "Really?"

"Yeah," she nodded then her arms around my neck. "Thank you for being such a good protective boyfriend."

Just then, Emmett and Rosalie came through the exit, both were laughing. I smiled, glad that they were having a good time. Jasper and Alice exited next. "Oh Bella!" Alice rushed to her. "We could hear you screaming the whole time."

"Edward your face!" Emmett managed to get out between laughter. Jasper and Rosalie laughed harder. "When you guys almost went through the door, that was priceless!"

"You saw that?"

"Yeah," Rosalie said, trying to catch her breath. "We stood back, wanting to give all the 'monsters' a chance to scare you guys. We saw that one jump out of the pot. You guys both, the look on your faces!" The group lost it again.

I glanced at Bella, who looked up at me. "I'm glad it's so amusing," she said, dryly. But I could see the laughter lurking in her eyes. "Let's go on the hayride next."

We headed in that direction, the others still laughing out at random times.

"Oh!" Jasper cried out. "And then when the chain saw went off. Edward, I thought you were going to scream!" More laughter.

"Was not," I said smiling. I turned to Bella. "We need to get them back," I whispered. She nodded emphatically. I leaned down and kissed her jaw, my lips creating a path to her ear. "The maze?" I felt her nod and I kissed her jaw again.

We showed our passes and then climbed into the hay lined trailer. We took our seats on the outer edge of the hay and then the ride started. It was peaceful, trucking along through the field, my beautiful girl friend in my arms. I leaned down and kissed her again.

Just then, a chainsaw roared and appeared over Emmett's head. He screamed and nearly tumbled backwards over the edge of the truck as he tried frantically to get away. I burst out laughing and saw Bella do the same. "Karma," Bella said between giggles.

"I guess this isn't a relaxing hay ride," Emmett grumbled as he sat back in his seat. He looked out over the field, obviously trying to see if more chainsaw were out to get him. I could make out the outline of a figure running, a chainsaw over his head. I glanced at Emmett and knew he had spotted the man as well. This time, when the chainsaw went off, we were expecting it and we laughed. Although, I will admit I did jump, just a little bit.

After the hayride, Bella and I wandered off by ourselves. "Are you hungry?" I asked her, looking at the many food booths.

"I could eat," she said, steering me over to the popcorn booth. After paying for the popcorn, we went to a hay bale and sat down. I sat against another bale and pulled Bella so she was sitting between my legs. She leaned her head up and looked up to the sky. "It's surprising clear tonight," she said, popping a piece of popcorn into her mouth.

I looked up and saw the stars twinkling amidst the wispy clouds. "It is," I agreed. I looked back at her and gently tucked a stray hair behind her ear. Then my fingers drifted down her arm, until I got to her fingers. I felt her shiver against me. "Are you cold?" I asked softly.

"No," she whispered. I played with her fingers while we ate popcorn in silence. She continued to look up towards the sky as I watched her face. "It's beautiful," she finally said.

"It is," I agreed again, not looking at the sky. Instead I watched her face and the way the moonlight reflected off her pale skin. She was beautiful in so many ways. I still couldn't believe I held this miracle in my hands. She had been there so often, holding me when the memories became too much, crying with me when I told her my latest nightmare. She willingly fought the monster inside. She didn't allow me to get down on myself. The last two months had been the happiest of my life and it was in large part, thanks to this girl in my arms. I couldn't deny my feelings for her any longer. I let go of her fingers and ran my own finger along her jaw. She turned her head to look at me and I felt myself drowning in the chocolate depths of her eyes.

"What?" she asked, her eyes searching mine. She turned her body, so she was facing me now.

"Bella." It had been so long since I had uttered those three words that they caught in my throat. "Bella," I whispered again. I took her face gently in my hands. I brushed a kiss to her forehead, and then captured her lips with my own. At the touch of her lips that familiar, delicious sensation sent tingles down to my toes. This kiss took on a new intensity and left my mouth burning and wanting more. I pulled myself back; my lips still a breath away from hers. "I love you," I breathed against her mouth. I captured her mouth again. "I love you," I whispered, my voice cracking over the words. "So much.

Her hands fisted in my hair and tears glittered in her eyes. "I never imagined I could love someone as much as I love you." Her hands let go of my hair and slowly, her delicate fingers drifted down my face, gently tracing my eyes, my cheekbones, my lips. Then they continued slowly down, running along the muscles in my neck and finally coming to a stop when they were on my chest, covering my heart. "Edward," she said in an achingly soft voice. "Your heart is the most precious gift anyone has given to me."

I crushed her against my chest, overwhelmed by this new emotion. My lips pressed against her silky chestnut hair. "You are my life now," I murmured.

How long we sat on that hay bale, holding each other I do not know. I only know that I felt complete, as if I had found my other half that I had been missing for too long.

My fingers went to her hair and I gently twirled the silky strands around my fingers. "I'm sorry it--," her hand came up over my mouth, blocking the words. Her head stayed on my chest.

"What have I told you about apologizing?"

I smiled and kissed her palm that was still against my mouth. Her hand moved. "I'm not allowed."

"Ever." Bella smiled and snuggled deeper into my chest. "You've apologized enough for your lifetime. So unless you are going to say that you are sorry you said you loved me, you have nothing to apologize for."

I kissed her head again. "No, that's not what I was going to say. Not at all."

"I know."

"I-was-just-going-to-say-that-it-took-me-a-long-time-and-I'm-sorry." I said the words at super speed and got them out before she could stop me. I still remembered the day at my piano when she had almost said she loved me and I had stopped her. That felt like so long ago.

Bella just sighed. "You are silly, Edward." She turned her face into my chest and I felt her warm lips through my t-shirt. "Where do you suppose the rest of the gang is?"

I looked up through the crowds of costumed people. I had truly forgotten the rest of the world existed. The sounds of the festival came back to me. I felt someone watching me and I turned my head. I frowned when I recognized no one. I continued my search for the rest of our friends. "Carlisle and Esme are sharing some cotton candy," I said smiling.

Bella followed my gaze and saw the older couple sitting on a hay bale feeding each other the sugary treat. "I hope I'm like that when I'm older," she commented. "They love each other, after all the years they've been together."

"There you guys are!"

I heard Alice's bubbly voice and turned toward it. She and Jasper were holding hands as they made their way through the crowd. "Emmett and Rosalie are waiting at the maze. We want to go all together."

Bella and I exchanged a smile. We stood up and followed them to the entrance of the cornfield maze.

"So, first couple out wins?" Emmett challenged. Of course.

We all nodded. "Okay," Rosalie said. "On your mark, get set, go!"

Bella and I entered the maze and we immediately turned right. The other couples kept going straight. I could feel Bella giggling against me. Just then a monster jumped out at us and Bella screamed and jumped. Then she laughed.

"Hey!" I waved down the hideous looking monster. "We have two friends in the maze that decided to laugh hysterically at us in the haunted house. Can you gather some of your monster friends and get them back for us?"

The puss covered face nodded.

"One is dressed as Mario, running around with his princess. Huge guy, you can't miss him," Bella said.

"The other is blond, dressed as a cowboy wearing a black cowboy hat," I continued.

"He's with a saloon girl. Black skirt, pink corset top," Bella ended.

The monster nodded, and then winked at us as he took off. I looked at Bella and held my hand up. She slapped me five. "Come on, we need to finish first," she said, her competitive side taking over.

"Yeah we do, babe." I took her hand and we continued to hurry through the maze. I caught her a few times as her foot caught on the dry cornstalks that littered the floor. She laughed and each time pressed a kiss to my mouth. A couple of times I felt like someone was watching us, but every time I looked over my shoulder, the space behind me was empty.

"You okay?" she asked as I looked over my shoulder yet again.

"Yeah," I moved my shoulders and tugged on her hand. "Just have this weird feeling someone is watching us."

"Honey, we are in a maze. There are monsters and things out to get us around every corner. Of course you feel like someone is watching us."

I smiled. "You are right. I'm just not used to this. Keep expecting it all to disappear."

At those words, all laughter left her eyes and she hugged my fiercely. "I love you, Edward Masen. That is never going to disappear."

"I know, I'm just being silly again." I kissed her quickly. "I love you too."

She smiled brilliantly and then we continued to make our way through the maze. "Do you think they others are out?"

"I don't know. I feel like we've been in here forever."

She nodded and we went around another turn. We hit a dead end. We both groaned on cue. Bella turned and wrapped her arms around herself. "Are you cold," I asked her.

"A little," she admitted. I whipped my jacket off and spread it over her shoulders. "But now you'll be cold," she protested.

"Nah, I have long sleeves, you have short. I'm fine."

She shoved her arms through the sleeves of the jacket and the cuffs dangled several inches below her hands. I laughed and helped her roll them up, freeing her hands. We held hands as we continued through the corn field. We turned again and this time, we looked at each other. Bella's smile grew and we ran out the exit.

Immediately, we turned our heads, looking for any sign of the others. "Yes!" Bella cried when she realized that we were the first out. I grabbed her and swung her in a circle.

Suddenly we became aware of screaming coming from the maze. We both turned to see a large man in blue overalls racing out the exit, the look of terror on his face matching the girl like screams coming from his mouth. Directly behind him was a cowboy, same look of terror, same girly screams. And behind them were five monsters, all with chainsaws and a look of death in their eyes. One of them caught my eye and winked. Bella and I burst out laughing. Alice and Rosalie emerged from the maze next, tears running down their cheeks as they laughed. "Oh my God," Rosalie cried. "That was priceless. Oh Em, the look on your face."

"That," Emmett pointed towards the maze. "Was so far from funny. Those damn mummies or monsters or whatever the hell you want to call them were possessed! I swear they wanted to kill us!"

"Yeah!" Jasper piped up. "They wouldn't leave us alone! And then they started chasing us, even after we said go away. And more and more kept coming."

Alice wiped at the tears in her eyes. "And then you guys panicked and started running, but couldn't find the way out! Oh Edward, Bella, you guys should have seen it. Especially after the crap they gave you for the haunted house."

"We did see them run out," Bella said. "And that was hilarious itself."

Emmett huffed. "Come on Jasper. I think we deserve some caramel apples after that."

"Oh yum!" Alice bounced over to Jasper and took his hand. "Me too!"

When the others had their backs to us, walking towards the caramel apples, I held my hand out to Bella. She gently slapped it and then kissed me. "Nice job, partner," she said against my lips.

"Right back at you."

After our caramel apples we went to find Carlisle and Esme to see if they were ready to take off. It was nearing one in the morning and the festival was winding down. Once we found them, we headed to our cars. This time I took Bella, Rosalie and Jasper and would drop them off on my way back to the Cullens. I dropped the Hale twins off first, waving goodbye as they hurried up to their front door.

When Bella and I were alone in the car, she took my hand into her lap and began tracing the lines, much like she had that day in biology. "Bella," I whispered.

"Yeah?" she said, her voice a bit smug.

"You have no idea how good that feels."

She smiled knowingly and lowered her face until she was running her mouth along my palm. When her tongue touched my hand, I nearly swerved off the road. "Bella," I groaned. "Baby, I'm driving."

She laughed softly and went back to using her finger. I pulled up to the front of her house and watched her finger running over my palm. Tingly shots of desire coursed through my body. She picked my hand up and touched her mouth to my hand again. The tingles increased to sparks and I shifted in my seat. Her mouth caressed my hand and my wrist. "Bella," I choked.

Bella smiled and pushed my sleeve up my arm. She kissed the exposed skin, taking her time around the sensitive skin of my inner elbow. I hissed and shifted again. She continued to gently kiss me until she reached the edge of my sleeve. Then she skipped over the fabric and took up the caressing kisses on my neck. I was hot and trembling by the time she made it to my lips. "Edward, I love you so much," she whispered.

"Aw Bella, you have no idea how long I've waited for you. I love you too." She finally kissed my lips then, the heat of her mouth seeming to burn mine. I couldn't kiss her deep enough. I pulled her closer, dragging her across the seat until she sat on my lap. My hands moved on their own accord, moving to areas I had never explored. I heard her moan as my hands went under my jacket and touched her sensitive area. She leaned back, trying to give me more access.

We both jumped six feet in the air when her elbow hit the horn and the sound blasted through the silent light.

My poor heart felt like it was going to escape my chest as it pounded with both desire and the sudden jolt from the horn. We saw a light go on in her house and we both groaned.

Charlie was awake.

Bella scooted back over to her side and opened the door. I jumped out and walked her to the door.

"Good night, my sweet angel," she said softly.

"Good night, my love," I whispered back. I kissed her one more time and then let her open the door. She stepped inside, turned and leaned against the edge of the door. She kissed her fingers tips and then pressed them gently to my lips.

"Only the sweetest of dreams for you tonight." She smiled. Then slowly, she closed the door.

There was a bounce in my step as I made my way back to the car. Joy bubbled through me and for tonight, there were no shadows across my heart. I got back in the car and turned the radio on. Music poured into the car and moved my head with the beat as I drove down the street. I felt blissfully happy, fully alive.

I ran up the steps to the Cullen's with the same spring in my step. I met Esme in the hall and reached out to give her a hug. "Hi!" I sang happily. Then I did something I had never done. I kissed her cheek.

Esme gasped, and held me tighter. "Hi honey. Did you have a good night?"

"Great night. Best Halloween ever." I stepped away from her and smiled. I saw the tears of happiness in her eyes and hugged her again. "Thank you," I whispered next to her ear.

Then I turned and went up the stairs, humming softly to myself.

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**A/N I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. It was fun to write. It was totally based on my own experiences at Halloween. I am just like Bella when it comes to haunted houses. A couple of you asked if this is the end of the story and I will tell you now that there are at least five (I think) more chapters coming. I know that it seems like Bella and Edward have found the happily ever after, but things aren't always what they seem.**

**Don't forget to review, I truly love to hear what you guys think and it is SUPER helpful! Plus, my birthday is Monday, so reviews would be the best present ever LOL.**


	19. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Twilight and characters still belong to Stephenie Meyer. But I asked for Edward for my birthday, maybe he'll be waiting for me when I get home from work...**

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Chapter Eighteen

"_Don't blame me, she'd be alive if you had been here."_

My eyes flew open and I gasped, panting as the terror of the nightmare washed over me. I rolled over and punched my pillow. It had been over a week since my last nightmare. I had hoped they had gone for good. Obviously not. I took a shaky breath and tried to calm the tremors that raced through my body. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I stared at my face in the mirror, my palms rested on the counter top. Would he ever leave me alone, or would he haunt my life forever? Would I always see my mom lying lifeless on the floor and know that despite what everyone said, I killed her?

I sighed and turned the tap on the faucet. I rubbed the cool water over my face and tried to focus on what the Cullens and Bella said, trying to rid my self of the traces of his voice that still lingered in my brain. It wasn't my fault. I'm just a child, she chose to marry him. She chose to stay with him. She chose to stay out of the way every time he beat me.

But I chose to stay late, even though I knew what could happen.

I groaned and turned away from the mirror and my guilt filled eyes. I wanted to believe I was healing, but I don't think I have made as much progress as people think I have.

I went back into my room and sat down at my electric piano, the headphones in place over my ears. The notes of Bella's lullaby filled my ears and took me away from the memories of my past. She loved me. It had been four days since we had said the words. Not a day passed since that she didn't repeat them to me. I still couldn't get used to it. I never expected to meet someone like Bella. She is good, all the way to her very core.

At five, I left the piano and headed for the shower.

At five thirty, I headed downstairs. The kitchen was empty and still gray in the morning light. I flicked on the under cabinet lighting, creating a dim light so I could see. I filled my cereal bowl and stared out the window over the sink as I ate. The trees on the edge of the forest were a brilliant array of colors, ranging from burnt orange to auburn. Soon, the trees would lose their leaves completely. Rain fell from the gray sky, droplets sliding across the window. The gray gloom outside made it seem warm and peaceful in the kitchen. Behind me, I heard the coffee machine begin to percolate and I knew it was only a matter of time before Carlisle joined me in the kitchen. I put down my spoon and went to the porch to grab the paper for him. I bent down and picked up the paper. Sensing something, I straightened and tried to see through the pouring rain.

Nothing. But the strange tingle between my shoulder blades didn't ease. I scanned the trees one more time before turning and reentering the house. I put the paper on the counter for Carlisle and went back to my cereal and the window.

"Good Morning," Carlisle said as he entered the room a few minutes later.

"Morning."

He grabbed his coffee mug that says "_Dad. The great, the magnificent, the man with the wallet_" and went to the coffee pot. "Thanks for getting the paper." He poured the coffee and added one package of sweetener.

"No problem." I rinsed my now empty bowl out and turned to him. "Carlisle?" I asked.

"Mm?" He flipped open the paper and took a sip of his coffee.

"There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about," I said, nerves beginning to show in my voice.

Carlisle put down his coffee. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah. It is just something I've been thinking about. See, a couple of months ago my biology teacher--,"

"Mr. Banner?" I nodded. "Good man," Carlisle muttered to himself. He picked up his coffee and motioned at me to continue.

"He said that based on his observations he thinks I have potential and should consider getting myself on a track to medical school." I shifted anxiously, feeling stupid. Carlisle was probably going to laugh in my face.

He turned and I knew that I had his full attention. "Ever since he said that, I've been thinking about it. I've never really thought much about my future. But I hear you talk and I know I want to help people. I think I want to be a doctor."

I was nervous and rambling. I must sound like such an idiot to him. "I know I'm just a junior, but I was thinking you might know what I should do."

"Edward." Carlisle's eyes were glittering precariously and for a second I was afraid he was going to cry. "Nothing would make me more proud. I would love to help you with this endeavor. Would you like to come to the hospital this weekend with me? I could show you around, make sure it is really something you are interested in."

My eyes widened. I had not expected that offer. "Very much."

Carlisle beamed at me. "Well then, I will mark it in our visitor's book at the nurse's station." He finished the last of his coffee. "You know I would be proud of you no matter what you choose to be, right?"

"I know." I smiled because I did know that. But I wanted to pursue this. It felt right.

"Okay." He picked up his bag and walked over to me. "I will see you tonight." He squeezed my shoulder. "Have a good day."

"You too."

Later, I stood in the parking lot at school waiting for Bella's red truck to pull in. When it did, I walked over to it and opened the driver side door. "Good morning, love," I said. I leaned into the car and kissed her.

"You're all wet!" she laughed and pushed at my shoulders. I saw the drops of water falling on her lap.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly and I backed out into the rain.

Bella climbed out of her truck and grabbed the front of my jacket to pull me down to her. I drank in the sweetness of her kiss. "Good morning," she said against my lips before she kissed me again.

"Definitely," I agreed, my mouth still moving with hers. I wrapped my arms around her waist and ignored the rain falling. Somewhere, far off in the distance, the bell rang letting us know that we had five minutes to get to class.

"I don't want to stop," Bella muttered.

"Me neither." I trailed kisses down her jaw and pressed my lips to the pulsing hollow at the base of her throat. "But we should." One of us had to be responsible. I tried to pull away, but her grip tightened on my jacket. I gently kissed her forehead and she sighed. "I love you," I whispered against the smooth skin of her forehead. I took her hand and walked her to first period.

I slid into my own seat in Calculus with seconds to spare.

"Okay class," Mr. Andrews began, after he had taken roll. "Today we are going to have a competition in order to prepare for tomorrow's test." He divided the class into two teams and then he scanned the room. "Edward and Ty, please come up to the front of the room."

I glanced at Ty and saw him eagerly stand and make his way to the board. Ty was a senior and the run away leader for valedictorian. He had received early acceptance letters from Notre Dame and Yale. He was also Mr. Andrew's favorite student. I stood up, ready for the challenge.

"Okay. I will give you the problem and your job is to solve it, showing all of your work. If you can't figure it out, you can pass the marker to the next player on your team. First one done earns the point for their team. Any questions?"

We shook our head. I picked up the marker and held it ready against the board.

"Okay. Your problem: Differentiate y equals the quantity one minus four x plus seven x to the fifth power end quantity, to the thirtieth power."

My hand flew across the board as I worked though the steps. The cheers coming from both teams were a hazy muffle as my brain manipulated the numbers. I found my answer, circled it and slammed the cap onto my marker. My side of the room burst out in cheers and I saw Ty one step away from the answer.

Mr. Andrews came over and looked over my steps. "Well done," he said, a bit grudgingly as he added a point to our side.

"Thanks," I said. I looked at Ty and smiled. I liked Ty and didn't want any hard feelings. Fortunately, he smiled back at me. The competition continued and my team did well. Any time any player got stumped on a problem, the marker was immediately thrown in my direction. It felt good to be a part of a team and help out. We ended up winning by one point.

The rest of the morning passed quickly and the high from Calculus didn't disappear. I met Bella outside her fourth period class so I could walk with her to lunch.

"Hey!" She ran up to me and quickly kissed my lips. "You look happy."

I nodded and told her about my successful day in Calculus.

She shook her head. "I don't think there is anything you can't do."

"Just sleep," I said, keeping my voice light.

Bella's smile faded slightly. "You had a nightmare last night, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't too bad. Don't worry about it." I smiled, encouraging her to do the same.

"Do you want to come over afterschool?" Bella asked as we entered the cafeteria.

"Of course," I said. We got in line and loaded our tray with pizza, fries and two apples. When we arrived at our table, Rosalie pulled out an envelope and waved it around.

"I got the pictures back from Halloween," she said.

"Oh! Let's see!" Alice squealed.

Rosalie opened the envelope and started passing around the pictures. Squeals and laughter accompanied almost every picture. The lunch hour passed quickly, thanks to the entertaining pictures.

In biology, we were working on a project with our lab partners. Bella and I were exploring the fascinating world of proteins, lipids and carbohydrates. We had to make a poster illustrating the uses of each. Bella went to get a poster board and the markers. I watched her stumble over a book on the ground and bit back my smile. She looked back at me, her face a delicate pink. She shrugged her shoulders and continued to get our supplies. I took out the books we had checked out the previous day at the library. I opened to the appropriate pages and was just beginning to read when she sat back down.

"I think next time, you should be the one to get the supplies," she huffed.

"Why?" I teased.

"Because you are capable of walking across a classroom without tripping."

"Aw," I laughed softly. I glanced at Mr. Banner and saw his attention else so I quickly leaned over and pecked her lips. The delicate pink turned bright red.

"I can't believe you just kissed me in class," she hissed.

"No one saw, besides, you look so cute, I couldn't help it."

"Edward Masen," she said. "You are becoming quite the flirt."

I winked at her and she hit me in the shoulder. "Come on," I said as I felt heat on my own cheeks. "We need to get to work."

"So protein," Bella read. "Is used for shape, structure and as an energy source." She tapped the book. "I think we should draw a picture of it and the write the uses next to it. It also says the food sources, so we can add that too."

"Okay," I nodded. "Sounds great."

"Here," she pushed the paper and markers at me. "Your handwriting is way better than mine. I don't want to mess it up."

"You couldn't." But I picked up a pencil anyway and started to draw an outline of a protein. Bella worked silently next to me, taking notes on the information we needed to complete our poster. By the time the bell rang, all we had left was to add some color. And we still had one more day to work. "Nice job, partner," I said.

"Back at ya." We walked out of class and I had to leave her by the gym. Lunch and fifth period were definitely my favorite parts of school.

In Spanish, we had to present our speeches that we had worked on for the past few weeks. Our speech was supposed to be on something we were grateful for. Thanksgiving was two weeks away, so this made sense. Emmett volunteered to go first and I saw Mrs. Goff rolling her eyes. I snickered softly. I had helped Emmett write his speech, going over the grammar for him. But he had refused to change his topic and his accent was horrible. Personally, I think he messed it up on purpose, but it was hilarious.

Emmett spent the next three minutes explaining why he was grateful for food and massacring the Spanish language. He was entertaining though and the whole class laughed throughout his presentation. I watched Mrs. Goff and wondered what his grade will be.

I volunteered to go next. I took a deep breath and then delivered my speech. I spoke of the Cullens. And even though I had tried to keep my speech light hearted and predictable, it was hard to keep the depth my emotions towards the Cullens out of my voice. I would be eternally grateful for them. They had saved my life and nothing I ever did could repay that. As I wrapped up my speech, I glanced at Mrs. Goff. She was smiling at me but I saw her swipe a finger under her eye.

At the end of the period, she handed out the grade sheets for the speeches. "How did you do?" I asked Emmett when he got his green paper.

"C+," he grinned. "I got a D on accent, but an A- on grammar. Thanks bro." He held his fist out. I tapped it with mine. "What'd you get?"

I glanced at my paper. "An A."

"Shocking." Emmett laughed.

When the bell rang, we walked to our lockers. "I'm going over to Bella's," I said to Emmett. I reached into my bag and took out my keys. "Here, you guys can take the Volvo home."

"Thanks, will you be home for dinner?"

"Probably not. But tell Esme I will call if that changes."

"Will do. Have fun with your girl."

I waved good bye and then turned towards my locker. An envelope was sitting on the top shelf. I frowned and picked it up. The word "Vampire" was written in bold letters across the front. I lifted the flap and pulled out the single sheet of paper.

_You brought a snack._

I slide the paper back in the envelope with a shaky hand. That made no sense. Someone had obviously seen our costumes on Halloween. My head swiveled around to see if anyone was watching me, waiting to see my reaction. I didn't see anyone. But at the last minute, I saw Mike Newton step away from his locker and meet my eye. He smirked at me and then walked away. Mike Newton. Of course. I looked back at my locker and noticed the ventilation slots right above the shelf. He must have slid the envelope through those. I shook my head and crumpled the envelope. I gathered my things and went to find Bella. She was still at her locker, talking to Alice.

I crept up behind her, my finger to my mouth, hushing Alice. She ignored me, continuing her conversation with Bella. When I was directly behind my girl, I put my hands over her eyes. "Guess who," I whispered next to her ear.

I felt her lips lift against my palm.

"Hmm, Jasper?" she guessed.

I held in my laugher. "Try again."

"Emmett?"

Alice started to giggle and she waved to bye to me. I mouth bye and watched her walk down the hallway. "Not quite." I leaned down and nuzzled her neck.

"Edward," she groaned.

"Very good." I took my hands from her eyes.

"I knew it was you the second you touched me." Bella turned and gave me a hug. "How was your day, baby?"

"Pretty great, actually. How was yours?"

She tilted her head and reached up, her fingers tracing my lips. "Any day that I get to see a smile as beautiful as this is a great day."

I laughter softly and kissed her fingertips.

Bella smiled as red crept up her cheeks. "That was a little corny."

I shook my head. "Not at all. I know what you mean. My day is always made a little better when I see you smile."

"Come on," she said. "Let's get out of here."

We walked out to the parking lot and I opened the driver's side for her, and then climbed in next to her. The old truck roared to life. I watched Bella maneuver the huge vehicle through the parking lot. It was such a big truck for such a small girl. But she handled it surprising well. It was definitely slow, but it would keep her safe.

"Do you have a lot of homework?"

I tore my eyes off her hands. "Not too much. Calculus, of course. Reading for English. A worksheet for Spanish. What about you?"

"Pretty much the same." She turned off the truck and we stepped out into the rain. We ran to the front door and hurried into the dry house. We went to the family room and set down our backpacks. I knelt by the coffee table and pulled out my Spanish worksheet.

"I'll be right back," Bella said.

"Okay." I started my worksheet and by the time she returned, it was done. A bag of cookies dropped on the table. My eyes flew to hers. "Did you make those?"

She nodded. "Last night. Chocolate chip."

I nearly groaned as I picked up the bag and opened it. I took a bite and closed my eyes. "Mmm…" I moaned. "So good. Thanks babe." I leaned over and kissed her.

"You're welcome. But you need to go back on your side. No distracting me right now. I have to get my homework done."

I sighed but went back to my side of the coffee table. I pulled my math book out and lost myself in the world of Calculus. For a long time, the only sounds were the scratching of our pencils.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" I wrote one more number and then looked up at her. She had her elbow on the table, with her fist in her hair as she leaned over her Trigonometry book.

"I really don't understand this. At all." She sighed and pushed the book in my direction. I read through the directions and nodded to myself.

"Here," I went around to her side of the coffee table and worked out a problem for her, talking through all the steps. She watched intently, determination in her brown eyes.

"So this number always goes here?"

I nodded. "It's like a puzzle, you just have to use what you know and manipulate it so you can use it in the problem you're solving."

Bella rolled her eyes. "That's half the problem. I can't remember what I'm supposed to know!"

"Here, you try to the next one and I'll watch."

"Fine," she sighed. I watched as she wrote out the problem. She bit her lip and tapped her pencil against the paper. I was about to help her out when she wrote the step out.

"Good," I murmured. "What should you do next?"

She looked up at me and smiled briefly. "That's further than I usually get." She looked back down at the problem and went back to tapping her pencil. Slowly, she wrote out the next step. "Wait!" she cried. I saw the light bulb go off in her head and she quickly wrote the final answer and triumphantly put a box around it.

"Very good." I kissed the top of her head. "See, it's not that hard."

"Says the genius," Bella replied.

I scooted back to my side of the table, not wanting to get distracted. "Keep going, I'll check your work if you want me too."

"Thanks."

We got back to work and again the only sounds were those of pencils scratching. This time though, Bella's cries of discovery interrupted the quiet every now and then. I smiled every time I heard her soft rejoicing sound.

"Here," she said after a while, holding her paper out to me.

I scanned over it, my smile growing. "Very good sweetheart." I lifted up to my elbows and kissed her gently.

"You are a good tutor."

I rolled my eyes. "You were easy to teach. You just needed to be shown how."

She smiled and pulled out her copy of Romeo and Juliet, the book we were reading for English. I went back to my Calculus. Now the silence was filled with my pencil sounds and her pages turning.

Finally I reached the end of my assignment. I slid the paper into my binder and placed it in my backpack. I looked up and watched Bella read. She was sitting on the couch now, her legs tucked under her. A lock of her thick hair had fallen into her face, but she was so focused on her reading, that she didn't notice. I got up slowly and quietly went to the couch. I knelt in front of her and very gently pushed the wayward hair behind her ear. Bella looked up from her book. The smoldering flame I saw in her eyes startled me. Before I could say anything, her lips were on mine. I heard the thump as her book hit the ground. I put my hands on her cheeks and kissed her deeper.

"Edward," she moaned against my mouth. I was powerless to resist her and I pulled her down until she was in my lap, straddling my waist. My hands went to her hair, pulling her mouth closer to mine, kissing her. I felt her hands at my back, fisting over my shirt. Blood pounded in my brain, the same pounding echoing in my heart.

I felt her hands lifted the shirt from my back and I raised my arms to help her. My shirt fell into a puddle beside me. And lost in the moment, I forgot. Her burning fingers touched my bare skin and I shivered. Then I heard her gasp. And then I remembered.

"I'm sorry," I said hoarsely as I reached for my shirt. She didn't say anything as she stared at my chest. "I forgot, I know I'm ugly. I'm so sorry."

A hand closed around my wrist and I saw her head moving side to side. She looked up at me and her brown eyes her burning fiercely. Not the smoldering passion of before, now it was the fires of anger that lit her eyes. "You. Are. Not. Ugly." She yanked the shirt away from my grasp and tossed it aside. Then her fingers gently went to the raised pink skin of my scars.

"Bella, please, don't." I knew they were ugly, the marks that striped my chest. My back was worse and I hoped she wouldn't see it, but my shirt was now across the room.

"God, how he _hurt_ you." Her eyes were focused on her fingers as they moved along the pink lines. "I cannot stand it." Then she leaned down and gently kissed one of the marks. I gasped and felt tears prick my eyes. She reached up then to hug me. I felt her stiffen as her fingers hit my back.

She scrambled from my lap and went around behind me. I hung my head, knowing what she was going to find. My hands fisted on my thighs. But I didn't move. I couldn't hide from her.

"Oh my God," she whispered. Again I felt her fingers touch my skin, followed by the gently brushing of her mouth. I felt the wetness as her tears began to fall.

She came back around and sat on my knees again. She forced my head up, forced me to look in her eyes. "Don't be ashamed. Edward, you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen. These marks, they only add to your beauty, because they show how incredibly strong you are. They show what you've been through. But you survived. Sweetheart, you survived and you are the sweetest, most caring, smartest, bravest person I know."

The tears fell silently down my cheeks.

"Please say something," she whispered.

"I love you," I said, my voice raw with emotion. I kissed her cheeks gently, trying to erase the tears. "Please don't cry, love."

She laughed softly. "I can't help it. You've told me that he hurt you, but to see it and know what must have been done to you to create these marks, it breaks my heart."

"They don't hurt anymore, I promise."

I watched her lean down and kiss another of the scars. "I wish I could kiss the scars on your heart as easily."

"Aw Bella, you have. In so many ways. Everyday you do. Every time I see you smile or hear you laugh. Each time you say you love me. All of it is healing the scars, one at a time. Since I've met you, I've smiled more than I have in all the years since my dad died. You are like the sun." I wiped at the tears still falling from her eyes. "You've created light where before there was only dark and warmth where there was only cold. I may not be completely healed yet, but without you, there would be no light, no warmth in my world."

She wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my neck. "I never thought I could feel this way about another person. I love you so much, it almost hurts."

I smiled and ran my hands along her back. "I know the feeling."

"It's getting late. I need to start dinner before Charlie gets home," Bella said, her fingers still lightly caressing my back.

"Hmm…," I sighed, enjoying the feeling on my bare skin.

"Speaking of Charlie, probably not the best idea for him to find you here with no shirt."

Darn it. She was right. I felt her kiss my shoulder and then she eased off my lap. I went over and picked up my shirt. I turned and saw Bella watching me. She shook her head. "You are one beautiful man," she said as her eyes roved over my bare chest and arms.

Not quite sure what to say to that, I eased my shirt over my head and covered myself. I went over to Bella and helped her to her feet. "So what's for dinner?" Then I whispered into her ear. "You are beautiful too, you know."

She blushed. "Hm…I was thinking meatloaf." But she smiled shyly at me, so I knew she had heard.

We went into the kitchen and I leaned against the counter so I could watch her cook. Apparently, the meat had been defrosting in the refrigerator so she pulled it out. I watched as she measured breadcrumbs, milk, garlic and dried mustard and then dumped the ingredients into the ground beef. Then she pulled a carton of eggs out of the fridge.

"I had no idea meatloaf was so complicated," I commented as she cracked an egg into the meat mixture.

"Silly boy. What did you think it was? Meat in the form of a loaf?" She cracked another egg and then added a few sprinkles of soy sauce.

"Uh, yeah, actually."

Bella burst out laughing as she mixed the meat. She got a pie plate, sprayed it with Pam and then arranged the meat concoction into a loaf. "You are funny."

I rolled my eyes. "Meatloaf was never on my menu," I said. "I kept it simple. Fajitas, spaghetti, chili, that kind of stuff."

Bella nodded as she took some potatoes out of the cupboard. "You're staying for dinner, right?"

"If you want me too."

"Obviously." She took out three potatoes, coated them with butter and stuck them in the oven with the meat loaf. "All done." She came around and jumped up on the counter, so she was sitting next to where I was standing. I moved so that I was standing between her legs. She reached up and brushed my hair off my face. "What else did you make?" she asked.

"Hamburgers, chicken. He liked mashed potatoes, so I made a lot of stuff that went with that. Pork chops, steak. Stuff like that."

"Are you a good cook?" Her fingers ran along my jaw.

"I'm not sure I would say that. I had to learn by trial and error. When he first started to have me cook, I had no idea what I was doing."

Bella frowned. "How old were you?" Her fingers never stopped their soothing circles over my face.

"Ten," I said softly. "He had me start doing the cooking right after he beat me the first time."

"Oh." She kissed my hair. "Would you cook for me sometime?"

"Yeah, I could do that. You can be the judge if I'm good at it or not."

"You are good at everything. I doubt cooking is any different."

I laughed. "We will see about that."

"Edward?" Her voice was suddenly serious.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

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**A/N Hey all! I hope this chapter didn't move too slowly. I just wanted to show Edward and Bella through the day, build their relationship a little bit. I don't want to rush this story. But if it's too slow, please let me know. **

**Okay, so I know that in my last chapter notes I said it was my birthday Monday and reviews would be a great present. But I didn't think I would get another chapter posted before Monday and here it is Sunday night and I'm posting again. So yeah. Reviews = fantastic birthday present hehe. Love you guys!  
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	20. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters.**

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Chapter Nineteen

The next day at school was like a continuation of the one before. I walked through the school hallways and felt like I was floating. I couldn't remember when I had ever felt this happy, this content. When I got home from Bella's, Carlisle had stopped me in the hall to let me know that everything was ready to go for Saturday. He had even gotten the okay for me to observe the OR, from behind a glass window, of course. I passed my calculus test with flying colors. And most importantly, most amazingly, Bella loved me.

Everything was perfect.

And it scared the holy hell at out me.

For nine years, I walked on egg shells knowing that one wrong word, one wrong move could set off a bomb that would leave me bruised and broken. It was difficult to shake the feeling that this happiness couldn't last.

"Hey," Bella came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I felt her lips press into my back.

I jumped at her touch, so lost in my thoughts, I hadn't heard her approach. "Hey," I said, turning in her arms so I could hug her properly. "How was gym?" I asked her as we began walking towards the parking lot.

Bella groaned.

"That good, huh?" I laughed. We had just started the tennis unit. I hated to think the damage Bella could do with a racket.

"I hate gym," Bella grumbled. "Why do I need to play tennis? I mean really, who decided it's a good idea to arm me with a racket? You'd think Coach Clapp would know better by now."

"What happened?" I asked, trying to hide the laughter bubbling in my chest. She was just so dang cute when she was upset.

"I was running towards the ball, I went to hit it but I missed. Obviously. But somehow I hit the net with the racket, which caused me to drop it. The racket bounced off the net, hit me in the thigh and fell to the ground. Then I tripped over the racket, because I was still moving forward, mind you. Which led to me falling forward and getting tangled in the net." Bella rolled her eyes. "I really hate gym."

"Aw," I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. "Did you get hurt?"

She held up her palm and I saw the scratches marking the white skin. I gently lifted her hand and kissed the marks.

"Hey Edward!"

I turned at the sound of my name and saw Emmett and Jasper hurrying over to me. "Hey guys."

"Listen, Alice and Rosalie have practice until four thirty," Emmett said. "Jazz and I were thinking of having batting practice while we waited for the girls. You down?"

I nodded. "That sounds good." We had played baseball once more since the disastrous time with Mike Newton. The memories had not assaulted me as they had that first time. "Do you want to come?" I asked Bella. I smiled when she rolled her eyes. Then I put my arm around her shoulders and the four of us walked to the field. A few students lingered near the field, winding down from the school day.

Emmett ran over to the locker room to grab some bats and mitts. When he came back, he handed me a mitt so I could play outfield. Bella went to sit in the dugout while I ran to my position. It was a typical day for Forks, rain was threatening but it held off while we played. Since it was just the three of us, we just took turns batting, fielding and pitching. I was up to bat, when I caught a glimpse of someone leaning against the foul pole as I swung the bat. The ball slammed off my bat and flew out to right field. I looked back at the foul pole and saw a man standing there, his hands in his pockets. My eyes narrowed and I became aware of the blood draining from my cheeks.

"Hey Edward!" Jasper called from the pitcher's mound. "Are you going to step in the box?"

Startled, I looked back at him and realized he was ready to pitch. I looked back at the foul pole. No one stood there. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. It couldn't be. My mind was playing tricks on me, making me see things that weren't there.

"Hey."

I nearly leapt out of my skin at Jasper's words. He was standing right next to me now. "Are you okay man?"

"Yeah," I said slowly. "Did you see that man?"

"What man?" Jasper asked.

"The one by the foul pole, he was standing there just a second ago."

Jasper was shaking his head. "I didn't see anyone."

"Edward," Bella reached me at that moment. "Are you okay? Why aren't you hitting?"

I turned to her and asked her the same question as Jasper. She shook her head. "Honey, I didn't see anyone," she said.

I was losing my mind.

"Are you okay?" I felt her hands on my cold cheeks as she pulled my face down so she could see my eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I shook my head. Obviously, there was no one there and no one had been there. I smiled at her and kissed her mouth gently. "I thought I saw Mike in the outfield. Just didn't feel like dealing with him. Come on, let's play."

With a huge effort, I shoved the vision out of my mind and enjoyed the rest of the day. But I felt disconnected from the happy boy playing on a field. Somehow, someway, I was going to say the wrong word or make the wrong move. It was just a matter of time.

At four thirty, Alice and Rosalie showed up, done with their practices. "Hey guys!" Alice sang as she hurried up to the field. She ran up to Jasper and threw her arms around him. Rosalie joined us at a more sedate pace and greeted Emmett with a passionate kiss. We all gathered around the pitching mound. Bella stood in front of me and I wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her head.

"How was play practice, Alice?" Bella asked.

"Great!" she chirped. "It's going to be so good. We are have to have our lines memorized by Monday though, so I know what I'll be doing this weekend." She looked at Jasper, who gave her a pained smile. "Do you guys want to come over for dinner?" she asked Rosalie, Jasper and Bella. "Mom is making lasagna and you know she always makes a ton."

They agreed and we set off towards the parking lot. Jasper and Alice drove my Volvo home, Emmett and Rosalie her Mercedes and I went with Bella in her truck.

"Edward," she said as soon as we pulled out of the lot. "What's wrong?"

"I'm okay, love. I promise." I smiled at her.

"Earlier on the field, for a just a second, you looked terrified. Mike Newton wouldn't put that look in your eye," she said gently.

I sighed and picked at a piece of fuzz on my jeans. I couldn't lie to her she knew me too well. "It's nothing. I just, I thought I saw him standing by the foul pole earlier."

"Him?" Bella turned to look at me briefly. "You mean your stepfather?" Her hands clenched the steering wheel. "Why would he be in Forks?"

"He wouldn't be. What I saw didn't make sense. It must have been the way the trees were blowing, or maybe someone was out there. I mean, I saw it over my shoulder when I was swinging and when I looked back, there was no one there. Besides, he's in jail awaiting trial."

Bella nodded and her grip loosened on the wheel. "What happened in your nightmare last night?"

Of course she knew I had a nightmare. Second one in as many nights. "Same thing as always, pretty much," I said softly, not wanting to get into the details. "He was beating me. But at the end, he leaned over and whispered in my ear."

"What did he say?"

I shuddered as I remembered his words. "'You'll never escape me.' After he said those words, I woke up screaming in my room. Bella?"

"Yeah sweetheart?" I could hear the tears in her voice.

"Do you think they will ever stop?"

"I hope so," she whispered as she reached over to take my hand. "I really think they will, eventually. Your unconscious just needs to realize that you aren't in danger anymore."

I nodded and smoothed my thumb over her knuckles. She came to a stop in front of the white mansion.

We went inside and found Esme in the kitchen. "Mom," Alice said as she gave Esme a hug. "Bella, Jazz and Rose are here for dinner."

"Okay. Thanks for the notice, sweetie," Esme winked at her daughter.

Laughter filled the room. "Do you want to go work on homework?" I asked Bella when the giggles faded.

She nodded and we went into the dining room to work. We sat at the table and pulled out our books. "No calculus homework," I said smiling. "We had a test today."

"Good, now you can help me with my trig," she grumbled. She pulled out her book and put it on the table. "I am so bad at math."

"No you aren't." I pulled my chair closer to her and looked at the assignment. "You just have no confidence in yourself. Here, look at this problem. What's the first step?"

"Write down the problem."

"Yes Bella," I laughed as she stated the obvious.

She chuckled as she wrote the first problem on her paper. Then she looked at me expectantly.

"What's your next step? Think about you need to do and what you know."

"I need to get x by itself," she muttered. Her pencil tapped, a sign that she was thinking. I stayed quiet and let her brain work. After a few minutes, she began to write. I watched her pencil scrawl across the page. I shook my head as she continued, the correct answer appearing as she wrote. She was so much smarter than she gave herself credit for. "I did it," she said as she wrote the final number. Amazement filled her face.

"Love, you are smart. Don't doubt that. Do the next one."

"Yes sir," she said as she wrote out the next problem. For a second her pencil tapped against the page. She wrote out the next step and then more pencil taps. The taps grew more agitated as she continued to stare at the problem. I watched her bite her lip as she tried to figure out the problem. "Gah," she finally sighed. "I don't know."

"Yes you do. Just look at the x, how are you going to get it to stand alone?"

"Edward," she sighed as she stared at the problem. "I don't…wait."

Her hand moved hastily across the page. "Stop doubting your self," I said, smiling at her.

Bella looked up at me through her lashes and smiled. Then she went back to her math. I watched her do the rest of the assignment and her confidence seemed to grow with each problem.

"Huh," she said as she finished. "I get it."

Now I did burst out laughing. I leaned over and kissed her. "I love you babe."

Her arms came up and wrapped around my neck, holding me captive as her mouth moved against mine.

"Dinner!" Esme called from the kitchen.

"Well darn," Bella breathed against my lips. "Why are we always interrupted?"

I laughed softly and gently kissed her one more time. Then we stood up and went into the kitchen and joined the rest of the group at the kitchen table. As we ate, talked and laughed, I looked around the table at the people that become my family in such a short period of time. Two and a half months ago I would never have guessed the decision to move to Forks would change my life so completely and that I would come to care about these people as much as I had. Now, I belonged and I couldn't imagine my life without any of them.

After dinner, I led Bella over to the piano and played her lullaby for her. I watched her as I played. Her eyes drifted closed as she listened and a small smile touched her lips. I played for a while, drifting from piece to piece until I came back to her lullaby. I played with all the love in my heart and by the end of the song, tears were glistening on her cheeks.

When I let the last notes go, Bella let her head rest on my shoulder. "I don't want to go home."

"Yeah, I don't want you to leave either."

"Edward, I am worried about you."

I sighed, knowing she was thinking about this afternoon. "I'm fine. I just need some sleep, that's all."

She nodded and turned her head until she could press a kiss to my bicep. "Tonight, only sweet dreams."

"Yes ma'am," I said as I kissed the top of her head.

Esme stuck her head in the living room. "Bella, honey Charlie just called and wanted me to remind you it's a school night."

"Oh shoot," Bella said jumping up from the piano bench. "I lost track of time."

I walked her to the front door and then out to her car. "I'll see you tomorrow," I said as I opened her door.

"I love you," she said as she pulled me close to her.

"I love you too," I answered. "Good night love."

She held my cheeks. "Sweet dreams. Sleep baby, okay?"

I nodded then watched her get in the car and drive away. I made my way in the house. I found Esme and Carlisle watching TV in the family room and I said good night to them. Then I dragged myself up to my room. I was more tired than I had let on in front of Bella. I changed, brushed my teeth and then lay down on my bed with my hands behind my head. I replayed my evening with Bella, remembering her face while she concentrated on her math, the tears shining in her eyes as she listened to me play the piano. My eyes drifted closed as I floated in the state between sleep and consciousness. As I floated, my mind wandered to the ball field and the figure standing next to the foul pole. My mind wandered more, bringing up a tickle between my shoulder blades as I got the newspaper, a nagging feeling of being followed through a maze. And then, behind my eyelids, I saw the words of a note left in my locker. _You brought a snack._

My eyes flew open and I choked on the air in my lungs. Mike, I thought. Mike Newton hates me and he's the one that put the note in my locker. I was paranoid, expecting something bad to happen. There was nothing to worry about, I was safe at the Cullen's, in Forks, Washington.

I sat up, knowing sleep was not possible at this moment in time. I went to my backpack and pulled out Romeo and Juliet. I would do some reading to pass the time.

Sometime around three, I fell into a fitful sleep.

The next day, I was quiet on the drive to school, thinking about what I needed to do. When we arrived at school, I hurried towards the buildings, hoping to find who I was looking for before Bella pulled into the parking lot.

I spotted the blonde spikes across the hallway. I picked up my pace until I was only a few feet away. "Mike," I called out as I approached him.

"Edward," he said coolly.

"Who gave you the note?" I asked without any preamble.

"What are you talking about?" he sneered. But I had seen the flash of understanding in his eyes.

"The note addressed to the vampire," I pressed. "Who gave it to you?" My hands clenched as I fought the urge to shake him and shout out for him to answer me. I wanted him to tell me that he had meant is as a joke and that he had written the note.

"I don't know who it was," he said. "This random guy stopped me in the parking lot that day and asked me to put it in Edward Masen's locker." He shrugged. "I didn't see the harm, figured he meant it as a joke."

Oh god, oh god, oh god. Talons of panic gripped my chest making breathing near impossible. "What did he look like?"

"I don't know, geez. But he did give me something else." He reached into his bag and I watched him pull out another envelope. "He told me to give you this, today actually."

My hand shook as I took the envelope from him. Then I turned and nearly ran to the boy's bathroom. I locked myself in the stall and ripped open the letter, my heart threatening to escape my chest the entire time. As my eyes scanned the letter, all I could hear was my own gasps as I desperately sucked in air and my heart pounded in my chest.

_Vampire,_

_You snack looks mighty tasty. Think you can protect her?_

_Here's how. Don't tell anyone about this letter. Meet me at the gym tonight at midnight. Come alone or else they will all pay. The doctor and his little wife. Your friends. But most of all, your delicious snack. I've been watching you. I will know if you tell someone and if you are not alone._

_Don't be stupid and make the wrong choice._

The note wasn't signed, but there was no question who had given it to Mike. I leaned my head back against the stall door and closed my eyes. My hands fisted, crumpling the note in my hand. My whole body was shaking and I tried to focus on breathing in and out to calm myself down.

Inhale. Exhale. Oh god. Oh god. Inhale. Exhale.

One thing I knew for certain, I couldn't let him put a hand on Bella, or any of the Cullens for that matter. What was I going to do? For a second, I pictured running out of the bathroom, gathering up Bella and Alice, Rosalie and Emmett and heading straight to Carlisle. I saw him calling the police and vowing that everything would be fine. And then I saw saying goodbye to Bella for the night, leaving her in the protection of her father, the police chief. Then while she was sleeping, _he_ could sneak into her room. Or on her way to school _he_ would grab her and take her away. I felt my stomach twist and bile rose in my throat. In my mind, I saw _his_ fists pounding on the girl I love.

I groaned and leaned over the toilet as my stomach emptied itself.

I couldn't do that. How could I possibly live with myself if something happened to her? The guilt alone would eat me alive. I couldn't even imagine the devastation of living my life without her. She was my life, there's nothing for me without her.

I stood up and took a deep, shaky breath. There was no other option. I had to do what he told me too. I couldn't risk Bella's life. It would be stupid and so many things could go wrong. It was a chance I would not and could not take. I opened the stall, glad that the bathroom had remained empty and walked over to the sink. I turned on the water and stared at it run over the white porcelain.

Tonight at midnight, I would meet him at the gym. I reached out and put my hands into the stream of water and watched it flow over my skin. My hands were shaking and I focused on them, willing them to stop trembling. Then I cupped my palms and captured the water so I could bring it to my face and wash away the tears. I took several deep breathes, knowing I had to calm myself down enough to face Bella. A few minutes later, I left the bathroom and walked out to the parking lot. I saw her standing with Alice, her eyes sweeping over the parking lot every now and then.

I knew the minute she saw me because her eyes lit up as the smile broke across her face. I stumble slightly as I felt my heart break a little just looking at her.

"Good morning," she said as she approached. Then her eyes narrowed. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head and just gathered her close to me. Her arms wrapped around my neck I buried my face in her hair and inhaled her familiar scent. The freesia and strawberries swirled through my brain, calming me slightly.

"Sweetheart, you're shaking, what's wrong?" she asked again as she gripped me tighter. "Please talk to me, you're scaring me."

I closed my eyes, preparing to lie to her for the first time ever. But I had to save her. "Nightmare," I whispered, not trusting my voice. "Really bad nightmare last night."

She didn't say anything, just held me in the parking lot. Tears I couldn't control began to roll down my cheeks and I brought her even closer to me, lifting her feet off the ground. I breathed her in, felt her heart beating next to mine and tried to find some semblance of control. Somehow, I had I make it through the day.

"The bell rang," Bella said softly.

I nodded and forced my arms to loosen as I gently set her on her feet.

She brushed my hair off my face, her touch so soft and loving I fought the urge to hold her again. "Do you want to ditch class and go talk?" she asked tenderly.

Yes. I wanted to pick her up, run away and never look back. I couldn't bear the thought of losing time with her, not when our seconds had become so limited. But if he was watching, he would see us leave and he might go after the Cullens. I couldn't take the risk.

"No," I said, my voice hoarse. I cleared my throat and tried again. "No, I'm okay."

Bella looked at me, her worry clear in her chocolate eyes. I lifted my lips into what I hoped was an encouraging smile. I took her hand and we walked through the now deserted hallways. Despite how tardy I would be, I walked her all the way to her first period door. I pulled on her hand before she could walk away. "I love you."

"I know," her eyes searched mine. "I love you too."

I kissed her hand and let go. She looked at me one more time and then went into her classroom. "Welcome to class, Miss Swan," I heard the teacher say. I felt bad that she was tardy because of me.

"Mr. Masen?" I jumped and saw Mr. Green approaching. "You need to get to class."

"Sorry sir," I said and then I hurried to calculus. Mr. Andrews did not look happy with me as I entered the classroom five minutes late. "Sorry," I said again.

I couldn't concentrate on the math. For the first time, the puzzle couldn't distract me from the outside world. I tried to find a way out but every path I chose opened the door for Bella or the Cullens to be hurt. I couldn't protect them all. The bell rang at the end of class, bringing me back to reality and Forks High School. I looked down at my paper and saw I had only managed to complete one problem. I gathered my things and walked out the door.

Bella was waiting for me outside the door, a very nice surprise. "Hey," she said softly, taking my hand. "I needed to see you."

"Yeah," I agreed. We walked quietly to her next class.

"I love you," she said first this time when we reached the door.

I smiled slightly. "Love you too."

The rest of the morning continued in the same fashion. Bella waiting for me outside my class, then holding hands as we walked to her class, whispered I love yous before walking away.

At lunch time she led me away from the cafeteria. We went to the baseball field and walked up to the top of the bleachers. I leaned against the metal bars and pulled her against me. I played with her fingers and the slight breeze blew through her hair.

"I wasn't hungry," she said.

"Me neither."

"Edward, what happened? You have shadows in your eyes like I haven't seen since you first moved here."

"I told you," I murmured against her hair.

"What was it about?"

I sighed and kissed the top of her head. I moved my lips across her silky hair and debated what I should say. "You know how yesterday, I thought I saw him?"

"Yeah."

"I dreamt he came back." Maybe I could make her understand why I was leaving her, without actually telling her what was happening. "And he hurt you. Bella, it was the most terrifying nightmare because he wasn't hurting me this time, he was hurting you. I can't handle that." My throat closed up. "Baby if he hurt you," the words stuck and the shaking came again.

"Hey," Bella said turning in my arms. "Hey, sweetheart it was a dream, I'm fine." She rocked me slowly. "I'm fine," she whispered soothingly in my ear. "He's in jail. He isn't going to hurt me, or you ever again."

I let her comfort me as I struggled to gain control. She pulled away and looked at me. I could see in her eyes that she felt relief. I was happy for that. I didn't want her worry so much. I reached up and ran the tip of my finger along her cheek. "You are so beautiful, Bella," I whispered.

She smiled and kissed me. "You are too," she said.

Then the bell rang and I groaned. "I hate how our lives our controlled by a bell."

Bella snickered. "We don't have to go to class you know. We can defy the bell and go somewhere else."

"We need to go to biology," I said, trying to keep a light tone to my voice. "Our project is due today. We'll have to defy the bell later."

"Due dates and bells," Bella sighed as we stood up.

When we arrived in Biology, I went to get our poster and markers so we could finish coloring. We worked on our project in comfortable silence. I held her hand under the table and refused to let go.

After biology, I had to leave her again to go to Spanish. During the time away from her, the panic came back, creating iron bands around my chest. I didn't like to be away from her. Too much could happen when I couldn't see her.

Mrs. Goff was in the middle of her lecture on conjugating verbs when a messenger from the office came into the room. He gave her an envelope and then left the room.

"Senor Masen," she said, holding out the envelope. "Por tu."

I took the envelope, pulling it quickly into my lap so no one would see my shaky hand. I opened it slowly, knowing I was going to need to keep all reactions to the note under control. I could feel Emmett watching me.

_Vampire. _

_I'm impressed. It appears you are following the rules. I was a little worried when you and your snack didn't go to the cafeteria, but your talk was harmless enough. She really is very beautiful in a fragile way. It would be so easy to break her. Just keep doing what you would normally do and no one will get hurt. Except you of course._

_I will be waiting at midnight. _

I clenched my jaw tight to keep from crying out. He was watching me. Every step I took, he knew what I was doing. He knew what Bella was doing. I knew right then that I had made the right decision not to tell anyone.

I sat rigid in my chair, waiting for the bell to ring so I could get back to Bella.

Finally, the hour long period was over and I made my way through the crowded hallway. I wasn't able to breathe again until I saw her. And when I did see her face break through the crowd, the relief was so great it nearly took me to my knees.

"Hi," she said putting her hands on my cheeks as she kissed me.

"Do you want to come over?" I asked. It was hard to pretend that everything was okay, when my world was shattering around me, but I couldn't say good bye to her. Not yet.

"Of course."

Once we got to the house, I led Bella upstairs to my room. She went to sit on my bed while I went to put on some music. When the music began to softly fill the room, I went to her and sat cross legged in front of her. I took her hand and held it in my lap. I began to trace letters into her forearm, enjoying the feel of her silky skin beneath my fingertip.

"I," Bella breathed, reciting the letter I had just printed on her skin. Goose bumps appeared on her arm and her hand began to tremble slightly. "L, O," she whispered. "V, E." I looked up into her ignited brown eyes as I traced the last three letters. "Y, O, U."

I leaned over and kissed her palm.

"Edward," she gasped softly as my lips moved further up her arm. I had decided on the way home, I didn't want to talk anymore. I wanted to treasure her like she was meant to be treasured. I wanted to enjoy my time with her.

I picked up her other hand and I moved my thumbs in her palms, rubbing small circles into her delicate skin. I leaned forward and very gently touched my lips to hers. She rose up to her knees to meet my mouth. For several long seconds we stayed nearly completely motionless, our mouths just barely touching as I tenderly brushed my lips against her, my thumbs still caressing her palms. My eyes slid shut as the kiss began to deepen slowly. The slow, drugging kiss created a fire deep in my belly. I ran my hands up her arms until I could cradle her face.

The warmth of her soft mouth was intoxicating. She moved deeper, crawling towards me until she was straddling my lap her slim legs wrapped around my waist. "Bella," I groaned. Shivers of delight raced through me as her hands went under my shirt. This time, I didn't cringe when I felt her fingers run into my scars.

"Touch me, Edward," she whispered huskily. "Please my angel."

I couldn't disobey her and my hands moved to the hem of her shirt and then I felt her bare skin under my palms. I ran my hands up and down her spine and then kiss continued. Her back arched under my hands as I continued my soothing strokes on her back.

I seared a path of kisses down her neck and she tilted her head to give me better access. Her hands were in my hair now and she pulled gently as I licked her neck. "I love you," I whispered, feeling her shiver beneath me as my breath touched her damp skin. I laid gentle kisses along her collar bone and up her neck to her chin until finally reclaiming her mouth.

I don't know how long we sat on my bed, kissing. Long enough that the sky outside my window turned from gray, to twilight, to black. I didn't want to let her go. The taste of her on my lips, the feel of her against me was too precious to lose.

She let out a soft sigh as our lips separated for the first time in what must have been hours. Her fingers came up and gently ran along my lips. "Amazing," she whispered, her eyes sparkling. "I literally think I could kiss you for the rest of my life."

I smiled sadly at her words. "As could I, my love."

Just then her stomach let out a loud, angry rumble. "Food is a good thing too," she laughed. I joined her laughter and scooped her off the bed. "We skipped lunch, it's no wonder you are hungry."

"Aren't you?"

"Of course," I lied. The peace I had felt while kissing her dissipated, the iron bands around my chest were back in place. But I smiled and set her on her feet. "Let's go hunt for some food," I said lightly.

On our way to the kitchen, we passed Carlisle and Esme watching TV, as was their habit in the evening. "Hey kids," Esme said when she saw us. "There's food on the counter for you."

"Thanks Esme," I said, happy that my voice came out sounding normal and carefree.

In the kitchen, we found six plates each with a serving of spaghetti, salad and a piece of bread.

Bella and I looked at each other and smiled. Esme was definitely a one-of-a-kind. We took our plates to the kitchen and sat down to eat. I kept the dinner conversation about school and our friends, focusing all my attention Bella, memorizing her. The way the blush crept up her cheeks when she was embarrassed. The way her eyes lit up when she smiled. How she talked with her hands when she got excited. The way she twirled her spaghetti. There was nothing about this girl I didn't love.

When we were done eating, we went to the sink to wash the dishes. When the last plate was in the dishwater, Bella turned to me with a sigh. "It's nine."

What? How could it be so late already? No. My heart rebelled and once again I was nearly overwhelmed by the desire to yank her in my arms and never let go.

"I need to get home," she was saying. "Charlie wasn't very pleased that I was so late last night. He almost grounded me."

I could hardly hear her over the pounding in my ears. "K," I somehow managed. How was I supposed to say good bye to the girl I love without letting her know I was saying good bye? Now we were walking to the door. She was talking about it being Friday tomorrow and how we could hang out afterschool and maybe I could make her dinner sometime this weekend. I nodded, not trusting my voice right now at all. Now we were outside, standing next to her truck. I watched my hand reach out and open her door.

Now she was going to get in and leave me. No no. I couldn't _do_ this. "Bella," my voice cracked over her name.

My mother's lifeless body flashed in front of my eyes. I closed my eyes and fought for strength. I would not fail Bella.

"Edward?"

I opened my eyes and looked at her. "I just wanted to say that I love you and you have made me the happiest person in the entire world."

"I love you too sweetheart." She kissed me gently. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah."

"Have sweet dreams, okay?"

I nodded and watched her climb into the cab of her truck. "Good night," I whispered, touching her face one more time.

"Night," she said. She frowned for a second. "You're okay, right?"

"Yeah, just tired." I hoped she would believe that.

"Okay. Good night my angel."

"Night, Bella."

Her truck roared to life and she closed the door. She blew me a kiss as she pulled out of the driveway and I pretended to catch it. And then all I could see were the taillights as she drove away.

The bands around my chest tightened and I felt like I was strangling just to take a breath. My legs would no longer support me and I fell to my knees, holding my chest as I fought to breathe. "She's safe," I whispered to myself. That had to be enough. She was safe, he would never touch her. She is safe. Safe. I repeated the words to myself over and over again, willing the bands to loosen so I could breathe. He wouldn't touch her, I had done what he had asked. I didn't tell anyone. I stood up slowly, dragging air into my tortured lungs. The night wasn't over. There were five other people I had to protect. Determined not to fail now, I turned and walked back into the house.

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**A/N: So here we are, the climax of the story. I have to admit this is the first time I am nervous about posting a chapter. I think I spent the most time on this chapter than I have on any other, simply because I felt like it was so important for it to be right. I've lost sleep over this chapter, trying to make it right. Please don't be mad at Edward for not telling anyone, he truly feels backed into a corner. Remember, his stepfather has ruled over him for eight years.**

**You guys have been amazing with your reviews, I can't believe how they have been pouring in lately. Thank you so much.**


	21. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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Chapter 20

When I got to the front door, I squared my shoulders and went inside. I could hear the TV in the family room, so I knew Carlisle and Esme were still watching TV. I went to join them. They were curled up on the couch together. I went to an oversized chair and sat down.

"Hey Edward," Carlisle said, obviously pleased that I had joined them.

"Hi." Short answers worked best, those darn iron bands still restricted my chest.

"How was your day, honey?" Esme asked as the commercials started.

"Fine," I said. "Got an A on my calculus test," I tried to elaborate.

"Excellent," Carlisle said. He turned his face and winked at me. "I don't think you are going to need much help from me to achieve your goal."

I nodded, trying to block out the fact that I would not be joining Carlisle at the hospital this Saturday.

The show started again and they both turned their attention of the characters on the screen. I watched, but for the life of me, I couldn't concentrate on what they were saying. I heard Esme chuckling out loud several times, so I know it must have been a funny show. I kept glancing at them, wishing I could tell them how I felt about them, how they had saved my life and given me the best two and half months I could have asked for. They had opened their home and their hearts to me, even though no one asked them too.

Saying yes to them at that hospital in Chicago was the best decision I had ever made.

I needed some way to express to them how much I cared. An idea came to me and I smiled to myself. Now I waited anxiously for the show to end. I looked over at them again, and marveled at what a beautiful couple they make, both on their outsides and their insides. Right now, Carlisle had his arm around Esme, holding her close to his chest, his fingers gently running along his wife's bare arm. Every now and then Esme would burst out laughing. "I love Sheldon," she said at one point.

Carlisle laughed and kissed Esme's hair. "Yes, I know my dear. I think I have more fun watching you watch this show than I do actually watching the show."

I glanced at the TV and saw they seemed to be gearing up to play Rock, Paper Scissors.

One of the characters was explaining a new version of the game. "Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors," the slightly nerdy man explained.

Esme giggled out loud. Remarkably, I felt a smile tickle at my own lips. But, as funny as the show was, it couldn't hold my attention. My mind drifted away from the hilarity and into the seriousness of my situation. I wondered what Carlisle and Esme would think when I didn't come down for breakfast tomorrow morning. I hoped they didn't worry too much when they found me gone. That was a ridiculous thought. Of course they would worry.

Finally, the show ended. "Are you going to stay down here and watch some more? Carlisle asked me.

I shook my head. He used the remote to turn off the TV.

I stood and faced them, suddenly feeling nervous and wishing those damn bands would loosen for just a second so I could take a deep breath. My chest physically hurt from not being able to breathe properly all day. "I would like to do something, before you go up to bed," I said. "It won't take long."

They nodded and I led them into the living room, where the piano stood. Esme let out a gasp of joy as I walked over and lifted the piano lid. I looked at her and nodded.

"Edward wrote us a song," she said as she pulled Carlisle closer to the piano.

I felt my cheeks turn red. "I didn't really write it," I mumbled. I cleared my throat. "But its music that goes through my head when I think of you both and your love for each other."

I lifted my trembling fingers to the keys and used the instrument to convey what I saw in them and how blessed I felt to have been taken into their home. When it ended, Esme came up the piano and gently kissed my forehead. "Such talent," she said. "You should try to get into a performing arts college, when the time comes."

"I agree. That was wonderful, Edward," Carlisle said, moving closer to the piano.

I stood up and drew Esme into my arms. She hugged me and patted my back. I could feel tears prickling in my eyes and I forced them back. After I let go of Esme, I turned to Carlisle. We had never hugged before. I got the feeling that ever since I had cringed away from in him in fear, that he was afraid to touch me. But I had too now. Even if it wasn't a "normal" thing to do, I had too.

Carlisle made it easy for me. As soon as I moved forward, his arms were there, squeezing me gently for a few precious seconds.

As I walked upstairs with them, I had to bite the inside of my lip to keep from asking them to help me. They had told me that I could always talk to them and I felt like I was betraying their trust by not telling them what was going on.

I couldn't risk Bella's safety for my own.

"Good night, Edward," Esme said as we reached the top of the stairs.

"See you in the morning," Carlisle added as they turned towards their room.

"Good night," I somehow managed. As they walked away, I went down the hall, stopping at the first door.

I knocked. "Come in," Emmett called.

I opened the door and saw Emmett lying on his bed. He was dressed in black sweats and a white t shirt. He was leaning against his pillows, the video game remote control in his hand.

"Hey bro," he said, not taking his eyes off the game. "What's up?"

"Not much," I said. Honestly I had no clue what to say him. I watched him beat up monsters for a few minutes, half wishing he could beat up my monsters as easily. "I just wanted to say good night," I said. Lame thing to say, I know. Really I wanted to ask him to keep Bella safe for me after I was gone.

"Good night, Edward," he said. He hit a button on the remote and the players on the screen froze. "Everything alright?" he asked, finally looking at me.

"Yeah." Inspiration struck. "Remember when I first moved here and you told me that you were happy I was here?"

"Of course I remember." Emmett smiled. "You've been a better little brother than I expected."

We laughed at that. "Good," I whispered. Then louder, "I was just thinking about that and how happy I am to be here."

"Awesome," Emmett said. He picked up his remote and the players on the screen began to move again. "Do you want to play?"

I shook my head. This was getting more difficult be the minute. I needed to be alone. "I have homework," I said.

"Cool. I'll see you tomorrow."

I nodded and walked out of his room. I went to the next door and found it slightly ajar. From the inside, I could hear Alice's voice. "You're being ridiculous."

She paused for a second. "Yeah, of course I will." Another pause. "I don't know."

I stuck my head in and saw Alice lying on her stomach, her feet waving in the air, the phone pressed to her ear. She saw me standing in the doorframe and smiled. "Well speak of the devil. He's in my room right now, Bella dear."

My tortured heart beat faster, knowing my love was on the other end of the phone. At least that meant she had made it home safe. I breathed a sigh of relief. "Just wanted to say good night, Alice. I won't bug you." I smiled at her and turned to leave.

"Night, Edward," she said. "Don't let the bed bugs bite!"

I laughed softly for her benefit. Then, not stopping to think about what I was doing, I turned and walked back to her bed. I leaned down and very gently kissed the top of her head. "Good night," I said softly.

"Hold on a second," she said into the phone. She sat up on her knees and looked at me. Her eyes narrowed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I think this was the nine hundredth time someone had asked me that question today. "Just tired."

Her eyes ran over my face and then she nodded. Obviously I looked tired enough to satisfy her inspection. That made sense, I was exhausted. "Night Edward. Sleep good okay."

I nodded and turned to leave for real this time. I heard Alice giggle. "Bella says she loves you."

I could feel my knees turning to mush again and tears were rapidly filling my eyes. "Tell her I love her too," I said quickly, my voice thick with tears.

I hurried out of the room as I heard Alice repeating my words into the phone. Once in the hall, I broke into a run until I made it to my own room. I closed the door quietly, waiting for the latch to catch. I leaned my forehead against the wall and took huge gulps of air to keep myself together. I couldn't break down. I didn't have time. It was nearly 10:30 and there was one more thing I needed to do before I left.

An hour later, I opened my bedroom door and slipped out into the hall as quietly as I could. The house was dark and silent. I carefully made my way down the hall and then down the steps. When I reached the bottom, I glanced towards the kitchen and fought the wave of memories that swamped me. Carlisle and his morning coffee, family dinners, Bella making me omelets. I closed my eyes and forced my head to point straight forward. I walked passed the doorway to the kitchen and made it to the front door.

Before I let myself out, I cheated and looked up the stairs one more time. "Good bye and thank you," I whispered to the sleeping family. A single tear slipped down my face, falling off my chin. "I love you all."

With those final words, I spent out into the cold night air and closed the door behind me.

My Volvo was parked on the drive way and I went to it now. I opened the door, slid inside and closed the door as softly as I could. Despite the quiet engine, I still cringed as the car came to life. Anxiously, I looked back at the house, praying it would stay dark. After several heartbeats, no lights came on and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I clenched the steering wheel as I backed out of the driveway, still watching to make sure that no one came flying out to stop me. The house stayed quiet.

I put the car in drive and left the safety of the mansion. On the way to the high school, my mind went a hundred different directions, imagining what could have been. I imagined graduating from high school, Carlisle and Esme smiling proudly from the stands as I received my diploma, Bella waiting for me after I crossed the stage. I imagined the look on Carlisle's face when I got into medical school and the look on Esme's face while I performed on the piano. Then Bella's face, shining with happy tears while I knelt in front of her, a diamond ring held in my hand.

As the last vision swam in front of my eyes, my foot pressed on the brake, stopping the car in the middle of the street. My hand went to my chest, covering my heart as it fisted over my shirt. I leaned forward to put my cheek on the steering wheel as I gasped in pain. The bands in my chest tightened to the point that I couldn't get any air into my lungs. I had to relax, I had to gain control of myself. If I didn't make it to the high school by midnight, everything would be in vain.

I closed my eyes and focused solely on my lungs. Breathe, I thought to myself. Finally, the bands loosened and air flooded into my chest.

I lifted my cheek off the steering wheel and looked at the clock. I had ten minutes. I took my foot off the brake and the car moved forward.

"Edward," I whispered to myself. My knuckles turned white as I clung to the steering wheel. "Don't let him see you as weak," I continued. The sound of my voice in the quiet night helped calm me down. "He killed Mom and is taking away your life now. Don't let him break you." I sat up straighter, still holding the wheel for dear life.

I could see the school now. I pulled into the empty lot and shut off the engine. I stepped out into the frigid night. "Be brave," I whispered one more time.

I stared straight ahead as I walked to the gym, trying not to see the memories that assaulted me with every step I took. As I got closer to the gym doors and made my fists unclench. I would not show fear. The handle felt cold under my hand and for a second I wondered if the door would be locked.

It opened easily as I pulled on it.

My feet took charge as I walked into the gym. They continued to put one foot in front of the other, even while my heart and brain screamed at me to turn around. I walked to the center of the large building and then waited. It was dark in the gym, quiet. The fierce pounding of my heart seemed to echo up to the high ceiling.

I heard footsteps behind me and the panic increased tenfold. It crawled at my throat with each strangling breath I drew in. I turned, slowly, to face him.

He was standing a few feet from me. As I watched, he stepped forward, into a panel of moonlight from the windows that lined the stop of the gym walls. His pale blue eyes glinted in the silver light as they roved over me.

"Hello James," I said, the strength of my voice surprising me.

His blonde eyebrow lifted, but I stood my ground. I would not give him the respect of calling him sir, it was a small defiance, but it was all I had left. I lifted my own eyebrow.

In a blur, his hand shot out and a fire seared across my face. I hissed before clamping my mouth shut. Two month and a half months of pain free living had softened me.

He laughed and shook his head. "It's good to see you, Edward. I've missed you."

"I can't say the same." My mouth seemed to have a mind of its own tonight and I smiled at the words.

His hand smacked against my cheek again with enough force to snap my neck back. I regained my balance and continued to stare back at him.

"You better watch it, boy," he hissed now. "It's not too late to go to a certain police chief's house. Maybe we can go get her and make her watch. I'm in the mood for a snack."

I felt the blood drain from my cheeks at the mention of Bella. My eyes skittered away from his glare. "Don't you dare hurt her," I said, my voice losing some of its strength.

He laughed again. "I told you Edward, you do what I say and no one gets hurt. Understand?"

I nodded.

He grabbed my hair, pulling tight and forcing my head up. "Say it," he mocked next to my ear, shaking me.

"Yes," I said through gritted teeth.

"Yes what?" he asked as he tightened his hold on my hair. "Don't push me boy."

"Yes sir."

He pushed down on my head and shoulder, forcing me down. I landed hard on my knees. "You need to learn some obedience. Stay," he said.

I kept my face down as I watched his dirty shoes leave my line of vision. I took a shaky breath and closed my eyes for a second. I wondered what he had planned. I wished that he would take me out to his car and we would go back to Chicago. Right now, Bella and the Cullens were too close. I almost laughed out loud. I knew his plan wasn't to take me back to Chicago. There was no way I was leaving the gym alive. I wished he would hurry up and kill me now so that he would leave and Forks would be safe.

The mud covered shoes appeared before me again. His ankles crossed and then he was sitting cross legged in front of me. He reached behind him and I heard the clatter of something hit the ground behind him. I swallowed thickly, but didn't move.

"Better," he observed. "So before we get started with tonight's activities, I wanted to tell you a story. Look at me."

I raised his eyes to his face. He was sitting too close to me and I could smell the sour scent of beer on his breath. His blonde hair was greasy and long enough to pull back in a pony tail. He reeked of unwashed, soiled clothes and body odor. He is disgusting.

"So, if I remember correctly," he continued. "The last time I saw you, you were raising a bat to me." He smirked. "I have to admit, you got some good swings in. Broke a few ribs."

I fought a smile at that. I knew I remembered holding the bat.

"I should have just killed you that night," he went on. "Would have saved me the trouble tonight."

I lowered my eyes slightly as I processed this information. He did plan to kill me tonight, I had known that the instant I read his letter this morning. He didn't want me around and I was a witness to his murder. But it even though I had known, it didn't stop the trembling of my fingers. I had so much to live for, I didn't want to die now.

"Why aren't you in jail?" I asked softly. I knew it is against the rules to ask questions, but my life is over anyway, it doesn't matter now.

I expected him to get mad, maybe slap me again. But instead, when I met his eyes, he smiled. "That's part of the story. See the neighbors must have heard something because while I was going after you with the bat, the cops showed up. Took you away, then they saw your mother lying in a puddle of blood."

I winced.

He laughed. "Don't like that do you? Anyway, cops took me to jail, charged me with murder and child abuse." James snorted. "Child abuse. You asked for it! Practically begged me to hit you instead of her. Anyways, I acted like a saint at that damn jail. Did everything they asked me too. Detectives came in and started asking all kinds of questions. I hired myself a lawyer and he came in and took charge. Jails are over crowded these days, so they put a tracker on my ankle, I posted bail and here I am." He laughed.

"They let you out of jail?" I whispered. How was that possible? Why didn't any one tell me that? Surely they had to know that the second he was out, he would come for me. "Where is the tracker?"

"I got it off. It wasn't hard." He shrugged it off. I didn't understand. He had _murdered_ my mother, how could he just walk away, free? "Anyway, enough of that. There's a different story I want to tell you."

I waited quietly, still sitting on my knees.

"So going back to that night. The night you came home late. You know I told you what would happen if you got home late."

I nodded. His hand shot out and struck my face. "Yes sir," I said.

"But you know what the greatest thing is? It's actually really funny, wait to you hear." He laughed hysterically for a few minutes.

I watched him, not at all in the mood to laugh.

"Okay," he said, gaining control, his shoulders still moving with his mirth. "So that day I went to work, just like I always do. But on that particular day, the boss asked to see me. When I went in to his office, he tells me that they are having to downsize, whatever the hell that means, and so they are letting me go. Just like that! No warning, no notice. Just, thanks for the two years of service and out you go! Bastards!"

I jumped as his voice grew.

"I left at lunch time and headed home. Walked into my house and you know what I found?"

"No." I saw his hand rise. "Sir." Don't be weak, my mind screamed at me.

He nodded. "I found your mother sitting on my couch, eating my food, watching my TV. And you know what she has the nerve to say to me?"

I could picture that so easily. My broken mother sitting on that old, worn down couch, completely oblivious to the danger her husband represented. God how I hated him. "No." I finally responded to him. He stared at me and I stared back. He stood up, so he was towering over me as I sat on my knees. I saw his hand raise and I watched it silently. I looked back at him and didn't utter a sound. His hand connected with my face, the slap resounding through the gym. I had to put my hand on the ground to keep myself from falling over. I sat up quickly and buried the pain.

"Goddamnit," he growled. "You will respect me!" This time it was his fist that met my cheek.

A small gasp of pain burst out of my clenched teeth as I righted myself again. "You don't deserve any respect," I said.

He flexed his fist again and I braced myself for the punch that was coming. Don't fall over, I chanted in my brain. Three fast, hard blows met my head, but I stayed upright and didn't give him the satisfaction of knocking me over.

"I should just kill you now and forget about my story."

Yes, please do and then leave Forks, I wanted to say. I glared up at him, daring him with my eyes.

He smirked down at me and crossed his arms. "But I've been looking forward to seeing your face as I tell you this particular story for too long. I dreamed about it during those nights in jail."

My face was on fire, my cheek throbbing painfully but still I remained silent.

He huffed. "When I got home, your mother turned to me. What are you doing home from work so early? She had dared to ask me that! Oh it made me so mad. I went into the garage and found your old bat. God it felt so good. It had been too long."

He sighed and seemed to go back to that moment in time. My own mind was racing. What had he just said? He had gone home at _lunch time_. Murdered my mother at _lunch time_? My exhausted mind struggled to understand what he was saying.

"There it is, that's exactly the look I was waiting to see." He laughed manically. "You know the greatest part? At three thirty, I was waiting for you to come home, wondering how I would explain to you why your mom was lying dead on in the living room. I was trying to figure out if I should just kill you too, I mean it's not like I wanted a kid. But then, it was nice to have a punching bag around." He grinned down at me. "But it got later and later and you still didn't come home. Then, I watched you pull up to the house, the look of terror on your face as you saw my car in the driveway. I decided rather than kill you right then, I could do one better."

"So you told me it was my fault," I said, my brain finally clicking into gear. It didn't matter that I had gotten home late. She would have been dead even if I hadn't stay to play the game. There was nothing I could have done. My hands turned to fists in my lap.

"Yeah," he laughed. "And the look on your face was priceless. You actually believed me. Anyway," he said, obviously tired of dragging this out. "What do you say we get started?" He turned around and picked something off the ground. When he faced me again, he held a two pieces of paper, a pen and a knife.

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**A/N: I just wanted to thank you all for your support in this story. My last chapter received over 20 reviews, which was amazing! I am so glad that you are all enjoying the story and the suspense.**

**See you all next chapter! If all goes according to plan, it should be up in the next couple of days so you don't have to wait too long to find out what happens. :o)  
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	22. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight or any of the characters. That honor belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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Chapter Twenty-One

"So the first thing we are going do is write a letter." James placed a blank sheet of paper on the floor in front of me and held out a pen.

I reached out for the pen, wishing my hand wasn't shaking quite so bad. "What should I write?" I asked, trying to keep my voice sounding calm and bored. I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing just how badly my insides were shaking and how loud the screams were in my mind.

He looked at me for a second. "It must be so hard to carry around so much guilt. I mean, you basically killed your mother and now look at your life."

"I didn't kill her," I said in a low tone. "You did."

"Yes. I know that. You know that. But, you felt guilty about it up until about five minutes ago, didn't you? Really, your life has under gone quite a change, living in the huge house, driving a brand new car. Bet no one beats you anymore either."

I didn't answer. His words were true, I just didn't know what it meant.

"What do you want me to write," I asked again, wishing he would just hurry up and get on with it.

"Guilt can lead to desperate measures, especially for someone as pathetic as you," James continued in his fake sympathy voice. "I'm sure your new guardians will understand why you felt the need to take your own life."

My eyes widened as I looked at him. Suicide? I almost laughed out loud. "They will never believe that," I said.

"Sure they will."

"How are you going to explain my bruises?" I waved my hand over my face, knowing my cheek was already turning a nasty shade of purple. "Doesn't usually happen when someone kills themselves."

James laughed. "I'm not going to be here, you idiot. Why would I stick around?"

"Hm," I said. "Also, why would I come to the school gym to do it?"

James shrugged. "Who knows what goes through a young, troubled mind."

I wanted to laugh. He obviously hadn't thought this out very well. No one in their right mind would believe I had killed myself. Not with the bruises on my face. Plus, his fingers prints would be all over the murder weapon. And he called me an idiot.

I shook my head. "I still say they will never believe you."

"Does it really matter? You will be dead no matter what."

I looked down at my hands. This was true. But I didn't want any of them to believe I would do this, not now, when I was so happy.

"Besides," he said, completely confident in his plan. "You are going to tell them right now." He gestured to the paper. "Dear Carlisle and Esme. Write it, now."

A suicide note. I put the pen to the paper and focused my attention on writing clearly. My hand was shaking so badly, it was difficult to make the words legible. I dictated exactly what he told me to. My hand wrote his words, but my mind saw my own.

My letter held the truth. That letter sat on my bed at home. One more way his plan would never work. And I thanked God now that I had taken the time to write it.

_Dear Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Emmett._

_I know you frantic right now, wondering where I am. I didn't mean to worry you, you have given me so much. So please, try to understand that I did what I had to do. My stepfather found me. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. He has been following me and he threatened all of your lives. I couldn't live if something happened to any of you because of me. I don't know how he got out of jail. But, I don't want to dwell on that right now._

_I do want you to know how much you changed my life and how much respect I have for all of you. Thank you so much for opening your home and hearts to me. It means more to me than you can ever imagine. You are all wonderful people and my life was so much better because of you._

_Carlisle and Esme, you are the parents I always wished I had. You have so much love to give and I am lucky to have been given a chance to know you. Even though it was only for a short time, please know that you made my life better._

_Emmett and Alice, I've always been an only child but you showed what it would be like to have a brother and a sister. I found I love being a younger brother. You've also shown me true friendship and for that I will be forever grateful. Please tell Jasper and Rosalie thank you as well for making me feel as if I belonged. I never once felt like an outsider._

_I love you. All of you._

_Edward_

James is such a fool. I thought of the letters sitting on my bed right now. No matter what he made me do tonight, they would know the truth. The letter he dictated to me now held only lies. In it, I explained to Carlisle and Esme how the nightmares had become too much and I just couldn't live with the guilt anymore. I wasn't happy and I needed to escape. It was formal and held no hint of the respect and love I felt for them.

In fact, if I wasn't holding on so tight to keep from screaming, I might have laughed at my stepfather's idiocy.

I signed my name on the letter of lies and then looked up at him, expectantly. "Fold it in half," he said, "And write their names on the outside."

I did what he asked. "And now?"

He put another paper in front of me. "You are going to write another letter. To Bella this time."

I stared at him for a second. "Why?" I managed. I didn't want to write lies to her, even though she also had a letter addressed to her, sitting on my bed.

His face broke into a smile and I knew it was because some of my fear had just trickled through my tough shell. "Because she deserves to know why her boyfriend killed himself. Now write."

This was much more difficult because in this letter, he told me to tell Bella that her love wasn't enough to save me. It was the darkest kind of blasphemy and I felt as if I was going to throw up as I watched the words appeared on the page.

I was eternally grateful that the truth sat at home, waiting for her to see.

_Bella,_

_I don't even know what to say sweetheart. I am so sorry that I can not be with you. Do you remember the talk we had at the baseball field at lunch yesterday? What I told you wasn't a nightmare, but reality. He came back and I cannot fight him, not when he is threatening to take away the people that mean the most to me. I will not allow him to hurt you. _

_Be brave, my love. But more importantly, be happy, that is all I've ever wanted for you. Your smile is beautiful and a ray of sunshine in my life. Please don't deprive the world of it. Smile when you think of me and know that no matter where I am, I am thinking of you and the joy you brought to my life._

_Look after my heart—I've left it with you._

_I love you forever and always,_

_Edward_

Now, I looked at the fake suicide letter he had forced me to write and wanted to rip it up. Her love was enough to save me, it had saved me and I didn't want her to read these words. I didn't want the last words she read from me to be lies. James must have seen the desperation on my face because he took the letter from me and added it to the one addressed to Carlisle and Esme.

I stared at the pages filled with lies and hated him even more. I hoped with my whole heart that they would all know those words had been written under duress and should not be taken seriously.

"Now," James said as he picked up the knife. I looked at the silver blade and felt my heart beating in my throat. Panic was rioting within me. My stomach clenched tight and the bands tightened again and I couldn't breathe, nor could I control the spasmodic trembling inside of me.

I wanted to beg him not to kill me. I wanted to plead with him to let me live, to let me walk out of the gym and return to my home, to my life. I wanted to grab the knife and heave it across the room. I wanted to scream how much I hated him and how not fair it was that he thought he had the right to take away my life.

But I couldn't. To fight back would only endanger all those I cared about, innocent people who did not deserve to be touched by this dark, insane monster.

So instead I stood up, refusing to kneel in front of him any longer. I could only breathe in short, shallow gasps, but that was the only outward sign of my terror.

A chilled, black silence surrounded us. James held the knife out to me. "Take it," he whispered.

I grasped the black handle, surprised at how heavy it felt in my hand. I stared at it, twisting it so the silver blade shone in the moonlit.

"Cut your wrist," he said.

My eyes flew to his and I saw the leering smile on his lips, the sparkle of excitement in his pale eyes. I shook my head and tried to swallow the lump in my throat so I could talk.

"You will do what I say," he said slowly. "You know the price if you don't."

I was frozen in place, the knife hanging limply in my hand.

"Edward," he said in a sing song voice. "You don't honestly want me to go get Bella, do you?"

My head moved from side to side. "Please," I whispered, "Don't hurt her." I looked him in the eye now.

"I won't, I told you that. But you have to hold up your end of the agreement."

"How can I trust you not to hurt after I'm dead?" I asked him point blank.

"She means nothing to me," James shrugged as if this was obvious. "There's no reason for me to hurt her. The only reason I would is because it would hurt you. You can't hurt once you're dead."

I watched his eyes as he said this and even though they held a madness that told me he wasn't quite sane, I believed him. Bella was only a pawn to him, to be used to hurt me if I didn't follow his instructions. Despite the intense fear raging through me, I felt a stab of relief, knowing that as long as I did what he said, he would leave the others alone. "So when I'm dead," my voice cracked over the last word, but I needed his guarantee. "You will leave Forks."

He nodded. Then he took a step forward and held up my left hand. "Now. Cut yourself from here," he put a finger on the edge of my palm. "To here." He ran his finger up the inside of my arm to my elbow. "You will need to press down hard to make sure you have hit the veins."

Tears I couldn't hold any longer began to slip from my eyes. This was it. As soon as I followed his instructions, my life was over. I lifted my right hand and placed the tip of the blade on my palm.

"That's it," he said in a soothing voice. He continued to hold my right hand and he squeezed it now, as if he was encouraging me to be brave. I wanted to yank my hand away from him, but I refused to listen to that side of my brain. "Here," he continued in that fake gentle tone. "I'll help."

He put his hand over mine on the knife and pressed down. A gasp of pain escaped my lips as the knife sunk its way into the tender skin of my palm. His hand forced mine back and the knife began to slice through my arm, heading for my elbow. My chest began to heave in agony as the tears came faster. The knife was halfway to my elbow and already blood was dripping over my fingers.

"That's not so hard, is it?" he whispered. He took his hand off the knife and rested it on my forearm. He used his fingers to open my cut wider.

A sound of anguish came from deep within my chest and I almost fell to my knees. "Please," I gasped, not even sure what I wanted.

He looked at my face now and I saw the crazy gleam in his eyes. Enjoyment shone on his face with a feverish glow.

I lifted the knife from my arm and dropped it to the ground. It clattered as it hit the wood floor. "I did it," I whispered.

He tsked. "Not yet Edward. You have two wrists." He bent down and picked up the knife again.

Again, the knife was held out to me and I took in my bloody hand. It was slippery now and I almost dropped it. Already I felt light headed as blood continued to drip down my fingers, falling to the floor. He picked up my undamaged right hand. "Again," he said.

I clenched my teeth. I refused to let him see my suffering or to let him hear me beg. The tears I couldn't control were all he would get. Without a word, I lifted the knife and placed it on my palm. Blood continued to splatter to the floor. I was about to press the knife into my skin, when the sound of a door slamming echoed through the gym.

"What the hell!" James roared as he spun around. Without him there to hold me up, I dropped the knife and staggered to my knees, holding my bloody arm against my chest tightly. The room began to spin in slow circles around me.

"Edward! Where are you?"

No! No no no no! My mind screamed as her voice rang through the dark room. "Bella," I cried softly. She couldn't be here, why was she here?

I struggled to my feet just as she walked into the room. I stepped forward, desperately trying to put myself between her and James. I saw her eyes widen when she saw me. "Edward!" she cried again and she was hurrying towards me. Her face was flushed as if she had been running and her hair curled wildly around her shoulders. She wore her blue and green striped pajama pants and a large sweatshirt. Never had she looked more beautiful to me.

"Yes," I heard James snarl next to me.

The panic I had felt before was nothing compared to what raced through me now. "Bella," I managed to gasp out. "You have to get out here, now please."

"I'm not leaving you," she said, her voice strong, offering no fear. Most likely because she didn't understand the true monster that stood in front of her. Why was she here!

Next to me, James bent down and when he stood, the bloody knife was in his hand. "No!" I shouted at him. "I did what you asked! I came. I wrote those damn letters. I cut my wrist. I'm going to die, you got what you wanted!"

His eyes gleamed as he looked at me. "Obviously you didn't follow the rules, boy. Or else she wouldn't be here."

"I didn't know she was coming," I gasped. "I swear I don't know why she's here." The spinning was getting faster and I struggled to remain standing. And still the blood flowed freely from my arm, creating a puddle at my feet.

"Don't touch him anymore," Bella said as she walked closer to us. She was only a few steps from me and I wanted to scream. She shouldn't be here! "You won't ever hurt him again."

"Yeah," James agreed. "Because he'll be dead. See his arm? He's going to bleed to death within a matter of minutes."

Bella looked at me, at my arm and I could see tears filling her eyes. "He's going to be fine," she said, but her voice shook over the words losing its earlier confidence. She looked me in the eye. "You are going to be fine."

James smirked. "Keep telling yourself that. Wait just a minute, then it will be just you and me." His eyes raked over her. He took two steps forward until he stood in front of her and touched her silky hair. "I bet we could have some fun. But first, we will watch your boyfriend die together."

"No," I growled. I may not have protected my mother from this monster, but I sure as hell would protect Bella. He would not lay a hand on my precious girl. I used what remained of my strength and launched myself at him. I used my fists to punch him in the face. I had surprise on my side and I got in several blows before he even realized what was happening. I pummeled his face, years of anger and pain exploding out of me, giving me strength. "You won't hurt her!" I cried over and over again.

"Edward." I felt hands trying to pull me away and I fought them as I continued to force my fists into James' face. "Edward. Son, stop."

The word son broke through the red haze of anger and I looked up to see Carlisle kneeling on the ground next to me. "Carlisle," I whispered. He put his hand on my shoulder.

"Let me take care of him," he said gently as he pulled me off James' body.

I sank down to the floor, feeling my cheek hit the cool wood. My energy was gone. That last burst of adrenaline had taken all I had left. But she was safe.

Bella was at my side instantly. "Edward," she sobbed as she began taking off her sweatshirt. Underneath she was wearing the blue camisole she usually wore to bed. "Sweetheart, we have to get your arm to stop bleeding."

Her face swam in front of my eyes and I struggled to keep my eye lids open. "I think it's too late," I muttered softly. Somewhere in the distance, I heard Carlisle shouting, but I couldn't understand the words. All I knew was that he was dealing James and James wouldn't hurt anyone, anymore.

Bella wrapped her sweatshirt around my arm, but it was instantly soaked through with blood. "Carlisle!" she cried. "Edward," she looked back at me. "You have to hold on, do you understand me? You can't let him win."

"I love you, Bella."

"Edward, I love you too." Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. "I can't lose you, not when I just found you. I've waited my whole life for you. Please don't give up." Her free hand brushed back my hair as she spoke, the other pressed against the wound in my arm.

"Let me see his arm," Carlisle said kneeling next to her.

"Where—is James?" I panted.

"He's taken care of, he won't hurt you," Carlisle said softly as he took Bella's soaked sweatshirt off my arm. He hissed when he saw the damage. Immediately the doctor in him took control and he yanked off his own sweatshirt. He tore the shirt into strips, using one of the strips to create a tourniquet around my bicep. Then he wrapped more strips tightly around my arm. "Bella," he said as he tied the last strip in a knot. I need you to hold his arm as tightly as you can. Do not let go. He can't lose anymore blood."

I saw her nod as my eyes drifted close. "No," she whispered. "Edward, don't you dare go to sleep."

I cranked my eyes open and looked at her. Talking took energy I didn't have. I felt my self being lifted off the ground and knew that Carlisle held me. "Emmett," he said. "You, Esme and Alice stay here until the police arrive. Do not let him go for any reason."

"They—are –here?" I asked in short gasps.

"Yeah," Bella said softly. "Don't talk, save your strength."

Carlisle bent to put me in the back seat of his Mercedes. "I'll—get—blood—everywhere," I protested as he laid me on the black leather seats.

"Don't be ridiculous," was the only response he gave me.

Bella slid in next to me. She pulled me up against her, so my head was leaning against her chest. She continued to hold my arm tightly, but blood seeped through her fingers. "Keep him awake," Carlisle said from the front seat and I felt the car begin to race through the parking lot.

I felt Bella's lips press to my hair. "You saved me from him, you know," she whispered against my hair."

"Yeah," I whispered. "I couldn't let him hurt you."

"I know. I think you had another adrenaline rush," she teased gently.

"Yeah." I tried to smile up at her, but my face twisted in pain. "I'm so sorry."

A sob broke through her. "You have nothing to apologize for sweetheart. Nothing. You're going to be okay," she said. "You have to be."

"Bella, the letter he had me write, it's not true." I wanted her to know that. "Please, don't even read it."

"I won't," she murmured against my hair.

"I wrote you one, a different one. It's on my bed, read that one." My words were so soft was I was afraid she wouldn't hear. My eyes wanted to close again, but I forced them open.

"Okay," she answered softly. "But you will read it to me."

My eyes closed again, the darkness pushing down on me. "Edward," I heard Bella cry softly, "Please don't."

"I'm here," I breathed. My eyes half opened and I heard her gasp in relief.

"We are almost there, my angel. Just hold on a little bit longer. Carlisle," her voice rose as she spoke to the man in the front seat. "He's still bleeding so much, what can I do?" I heard the desperation in her voice.

"Lift his arm up," Carlisle said through his teeth. "We are just about there."

My arm lifted in the air and my eyes slid closed again.

Her lips pressed to my cold cheek and I could feel her tears wet on my skin. "Don't leave me Edward, please."

I was trying, I didn't want to leave her. But it was so hard. I couldn't see anything but black and I felt like I was listening to her through a tunnel. "I love you, Bella," I moved my lips and hoped she would know what I was trying to say.

"I love you too," she sobbed and I felt myself begin to rock back and forth. The darkness pushed down harder and I could barely make out the words she was whispering against my ear. I couldn't fight it anymore.

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**A/N:** **I'm sorry! I know it's another cliffhanger, but it's the climax, it's supposed to be exciting.... I think I'll go run and hide now.**

**Seriously though, you guys have been so awesome. I can't believe the number of people that are reading and enjoying this story. It blows my mind everytime I check my email and find that someone else has put it on alert, or favorited it or, best of all, reviewed. It makes me squeal every time. So thank you thank you thank you, one hundred times. You guys are the best. I promise, next chapter will resolve everything and no more cliffies.  
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	23. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and the characters.**

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Chapter Twenty-Two

I heard the beeping noise first. It was soft and far away, but persistent and ruining the quiet that I floated in. I wished someone would turn it off. I was so tired, I just wanted to sleep. But now that the sound had penetrated my inky world, I couldn't slip back into that peaceful oblivion. I cracked my eyes open and peaked through my eyelashes. Next to me I saw a screen and watched for a second as the green line bounced up and down, measuring my heartbeat. A beep accompanied every spike of the line. I guess I should be grateful that no one had turned off the sound.

So I was in the hospital. I closed my eyes and tried to remember why I would possibly be in the hospital. I went back in my head, trying to retrace my last steps. I remembered dancing with Bella in my room and walking her out to the car. Where I had to say goodbye to her. In a rush, it came back. James. He had come back for me and wanted to kill me. No, he wanted me to kill myself. I had written suicide notes and cut my arm. Then Bella had appeared like an avenging angel. I struggled to remember more after that, but it was a blur.

I cracked my eyes open again. I saw my left arm was wrapped from the palm of my hand to just above my elbow. I shifted my gaze over and met a sight I thought I would never see again. Bella's hand rested atop mine, her fingers gently curled around mine. Her other arm lay on the bed, cradling her head. Her eyes were closed and I could hear her gently breathing as she slept. Her silky hair was spread around her, falling in her face. Tears filled my eyes. I moved my fingers beneath hers, squeezing gently.

Her eyes flickered and her eyes opened slowly. "Edward," she breathed as her eyes found my mine. She lifted her head. "Oh thank God." She reached up to touch my cheek. "I was so scared."

I lifted my good hand and wrapped my fingers around her wrist. "I'm not going anywhere," I whispered.

She leaned forward and her lips gently brushed against mine. A tear slipped down her cheek as our lips met. "I love you so much."

"I know baby. I love you too." I let go of her wrist and ran my thumb under her eyes. "I didn't want to leave you," I whispered. "But I had to protect you."

"I know. You would do anything to protect me," she smiled gently. "I know the feeling."

"Edward, you're awake." I heard Carlisle's voice as he walked in to the room. Bella backed away from me and reached down to hold my uninjured hand. "How do you feel?"

"Okay," I said. "My head hurts. I can't really feel my arm."

"That's good," Carlisle said as he pulled my charts out of the holder at the foot of the bed. "Good you can't feel your arm, that is."

"What happened?" I asked Carlisle. I still couldn't really believe that I was alive. I remembered the amount of blood flowing from my arm. It didn't really seem possible I could live through that. "I remember being in the car, a little bit."

Bella's hand held mine and she gently ran her thumb over my knuckles.

"When we got to the hospital, you were unconscious," Carlisle said softly. When he looked at me, I could see the remembered torment in his eyes. "The whole drive I kept imagining you dying in my backseat. I'm a doctor and I was so afraid that I wasn't going to be in time to save you." He sat next to me and squeezed the fingertips of my injured arm.

"Once I got you in the ER, we started the blood transfusion right away. You lost so much, I wasn't sure," Carlisle stopped and I saw him struggling for words. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "It was touch and go for a while. I mended your arm while the other doctors took over the transfusion. They had to put 3 full IV bags into you, just to stabilize your blood pressure. It took forty-eight stitches to close up your arm. And lots of prayers to bring you back."

"Lots of prayers," Bella whispered. I looked at her and saw tears sparkling in her eyes again. "It took nearly five hours for you to stabilize," she continued quietly. "And then you were in critical condition for another ten." Her hand tightened over mine.

"I'm so—," a gentle hand pressed on my lips and Bella was shaking her head.

"You are not allowed to even think those words Edward Masen. You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. You came back to me, that's all that matters."

I nodded and she removed her hand.

"Where is James?" I asked, directing my question to Carlisle. My voice shook slightly as I said his name.

"He's back in jail right now," Carlisle said. I could hear the anger just beneath his calm voice. "He was taken to the Clallam County jail right after we left. But he was transferred back to Chicago first thing that morning. You don't have to worry about him again."

"But he got out before," I said quietly. I couldn't help the fear that still shook me when I thought of him. "They let him out."

"I know." The anger was clearer now, barely controlled beneath the surface. "They won't make that mistake again, I promise you that Edward. He won't ever hurt you again." I looked down. I'd heard that before. As much as I hated it, the thought went through my head before I could control it. "Look at me, son," he said in a soft voice, the anger gone now. I lifted my eyes to his. "He won't get out again. His uped the charges when he came here. Now not only is he going to be tried for murder in the first and child abuse, but he added breaking out of his tracking device, kidnapping and attempted murder. There is no way he is getting out now."

I nodded and leaned back against the pillow.

"Carlisle?" I turned my head and saw Esme standing in the door frame. "Edward," she gasped when she saw me looking at her. She rushed to the bed and Carlisle moved out of the way so she could cradle my face in her hands. "Oh my sweet boy," she cried softly. "I was so worried." She gently hugged my face to her chest.

I opened my mouth, but caught Bella's eye. She was shaking her head, knowing exactly what I was about to say. I closed my mouth.

Esme released me and I looked at both her and Carlisle. "I wanted to tell you both," I began. "I was so scared and I knew you would help me, no matter what it took." They nodded. I could tell Carlisle wanted to say something, but he held back until I was finished. "But he was threatening everyone I care about. He was watching me and knew every step I was taking. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't protect everyone at once. And the thought of him hurting one of you terrified me more than anything else."

"You are unbelievably brave," Esme said quietly. "I don't know anyone that would so selflessly risk themselves to save another. But honey, you have to realize you aren't alone anymore. We would fight to protect you, just as you fight to protect us."

"But he would have known if I told you," I protested, hating to argue with her. "He was watching, he knew everything."

"Son, do you truly believe I would let anything happen to my family?" Carlisle asked. My gaze slid to Bella. "She is included in my family," Carlisle added.

"No." I met Carlisle's eyes. "I know you wouldn't, that you would protect them with your life. But he was my monster to fight. I couldn't live with myself if he hurt you. Please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you. My God Edward, how could I possibly be mad? I am so damn proud of you." I saw Esme nod at Carlisle's words and she squeezed my fingers. "I just want you to understand that you are not alone anymore. People will protect you, I will protect you. As much as it pains you to see us hurt, that is exactly the way we feel about you."

"Honey," Esme added. "We know you spent the last seven years protecting your mom. Even longer than that, because you began watching over her the day your dad died. It's in your very core to protect the people you care about, it's your first instinct. Basically, what Carlisle is saying is that we love you. Unconditionally and forever. And you nearly took yourself from us. That would have been devastating to us."

"I love you too," I said hoarsely, emotions giving my voice a raw edge. Esme's eyes overflowed at my words and for a second I saw Carlisle's glittering as well. "I don't know why you decided to take me in at that hospital in Chicago, but that day saved my life in so many ways."

"You were meant to be in our family," Carlisle said simply. "It took us a little longer to find you, but you were meant to be ours. I knew it the first time I saw you."

Esme leaned over and gently kissed my forehead. My eyes slid closed for a brief minute. When I opened them, they were gone.

"Hello there, my sleeping angel," Bella said tenderly.

"Where did Esme and Carlisle go?" my voice still heavy with sleep.

"They left a few hours ago, when you first fell asleep."

I frowned. "But I only just closed my eyes."

Bella shook her head. "You've been asleep for a while. Carlisle said it's natural, you are exhausted and your body is still recovering from the shock."

"Oh." I felt horrible that I had fallen asleep during such an important conversation.

"Don't worry, baby. After everything you've gone though, no one is going to care if you fall asleep. In fact, sleeping is good. Carlisle and Esme will be back and you can talk to them later."

"I really do think you can read my mind," I told her.

She giggled. "Nah, it's all there in your eyes." She touched my cheek gently.

"Bella?" My voice turned serious again. She looked at me. "Why were you there? How did you know where I was?"

"I didn't," she said softly. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Sweetheart you were acting strange all day. You looked terrified and I knew something was wrong. You told me at the baseball field that you had a nightmare and it made sense. Until we got to your house. And then, just the way you were looking at me, like you were trying to memorize everything about me. I couldn't shake that something was wrong. More wrong than just a nightmare. I didn't want to leave you, but I had to go home. When I left, I just hoped that you would be able to talk to me the next day.

When I got home, the feeling that something was wrong grew and I couldn't shake it. I called Alice, because I wanted to know you were safe, but I didn't want you to know just how worried I was. Alice told me I was being ridiculous and that you were perfectly fine. Then you came in her room and said good night. I figured if you were going to bed, everything would be fine until the morning."

Her hand fisted over mine and she lifted my knuckles to her lips, kissing them gently. I sat silently, listening to her talk. I thought I had fooled her, but obviously I hadn't.

"I went through my normal routine. Showered, brushed my teeth, got ready for bed. But I couldn't shake it. That tickling between my shoulder blades that something was very wrong and that you needed me. I went to bed and fell asleep almost immediately."

She kissed my knuckles again and a shiver ran through her. "I had the single worst nightmare I've ever had." She smiled sadly at me. "I don't know how you do it."

"What happened in your nightmare?" I asked her.

"Pretty much what was actually happening. He was back and hurting you. I woke up shaking and sweating. I _knew_ something was wrong and I couldn't ignore it any longer. I knew if I waited until morning to find out, you wouldn't be there. I knew that to the core of my being. So I called the Cullens. Carlisle answered." She smiled slightly. "I was pretty hysterical, demanding he go in your room and check on you. But he did, right away. He didn't even question me. I think he ran too, because he got to your room really quickly."

"That's because I knew he was acting strange as well." Carlisle's voice came from the doorway and we both turned to see him leaning against the door frame. "I'm sorry to eaves drop."

"It's okay," Bella and I said the same time.

"When you called Bella, I was having my own feelings that something was wrong. I could tell you were fighting something that night, Edward. It was there in your eyes and the way you jumped at every sound. When Bella called, it didn't even occur to me to wonder why she wanted me to check your room. I found it empty, except for two notes."

"I didn't wait to see what they said," Bella continued. "I just threw on shoes and a sweatshirt and raced to my car. I was going to go the Cullens. But when I drove past the high school, I saw your car in the parking lot." She closed her eyes again and when they opened, I saw the shadows of terror she must have felt at that moment.

"Bella," I whispered, lifting her hand and rubbing in along my cheek. "I never meant for you to be in danger or scared."

"I know sweetheart. I know." She smiled at me. "But I love you too much. I parked my car next to yours, but I had no idea where you were. I ran around the school like a crazy person, screaming your name and pulling on every door. I was about to go to the baseball field, but I tried the gym door first. I don't know what made me go to the gym before the field, but I won't ever question my instincts again."

"When you walked into the gym, I thought two things," I said gently.

"What were they?"

I ran her knuckles on my lips. "First was that you had never looked more beautiful to me. Ever." She snorted a bit. "And second, what the hell were you doing here? I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life. I knew I was dying and I didn't know how I was going to save you."

"Edward," she whispered. "I was scared too. But I wasn't scared of him, not for a second. Only scared for you. There was so much blood, everywhere."

We sat for a second, just looking at each other. I couldn't believe that she was really there, in front of me. That I was really here. It still seemed impossible. Yesterday, I had said good bye to her forever and now I held her fingers against my lips.

"After Bella hung up," Carlisle said after a few minutes, "I ran into Alice and Emmett's rooms. I needed to know if they had seen anything strange or out of the ordinary that day. Emmett mentioned that you got a note in Spanish. We ran to your backpack and tore it apart until we found the two notes from your stepfather," he sneered the last word. "We knew then where you were. Esme was awake by this time and we all raced down to the car. I didn't really want Alice and Esme to be there, but there was no time to argue. Besides, they love you too."

I looked at them, but honestly had no idea what to say. Thank you just didn't seem appropriate. Nothing I could think of could come even remotely close to expressing what I felt. I let out a shaky breath. "James told me," I began slowly, hoping I could say this right. "That he was going to make it look like suicide and then he had me write those letters to you. I kept thinking that I didn't want you to read the lies, because I didn't want you to think, even for a second that I would have done this. And then, when the letters were done and he made me hold that knife to my arm, all I wanted was to go home. I wanted him to let me go home. To you and Esme and Alice and Emmett," I said looking at Carlisle. "And you," I said to Bella. "And I _hated_ that he was taking that all away from me." I let out another shaky breath. "So thank you, for coming to bring me home."

Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and began to cry softly against my neck. I wrapped my good arm around her and held her tight against me. Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder and I saw tears making there way down his cheeks. It was the first time I had ever seen him cry. "Anytime, Edward. _Everytime._"

I smiled at him, a genuine, holding nothing back kind of smile that came from the deepest part of my soul. Then I turned my head and kissed Bella's hair. "Bella, love," I whispered. "It's okay." I could feel her tears hot on my neck.

"I know," she cried softly. "I know." But I felt her hands fisted in my hospital gown. "I know," she said again.

"Then why are you crying?" I asked gently, kissing her again. I ran my hand over her hair. From the corner of my eye, I saw Carlisle sneak out of the room.

She lifted her tear streak face off my shoulder and shook her head, sending her brown curls sweeping over my arm. "I know you are safe, now. But you weren't. That-that _monster_ hurt you again. And you must have been so _damn_ scared. I can't stand that." She shook her head again. "I can't."

"I know, baby I understand what you are saying. Hey," I put my finger under chin when she tried to look away. "Listen to me. Yeah, I was scared. I'm can't lie to you and say that I wasn't. But because of you, I'm safe. Do you get that? Everyone played a part in saving my life, but Bella it's because of you and only you that I am alive right now." I tucked a piece of her hair out of her face. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she murmured as she pressed her lips to mine. "You know, it was more selfish on my part than anything else," she said softly, her lips only a breath from mine.

"Why's that?"

"I can't live without you." And then her lips descended again, moving gently against mine. I groaned and pulled her closer with my good arm. She broke away and fluttered kisses over my cheeks, along my jaw and over my closed eyes. "I love you," she breathed between kisses. Her mouth found mine again and I lost myself in the sweetness of her mouth.

She pulled away again and then her fingers were gently tracing my face. I sighed and enjoyed the feel of her soothing touch. Her fingers seemed to linger on my cheek longer than anywhere else, but I was asleep before I could think why.

When I opened my eyes again, Carlisle, Esme and Bella were sitting around my bed. "Sorry," I said a bit sheepishly.

"You need sleep," Carlisle said. "You need to eat too, I'll call up a tray of food."

I grimaced, thinking about hospital food.

"I know, it's not the best," Carlisle said. "In a few days you will be eating Esme's cooking again, I promise."

I beamed at her. My smile faded as a new memory surfaced. "I need to tell you guys something."

"What is it?" Carlisle asked and I saw concern on his face. I sighed. Someday, I was going to make up for all the worry I had caused them.

"Before James--," I stopped and cleared my throat. "Before he had me write the letters and stuff, he told me something about my mom."

"Oh no. Honey, I'm sure whatever he said was a lie," Esme said, expecting the worse.

"I don't think it is," I shook my head. "I don't want it to be. I mean, it doesn't change the fact that she dead. But, um," I paused and looked at them. "He lost his job that day. The day he killed her I mean. And they let him go at lunch time." I waited for them to connect the dots. All three of them continued to look at me, waiting for me to continue. "He went home at lunchtime," I repeated. Still nothing. "Mom was there and she made him mad. That's when he killed her. At lunchtime," I said yet again. I huffed. I had to spell it out for them. "I was at school, in class. It wouldn't have mattered if I had gotten home at 3:30 or when I did at 5. It wasn't my fault."

I don't know what I expected, but the silence wasn't it. Maybe excitement and joy that my mother's murder wasn't my fault.

"Edward," Carlisle sighed. "While I will say I'm glad you realize it wasn't your fault, it was _never_ your fault, no matter what time he killed her."

"Yeah, but I thought--,"

Esme smiled as she cut me off. "We know what you though, sweet boy. But it still wasn't your fault. Like Carlisle said, I'm glad you know it now. I hope more than anything that it will bring you peace."

I nodded. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

"Hey, can we come in?"

All three of us turned towards the doorway and I saw Alice and Emmett standing there. Alice held a stuffed teddy bear and Emmett a Get Well Soon balloon.

"Of course," Esme said. Her children came in quietly. Emmett tied the balloon to the foot of my bed and Alice came to stand next to me. She held the bear out and I took it.

"Thank you," I said quietly.

"Thanks for the opportunity to kick some real butt," Emmett said, laughter in his voice.

I looked at him, confusion written on my face, I'm sure.

"I got to beat some stepdaddy ass," he said. "Carlisle told me to take over. He may have been down, but I got some good shots in anyway."

I smiled at him and remembered how I'd wished he could beat up my monsters like he did the ones on the video games. "Thanks big brother," I said.

"No one picks on my little brother and gets away with it." He stuck his fist out at me. I detangled my fingers from Bella's and knocked his fist with mine. "I got your back bro."

I nodded.

"Well," Alice said. "I may not have been able to 'beat some stepdaddy ass'--,"

"Alice," Esme warned. "Language."

"What? Emmett said it. Don't you dare tell me he can say it because he's a guy."

Esme rolled her eyes. "Continue dear."

"Like I was saying. I didn't get to kick any butt," she looked pointedly at Esme. "But I did call the cops and get them there. And I remembered to bring the notes from James, so we can prove it was premeditated."

"Thank you Alice," I said grinning at her.

She leaned over and kissed my cheek. Against her ear, she whispered, "I love you."

I turned my head so my lips were next to her ear. "I love you too."

She beamed and stepped back. I looked around and felt my eyes getting heavy again. "I think I'm going to fall asleep again," I sighed.

"That's fine, we will be here when you wake up," Carlisle said.

"I know." I did know and it was the best feeling in the world.

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**A/N: Hello my wonderful readers. So, we've almost reached the end. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and it met your expectations. I have to admit that the last week of writing the climax and seeing your reactions has been so incredible. I do have a question for you because I don't want to wear out my welcome and drag this story out too long. Would you like to see one more chapter and then the epilogue, or should I go straight to the epilogue? And if you would like to see another chapter (I'm sure I can think of something, I adore my Bella and Edward and I have a million ideas) but I'll throw it out to you...is there anything you would like to see?** **Let me know. Thank you again for all of your amazing reviews.**

**And a huge shoutout to Stoney Angel for helping me remember where I wanted to go and not letting me do something that probably would have broken everyone's heart, including mine. Thank you!  
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	24. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and the characters.**

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Chapter Twenty-Three

I got out of the hospital on Sunday, three days after James found and nearly killed me. When I arrived home, I opened the front door and found blue and white balloons filling the room. A large banner hung from the ceiling, joyously shouting the words "We love you Edward!" It was all so typically Alice.

I loved it.

I went back to school on Tuesday. It was…difficult to say the least. In a town as small as Forks, my near death experience in the gym was huge news, probably the most excitement the town had seen in a long time. My classmates wanted to talk to me about it, which I didn't really understand. Why did they think I would want to relive the single most terrifying night of my life?

Fourth period had been the toughest. As I had approached the gym, my stomach had twisted into a knot. I still remember the feeling of everyone's eyes on me as they watched me walk towards the large building. The feeling of being a specimen at the zoo had been overwhelming. But then Bella had appeared by my side like the miracle she was and somehow, the knots in my stomach untwisted. With my note from Carlisle excusing me from physical activity, I spent the period sitting on the bleachers, my gaze avoiding the center of the floor. I could only breathe again once I left the gym and saw Bella waiting for me.

Two weeks have passed since I came home from the hospital. School is not as difficult, people are starting to leave me alone which makes it easier for me to move on. I can walk into the gym without hyperventilating, but I still avoid the center of the floor. My left arm is still wrapped and held together by stitches.

I moved my right hand and ran it along the bandage. My gaze left the now leafless trees outside the kitchen window and went to my left hand. I tried to make a fist, but my fingers wouldn't cooperate. My hand was very weak, but Carlisle assured me that I would regain full use of it.

Just like he assured me that James was in jail and never coming back. I closed my eyes and battled back the panic. It was always there now, dancing around the edges of my mind, never quite leaving me alone. He had come back once. Who could say, for sure, that he was never coming back?

I had tried to express this Carlisle. His serious blue eyes had looked at me fiercely while he told me that James would never hurt me again. He's in jail now and hopefully for a long time. But what about in fifteen years, when he is up for parole? What if he gets out then? I knew without a doubt that if James got out of jail before he died, he would come after me in a heartbeat, endangering all those that were close to me.

I jumped when I felt arms wrapping around my waist. Then, I smiled softly. My miracle was back. Her lips pressed between my shoulder blades. "Hello, sweetheart," she said quietly as she squeezed me tight.

I lifted one of her hands and ran it lightly across my lips. I felt her cheek resting on my back and I kept running her fingers along my lips. "I love you," I said. Now, those were always the first three words I said to her.

"Love you too."

I turned in her arms and gathered her close to me. I sighed as our lips met and my mouth moved gently against hers. Her arms ran up my chest and then her hands fisted in my hair as she pulled herself closer to me. I felt the heat tingling deep in my belly as her soft lips yielded to mine. I broke away when the need for oxygen became too much. I lifted a hand and gently pulled on one of the tendrils of hair that had come out of her ponytail.

Then I became aware of Carlisle clearing his throat from the far side of the kitchen. I glanced up and saw him standing there and strange look on his face. "Edward," he said when I met his eyes. "I need to talk to you."

I nodded and then followed him as he walked to the kitchen table. I took Bella with me. Carlisle glanced at her as he sat down and he nodded, indicating that she should stay. We sat down and I looked at him anxiously. I still couldn't read the look on his face. "I got a call from the Cook County Jail today," he began, his voice quiet and his eyes looking at me intently.

My hand tightened as my breathing became erratic. I felt Bella's hand on my mine, rubbing my clenched fist soothing. All I could think was that he escaped. I couldn't handle this again.

"Baby calm down," Bella whispered gently.

"Son," Carlisle said, trying to get my attention. "He didn't escape. He's dead."

My mind whirled as it tried to process this new information. "What?" I managed. I felt Bella's hand tightening over mine.

Carlisle reached over and put his hand atop mine and Bella's. "No one is really sure how, but he overdosed on pain medication. It is suspected that his attorney smuggled the pills in for him, but that hasn't been proven yet."

"What?" I repeated. I couldn't seem to put this information together. "Why?"

"I don't know," Carlisle said. "I can hope that his conscience caught up with him and after all the torment he caused you, after the murder of your mother and nearly killing you, he simply could not live with himself anymore." Carlisle sighed. "But I would imagine it runs more along the lines of he is a coward and could not own up to want he did and pay the price. He was facing at least fifteen years in jail, most likely more."

I stared at the hands covering mine as it rested on the table. I unclenched my fist and wrapped reached my fingers out, wrapping them around both Carlisle's and Bella's hand. "He's really dead?" I asked again.

"Yes," Carlisle answered.

I could feel the shadows that had lurked around the edges of my mind backing away. Slowly at first, tiptoeing away from my conscious. "He's dead," I repeated to myself. The shadows moved faster now, turning and fleeing from me.

I was free.

"I got another call," Carlisle continued. "Right after the first."

I looked up at him and waited.

"Apparently, with all this happening, your mother's will has resurfaced. Everything she owned now belongs to you. It's not much, but includes the house."

"The house is mine?" I said softly. I thought of the old house where I had lived with my mom and James. Mom had bought it about a year after my father died. She had sold our home in need of money.

I hated that house. It held nothing but pain. "I don't want it."

Carlisle nodded. "Then we will sell it. We'll go there to pack it up and then put it on the market. Done."

And he wasn't kidding. One week later, the entire family plus Bella, Jasper and Rosalie were on a plane headed for Chicago. I stared out the tiny circle window and watched the city come closer. I remembered looking out a similar window and watching that same city disappear. I had been so unsure at that time, with no idea what life in Washington would bring me. I felt a hand tighten around mine and I squeezed back. I wasn't sure what to expect now and as the wheels of the plane touched the tarmac I wondered if this was a good idea.

After we landed, Carlisle rented an eight passenger van so that we could all fit in one car. We went to our hotel first, checked in and dropped off our bags. Then we were back in the van, the trunk filled with boxes, and I was directing Carlisle towards the house.

We turned down a familiar street and I saw the old brick building, where it was wedged between the two taller buildings. "That's my old high school," I said softly as we approached. I saw everyone's head swivel as they turned to look."

"Where's the fields?" Emmett asked.

"Baseball and football are behind the school," I explained.

"Oh."

This was such a different world from what they were used to and my uneasiness grew as we continued down the street. "Turn right here," I managed to say to Carlisle.

He turned and as he did, memories began to rip through me. I felt my hand tighten around Bella's. Her free hand came up and began rubbing my knuckles. "It's on the left," I said hoarsely.

The van came to a stop and for a second everyone was silent as they looked out the window. I knew what they were seeing. The small, shabby house painted a horrible green color. The chain link fence that surrounded the weed filled yard. I cleared my throat and studied my hands. Shame of where I came from filled me and I wanted Carlisle to turn around and take his good, pure family away from here. I opened the car door, ready to tell them to leave.

But Carlisle and Esme were already exiting the front seat. "You don't have to stay," I said.

Carlisle gave me the look he always gave when I said something he found absurd.

"Okay," I whispered, knowing nothing I said would deter any of the Cullens from being here with me. Bella came around the van and took my hand. I know the others went around to the trunk of the van to grab the boxes we had gotten after checking into the hotel. But I headed up the walkway, to the front door. "It's not going to be pretty," I warned Bella as I stuck my key into the lock.

"I don't expect it to be," she said softly. "This is where your monsters live, Edward. This isn't you. Don't for a second be ashamed. You belong with us in Forks, this is a house and what it holds does not represent you. Don't forget that, not for a second."

I breathed in deep and turned to take her into my arms. "I love you so much," I said against her hair. "Stay with me, once we get inside."

"Always. You are not alone."

I nodded and took a hold of her hand as I opened the door. We stepped inside, immediately the scent of stale alcohol met my nose. We walked farther inside, until we were in the family room. I stared at the carpet near the old couch and saw my mom's body lying in a pool of blood. My heart pounded in my chest and I clenched my teeth to keep from screaming. The door behind me creaked as it opened again and in my mind I saw James flying towards me, his fists raised.

"Edward." Soft, gentle hands touched my cheeks. "Edward, look at me. Look into my eyes."

I did and my hands went to her wrists, clinging to her like a drowning man holding a life preserver. I focused on her chocolate eyes and the words that came from her. "You have survived your past," she whispered gently. "No one can hurt you anymore. I know the memories are fierce, especially in this house. But it is only four walls and a roof. No one will hurt you here, anymore. I promise you that." Then she released my cheeks and wrapped her arms around my neck, holding me tightly. I drew her to me and buried my face into her shoulder.

Arms came from behind to wrap around me and I heard Esme's words. "You are not alone, sweet boy."

And then more arms were around me, Carlisle this time. "We are all here."

Then Alice's tiny arms, and Emmett's boulders and finally Rosalie and Jasper joined. A huddle of hugs, with me at the center. My heart filled and I knew I was safe. This house wouldn't hurt me, not with them here with me. "I love you all," I said hoping I was loud enough for them all to hear.

The huddle broke and I took a deep breathe, ready now to face the house. Esme, Alice and Rosalie each grabbed a box and went to different areas of the room. "Do you want any of this?" Esme asked me hesitantly.

I shook my head. "It all belonged to James."

She nodded and began throwing things in the boxes. We would donate it to Goodwill when we were done. Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle grabbed some boxes and headed to the garage. While they continued to put things in boxes, I took Bella's hand and led her towards the back of the house. When we passed the kitchen, she hesitated and I knew she was thinking of the stories I had told her about making dinner and being beaten. I looked at the cracked linoleum floor and the white tiled counter. Then I pulled on her hand. "It's okay," I whispered.

She nodded and we continued down the hall. I paused by a door and opened it. "My room," I said softly.

She stepped inside the small space and took in my twin bed, the old blue comforter. I watched her face as she looked at my falling apart dresser and the one tiny window above it. She swallowed hard and then turned to face me. "A little different than the Cullens."

I nodded slowly. "This is why I had such a hard time accepting what they gave me. I knew where I came from and why I was there. It didn't feel right to have been given so much when my mother had died."

"I can understand that," she said. "Especially now that I'm seeing it and I know how much blame you put on yourself. But, I really hope you understand now that you do deserve everything that the Cullen's have given you."

"I do, in most ways. It still feels like a dream though." I smiled at her and leaned over to kiss her gently.

"That I don't blame you for at all. I feel like I've been dreaming since I met you as well."

I gently tugged on her arm and pulled her out of the tiny space. We continued down the hall and came to my mother and James' room. I took a breath and walked in. I had rarely gone in this room when I lived here. It was just as depressing as the rest of the house. Small, dirty and reeked of unwashed bodies. "I don't know what I'm hoping to find," I whispered. "But I'm hoping she kept something from my dad."

Bella nodded and walked over to the closet. Before I could stop her, she pulled one side opened. A loud gasp escaped her and I saw her backing up. I went to her and placed my hands on her shoulders. "It's okay," I whispered soothingly. She turned and buried her face in my chest. I reached out and slide the door shut, blocking the various whips, belts and chains from her view. James had enjoyed variety. Bella shuddered against me and I held her tighter.

"I don't think it is possible to hate someone as much as I hate him," she said, her words muffled against my shirt.

"I don't doubt that," I said. "Although, I'm not too fond of him either."

I heard her surprised giggle. Then she pulled away and looked up at me. "I am so glad he's dead and can't hurt you anymore. I really think that if he wasn't dead, I would take all those weapons and use every single one of them on him and then I'd slit his wrists and watch him bleed to death." Her voice was fierce and her brown eyes blazed.

Love for her swelled in my heart. "I'd like to see that."

She smiled and the anger left her eyes. "I'd let you get some rounds in," she said.

I laughed out loud and pulled her close to me. "Aw Bella," I laughed. "I love you so much."

I went to the other side of the closet and opened it, revealing my mom's meager wardrobe. I narrowed my eyes and pushed back the clothes. "What are you looking for?" Bella asked from behind me.

"I don't know," I sighed. "Probably nothing." Just then I spotted a shoebox nearly hidden in the corner. I pulled it out and it was heavy in my hands. Staring at it, I walked to the bed and sat down gingerly. I felt Bella kneel next to me, her arms coming around my shoulders. Carefully, braced for anything, I took the lid off the box. "Oh god," I cried softly. My father's face stared up at me. "Dad," I whispered as I lifted the picture out of the box. I hadn't seen my father since the day he died. Immediately following the accident, Mom had removed all pictures of him. I had thought she threw them away. But she hadn't, not all of them at least. I lifted a shaky finger and traced my father's face.

He stood alone in this picture, leaning against a car, his hands tucked into his pockets, a smile on his face. This picture was taken before I was born, when Mom and Dad were in college.

"He looks like you," Bella whispered near my ear. I felt her chin rest on my shoulder. "Same green eyes, same messy bronze hair."

"Yeah," I said softly. I reached into the box and pulled out the next picture. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at it. I was four years old in the picture, sitting atop his shoulders. My tiny hands were fisted in his hair and a gigantic smile covered my face.

"You were so cute," Bella murmured. "So happy."

"Yeah," I agreed again. I tried to clear my throat. "We were at Great America, my first time at an amusement park."

I carefully put the picture on the bed, face up. I looked in the box and pulled out a gold ring. "His wedding ring," I whispered. I put it down next to the picture. The rest of the box was filled with mementos Mom had kept. Love letters, tickets stubs, a wedding invitation and a Cubs ticket from the game where Dad had proposed. I picked the picture of me and my dad up again. "I'm glad she kept this," I said quietly.

"Me too." Bella kissed my shoulder. She hesitated for a second, then she continued. "I wish she would have kept more from when you had entered their lives. Everything in this box, with the exception of that picture, is from before you were born."

"I know," I replied softly. I had noticed the same thing. "I think," I began. Then I stopped.

"What sweetheart?"

I put the box down on the bed and pulled on Bella until she was sitting in my lap. "I think, after he died, that she resented me, in a way. Not only because his last words were to me, but I think it was more than that. You said I look like him." I stopped for a second, trying to put my thoughts together. "I don't know if it makes any sense."

"I think it makes sense," she said. "I've always told you that something was wrong with the way she treated you. Most mothers wouldn't stand by and allow their child to be beaten. Not when there was something that they could do to help."

I nodded and looked away.

She touched my cheek and brought my eyes back to her. "I'm not saying she didn't love you. I'm sure she did. But I think you were right when you said that something inside of her died when your father did. I think it was the good in her, the part that felt happiness and love. Even though she was there with you, she abandoned you."

"I agree," I whispered. I pulled her closer to me and she laid her head on my shoulder. Slowly, I rocked us back and forth. "I want to go to their graves," I said after a while. "Do you think Carlisle would mind?"

"No, I don't think he'd mind at all. Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I think I need to."

She eased her head up and looked at me. "Okay."

We stood up and held hands again. I picked up the shoe box and walked out of the room. We found the Cullens amid lots of boxes in the family room.

"Hey honey," Esme said when she saw me. "We are just about done out here. We just have the master bedroom left."

"Good." I smiled at her, so glad she was here to take charge of this. I watched Alice and Jasper grab boxes and head towards the master bedroom. "Esme, where is Carlisle?"

"He's still in the garage with Emmett and Rosalie," she said. "You holding up okay?"

"Yes. I found a picture of my dad." I opened the box.

Esme stood and was by my side within seconds. I showed her the picture. "Oh," she gasped, similar to Bella's reaction. "You are adorable, so happy." She took the picture into her own hands. "And you look just like your father." She stared at it for a few more seconds, then handed the picture back to me. I gently placed it back in the box.

"I'm going to go talk to Carlisle," I said. I left Bella with Esme and they went into the bedroom to help Alice and Jasper. I hoped Bella would keep them out of the closet.

I found Carlisle, Emmett and Rosalie in the garage. "Hey Edward," Carlisle said when he saw me. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay," I assured him. "I'm glad you are all here though."

"Of course," Emmett said. "Obviously."

I smiled at him. "I was just wondering if we could do one more thing when we are finished here."

"What do you have in mind?" Carlisle asked. He wiped the dust off his hands and looked at me.

"I'd like to go to the cemetery where my parents are buried."

"I think that is a wonderful idea," he approved.

"Thank you," I said.

Three hours later, the house was empty. After we had filled the boxes, Esme had called Goodwill, who had come with their truck and taken most of the boxes. The rest was destined for the garbage.

One by one, the Cullens walked out of the house, the work finished. I picked the shoebox up off the counter and looked around one more time. No happy memories existed in this house, I couldn't bring a single one to mind. Bella stood next to me and her hand slid into mine. "Come on my angel," she said. "Let's go."

Together we walked out into the sunshine. I took a deep breath of clean air and looked at her. We smiled at each other. "How do you feel?" she asked.

"Free," I answered. "How do you feel?"

Bella pursed her lips, then looked back at the house. "Hm. I feel grateful."

We made it to the van and climbed in. "No offense or anything, but I'm so glad to be out of there," Emmett said.

"Emmett," Esme rolled her eyes.

"It's okay," I said. "Personally, I'm glad to be out too."

"That house was so dark and depressing," Alice said. "I like our house much better."

"Trust me Alice," I said turning to her. "I do too."

A few minutes later, we pulled up to the Oakwoods Cemetery. "Do you want us to go with you?" Esme asked, turning around in her chair.

I shook my head. "I think I need to do this alone." I hoped I didn't offend them, but I really needed to do this by myself. Esme nodded and I saw understanding in her eyes. I climbed out of the car and entered the cemetery. For the first couple of years after my dad died, I would come and visit him, but the guilt had eaten at me and I stopped coming, unable to face my father when I felt like such a failure.

Mom's grave was next to my dad's and I went to hers first.

For a long second, I just stared at the words engraved in the stone. "Elizabeth Masen 1966-2008 Loving Mother, Faithful Wife." I frowned a bit when I read the words and I wondered who chose them.

Slowly, I lowered myself to the grass and knelt on her grave. "Hi Mom," I said softly. "I'm sorry I haven't come here sooner." My frown deepened. In my mind, I heard Bella's reaction to my apology. "Mom," I said again. "I don't understand what happened. I know you were sad when Dad died. I know you loved him a lot. But you said you loved me too," my voice dropped to a whisper and tears started to pool in my eyes. "Why did you let him hurt me so much? Why didn't you help me?" The tears spilled over and slid down my cheeks as I asked the two questions I would never have answers to. I continued, my voice thick with tears. "After you died, I felt so guilty. I could barely live with myself. I felt like I didn't deserve to be happy, like I shouldn't be happy. But Mom, the most amazing people took me in and I met this girl. She's beautiful and sweet. I love her so much. And she's helped me see that I do deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved. I didn't want you to die, I wish you hadn't. But I can't live the rest of my life feeling guilty. I've been given a second chance at life and I have to take it." I nodded to myself. "You'll always hold a place in my heart, Mom. I won't ever forget you. But I have to move on." I lifted my fingers to my lips and then I pressed them to the cold stone. "Good bye, Mom."

I stood and walked to the next headstone. This was harder. "Hi Dad." I knelt in the grass again. "I miss you so much." I sighed and my eyes wandered over the words etched in his stone. "Edward Masen 1966-1997 Cherished husband, adored father."

"I hope you and Mom found each other," I continued. "I hope you guys are as happy as you were here. I'm doing pretty good, Dad. I moved in with the Cullens. They are incredible people. I think you would like them. Esme has an intense ability to love. Her heart is huge and she loved me right away. Carlisle is," I stopped and tried to think of words to describe Carlisle. "He's compassionate, protective and inspiring. He's a good man, Dad. I love them both." I smiled softly and shifted until I sat with my legs crossed. "I met a girl too. Aw Dad, she's amazing. She has a beautiful heart and a beautiful smile. She's my miracle. I love her so much." I ran my fingers along the grass and smiled. "Carlisle is a doctor. I think I want to be a doctor too. I want to help people like he does." I paused, thinking of what else I wanted to say. "I hope you know that no matter what happens, I love you. I always will. The best parts of my childhood were spent with you." Like I had with my mom, I kissed my fingers and pressed them against the stone. "I love you, Dad. I will make you proud, I promise."

I stood up and looked at both the headstones. I closed my eyes and felt the wind blow over my cheeks and through my hair. I let the memories come back. Those happy memories where it was Mom, Dad and me. We were a family and we loved each other, protected each other. I opened my eyes again. "Good bye," I whispered.

Then I turned and walked back. Each step took me closer to the Cullens. I walked faster and when I saw them standing at the entrance, I broke into a run. I stopped when I was in front of them. "Hi," I said breathlessly.

"How are you?" Esme said, worry in her voice.

"Good," I looked at each of their faces. "Wonderful, in fact. Can we go home now?"

Carlisle laughed. "Tomorrow Edward. For now, how do you guys feel about some pizza?"

"Pizza!" Emmett shouted and he threw his fist in the air.

Now everyone laughed. I held Bella's hand as we walked back to the car. Carlisle walked next to me, holding Esme's hand. He threw his arm around my shoulders and squeezed me tight.

I was home.

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**A/N I think I am going to cry. I am so sad that my story is reaching the end. Only the epilogue left. The epilogue should be up sometime today or tomorrow, I won't make you wait too long for it, there's no reason. Thank you again to all my faithful reviewers. You guys gave me such inspiration to write this and some of the things you had to say about my story really touched my heart. **

**I had an idea because I am not ready to let this story go. I've been playing with the idea of a sequel, but I'm just not sure if I have to plot to go with. If you have ideas, definitely let me know. But I do want to do something. First, I've had a request for an alternate ending, so I want to work on that. Also, I want to do various outtakes of this story in different POVs. A lot of the scenes, when I first imagined them were from the eyes of different characters and then I tweaked it to keep it in Edward's POV For example: Bella meeting Edward from her perspective, Carlisle's POV of when he meets Edward in hospital. Esme's POV of the scene after he has his nightmare. Please let me know if that is something you think would be worth reading and also, if there are any scenes/POVs you want.**


	25. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer still owns Twilight and all the characters.**

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Epilogue

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and frowned at the green tie I was supposed to wear. For the life of me, I couldn't remember the way Carlisle had tied it in a neat knot. Apparently, I was going to have to find him again to help me out. Tonight was the night of the Cullen's annual Christmas party. Carlisle's coworkers and Esme's clients were invited to the Cullen mansion for an evening of festivities. This was the reason I was wearing my very first suit.

My eyes drifted up from my tie until I was looking at my face. My green eyes looked back at me and I could see the happiness in them. The haunted shadows had faded until I could barely see them anymore. Remnants of the abuse I had suffered lingered, sometimes appearing in my nightmares, especially when I was stressed or worried. But I no longer carried the weight of the monster on my shoulders. He was gone, thanks to the people who had shown me such unconditional love.

A knock at the door shook me out of my thoughts. I gave myself one more glance in the mirror, assuring myself that my crisp white shirt was buttoned correctly. My tie still hung limply around my neck. I opened my door. "Bella," I whispered. All I could do was stare. On a normal, every day basis, she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Tonight, she was gorgeous. Her dress was simple, dark blue with thin straps crossing over her pale shoulders. The skirt floated down to just above her knee. On her feet, she wore heels the same color as her dress. My eyes made their way back up to her face and I took in the rest of her. She had curled her hair and it fell in soft ringlets down her back. The front was pulled back with sparkly clips. "You look stunning," I managed to say.

I took her hands in mine, then lifted one and sent her in a circle beneath my arm. As she twirled, causing the ringlets to bounce. "Sweetheart, you are beautiful," I said again.

She turned back to face me and I saw the blush creeping up her cheeks. "Thank you," she said softly. "You look pretty striking your self."

I laughed. "Babe, I'm half dressed." I pulled on my tie again. "Can't figure this out."

Bella brushed my hands away and her nimble fingers twisted the fabric into a perfect knot. She smiled and kissed me quickly. "How did you learn to do that?" I asked as I went to get my black jacket.

"My dad," she said smiling. "He doesn't wear a tie often, but when he does, I'm the one that helps him with it."

I laughed softly and leaned down to kiss her again. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart," I said.

"Merry Christmas, my angel," she said as she brought her arms around me neck and deepened our kiss. "Mm," she whispered. "I love you so much."

I rested my forehead on hers. "I love you too. I have something for you."

"Edward! There's still a week until Christmas."

"I don't care." I stepped back into my room and grabbed the small box. "I want to give this to you tonight."

I went back to her, the hand that held the box shaking slightly. I looked at her for a second, drowning in her chocolate eyes. "Bella," my voice came out hoarse and I coughed a little to clear my throat. "You have saved my life, in so many ways. With every touch, every kiss you have healed my heart. I could never love anyone as much as I love you." Her eyes were filling with tears and she glanced at the box in my hands. I handed it to her and watched as she lifted the lid.

"Edward," she breathed. "It's beautiful."

I took the ring out of the box and picked up her left hand. "This is my promise," I said, my voice achingly soft. "To love you and cherish you." I looked at the ring as I slid it on to her finger. The white gold twisted in intertwining hearts, diamonds ran along the inside lines. It was not an engagement ring. Even though I knew, with everything I am, that I would marry Bella one day, I also knew we weren't ready for that. Not at seventeen. This ring was a promise for all the future held. I leaned down and kissed her finger. "I will love you always."

"Edward," she repeated. Her eyes came to my face. "Thank you. It's perfect. I love you too. And I promise that I always will."

We kissed again, and it was gentle and sweet. I pulled back, my hands on her cheeks as my thumbs gently rubbed her cheeks. Her hands encircled my wrists as she stared into my eyes. We didn't need words to understand what the other was feeling. I knew the love I saw reflected in her eyes was the same in my eyes.

"Edward!" Emmett came around the corner. "Hey, come on. Mom and Dad want to see you before the party starts."

I kissed Bella's lips once more. Then taking her hand, I followed Emmett down the stairs. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper and Rosalie all stood in the kitchen, apparently waiting for me. They were all dressed for the party.

"Hi," Alice said. She ran up to give me a hug.

"Edward," Carlisle started as he stepped forward. "We have something for you, an early Christmas present, if you will."

"Sweet boy," Esme said smiling at me. "This is for you, from all of us." She reached behind her and took out a slim, white box. I took it from her and was surprised how light it felt in my hands.

I looked around and found them all watching me with excitement sparkling in their eyes. I carefully lifted the lid. When I read the first words on the official looking paper, tears immediately flood my eyes. I had to blink several times before I could finally understand what they said. My eyes flew to Carlisle's. "Adoption," I whispered.

He nodded slowly. "We can undo it if you would like. But we," he spread his hand out to encompass his whole family. "Want you to be apart of us. Our son, for real."

"Our brother, for real," Emmett added.

I hugged the papers to my chest and tears slid down my cheeks. "I don't want to undo it," I whispered. I felt Bella's hand squeezing mine and I squeezed back. Then I let go and walked to stand directly in front of Carlisle and Esme. "Thank you, Mom and Dad," I whispered. "Thank you for opening your family to me and giving me a second chance."

Esme looked at Carlisle and then she smiled. "We love you honey and now you are officially a member of our family."

"Welcome to the family, little brother," Emmett said, clasping my shoulder. I lifted my hand and put it on top of his.

"Yeah, little brother," Alice said, her smile bursting over her face.

"Hey," I said, laughing despite the tears pooled in my eyes. "I'm only three months younger than you."

She shrugged. "You're still my little brother," she said, raising herself up to her full four feet ten inches.

"Silly," I said. I gathered her in a hug. "I love you, big sister."

Alice kissed my cheek and pulled away. "Love you too."

I stepped back and put my arm around Bella's shoulders. I stood in the kitchen, among my family. _My_ family. I felt loved and protected. I felt hopeful for the future and I couldn't wait to see what it would bring. But mostly, after ten years of struggle and pain, I finally felt completely fearless.

* * *

**A/N: Hey guys. So we have reached the end. I am tearing up right now as I post this, although I have to admit I am super excited to start writing the alternate ending and the different POVs. I am so incredibly glad that you are as excited about that as I am. I have gotten some really good ideas from people. Let me know if there is something you want to read. But I think knowing I'm not leaving my sweet Edward and Bella behind completely is helping with the sadness at being finished.**

**This is the first fanfiction I've ever written. It's been an AMAZING ride. When I first started, I figured only a few people would read what I had to say and I really didn't expect to get any reviews. I can't believe, the last time I looked I had over 300 reviews, that is insane. Thank you guys so much. Especially to all of you that have been reviewing since the beginning. And those of you who just found the story, thank you too. I am so glad you enjoyed it. **

**I will see you again when I post the alternate ending. I will make it a new story, so it won't show up here, you will have to look at my profile. So until next time, I love you all!  
**


	26. Chapter 26

Hey Guys,

This is just a quick author's note tell let you know that I started the sequel to Fearless. The prologue is up on my profile, and it's called On the Wings of an Angel.

I really hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for reading!

~~mygoldeneyedangel


	27. Chapter 27: Exciting News!

Hello my dear readers:

I have some VERY exciting news. Fearless has made it to the final round of the Indie Awards!!!!!!!! I am so thrilled and shocked and I do owe it all to you guys. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you have taken the time to vote for my story.

I feel a bit undeserving because I know most of you are anxiously and eagerly awaiting updates to both On the Wings of an Angel and the Other Side. Despite my best intentions to update on a quick and regular basis, real life keeps getting in the way. I don't want to make excuses though, just please know I haven't forgotten the stories. I am not going to abandon them…they are still very much on my mind. Just trying to find time to really focus and write down what I want to say is difficult.

Again, thank you SO SO SO SO much for voting for Fearless. It is my baby and to know that so many people enjoyed it enough to vote for it to win an award is awe inspiring.

It looks like the next round of voting opens on July 22, so make sure you mark your calendars. Fearless is in the categories:

Best Alternate Universe Human Complete

Best Characterizations (non Edward/Bella) Complete

Best Secondary Story Line Complete

Once again, thank you so much!!!!!!

~Alison (mygoldeneyedangel)


	28. Chapter 28 More exciting News!

Hello again my fabulous readers,

I just wanted to remind you all that voting for the Indies closes tomorrow. AND voting for the golden chocolate awards began today. Fearless is nominated for best angst.

Also, I just wanted to let you know that I will be updating soon. I had about half of the next chapter for On the Wing of an Angel written, and then my computer crashed. But I have a new, wonderful laptop, so I'm hoping to have an update up in the next few days. I'm going to update the Other Side first, and then OTWOAA, so keep your eyes open. :o)

Thank you so much for all of your support!

Alison


	29. Chapter 29 And more news!

Hey all!

I just wanted to let you know that Fearless has been nominated for a Hidden Star award! Thank you so much to the person who nominated the story! I am very excited!

Fearless is nominated in the "What an Asshole" category. If you would like to vote, please go to: thehiddenstarawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com/.

Nominations go through September 5 and voting starts on September 10.

Thank you all so much!

Alison


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